what is she thinking?

[Cheesypuff]

so, my girlfriend and i are having some trouble,

we're doing the long distance relationship (which is hard in itself) i really love her. and i don't wanna break up with her. she's been having a hard time lately, and she suddenly decided to go on a road trip. i didn't want her to go, and she hasn't been telling me whats on her mind. I feel so left out from her life right now, and for some reason or another, i feel like it's my fault that she's going on this road trip. she usually tells me whats on her mind, and this time, she just gets up and leave without telling me why. I was talking on the phone while she was in the car on road trip, and i kept on asking her to pull over so we can talk. but he insist to keep on driving, and eventually hangs up on me. she says she will call me back a week later when she gets back. thats the last i've heard from her since this morning, and i'm getting realy worried and i'm extremely heart broken. sighhh....

i don't know what i did wrong, or what i did to deserve how i was treated.

[Memo]

Hmm sounds like you're being controlling dude. What's wrong with her going on a road trip? Why would you even try to stop her?

I think perhaps you should try to be more understanding. It may be the case that the relationship is already over in her mind and she's trying to deal with it. If that's not the case, your behavior will certainly push her towards that decision.

[Cheesypuff]

i guess the way i wrote it made it sound like i was controlling. honestly, she does whatever she wants, and there is nothing i can do about it obviously. But the reason why i didn't want her to go on this roadtrip is for all the wrong reasons. she isn't going for fun or wanting to see sights, she's doing it because she's running away from her problems instead of talking about it like we usually do. I know i'm not the problem (as much as you guys may disagree by reading these post(or you think i'm in denial)) but believe me when i tell you i'm not the problem. which is why i didn't want her to go on this roadtrip because she wouldn't be safe to go by herself, etcetcetc. i wanted her to pull over to talk because i didn't want her to get distracted and get into an accident. i'm anything but controling.

[ArkiStan]

Hmm sounds like you're being controlling dude. What's wrong with her going on a road trip? Why would you even try to stop her?


I don't the main concern with CP is the roadtrip itself, but rather the way she is not being open about it.

CP, I know exactly how excrutiating it can be when your other half seems to be hiding something, especially when it's a long distance relationship. But you just have to have faith in her that she's doing what she truly believes is necessary. The best thing you can do at this moment is to be understanding and patient.

[Maarchk]

You may not be the problem, but you are treating yourself like the victim. She is the one going through issues and yet you are concerned about why you are being treated this way. Its hard, but think about it from her perspective. She needs to think and be alone, and maybe away from all distractions including you. So she goes away, and you are still there... She may just need time to herself. She may love you, but if she has big life altering issues, she probably can't think about them clearly with you on her mind.

let her go for now, if you believe you are not the issue, than you have nothing to fear. She is a mature person i imagine and she can handle it. If you keep chasing her, she won't be able to find her own solutions. If on the other hand, you respect her space and let her have this unlimited freedom for as long as she needs it, she may realize how great and understanding you are and be happy to come back to you.

[Memo]

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on the controlling thing. The first post just read really bad :).

You seem really confident that the problem is not you, which leads me to believe that you know something that you chose not to disclose here. Totally understandable, but if it's a key issue to understanding the situation our advice may not be all that useful.

Anyways, at times I've found women just need someone to support them even if their decisions aren't all that rational (like this road trip.) Let her know you're there for her even if you don't really understand what's going on in her head.

[Cheesypuff]

the thing is...we've both told each other everything. we talk about everything, share our thoughts, our feelings, our everything. and then all of a sudden she drops everything she's doing, and goes away and cuts everything off. without even a hint of going on this roadtrip.

so right now...i'm feeling like i lost a strong connection we both had, and i feel rejected.

i'm on the phone with her as she's drving to canada, and she just cuts the line and hangs up on me. at the time she hung up on me, i was just asking her what was going on. she's has never acted this way and i was worried about her. it's not like her to drop everything and cut everybody off. so then, she cuts off the phone...and i'm left there with my thoughts to run wild.

we've both shared everything until today. and now...totally cut off. rejection is a bitch.

[The Happy Squirrel]

I completely understand. I HATE not knowing things. If a female tells me "We need to talk, but later" it dives me absolutely up the wall until i know what it is. She just needs some space. You should take advantage of this time. Go out and have some fun and some "you"time. I dint mean cat around just take sometime for yourself as she is doing right now. the answers will come. ,life is comnusing but things tend to work out in the wash.

[Napoleon54]

Hopefully she'll get her head straight and open up to you about it later. When that happens I think you should make it clear to her how this has affected you; she's violated your trust, left you hanging, rejected, etc. But until then, it doesn't sound like you have much choice but to wait. :shrug: :(

[Cheesypuff]

i hate the waiting game. my mind plays tricks on me. i make up stupid situations. i constantly think about her. i just want her to be safe and ok.

[The Happy Squirrel]

put a whole bunch of mushy lovey <but not clingly> stuff in this thread then when she gets home have her read it <and ill edit this post so its looks unprompted> hehe

[uncledaddy]

I totally know how ya feel. I've learned to just let them get their space.

She's probably just thinking of how to tell you of her troubles.

I have pushed when things suddenly changed and strait drove women away.

Squirrel's right, and it does suck when you are left with a cliffhanger. But just from experience man, don't let it eat at you. Try to get stuff done that you've been meaning to do and it'll take your mind off of it. before long she'll be calling you. Good luck man.

