now THIS is FUCKED UP!!

[stupidzbu]

A man comes home from work early to surprise his wife with flowers and candy and finds that she's already got something planned. The computer is on and there is note written on it. He sits down in front of the computer and notices his handgun on one side of the computer and on the other side, an empty container of pain pills. He reads the message: By the time you read this I will already be dead, so don't get too excited. Don't bother looking around the house for me either. Of course I didn't want my body where my children may see, for they have already seen enough. They have already had to endure far too many years of seeing their mother being tortured by the man they are supposed to look up to. But even though I know I am going to hurt them dearly, I cannot live like this anymore. So, I am taking these pain pills, prescribed for the kind of pain you inflict and I am going somewhere to take a nap. Don't bother looking for me, just sit there and do something that you haven't been able to do for the last ten years, listen to me. Now that I had to go and kill myself to get your attention, the least you can do is finish reading this letter. I have been writing it over and over in my head for years. Every time that you beat me I had to rewrite it to add to the horror. Besides I didn't want you to find me after I died because the thought of you touching me even after death turns my stomach. I refuse to let you touch me again, in life or death. I chose to die because I promised God when I married you that I would love you for life. And since I am more afraid of him than you, I chose death. I cannot love you anymore so I have to leave this place. As I look around to this house, you know its funny but I can remember the good times that we shared together. Before the babies, before the drinking, do you remember? I do, and it was good back then. It was almost good enough to give me a little hope that we could get back to those times. And they were good times. I guess I have to settle with the fact that no matter what's going on right now, you once loved me, and even you can't deny that. I think what hurts more than my ribs that are stinging me right now is the fact that I still love you. That realization is stronger than any fist you could ball up and hurl at me. Knowing that my love for you causes a stronger and more lasting pain is much worse than a swift kick in the groin from your steel toed shoes. But this is a pain that I can take care of, something that I can remedy. I am not into pain, even personally inflicted kinds, so I had to relieve myself. Even as I stood in the mirror this morning admiring the black eye that you gave me last night I knew you would never touch me again. And as I sucked blood from my split, swollen lips I knew I couldn't stand another blow from you. Not because of the fact that you promised with tears to your eyes that you would never do that to me again. Nor the fact that you put your hand on the bible and swore to me that you were going to get help. Not even the fact that you got down on your knees and swore to God that you would never lift a hand to me again. Well, your prayers were answered and no, you will not be touching me again. I guess I just had to play God and make sure of that myself. Last night when I picked myself off of the floor and fell into your arms it wasn't because I wanted to, I just couldn't stand. It wasn't because I wanted you to hold me, as you may have thought. You picked me up carried me to our bed and lay on top of me and kissed my swollen face so soft and gentle. Even though you brushed my hair from eyes and kissed my eyelids, I didn't feel anything. And even though I may have moaned when you licked me between my thighs, I really didn't feel any kind of pleasure. And when you put yourself inside of me and I grabbed your butt and said your name a few times, I was just helping you get it over with. I moaned because your weight was on my stinging ribs. So what that you asked me what the fuck I was doing when I scratched your back, I felt the urge. And when you went to sleep, I laid there under you because I couldn't move. When you finally rolled off of me you were limp and you left your condom inside of me. The condom you searched all over for because you didn't want me to bleed on you like I did last time you kicked me. I woke up before you this morning and cooked your breakfast like I always do. I hoped you enjoyed the piss in your oatmeal and the blood I sucked from my lip mixed in your jelly. I watched you spread it on bread that I wiped my ass with before I put it in the toaster. I don't even want to tell you what I did with those sausages. I spit in your coffee and watched you eat, noticing the look on your face because you knew something wasn't right. And when you got through with your breakfast, I put your dishes in the sink but I wrapped the knife you used this morning in a napkin and put it in my pocket. After you