Question on my kids facebook

[a-10tankkiller]

He was supposed to set it up with me, but went ahead and did it on his own. He did use our family email address, but the password I have doesn't work. When my wife asked to see it he closed the page up right away, so being a suspicious parent I figured I needed to take a peek when he wasn't around. Is there a way for me to access it without resetting his password? Or is there a way to view it if I'm not a friend, since I don't have a facebook page?
Thanks, from the spying dad :naughty:

[Cubsfan]

I'm not a parent, but instead of doing that, I'd suggest asking/making him show you. I think that if you start spying and he finds out, he's not going to ever trust you with much.

[ArkiStan]

I'd highly suggest hiring a PI to look into it. It's a scary world nowadays with the face book and you never know what what type of trouble kids are getting into. I've heard of instances of boys secretly talking about parents behind their backs, posting racy britney spears youtube videos, or even, god forbid, chatting with girls!! I'd be very concerned if I were you.

[renovation]

have him show you and /or the wife his my space .but keep a open mine when you see it.as some maybe crap .but also look at the messages exchanged in the history. now im talking if he is still in school and living under your roof. if he /she is in collage then its there area and stay out!

[a-10tankkiller]

Yes, I deserve the abuse. Wife got me wound up a bit with the information that everytime she walked in the room the facebook got closed down before she could see it. Also when she asked to see it, just to see it the first time, and as a parent requesting the 2nd, she got shut down. I used the dad voice last night, not yelling, just increased authority sound...lol, and he signed in for me to see it. Nothing bad, just some stupid swearing, and a couple pictures from friends that I told him I would be very unhappy if he were to send out similiar pictures. Ok I used slightly different language about the pictures, and yes I know where he picked up his sometimes use of bad words.
All is good, and sorry to come off as a stooge, just was getting worried and wound up.

[a-10tankkiller]

I should add for disclosure that he is my son and I remember clearly(at least most of it) the stuff I pulled off and did when I was his age, so he has to live with me knowing what a sneaky butthead I was, and worrying he will be the same way. I'd like to keep him on the road he has been on and avoid going down the road I went before getting my head out of my rear. That's where the snoopy, worried nut comes from in me.
Thanks to all the wise cracks for reminding me he is a good kid, and hold off on the conclusion jumping. There my personal confessions for the day. LOL

[ShawnLee]

Yeah... I'd pull the dad card and demand to see it, rather than spy. You don't have to be a jerk-dad, but that doesn't mean you can't pull the authority card either.

[Nija]

How old is the kid I think is a greater question that needs to not be overlooked. Middle School? High School? Elementary?

[a-10tankkiller]

He's a sophmore in high school, and he did have a myspace previous to this, but we always had access. I'm not a control freak, but I also don't want him doing something stupid that will be available for everyone to see. There are quite a few pictures of friends and I, that if they were digital and posted on the net innocently, would probably have prevented me from getting into my 1st career and getting me off to a good start as an adult. My parents have no clue to this day the crap I got into when I was a kid and they probably should have. I will say that at least one of pictures was of a girl in his class and if she were my daughter she'd be locked in the bedroom for awhile. Some of the comments that friends passed around about it were pretty nuts also, but I know where guys brains are at that point in life. Ok where our brains always are at any point in life.
Anyway, it turned out good and we had a talk about it all. He told me he all ready knows I'm crazy. Not sure what that meant, but he laughed. By the time he's out of the house his brothers will owe him big time for being the guinea pig kid for our parenting development.

[Cubsfan]

Anyway, it turned out good and we had a talk about it all. He told me he all ready knows I'm crazy. Not sure what that meant, but he laughed. By the time he's out of the house his brothers will owe him big time for being the guinea pig kid for our parenting development.

Again, I'm not a parent, but I think one of these days he's going to have a friend who's parents spy. When he hears about that, he'll respect you a lot more for being straightforward with him.

Also, if you want to make the point about stuff on the internet coming back to bite you, ask him for the name of a friend in high school that you don't know and then sit down and find as much as you can about them. If he sees how easy it is to find it later, he might be more careful now.

[cheapie]

oooh....good idea cubsfan

[a-10tankkiller]

Very good idea. Makes it real instead of just my words.

[gwilks98]

I would tell him that he should be prepared to show you his facebook page at any point in time. Tell him you respect him enough to not butt into his business, but if you see him closing his webpage down every time they walk by, it's time for a "review."

Don't be the parent that tries to add his kid as a friend. That's just awkward.

I would also explain to him that things done online are never forgotten and can quickly come back to bite you in the ass. People have been fired at my work for facebook. People have blown job offers over facebook. Teach him that if it would embarrass him to have it posted all over the school newspaper, he should keep it out of facebook.

This could be a good learning experience for him.

[nate el bueno]

What you could do is create a profile and have him accept the friend request and use that to view his profile. You could do that whenever you want. However, there is a way to limit what people can see, including hiding pictures from certain people.

If he is in a network, you may be able to view the profile from another account, as long as you are in the same network. Often times, it is a default to allow people in your same network to view your profile. From a parent's perspective (I mean yours not mine, heh) this can be very dangerous. Most of my friends are in the "Chicago, IL" network, and anyone in the world can join it, regardless of whether or not they are from Chicago, and view it.

If he's in a high school network (it would say, "<high school> class of '11" or something like that, it would be a private network requiring an email address to join it. That would make it slightly more secure.

If he's consenting to allow you to view his page though, I think that's the best and safest option.

[brainsmile]

why don't you just set up another account and ask access to his. He probably will add you not knowing who you are. :P

[renovation]

a-10tankkiller you did it right. as a friend of law enforcement i wish more would get involved!

[gwilks98]

What you could do is create a profile and have him accept the friend request and use that to view his profile.


Don't be that guy. That's awkward for the kid, like having his parents come to every social event and standing in the corner. This would not be giving him any room to breathe on his own.

[a-10tankkiller]

I'm not going to set up a Facebook and have him put me on his list. He understands Mom or I get to look from time to time, and we won't harrass him everyday. I do believe in keeping check of things so I will be looking probably more often than he likes. He and his friends communicate on this stuff and it is a good way just to make sure that the good kid you think you have is on track. Like I mentioned before, I know myself and by all appearances I was a good kid, good grades, not rude to adults, helped out at home, but I also was a bit of a maniac that just got away with it and didn't end up killing someone else or myself by shear luck or the grace of God. I think as a parent you are obligated to keep track of your kids, maybe being a little too nosy at times. I admit thinking about cracking his Facebook was an overreaction, but I do intend to keep track of it. Communication is the first line of defense, but when I don't think I'm getting a completely straight answer I push and will continue to do so.
Thanks for the ideas, and to those who knocked me on the head with sarcasm for getting me to take a step back and relax first.