Any dudes in here lose a baby in a miscarriage?

[eSDee]

Ladies, I know it is an aweful experience when you lose a baby even before it is born. I was wondering though if anyone has had experience with how a guy dealt with losing one. My best friend and his lady were expecting a baby, and of course they were all stoked about it, but then one day like 3 or 4 months in her body kicked it out. They were both devestated, and although she is better (but definitely not over it), my buddy is still messed up about it. We think he's drinking too much and probably taking pills to cope with it all. His lady also says that he doesn't want to be with her anymore, and they are fighting a lot and crap like that. I know that a lot of times when people experience traumatic events together like losing a child, there is a bigger incident of divorce because being with that person reminds them of the tragedy. I think that this is what happening with him. I really don't want him to lose this girl either because she's the best woman he's ever been with. But I don't know how much more she's gonna be able to take.

Thanks.

[Maarchk]

Things happen. Terrible things happen too sadly. It is up to him if he can get over it. you can help by being there and talking with him, but he has to be the one who accepts reality and moves forward. Some people cannot accept tragic moments and are going to be haunted by them. I hope you can help him, but don't kill yourself trying to or you might get sucked into it as well. The same goes for the wife. She probably dealt with it and is starting to move forward and he is probably reliving it and trying to pull her back into it and that can be why they are clashing. talk with him and hopefully things get better. Good luck.

[InfiniteNothing]

The only cure for irrational behavior is knowledge. Prove to him it's not his falt and show him that the odds of it occuring again are low

[brainsmile]

5 months pregnant and lost our only daughter. I can relate. There is nothing to do to console. Seek God's comfort. In His irony, my last child was born exactly one year later. He and our lost one share the same birthday. Further irony, it's the same day as my wife's bday. Odd eh?

[eSDee]

Thanks you guys. You're right he's gotta figure out that this stuff just happens, and it's not a reason to punish yourself. I am going to recommend that he seeks therapy to get through it, so he doesn't mess up the rest of his life as well.

[Nija]

No, but I lost one at the park one day. . .

[Houdini]

From a medical perspective, miscarriages are usually for the best. In the vast majority of cases, there was a genetic snafu or developmental problem that was incompatible with life. Spontaneous abortions, or miscarriages, are simply the body's way of stopping development of something that would not have become a viable baby anyway.

I know that it's difficult, as I've had friends go through the same thing. But, from a med perspective, it's almost always for the best.

[ShawnLee]

The only cure for irrational behavior is knowledge. Prove to him it's not his falt and show him that the odds of it occuring again are low
I suspect your knowledge of the human emotional range is lacking in this regard. Knowing this doesn't make it better, and might invoke a moment of "shoot the messenger" sorted rage.

IN, with all respect dude, sometimes saying what's correct isn't saying what's right.

[uncledaddy]

sometimes saying what's correct isn't saying what's right.

Profound. I'll remember this one.

[Prngr44]

The only cure for irrational behavior is knowledge. Prove to him it's not his falt and show him that the odds of it occuring again are low

I thought if you miscarried once, the odds of it happening again were greater?

[gwilks98]

I thought if you miscarried once, the odds of it happening again were greater?


That's what I thought. In addition, the chance of miscarriage is high in the first trimester. A guy from work had that happen to him.

Of all the people I've known to have this happen (many people keep pregnancies quiet for this reason until they're out of the high risk time), the woman was much more distraught than the man.

I don't have any advice to offer other than to get him to talk to someone who's been through it, or to see a psychiatrist. But don't let him make his girl go through it alone.

[Kevster]

I had a cousin who had 4 miscarriages in a row with her then-husband. He started cheating on her and then divorced her for the other woman (we all kind of thought he was an $%^%##@! before this, he just proved it afterwards), and she found someone else much better. She had three beautiful little girls with no problems or complications. Obviously something was wrong in each of her miscarriages, but sometimes people just aren't genetically compatible (they never got any genetic testing done, as this happened over 15 years ago).

[guiseppewv]

Dude, I am sorry that your friend and you are having to go through this. I don't have any experience in this but as with any major traumatical event just be there for them. Even when you think everything is ok make sure you are there for them. If he is drinking and taking drugs to get past it then definitely get him some help.

I hope everything works out for the best.