left I laughed. I laughed all the way to the bank and took out every penny and took advances on all our credit cards. I donated half of the money to a woman's shelter, all one hundred and twenty-thousand of it. Now, you can pay back all the other women like me, those who had the strength to leave their man. Let those women get a pool table or something, hell, they deserve it. I took the rest and put it away for my children. I left some money for Greg so that he can pay for the counseling he's going to need to reverse the damage of seeing his father slamming his mother into the refrigerator. I sent the rest to Dana in college so that she would never need to come back home when she graduates. You are never going to touch my children again, I made sure of it. No, I am positive that you will not touch them again. So, I figured that with me gone you would run over to your little woman's house and tell her the good news. So I went over there this afternoon and I killed the bitch. I stabbed her little backstabbing ass dead in her heart with the knife you used this morning. And since there was a lot of screaming and shit I knew that the police would be there soon so I took that nasty ass condom you left inside of me and stuck it up in her ass. I know you didn't actually kill her but you might as well have. It's your fault that she's dead, so why should anyone else take the blame but you. And since you killed her after you just got through fucking her it won't seem premeditated so you will probably just get manslaughter and spend the rest of your life in jail. They probably won't sentence you to death. But you will be OK. You got your high priced lawyers to defend you. The same lawyers that bribed a judge when they had you on charges of embezzlement from your firm. Remember you gave me those documents to shred? Well, I shredded most of them. I got up this morning and mailed the others I had saved out in the garage to the State's Attorney. And since you've already killed someone you probably are going to jail for a long time anyway, so those papers are probably not going to do much damage. But I had already mailed them before I thought about it. Damn, you haven't been this quiet in a long time. In fact, I can't even remember when you've been so quiet before. I guess if all that I had to do was die to shut you up I should have killed myself along time ago. So, since I got your undivided attention, for a change, let me tell you what I want you to do. On one side of the computer screen there is a gun with one bullet in it. One the other side is the telephone. You could A: call the police, turn yourself in and go to jail for the rest of your life. Or, B, you can take that gun and join me. It's up to you. Don't worry about Greg, he is with your mother, you won't be seeing him again. You already killed your girlfriend so she'll do you no good either. You are about to lose your business and you are going to jail. Your wife will be mysteriously found dead in your office tomorrow morning. My body is still bruised and battered from when you beat me and your skin is under my fingernails from where I scratched your back last night. So shit doesn't look too good for you now. But as you said last night before you threw me into the wall I am a bitch. Well, ain't this a bitch. Oh, I know that you didn't think that I was going to die all by myself now did you? I already killed you motherfucker. You can either got to jail and get fucked up your ass for the rest of your life and have your man beat you around your jail cell like you did me. Until you die like me, after becoming the bitch you claimed me to be. Or you could take this gun and put one in your dome and kill yourself, it doesn't matter to me. Remember we said until death do us part right. Moments pass.............. There is a click. One gunshot breaks the silence and his body hits the floor. The roses he brought begin to rise in a pool of blood that spreads across the floor like a fan. His wife steps out of the closet she was hiding in and calls the police. She steps over her husband, sits down at the computer and deletes the message on the screen. She brings up the suicide note that she wrote for him earlier. She gets rid of the empty pillbox and calls her mother-in-law to check on her children. She hangs up the phone and calls his other woman and hangs up. The women calls back several times but she didn't answer. The police will assume that husband must have called her before he shot himself. She practiced all the lines out loud. When she heard the police pull up she kneeled beside the man that had once promised God that he was going to love and cherish her and felt nothing. That man was gone long ago and this body belonged to someone whom she didn't even know. She didn't feel any pain besides the tingling of her ribs. She had no regrets either. She put him out of his misery and ended her own misery with just one bullet. Yet, she knelt there and screamed like her life was over.

