Need advice.........

[The Happy Squirrel]

NOw folks i do need to say upfront that is a very serious issue that has come up in my life and i need some real assitance and advice on this if you have expertiese r knowledge, please this is not a thread for satire thank you.

on to the problem.......

Back a few months ago i had a social worker show up at the door randomly unannounced and this gentleman wnatd to come up and talk to me, i told him that i didnt have time but would schedule an appointment, i called him later that day and scheduled an appointment for two days later, i made arrangements for child care so that i ahd an oppertunity to talk to him without distractions. The guy came over as scheduled and went over some very very serious allegations with me of child abuse and neglect. Now needless to say that everything he had that was "reported" was completely without substance or evena remote shread of truth to it. Items like leaving my kid alone all day at home <4yrs old> there were descriptions of very very graphic and explicit sexual things that were supposedly going on in front of the child as well as physical abuse, verbal; abuse and threateneing my child with a weapon <baseball bat and a knife> now all of this being fictious and after a lenghtly chat with this worker, he was fairly satisified, he made one mroe appointment to ssit and talk with myself and my child which went fine again. He wrote a letter to me and his spuervisors that he feels that the allegations made were unsubstanciated and he sees no needfor futher involvement of his office. A few months later <2 weeks ago> he dropped nagain unannounced just to check up on us. once again he felt everything was okay. a week past his last visit <this past monday> there is a knock at the door and there are two social workers out there with a whole new set of claims again graphic sexual things happening in front of the child <she gave me a brief description of what she had written down and let me tell you it was very detailed and very graphic much more then a 4 years old is capaable of with its detail and also once again allegatiopns that i am leaving him alone all day long while going to work or whereever and nce again physical abuse. but this time there were allegations of drug use against my father <his grandpa> and they once again were very detailed he has a bag of white powder he keeps it in his sock drawer he got pulled over by the police and made my son hide it in his boot while he talked to the police and so on and so forth this time again i did not let the workers up and i asked them to schedule an appoitment partly becuase i was very angry that this popped up one week after i jsut resolved the previou bulls&*t and partly becuase my son wasnt even home he was at his grandparents so now this personal attack has spread from being against just me to my father. i ahve a meeting set for tomoorow with the owrker and my parents will be present as support and also becuase grandpa is part of the allegation..




What do i do???
Someone is setting out on a personal attack against me and making some very serious hurtful allegation once again completly unture and now including my family.


Is this something that is kept on record?
can i find out who is doing this and making a civil matter out of it?
should i contact an an attorney?
will it do me any good??

how do i prevent this because anyone can just call up and make any kind of accusation against anyone?

how do i put an end to all this &%*^%(*^(*&*^%*^%(^(%^(*&*%&*^

<extremely pissed about all this>

please if you have knowledge on how these matters work or have anyy insight into this please help me out here.......

[ShawnLee]

Wow. That sucks, and I'm gonna just state the obvious to get it out of the way: this had all better be untrue because that's the assumption that we're all going to work on here, I'm sure.

I'm sure they're keeping records, if onlyy because something this serious needs to have a catalogue of records to show a history of this type of behavior. Fortunately, the first social worker should also note on their record that everything seemed to be a false accusation.
Are you sure that everyone is from the same agency? There are several agencies that claim jurisdiction over this type of behavior. I'll ask some former social workers that I know about this, but man...

I'll be praying for you on this matter.

[The Happy Squirrel]

yeah fopr sure 100% false
and they are both from the same office i talked to the first guy yesterday and he knows that woman who showed up and said he would talk to her ass well but still stuff like this can build up and if it shows a reoccuring list of allegations then im screwed either way i am really in a bind here nad really stressed out about this no idea what to do

[cheapie]

anybody have a beef with you? a cranky neighbor? ex S/O?

[The Happy Squirrel]

well i considered it might be my ex becuase both times the report was made coinsided with me having a new female in my life but it may just be coincedental, but she might be also trying to biuld a "case" against me to try and get her kid back but i really dont think she is all that interested in him she misses about half her visits rarely calls to talk to him and i just dont know but right now she is the prime suspect becuase like i siad both times just happened to be when she found out about a new female in my life

[cheapie]

try it out. get word of a new female in your life and let the dude know you have a suspicion that's the case.