[Showtime]

sorry cp. you're my boy but you have to man up. don't answer the phone. act the exact way she is acting towards you. you will do these things no matter how much your good heart tells you to do otherwise or you will probably lose her. she doesn't respect you imo. it's not a diss. it's the truth. she thinks no matter what happens, you'll be there for her and you'll be sitting there waiting for her. it gives her comfort and as she goes on this "road trip" and she's not as concerned with the amount you will be worrying as she is with making her statement. her point is that she's her own person and can take care of herself and that she doesn't need anything or anyone to tell her how to take care of herself. so you let her take care of herself. wait for her to come back, really apologize, and completely explain everything or you dump her.

i had an ex who would want to "talk" on the phone when she was upset. she would go to some random parking lot and park and talk to me in the middle of the night. **** THAT ****! go home or come to my place. i am not sitting there wondering if some deviant is going to try to make you a statistic. she insinuated that i was being controlling. WTF?!? she was being immature and and reckless imo. so i told her to go home, we have nothing to talk about and that if she stayed in the parking lot, i would completely end our relationship. i am not parenting a grown woman. some things like driving around and going somewhere help clear the mind. but sitting there or doing that in the middle of the night can be dangerous. especially for a young woman who doesn't have enough common sense to know not to put herself in a situation that she doesn't need to be in. that is the one rule i won't let slide. any girl who wants to be with me is not allowed to to do things that put her in more danger than is necessary. in return i don't cheat or ever let her wonder that i might be. that leaves a lot of leeway for her. skydive, ride a motorcycle, do whatever job you want to do, but don't act silly and put yourself in some situation that is going to make everyone regret it later. and screw that irrational, 'i'm going to do this because i'm upset and i don't know how to express it so i'm just going to do something' bull****. i don't expect a woman to be logical, but i do expect them to understand that certain behavior can worry people. all mothers know that and all women are potential mothers.

besides, why take a solo road trip when you can plan one with friends and enjoy their company and really get stuff off your chest. she did it to get away from things and that includes you. check her or if/when the relationship proceeds, she will be pulling that crap later on even after you are married. imagine explaining to little cp that his momma went on a "roadtrip". i've seen it happen.

[Cheesypuff]

thanks for the advice guys. but i don't know if i can do that to her. i love her lots and can't put her through what she's putting me. i'm not really the kind to subscribe to an eye for an eye tactic. she's obviously doing this for a reason, and i should trust her that she knows whats best for her. needless to say, it still really hurts.

[Maarchk]

I think that showtime has a different example than CP. Showtime's "friend" did this repeatedly and as such, she didn't deserve the kindness and respect he showed her. This is the first time for CP so i say be honest and open and give her a chance and see what happens. If this becomes a weekly event, than perhaps it is something more that needs to be dealt with.

In unrelated thoughts, I think i know whats causing all this CP. I think she broke your lap top, and ran away to avoid feeling guilty. I bet if you get it up and working, she'll show up right after that.

[utcpal]

she broke his "lap" "top" ? And he "got it up and working" ? Was it on top of his lap ?
Are you sure you are talking about "laptop/computer" ?

On a serious note:
I know its not easy... let it go and set free. And if it comes back, its yours..

[Showtime]

I think that showtime has a different example than CP. Showtime's "friend" did this repeatedly and as such, she didn't deserve the kindness and respect he showed her. This is the first time for CP so i say be honest and open and give her a chance and see what happens. If this becomes a weekly event, than perhaps it is something more that needs to be dealt with.

In unrelated thoughts, I think i know whats causing all this CP. I think she broke your lap top, and ran away to avoid feeling guilty. I bet if you get it up and working, she'll show up right after that.

if you used the quotes to mean me, you are way off. i don't put up with it from anyone. i am too good for that. but i have seen it happen many times. a couple of friends mom's were like that. after a while the kids were like, "just go if that's what you want to do" and one did.

if she ran off because she broke something then what will she do when some real **** happens? she needs to grow up and to accept responsibility instead of compounding the problem.

check her and she will respect you and straighten up or she will leave and look for a weaker man to walk over. don't be that guy. you are too good for that.

[Cheesypuff]

no no no...maarchk was just referring to my broken computer i posted in the hardware thread. and just linking the 2 topics together. my gf didn't break anything.

[gear02]

I'm putting myself in your shoes, but my experience is limited. Take with a grain of salt so small you'll need a microscope to see it.

You should do something, but don't keep calling her asking what's wrong. First, tell her that she can take all the time she wants but you'll be there to support her in any way. Then figure out what's going on in her mind. Talk to her friends, her coworkers, her family, etc. I think you said you might know the hard things that's been going on with her, but talk to other people to really understand why. If it's not you, then they'll all be happy to help. If they ignore you, then that's something completely different. But at least you'll have more information.

[Nija]

"what is she thinking?"

She's a woman, they don't think.

[Maarchk]

no no no...maarchk was just referring to my broken computer i posted in the hardware thread. and just linking the 2 topics together. my gf didn't break anything.


Yeah sorry i was just joking. I connected two CP topics and i was trying to just make him laugh cause he seems a bit stressed on this. Just trying to ease the tension.

I hope things are going ok CP.

[Cheesypuff]

eeh...you know...the usual. i really haven't been sleeping well...still haven't heard from her. etc etc etc. thats it.

[The Happy Squirrel]

dr squirrel prescribes alcohol and strippers!!!!!

[Showtime]

go hang with your friends or do something to keep your mind off of her. there are plenty of girls out there. find a good one and you might not care if she ever comes back.

[Prngr44]

My first impression is that she wants to break up but can't figure out how to do it (or feels guilty for betraying while away.) If she pisses you off enough by cutting off the communication, maybe YOU would break up with her and that'd make her feel a little better.

If it's meant to be, it will but this looks like the beginning of the end.

:(

Sorry.

[Maarchk]

Hey go hang out with fun people. And no negative talk. We don't know whats going on. Lets not make him upset if its not necessary.

Go have fun!