[irwin]

Wow. That was some weird stuff. Is it true?

[Talk2raffi]

I was totaly expecting the ending....

And I think that men who beat women are weak and pathetic...

[m0j0]

i dunno. there are some ass kickin women out there. i would think that anyone that beats someone else is weak and pathetic. unless it's in self defense or something like that.

[IrishSS]

wow

[eSDee]

Despite the lack of punctuation I believe this was the first post by Stupidbzu that I was able to actually read all the way through.

Pretty good story. Did you make it up stupidbzu?

[hapoo]

Didn't think i'd read the whole thing... very intresting. The ending was kinda predictable though.

[stupidzbu]

I didn't make it up...

i was just bored... and this came up as the JOKE OF THE DAY (eery huh?) at a site i go to when i'm bored!


i just got caught in reading it.. and assumed you guys would enjoy it!


i didn't expect the ending... i was expecting something more like the wife dead in some disturbing place...


also... if I was the guy... why the hell kill myself?

just show that to the cops!

hehehe

[psycho-]

Stupid, did you write this? You've written some pretty weird stuff...

[coleslaw]

So what in tarnation makes that a JOKE?

[TheLoneGunman]

Not to point any fingers, but I seem to recall Ms. Oblongmelon seemed to tell a similar story about breakfast.

Also, what is so creepy about spitting in the coffee of someone that you are already swapping spit with?

Additionally, people spread jelly with a BUTTER knife. It is awkward if not nearly impossible to spread with a bladed, pointed knife. Therefore, she couldn't have been stabbed with it.

As far as the anal sex, in most cases, there are signs of tearing. Since there won't be in this case, it will be suspect as a plant. Lack of other sexual activity will also make it suspect.

On the computer, any two-bit forensic computer scientist could discover the original note and realize the wife set him up. The premeditative aspect of it would get her the chair. Battered woman syndrome would likely not be a defense since she was not in present danger and planned the event for a long time.

[eSDee]

Originally posted by stupidzbu
I didn't make it up...

i was just bored... and this came up as the JOKE OF THE DAY (eery huh?) at a site i go to when i'm bored!



What site is it? I'm interested to know what kind of site keeps you entertained. :)

[stupidzbu]

Originally posted by EsDeeLoco

Originally posted by stupidzbu
I didn't make it up...

i was just bored... and this came up as the JOKE OF THE DAY (eery huh?) at a site i go to when i'm bored!



What site is it? I'm interested to know what kind of site keeps you entertained. :)

http://www.EHOWA.com

[m0j0]

Originally posted by stupidzbu
also... if I was the guy... why the hell kill myself?

just show that to the cops!

hehehe

dude, if it was on the pc, the cops would just think that he wrote it. if what she said was true, then she did a pretty good job of framing him. the note that she did wouldn't really be scrutinized as much since his prints were the only ones on the gun, and the other planning that went into it.

[hapoo]

Originally posted by TheLoneGunman

On the computer, any two-bit forensic computer scientist could discover the original note and realize the wife set him up. The premeditative aspect of it would get her the chair. Battered woman syndrome would likely not be a defense since she was not in present danger and planned the event for a long time.


I seriously doubt the police would even imagine that to be the cause of the suicide and probably wouldn't even go past authenticating the suicide note. Plus there ARE ways of erasing data so that it can never again be recovered. :)

[Speedfreak]

When does the movie come out. ;)

[Hopper1]

She never said what kind of knife he used. Maybe he used a steak knife on the sausages. And you could stab person with a butter knife it would take a lot of pressure but you could do it.

[stupidzbu]

Originally posted by Hopper1
She never said what kind of knife he used. Maybe he used a steak knife on the sausages. And you could stab person with a butter knife it would take a lot of pressure but you could do it.

on a funny tangent... a friend of mine was an insecure fat ass loser in high school.... and one day.. he asked the most popular girl in our class out on a date....

she played a cruel April Fools joke... told him yes... and just kept talking to him over the phone... until midnight hit... and on April 1... 12:00 AM.. she yelled APRIL FOOLS! I'm NOT going on a date with you..

needless to say.. that was FUCKED UP....

so.. the next day at school... during lunch... he got a plastic knife... went to the bathroom.. and tried to cut his wrists.... poor bastard... the only reason he didn't finish was because the bell rang and he didn't want to be late for class.....


see what women do?!

fast forwarding a bit.. he got laid... got some self esteem... has a really HIGH paying job at age 20.. is worth more than a quarter million dollars... and livin it up!