[The Happy Squirrel]

try it out. get word of a new female in your life and let the dude know you have a suspicion that's the case.
''get the wrod out to who? who is the dude?

a bit vague there

[cheapie]

haha. sorry. the dude is the man who interviewed you. and i assume you know how she found out you were dating someone new. try sending the word down the same channel and see if it happens again.

dumb plan and prolly not helping. sorry.

[The Happy Squirrel]

no she already knows about this girl. she found out from me i am honest and open with her there is no reason to hide my personal life <unless this is her doind this> then there just became a reason
she tells me about the guys she dating and i just say thats nice i hope your happy and i hope he treats you well i give no reaction to her and its not like i rub anything in her face or something when someone comes into my life i jsut told her i am seeing someone and onlyh when she asks when i get into a relationship i am usually sparing with details as really its private and should remain that way

[MikeD]

Wow. That sucks, and I'm gonna just state the obvious to get it out of the way: this had all better be untrue because that's the assumption that we're all going to work on here, I'm sure.

:stupid:

Sucks, bro. I don't have any good advice to offer, wish I did. Only hoping that things turn out for the best.

Single dads with custody already have it hard enough, certainly don't need any of this crap coming down the pipe as well.

[stufine]

get a calendar for your eyes only. keep records of all the times she(ex) calls, picks her son up or times she says she will be there and doesnt show. Not that your House is out of order but i would make sure that it was ready for anyone to show up at anytime.. welcome or not i would let them in the house at anytime day or night, weekday or weekends. If the sexual stuff is graphic they will have someone talk to the child and see what he describes and where. (so no dirty tv) after a while they will figure it out.

Not that im sticking up for child services but i hate them with a passion. i watched them throw a friend (girl) in jail for spanking her child (13) he called them and she did 1 day for DV. their life was turned upside-down for some lil punks pleasure. They ended up moving to another county that didnt have child services.. the next problem with the child ended up with the kid arrested for smacking his mother. the kid was screaming he was gonna call child services on his mother and the sheriff told him good luck! no child services in this county..

[Prngr44]

If you actually do find out who's making the allegations you absolutely have legal recourse against that person for filing false claims, defamation of character, etc.

Good luck with it.

[chrissy]

Someone called CPS on me and Donnie about 4 years ago. Said we were locking the kids out of the house, pinching them and leaving bruses, feeding them cake and candy for meals.

They came to the door, and I let them in. They start talking and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I told them, yes, we have locked them out of the house - we used to play around and we would chase each other around and if they were inside, they would lock us out and visa versa- no harmful intent or anything and we were quick to let them in so they would have their turn of running and locking us out. We had only done this a couple times. The pinching thing, I had no clue on and feeding them candy was a big no and cake was only if it was right after a 'special day' like birthday cake - not an every day occurance and just as bad as sugared cereal.

They then told me that they had been to talk to Audie at school (and looking back right then, her teacher tried telling me that they had been there in a round about way) and that she gave them a look like she thought that they were crazy. And pretty much said the same thing I did. They phone interviewd Donnie after talking with me and found no truth to the claim and closed it.

They cannot tell you who filed it so there can be no retailiation to the reporters. I found out my ex filed it because he told me he did when he thought he would be smooth and try for custody in his county. He thought by doing so, he would have a better chance of getting the kids.

Advice, keep letting them in. Let them know the truth. If you have nothing to hide, they will know. It's sad that people are wasting time of this dept when they should be looking into real reports.

It's funny that that they have a different person assigned to you now also. You would think your number would still be with agent #1..

When I talked to them, I asked the same question. What if it happens again and again. I was honest with them about Mike and the divorce etc. They said that as long as I had nothing to hide and everything was good, he could make as many reports as he wanted and they would keep saying the claim was unfounded.

It may differ by state?

[The Happy Squirrel]

update.... so i met with the worker <my paretns were down too as part of the claim involved them and there are also part of the support system for garrett and myself


the wroker stated that she was going to report no dfindings on this matter and as far as she is considered it is closed, i asked what if this keeps happening she said they will investigate reports nothing i can do no way to find out who did it but the thing is that this stays on my record as a CPS <Child protective services> investigation for ten years
so wether or not there is any shread of truth to it i now have a reocrd.......
dont know how to porceed...............

[Napoleon54]

I agree with stufine 100%. If you aren't doing it already, start a journal and document EVERYTHING regarding your ex: phone calls, visits, etc. That is worth its weight in gold if she starts crap.

