oblongmelon
12-13-2000, 11:29 AM
Al Gore's Santa Claus
It is rumored that Al Gore has subpoenaed Santa Claus
over some
"irregularities" that have been found on Christmas
list handling
procedures.
After the recent Florida Supreme court ruling ordered
a 3rd election
recount,
Gore has allegedly said that "checking a list, and
checking it twice"
cannot
possibly discern the true wishes of the children. And
the part about
"who has
been naughty, and who has been nice" is clearly a
value judgment that
does
not take into account the circumstance surrounding
said malfeasance.
Santa's list was obtained under the "Freedom of
Information Act" and
immediately a boiler room call center was formed to
call all children
to see
if items listed on Santa's list were, in fact, the
true desires of the
kids.
Several indicated that they had intended to ask for
Sony Playstations,
and
instead had checked off Nintendo 64. Many of the
children were
emotionally
distraught, and felt that the entire Christmas letter
writing
experience was
outdated and "hard to understand." In reviewing the
post marks of the
Christmas letters, it was found by democrat canvassing
officials that
certain
letters, particularly those who requested "G.I. Joe"
dolls were not
properly
postmarked. Those letters (obviously from Republican
children) were
thrown
out.
Democrat officials have asked that Palm Beach, Broward
and Dade County
children each be contacted in person and have their
requests reviewed
for
accuracy. Santa Claus indicated that possibly there
was not enough time
to
get to each child by December 25.
The Florida Supreme Court is now considering
postponement of Christmas
until
December 30th, to allow for a "full and accurate" list
to be compiled.
It is rumored that Al Gore has subpoenaed Santa Claus
over some
"irregularities" that have been found on Christmas
list handling
procedures.
After the recent Florida Supreme court ruling ordered
a 3rd election
recount,
Gore has allegedly said that "checking a list, and
checking it twice"
cannot
possibly discern the true wishes of the children. And
the part about
"who has
been naughty, and who has been nice" is clearly a
value judgment that
does
not take into account the circumstance surrounding
said malfeasance.
Santa's list was obtained under the "Freedom of
Information Act" and
immediately a boiler room call center was formed to
call all children
to see
if items listed on Santa's list were, in fact, the
true desires of the
kids.
Several indicated that they had intended to ask for
Sony Playstations,
and
instead had checked off Nintendo 64. Many of the
children were
emotionally
distraught, and felt that the entire Christmas letter
writing
experience was
outdated and "hard to understand." In reviewing the
post marks of the
Christmas letters, it was found by democrat canvassing
officials that
certain
letters, particularly those who requested "G.I. Joe"
dolls were not
properly
postmarked. Those letters (obviously from Republican
children) were
thrown
out.
Democrat officials have asked that Palm Beach, Broward
and Dade County
children each be contacted in person and have their
requests reviewed
for
accuracy. Santa Claus indicated that possibly there
was not enough time
to
get to each child by December 25.
The Florida Supreme Court is now considering
postponement of Christmas
until
December 30th, to allow for a "full and accurate" list
to be compiled.