State Of The Mess

[Bloodymess]

I meant to post at the one year mark of Brians death but I felt no one would remember, I posted when Amanda was dead at birth but no one understood. I post now because I feel I'm really starting to feel that my life is becoming less and less of what I wanted it to be..
after Brian's Death I tried to use my faith in the God to save me but after Amanda I find myself hiding from it !
I intentionally avoided the preist who was standing outside to greet the parents today after my son's caticlism classes.
The oddest thing about this is that the preist is a friend and I'm honestly sick of the "have faith" crap..
I'm really not the type for the poster boy who says "God helped me through this" nor would I be the one to say that "shrinks got me through this" because to be honest neither has helped a bit !!
I honestly would like to believe in a "higher power" but only for those I've lost ..
Myself, I live a hell that eats at me each day and the best I can hope for my in my life is to live long enough to try to be a strong father for my son Jonathan !

[Jenny]

I wish there were something I could do or say, but I know there isn't...

[The Happy Squirrel]

I wish the best for you and your family and you are in all of our hearts that life may present you with an oppurtinity that may restore your faith in some form of "higer power" and in life itself.

its always hard to lose a loved one
take care of your loved ones and know that there is always someone who cares and who will give you the love that you need

God bless!