View Full Version : "Deep Thoughts" keep it rollin...
11-26-2000, 09:45 PM
Hey I haven't watched SNL in a while. Do they still have "Deep Thoughts?" I think that was one of my favorite corners. Here are some that I remember. please contribute:
"If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something."
"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy!"
"Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up"
"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"
"Sometimes I think I would like to be named The Prince of Weasels. As the Prince of Weasels, I could sneak up behind people and bite them. Then they would turn around and say, "what the...oh, it's just you the Prince of Weasels."
"It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons."
11-27-2000, 03:40 AM
One day I told my brother we were going to Disneyland...but I took him to the dump instead. He cried....but deep down inside.....I think he liked it.
11-27-2000, 08:44 AM
"Once I was sad for I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet. So, I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he's going to need them, right?"
11-27-2000, 12:07 PM
As I walked into a truck stop, I sat down at the counter. All around me was the stench of Body Odor and Chili. Upon ordering the wisest of the truckers said to me, "Listen up son for what I am going to tell you might save your life. Man who goes to sleep with itchy butt, wakes up with smelly finger."
11-27-2000, 12:51 PM
In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
11-27-2000, 05:57 PM
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
11-27-2000, 05:58 PM
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
11-27-2000, 06:00 PM
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
11-27-2000, 06:01 PM
When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmm, boy.
11-27-2000, 06:03 PM
It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.
11-27-2000, 06:04 PM
The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?
11-27-2000, 06:05 PM
Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it was real pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it, like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you...
11-27-2000, 06:07 PM
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
11-27-2000, 06:12 PM
A wise man would pick up a grain of sand and see the entire universe, a stupid man would get naked, role in seaweed, and stand up and say, "Look, I'm vine man."
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