Even if she doesn't want custody, there are people who will use a child as a tool for revenge. If she has some kind of beef with you it could be an attempt to piss you off, make your life difficult, slander you, etc. :2far:

[The Happy Squirrel]

well of course she has a beef i left her took away her meal ticket divoreced her, took away her child and will not assit her finaically or ever go back to her and she only sees her kid over night for 29 hrs every other weekend
i am guessing that would constitute a beef

[stufine]

the child will be her meal ticket if she gets him. my sister lost custody to a dope head with money.. he got full custody.. amazing.. i told her to wait her turn he will fall off the wagon.. well end of last year he was found dead in a hotel with some crack chick.. only loss is for his daughter (5yrs) but now she has custody and a 1300 mthly check. he kept real good records, followed her when she went out an took alot of pictures with dates and times. just keep a good "journal and document EVERYTHING regarding your ex:" (nap) if you do have to go to court with her.. its a he says she says and the judge will have to decide.. with the journal it would tilt the judge. and thats a fact

[ufcrusher]

*******THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE******
Unfortunately you are in a very untenable situtation. The needs of the child are considered paramount to your rights. This means that they will investigate any and all claim that is made. Furthermore, they need to protect the system of anonymous reporting which means protecting the persons identify.

My personal feeling is this the majority of anonymous reports are false. The sad fact is CPS will believe ANYONE who calls regardless of their mental condition or personal bias. For example, I know someone who has had CPS called on them several times regarding discipling a 20+ year old mentally disabled adult. The caller, who was disclosed to them through alternate channels, was another mentally retarded adult! The "abuse" - the child was at a special event that was ending and wouldnt leave when told she was going home. So the parent led her by the arm across the room.

Just make sure everything is on the up and up, document anything that seems out of place...anyone that seems out of place. If they want to meet, dont put it off, just do it when they ask. The sooner you show them there is nothing going on, the less time you will be in their sights.

[The Happy Squirrel]

thanks to all on this issue i really do appreciate eveyone who conributed and you all ahve a specail place with me my son is my life paramount to everything else so this whole ordeal is tearing me apart. and please if anyone comes across anything in the future talk to anyone hears anything or just straight out has an i dea or suggestion please feel free to contact me via email [email protected]
tahnks again all i really and truely do mean that

[Yossarian]

find out who it is, and let us know via pm...and we'll have fun

[The Happy Squirrel]

i will find out what is up and share the info once its uncovered

[The Happy Squirrel]

here we go again,

i was not home this morning but when i returned there was a note on the door from CPS, i called the guy and there was another set of claims against me.
heres the kicker, i have only lived here for two weeks.

smae claims as before
physical abuse to the child
left unsupervised for extended periods of time
sexual activity going on in the presence of the child.

this time will be contacting an attorney and the police since the allegation, no matter what the outcome stays on your record for 10 years.
i am so frusterated and pi$$ed and just ready to snap right now.

i called the new guy and give him names and dates of the previous three investiagtions and who to contact i gave him the date and location of my divorce so he can look at those records and i called both of the previous investiagators to tell them to share thier info with the new guy

this time the field of suspects is severly narrowed sicne no one knows my new address except the ex-wife former daycare, and former neighbors.


any ideas would extermly be appreciated

[DarkFury]

Seriously... you already know that it is your Ex wife who is most likely doing this. She is the only one with motive, means, and opportunity to claim such and file the exact same charges as before.

[The Happy Squirrel]

i have contacted the police and filed a report with her
contacted the other two people who know the ew address and the 100% deny any part in it and said if there is any way we can help let us know. contacted a civil and criminal lawyer. going to have the information supeneaed and then proceed with civil and criminal cases i am livid and going to crucify anyone who screws with my kid

[Yossarian]

my previous offer stand. we're a family here, fvck with one of us, you got us all to deal with

you need any help just aim or PM me man, i'm always willing to listen, and my parents went througha horribly nasty divorce. we got your back THS, use us

[The Happy Squirrel]

my previous offer stand. we're a family here, fvck with one of us, you got us all to deal with


hehehe, i do appreciate that and may take up that offer when i know it will be public knowledge im sure of who it is just cant prove it yet.

[The Happy Squirrel]

update: talked with both the police and two attorneys,
police told me nothing they can do about it until i am formally charge with a crime, i just need to be patient and cooperate.

criminal attorney said the same thing. civil attorney wasn't willing to touch it

this all revolves around the fact that this is child protection issue. no one wants a person to get reprimanded for reporting something, even though completely fabricated and malicious, because they dint want someone to gt discouraged from reporting when its real, cause they heard that so-and-so got arrested or sued or whatever.

i have no legal recourse in this matter

investigator is coming tomorrow at 230 and its going to take all the self control i got not to just tear into him for messing with me
i realize its not his fault and you shouldn't shoot the messenger but no one said anything about boody twaps!

