Snappy Things To Say To Co-Workers

[OC]

Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication

You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

[m0j0]

and your whiny-assed opinion would be.....?

ahhh! i see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

too many clowns and not enough circuses.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

[renots]

ROFLMAO

[eSDee]

Those are great you guys, let's see if we can get some more people to contribute.

[eSDee]

Oh I thought of some:

I would slap you, but shit splatters.

When I want your opinion I'll give it to you.

If I wanted any shit outta you I'd scrape it off your finger.

:D

[Edited by EsDeeLoco on 06-12-2001 at 07:57 PM]

[m0j0]

if i wanted your opinion, i would beat it out of you.

i kill every third idiot, and the second one just left.

that sounds a lot like an idea, only not as smart.

please get your head out of my ass when you speak to me.

(about a guy's tie) somewhere there is a holiday inn that is missing some drapes!

(about a guy's shirt) nice shirt....do they sell men's clothes where you got that?
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(some of these are my own...the first round were forwarded to me)

[TheLoneGunman]

Some old standbys:

Some people make others happy wherever they go, you make them happy whenever you go.

The village called, they need their idiot back.

I'd engage you in a battle of wits, but you're unarmed.

---------

And the more juvenile ones:

"When you were born....

a. Mom said "What a picture!" Dad said "Great, let's hang it"

b. Mom said "What a treasure!" Dad said "Great, let's bury it"

c. Mom said "What a little dear!" Dad said "Great, let's shoot it"

[DoPeY5007]

here @ work we alwya say

"Get you lips off of the pipe"

[OC]

I definitely need to get some t-shirts made.

-OC

[fabfore1]

If you came in here to bitch
You've just wasted 98% of your time
I suggest you use the other 2%
to find the door.

Excuse for missing work:

If its all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

I'm nice to one person each day
and today is not your $%&!#@ day!

Some creative ways to say someone is stupid:

A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A few beers short of a six-pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Chimney's clogged.
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
Forgot to pay his brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thead.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through the loops.
If she had another brain it would be lonely.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Slinky's kinked.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
The light are on, but nobody's home.
24 cents short of a quarter.