Conversations with Yourself

[renots]

I can remember from when I was really young daydreaming about being an adult and having amazingly insightful talks with myself in my head that for the most part came true
but of course a priori is no substitute for real experience and I was no more perfect in life than a drunk in a golfcart on the santa monica expressway...well, maybe a little better than that

My parents, like everyone else's were complete lunatics[but I still love them], and economics dictated single childhood so it was pretty lucky I guess that I had such a strong voice to turn to when the fecal matter got oscillated[ to borrow a phrase from my friend E.;)] as everyone else was pretty crazy[with the wonderful exceptions]

Only later when I came to the realization of the 'stacked' nature of time, when I began to heal myself, did I fully get the picture of what was going on. When I meditated to a center and then considered the events in the past that caused me pain the immediacy would come back but coming fully from a centeredness in love I was able to talk my frightened and hurt 'self' back to unity and peace. I was in fact giving my past self a big hug, which in reteospect really helped me through some bad times

Trust me, it was no easy task and still one I work at every day. What i came to realize in these conversations was that it was best not to put them off lest they simmer and boil over, ruining the whole show[or at least my day]. Deal with it today so you don't have to worry about it tomorrow.

;0)

[renots]

If I had to name one major neurosis that still gnawed at me I'd have to say it is fear of rejection. On days when I'm feelin' gloomy it seems like my past is one string of connected rejection and despair; it's times like those I reach for the 5-HTPhttp://www.geocities.com/sbp7777/files2/facehappy.gif

But still I have the aversion. while I'm pleased with the image in the mirror, inside I still feel like the pudgy 13 year old at summercamp. And while i've devoted a tremendous amount of energy in learning other things, I've been most deficient in the area of dating. In short I'd rather be dragged through the streets partially gored on a spanish bull than go on most dates. But then I wonder, outside of peoria, do people still date or has it been transmorgnified into something else?

Of course being male and in my twenties I'm horny as hell so this leaves me with a sizable dilemma, I'm sure one shared with some of you out there:wavey: at one time or other.

if I could just find the right [two ot three] girls to stick around:rolleyes:

;0}