[Prngr44]

They have to know who reports it... only for the accusations to be unfounded, reported again, unfounded, etc etc.

Isn't there a point where they push back if it's the same person over and over again? I can't call 911 with false accusations and get away with it.

[The Happy Squirrel]

well.... they do know who is reporting it, but its confidential..... they wont tell me....cant tell me either way i talked to one of the previous social workers and she slipped up and didn't realize it.

They originally told me that it was anonymous, but after this last time and I went and spoke with her, I asked her for copies of everything they had. She told me that would be a pro bl;em she just had to copy it and remove some identifying information.

So they know but i cant get at that info until I am actually charged with something.

[Prngr44]

well.... they do know who is reporting it, but its confidential..... they wont tell me....cant tell me either way i talked to one of the previous social workers and she slipped up and didn't realize it.

They originally told me that it was anonymous, but after this last time and I went and spoke with her, I asked her for copies of everything they had. She told me that would be a pro bl;em she just had to copy it and remove some identifying information.

So they know but i cant get at that info until I am actually charged with something.

I'm just wondering why SHE can't be charged with something. People get charged for making bogus 911 calls, I'd just expect the same thing in this situation. She's wasting lots of peoples' time for some kind of bull**** vendetta against you.

[uncledaddy]

So sorry to hear. unfortunately as long as someone is making accusations then CPS will have to do investigations.

I am raising my three nieces, (hence the screen name), and someone must have a beef with their mother and called CPS. An case was opened and I was visited by three different workers. They needed to check house and see if there was food, clothing, etc. And since the baby has born I have to allow a case nurse to visit once a month.

chrissy and ufcrusher are right on by saying keep it on the up and up and keep allowing theme in. All advise here is good, save for maybe Yossarrian, although I'd like to PM him with some names. :)

I think reports can be made anonymously so they may not know who is reporting, although you did state that they had to hide ID, but I believe after several reports are unfounded that they would see this as an attempt to create havoc in your life. Don't know why it has taken this many.

Anyway as far as the record, I don't think you are going to have any problems unless you plan on opening a daycare in the future.

[The Happy Squirrel]

well they came and gone once again they said they didn't find anything and have no reason to suspect anything at all

Once again there were drug allegation against my father, also against my GF this time. Its very clear who is doing this.

But the guy told me he was going to report all allegations are unsubstantiated. Still pisses me off beyond belief.

[Yossarian]

S

chrissy and ufcrusher are right on by saying keep it on the up and up and keep allowing theme in. All advise here is good, save for maybe Yossarrian, although I'd like to PM him with some names. :)



those of us who have been here a long time are like a family....obby is that aunt who does great cooking is sarcastic and loving, df is the uncle you look up to, jenny is the giggly younger sister, leon is the seldom seen older brother whith good wit, nija is your 'different' cousin. bj is your almost normal uncle, while mommy pooh is his wife(your aunt) who kinda shakes her head at him, wwp is your grandpa(no offence) who'se quite the knowledge bank and anchor in life, ufc is your unlce who you look to for politics/real world info. burz is a brother-in-law that is well liked and accepted but just a tad off the normal path, i'm that lame cousin who can't keep his mouth shut and always has something smart assed to say....ect...ect...ect we're one big family, and we look out for each other. many of those who've been here for a few years are much closer to me than some of my real family.

THS is a brother, and if he needs help, i'm here. it may be that i'm nly needed as someone who listens and offers advice/sympathy, but we're all here in some respect







yes, i've been drinking

[DarkFury]

yes, i've been drinking

:D :cheers:

Behold the power of alcohol.... :D

[Yossarian]

yeah, sometimes i can make a post that almost makes sense with it

[The Happy Squirrel]

wow i am actually kinda touched. thanks bro!! this is too all...
on a completely unrelated subject anyone know how to capture an IP?? i cant remember for the life of me.... <like i said completely unrelated> :evilgrin:

[renovation]

here is a way to put a little more pain in the ex's .go back to court and ask the judge to increase her child support .or ask that she start paying . seeing you have the children most the time .
and she only sees her kid over night for 29 hrs every other weekend
see if you can get this as a supervised visits.and down to one weekend a month . and exsplain to the judge you think its her making all these fause claims and she is not stable !