[irwin]

Hehe. I tried to cut my thigh once in 3rd grade. I was too much of a pansy to go very deep. I pulled the knife back at the first sight of blood.

[hapoo]

lol
sorry, i can't help laughing.
Sometimes i think it must be so hard on someone who tries to kill themselves but fails, I mean they have to be depressed enough to try it and to fail once more must be pretty bad.

so the guy finally got laid??? "so your telling me theres a chance!!! I read ja"

[m0j0]

Originally posted by TheLoneGunman



Additionally, people spread jelly with a BUTTER knife. It is awkward if not nearly impossible to spread with a bladed, pointed knife. Therefore, she couldn't have been stabbed with it.
happened more than a few times that i know of. stabbed with butter knife? hell, i have seen people stabbed with things not even knife like.


As far as the anal sex, in most cases, there are signs of tearing. Since there won't be in this case, it will be suspect as a plant. Lack of other sexual activity will also make it suspect.

maybe she was "loose," or maybe she omitted the dildo story to her husband. i mean, how detailed do you really want to get when telling someone your master plan? she wasn't talking to james bond.


On the computer, any two-bit forensic computer scientist could discover the original note and realize the wife set him up. The premeditative aspect of it would get her the chair. Battered woman syndrome would likely not be a defense since she was not in present danger and planned the event for a long time.
if they even look. you hear stories all the time where ppl rush the funeral or something without an autopsy. and even if they discover the original note...as previously stated, how would they know that he didn't write it to cover up for himself in one of his own plots? seems circumstantial to me...and would leave reasonable doubt. they would still lack evidence.

[Jeffbx]

Originally posted by TheLoneGunman
On the computer, any two-bit forensic computer scientist could discover the original note and realize the wife set him up.

Assuming she saved it to a file, that is. If she just typed it into Notepad & then closed the app without saving, she'd be in the clear. Now if she used Word, it would probably have auto-saved once or twice along the way, and THAT could be found even if she never saved the document.

[CluelessSi]

I wonder how she knew that he was coming home early..... hmmm... hmm... sending the kids away can be done early but hiding in closet and have everything prepared takes time .... plus having no alibi might get her cought also eh....
just some random thoughts about it ...

[fabfore1]

Maybe she knew he was coming home early, (w/ flowers), because that was typical behavior for the day after a beating.

Just my 2 cents.

[theorangeone]

one thing: if it appears to be a suicide, and nothing looks fishy- the gunpowder is on his hands, the GSW and blood splatter matches the pattern of where he would have held the gun, its highly doubtful the police would even investigate.

and she didn't pull the trigger, so why should she be held accountable?

[CluelessSi]

Originally posted by theorangeone
one thing: if it appears to be a suicide, and nothing looks fishy- the gunpowder is on his hands, the GSW and blood splatter matches the pattern of where he would have held the gun, its highly doubtful the police would even investigate.

and she didn't pull the trigger, so why should she be held accountable?
prolly will not be but depending on how things goes they might ask people to make sure he was in that type of mindset. and if she looks like she has been beaten then they might question her involvement....

anyways I think we are analyzing this too much, it was just meant for fun ...err or not.... :P

[oblongmelon]

Originally posted by TheLoneGunman
Not to point any fingers, but I seem to recall Ms. Oblongmelon seemed to tell a similar story about breakfast.

Also, what is so creepy about spitting in the coffee of someone that you are already swapping spit with?

Additionally, people spread jelly with a BUTTER knife. It is awkward if not nearly impossible to spread with a bladed, pointed knife. Therefore, she couldn't have been stabbed with it.

As far as the anal sex, in most cases, there are signs of tearing. Since there won't be in this case, it will be suspect as a plant. Lack of other sexual activity will also make it suspect.

On the computer, any two-bit forensic computer scientist could discover the original note and realize the wife set him up. The premeditative aspect of it would get her the chair. Battered woman syndrome would likely not be a defense since she was not in present danger and planned the event for a long time.

HUH? I did? where? when? LOL I don't remember! are you talking about the dogfood post?

