Relationship advice

[OC]

I've known this girl for about nine months now and she's all-around impressive. Good looks, intelligence, we have a lot in common with enough differences to make it interesting, the whole bit. I'm getting it bad for this girl, but she's in a relationship and lives with her bf. She hasn't said anything, but I get the feeling she's starting to feel the same way about me. Should I wait for her to do something, take the initiative myself, or stay the hell out? I have no desire to hurt her bf, but I really feel like she might be "the one".

(help)

[cruelpupet]

ok there are a few rules i follow when it comes to this type of situation. (ive been on both side, being in love with the girl, and being the current bf)


If her BF is a friend of yours, or involved in your circle of friends you cannont do anyhing. If she leaves him for you, you CAN NOT date her (unless you ask his permission). If they break up for other reasons, you may ask her out, only if her ex bf is cool iht the idea.


If you are not friends with him, and he is not involved in your circle of friedns, shes all yours. GO FOR IT!

[m0j0]

you can ask her. if you make a pass, then it would be a situation where

a) she accepts the pass. you live happily ever after, wondering the whole time if she is accepting passes from some other guy who thinks she is the one.

b) she slaps your face, tells her boyfriend, and he gets his buddies to hold you face down in the frame of a foundation while he pours on the cement.

you could wait it out. you could introduce the bf to other girls. you could frame him for a felony. you could pay passwird (he needs a job) to help you hold him down while cruelpupet beats him with his nightstick (he likes it, would thank you for the opportunity).

[cruelpupet]

sorry mojo, I am against messing with another guy's girl. If i wasn't against it, I'd be traveling to hook up with my friends GF right now!

[apmiller]

I WAS aginst taking another guys girl till I met this one babe in high school. She's great! I couldn't stop thinkin about her. I thought her bf at the time wasn't being very nice so I told him at a party it's over between them and I'm going to date her cause she diserves better. He didn't like that so I hit him and now he's out of our lives and I got hitched to one great little lady.

IF she's not happy in her current relation ship then get her out of it and show her what love can be all about. But if her and this OTHER guy are getting along fine you might just want to play it cool and see what happens with them.

It can't hurt that much to just tell her "I know your with this guy but if you ever want to go out I'd really like to take you to dinner or something because I think you great." Just be SMOOTH about it. Your not stealing her away if SHE makes the choice to see you instead of him. Just make sure it's over with the other guy before you get into a serious relationship. You CAN'T get just take her away, she's got to want you over him hands down.

Bottom line: If you fell this strongly about her then you should tell her and then hang back to see what happens. You can't force the situation. Just be honest with her and give her the chance to see how she feels.

[cruelpupet]

If he is friends with the BF then he is stealing her away. Friends dont do that shit.

[apmiller]

If he's friends with the BF then yes I can see that, BUT if she's not happy and wants to give it a go with overclocked then that's her choice. The other guy may not like it but she has the right to decide who she wants to date.

Overclocked has to keep in mind that for the most part going after this chick could me the end of a friendship with the BF.

But I get ahead of myself here. We don't know for sure that she does dig our boy overclocked yet. He has to know her feeling of him before there is really a debat over this. IF she's into him and thinks its over with the BF then go for it man! I did and have been happy for 10 years now. But make DAMN sure she feels the same about you as you do of her! If she dont' then theres nothing more to discuss here, just back off and move on to the next.

[welfareloser]

if you think she might be the one, and you are willing to run the risk of alienating the bf, go for it - it might be worth it. but do it in a very mild mannered way.
for example, just tell her that you think you two could be good together, but you don't want to infringe on her current relationship. let her know that if her current relationship ever ends, you would like to be her man. also let her no that if she doesn't feel the same way, or chooses not to leave her bf, you will be cool and it will not affect your relationship with her. DO NOT date her, or make any moves, or accept any moves that she makes on you while she is still living with the bf. her saying "i don't know what i want now" "i need to explore both options to see waht i want" "this is hard for me" and "i'll leave him soon" do not make this okay. what would undoubtedly happen there is she will mess around with you, reconcile with her bf, and everyone thinks you're a shit. not worth it.

the most important thing is that you clearly state your feelings and intentions - it will be uncomfortable, but dropping subtle hints and assuming that you two are reading each others vibes accurately is a recipe for disaster.