[The Happy Squirrel]

i have thought of that. the only problem with that is that i am not only hurting her but denying my kid time with his mother. he really doesn't care all that much but still. retribution, if any, needs to be between her and i, and not using the child as a pawn. as far as child support she already pays a ton. there is no way there are going to increase it. as far as stability, she has always been un stable. but she is an idiot. i cannot prove that she is a detriment to the kid at this point. she is just making things very difficult for me. so yeah and retaliation that includes the child is pretty much out. <open for ohter suggestion though>

[chrissy]

:D :cheers:

Behold the power of alcohol.... :D


Alcohol is nice ;)

[renovation]

see as i see it it is hurting the child .see the child is being forced without knowing it to being interviewed about these claims im sure . by the ss workers and maybe even the school 'to make sure the claims are false :(

[chrissy]

i have thought of that. the only problem with that is that i am not only hurting her but denying my kid time with his mother. he really doesn't care all that much but still. retribution, if any, needs to be between her and i, and not using the child as a pawn. as far as child support she already pays a ton. there is no way there are going to increase it. as far as stability, she has always been un stable. but she is an idiot. i cannot prove that she is a detriment to the kid at this point. she is just making things very difficult for me. so yeah and retaliation that includes the child is pretty much out. <open for ohter suggestion though>


See, that is the whole point.

Keep up the good parenting/fathering that you are doing. Don't slander the other parent. That will come back to you in the end. You know the crap that the other parent can do- don't stoop to that level. Be there for your baby.


Even now, Mike, the day Donnie left the country pulled crap on me because he KNOWS I am alone. He pushed buttons because he knew he could hit me while I was hurting. And this is 9 years after the divorce. It's shallow, and crappy, and stupid on their part- Mikey and Audie (10 and 13) now see what he does and they don't like it. They let him know when he is being a butt (Audie especially!) be the best you can be for your baby. They will see the love, don't worry.

[chrissy]

see as i see it it is hurting the child .see the child is being forced without knowing it to being interviewed about these claims im sure . by the ss workers and maybe even the school 'to make sure the claims are false :(

exactly. Audie was interviewd at school. The teacher TRIED to tell me without telling me - saying that someone came to talk to her but didn't say about what. And when they came to talk to me the next day, they laughed almost instantly because Audie gave them the same 'wth' look that I gave them. It was then that Audie KNEW that her father would take what ever they said and twist it to what he needed.

[uncledaddy]

those of us who have been here a long time are like a family....obby is that aunt who does great cooking is sarcastic and loving, df is the uncle you look up to, jenny is the giggly younger sister, leon is the seldom seen older brother whith good wit, nija is your 'different' cousin. bj is your almost normal uncle, while mommy pooh is his wife(your aunt) who kinda shakes her head at him, wwp is your grandpa(no offence) who'se quite the knowledge bank and anchor in life, ufc is your unlce who you look to for politics/real world info. burz is a brother-in-law that is well liked and accepted but just a tad off the normal path, i'm that lame cousin who can't keep his mouth shut and always has something smart assed to say....ect...ect...ect we're one big family, and we look out for each other. many of those who've been here for a few years are much closer to me than some of my real family.

THS is a brother, and if he needs help, i'm here. it may be that i'm nly needed as someone who listens and offers advice/sympathy, but we're all here in some respect







yes, i've been drinking


From the time that I've spent here I've already begun to recognize the regulars and have seen that you all are like a family. That is what I like about G/A. In time I'm sure others may start to recognize me as well, (I probably spend too much time here). LOL

But thanks for explaining it because now it makes more sense to me. http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa231/paasano/cheers2.gif

[The Happy Squirrel]

see as i see it it is hurting the child .see the child is being forced without knowing it to being interviewed about these claims im sure . by the ss workers and maybe even the school 'to make sure the claims are false :(


i see that way a bit as well. not legally is she huirting the child. plus i have never and will never make one disspeagring remark about my ex in front of or to my son. he needs to make up his own mind what type of relationship he would like with his mother and he is brilliant, once he gets a bit older and more of the age of reason he will see her for what she is.


Forgot to mention that there were other allegation this time.
an injury that happened at her house while he was there a month or so back was mentioned that my GF attacked him with a steak knife. also there were drug allegation of cocaine use againt both my GF <and my father again>.
I told the social worked to feel free to drug test anyone involved in my sons life at any point in time.