[fabfore1]

Originally posted by CluelessSi

Originally posted by theorangeone
one thing: if it appears to be a suicide, and nothing looks fishy- the gunpowder is on his hands, the GSW and blood splatter matches the pattern of where he would have held the gun, its highly doubtful the police would even investigate.

and she didn't pull the trigger, so why should she be held accountable?
prolly will not be but depending on how things goes they might ask people to make sure he was in that type of mindset. and if she looks like she has been beaten then they might question her involvement....

anyways I think we are analyzing this too much, it was just meant for fun ...err or not.... :P

Could somebody please keep us posted as to wether this lady gets jail time or not.

[stupidzbu]

Originally posted by fabfore1


Could somebody please keep us posted as to wether this lady gets jail time or not.



sure... after the cops arrived... they took her for questioning.... instead of providing the cops with a statement, she gave out Free Fallatios.... and was let go...


saddened, the judge demanded his fair share.... so instead of going to a trial by jury... she had a trial by head....

in the end WOMEN ARE EVIL.... and can do whatever their hearts (mouths or legs) please.....

[hapoo]

Just when i think you couldn't possibly be any dumber...

[Inspect-her Gadget]

Originally posted by hapoo
Just when i think you couldn't possibly be any dumber...

Hey hapoo... For your information, my cousin's friend's dad was one of those cops and he said he enjoyed every second of it!

Kudos on good reporting, stupid... :thumbup:

[DizzyT]

Stupidzbu - good story, thanks for sharing, kept me awake for about 15 mins, along with the rest of the responses. Two things though, you just lost some major respect there on the woman bashing comment, that is, if you meant it. If meant as a joke - no harm done, and I'm thinking you did mean it that way so...

second, it is very possible to lunge at a person with a bread knife and stick it right through their heart and kill them. Not that I tried it but... I DO know that it CAN work.

[stupidzbu]

Originally posted by DizzyT
Stupidzbu you just lost some major respect there on the woman bashing comment, that is, if you meant it. If meant as a joke - no harm done, and I'm thinking you did mean it that way so...


:confused:

what the hell are you talking about?! what woman bashing comment?

you mean the comment that the lady went ahead and gave blow jobs out?

or you mean that ALL WOMEN ARE EVIL?!

look at the funny pic thread... there is a mathematical PROOF

(don't you guys already know that most of what i say isn't serious.. unless i specifically say so.. hence the name STUPIDZBU!)

[ArkiStan]

Stupidzbu's a woman hater. Spend enough time here in the forums and you'll get used to it.

[stupidzbu]

Originally posted by ucbstan
Stupidzbu's a woman hater. Spend enough time here in the forums and you'll get used to it.

i don't hate women... i think that they are wrong in a majority of things.... and pursue things in the wrong manner....

they have this need... like black people... to victimize themselves... make it very VERY clear.. that they are unequal... and forever BITCH AND MOAN for equality....

my room mate took a woman's study class... the last 2 weeks the teacher was talking about how the INTERNET was made in favor of men... and doesn't allow equality for women....

does that make sense?

i mean... don't get me wrong.. WOMEN ARE NOT TREATED EQUALLY... they make about 70 cents on the dollar... get viewed as inferior ... and in the words of Wollstonecraft are subjected to being portrayed as ornamented sex objects.... and i agree that these are all wrong...

the problem I have with women .. is that their advocates are full of shit.... they are all eccentrics... like the anti-abortion advocate who shoots an abortion doctor while yelling murderer... what they say and do makes NO SENSE... they allow their emotions to overcome them...

also... most women ARE snakes... very few are not... and yes most men are also *******s... but it goes into an aristotilian circular process.. where... women mature earlier than men.. read these teenage magazines... then have these expectations for relationships from the yet to mature boys... who they then scar while in a relationship... so these boys turn into men.. and scar other younger women.. because a woman once scar-ed them.....

etc etc etc... i love women.. they are fun.. and enjoyable.. i prefer to have them around.. they smell nice.. i despise their advocates... and extremist sacks of shit.. thats all....

women should not be beaten or raped... i would never advocate anything so stupid....