[ChIcKeN_HaWk]

you can ask her. if you make a pass, then it would be a situation where

a) she accepts the pass. you live happily ever after, wondering the whole time if she is accepting passes from some other guy who thinks she is the one.

b) she slaps your face, tells her boyfriend, and he gets his buddies to hold you face down in the frame of a foundation while he pours on the cement.




Think about it dude, would you really want to take her away from a relationship knowing that's what you've done. Would you want someone to do that to you? Probably not! If you care about her at all you would step back and wait for her to break up with current B/F and then make your move. If it's there she will realize it and not be with him.


The bottom line is: "Do on to others as you would have them do on to you"

Just my opinion....

[Jihforce]

Originally posted by welfareloser
if you think she might be the one, and you are willing to run the risk of alienating the bf, go for it - it might be worth it. but do it in a very mild mannered way.
for example, just tell her that you think you two could be good together, but you don't want to infringe on her current relationship. let her know that if her current relationship ever ends, you would like to be her man. also let her no that if she doesn't feel the same way, or chooses not to leave her bf, you will be cool and it will not affect your relationship with her. DO NOT date her, or make any moves, or accept any moves that she makes on you while she is still living with the bf. her saying "i don't know what i want now" "i need to explore both options to see waht i want" "this is hard for me" and "i'll leave him soon" do not make this okay. what would undoubtedly happen there is she will mess around with you, reconcile with her bf, and everyone thinks you're a shit. not worth it.

the most important thing is that you clearly state your feelings and intentions - it will be uncomfortable, but dropping subtle hints and assuming that you two are reading each others vibes accurately is a recipe for disaster.

I second this opinion. You do not want to be on the wrong side of the fence here. If she decides to go with you, then you'll be fine, but don't let her have her cake and eat it too. That should also be an indication of what type of girl she is if she does try to pull one of those on you. Bottom line, be honest, tell her your feelings, and leave the ball on her court. See what happens.

[welfareloser]

Think about it dude, would you really want to take her away from a relationship knowing that's what you've done. Would you want someone to do that to you? Probably not! If you care about her at all you would step back and wait for her to break up with current B/F and then make your move. If it's there she will realize it and not be with him.


The bottom line is: "Do on to others as you would have them do on to you"

Just my opinion....

i have one tiny disagreement with this worthy sentiment. MOMENTUM. if you don't say anything, she may just stay with the current bf, not because it is exactly where she wants to be, but because that's where she is, she's been there for a while, breakups are messy, and momentum is powerful. sometimes a little push is greatly appreciated, and if not, if she is perfectly happy with the bf, then a little suggestion like "what about me?" is easy to ignore and not the least bit disruptive unless she is an over-reactor.

[OC]

Thanks all. Her bf is not a friend of mine. If he was there's no way I'd interfere. Against the code and all that. Also, he is not part of the circle of friends that she and I have, and she and her bf have their own circle of course which I am not a part.

I don't want to have an affair with her while she's living with her bf (been there, done that - never again). I want her for myself. It's not that I think she and her bf are a bad match either - it's that she and I (so far) seem to be perfect for each other, and how often does that happen? I don't want this to vanish, cuz then I'd be where I was before - angry and lonely.

Also, someone made a point to me a few months ago - that most romantic relationships we have in our lives will end because the other person finds someone they feel is a better match. Maybe I'm her better match.

-OC

[stupidzbu]

simple answer....

observe... ask her if she is happy with the guy... and if not... DO NOT SAY SHIT... cause actiosn speak louder than words....

if she is crying.. comfort her.. be her BEST FRIEND ...... then.. she'll eventually turn to YOU instead of her BF when times are needy... eventually yearning your good stuff... instead of his...

if there is NOTHING wrong with their relationship.. she is happy.. he is happy.. blah blah blah.. you would be a total ******* for trying to start something to your benefit... you would be GREATLY out of place....

if he is your friend... don't be a dick.. cause a good friend usually isn't worth a piece of ass (even if you DO love that piece of ass...)

[welfareloser]

and before you decide to take stupid'z advice on relationships, check this out...

http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=23049

;-P

[DaFunkyUnit]

be careful that you dont get urself jocked around. You never know, there might be ulterior motives...

unfortunately for me, i was in that situtation and i was the one fooled (DOH!)

http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=20909

[Edited by DaFunkyUnit on 04-27-2001 at 10:52 PM]