a question for guys and gals...?

[g222leav]

here's the situation...you and you're significant other are at a social place, be it dinner, movies, etc...the time comes for the bill/payment:

for the guys: do you always pay for the lady, go 50/50, box for the winner, rock paper sissors, or what?

for the gals: do you expect to paid for, offer to pay, go 50/50, think that it's sexest for guys to always want to pay?

i'm just curious as to how each apex-er handles this situation....let me know!

[Hiro]

i pay for the lady...its just me but im semi old fashioned. even if i have a friend that is a female that we go to the movies just to hang out...i pay. its just my habit.

[coleslaw]

I usually pay unless the lady offers to pick up the bill. Which is less than half of the time, but I don't mind.

[Y2J]

Pay for the lady, especially if you have buy 1, get one free coupons

[southernbelle]

I generally let the man pick up the first date (assuming he asked me out), and then on the next date offer to pick up. If I ask him out, I expect to pay, but honestly do think it's sexy if he at least pretends he wants to pick up the check - but I'm old fashioned that way.

Some fellas are uncomfortable with it - in those cases I'll make sure we have a quiet side converation before we go to dinner to decide how he would be most comfortable - my handling the tab myself, or giving him the money or credit card to pay for us. If he is really freaked out, I will make an effort to make dinner before hand, or pick up the movie or event tickets earlier in the day.

I definitely think it should be a shared relationship

[ufcrusher]

It totally depends on the situtation. For example, if you are on a first date or so, then the man should always pay. After a few dates or so, if the girl doesnt offer to pay, then something is up, and you are either in the deep south or with someone who doesnt realize the value of money.
After that, it generally depends on whether you are trying to make an impression or not. Once the intial impression period is over, you can start alternating who pays.

As for going out with female friends, it depends on your intentions, and what your friend may read into the situation. If you have no intentions, then save your money. However, if you want to be nice, you can always go ahead and share the wealth, but make sure she isnt going to think you are trying to get her in bed.

One other thing, you should always look at the whole picture. If you are making six figures and she is a student, then dont be a fool, pay. If vice versa, the reverse is true. This can work even for same sex friends.

[Chinpoko_Mon]

Originally posted by southernbelle
I generally let the man pick up the first date (assuming he asked me out), and then on the next date offer to pick up. If I ask him out, I expect to pay, but honestly do think it's sexy if he at least pretends he wants to pick up the check - but I'm old fashioned that way.

Some fellas are uncomfortable with it - in those cases I'll make sure we have a quiet side converation before we go to dinner to decide how he would be most comfortable - my handling the tab myself, or giving him the money or credit card to pay for us. If he is really freaked out, I will make an effort to make dinner before hand, or pick up the movie or event tickets earlier in the day.

I definitely think it should be a shared relationship
wow.. where have you been all my life? ;)

but as for me.. I always offer to pay no matter what. There's no question about it. Unless it made her feel uncomfortable that I'm always paying, then I'll say okay the rest of the night is on me. Movie, popcorn, soda, candy, and late night coffee.. wherever the night takes us.

[Edited by Chinpoko_Mon on 07-12-2001 at 12:22 AM]

[CluelessSi]

Originally posted by Corsec
i pay for the lady...its just me but im semi old fashioned. even if i have a friend that is a female that we go to the movies just to hang out...i pay. its just my habit.
ditto, but sometimes if they feel uncomfortable about it then I will let them pay in the future.

[DizzyT]

I think that if you're on a first date, asked by a man, then its proper to have the man pay. After you've been in a relationship (after 3 dates I feel its a relationship) then it should be a 50/50 split, as long as there is not a total difference in income levels (as ufcrusher examples). Southernbelle, I know what you mean about some men not taking a woman paying as acceptable. I went on a date with a man one time and we seemed to click pretty well. We went to dinner and he paid then he said "why dont we get a movie and go back to my place". So we went to Blockbuster and I chose the movie - Fight Club. When we got to the register we both were standing around, neither with money in hand so when she rung it up I just took the money out of my pocket and paid. He seemed offended but I just figured since he bought dinner it was the least I could do. Never heard from him again. Currently I've been dating someone for 8 weeks - HOORAY! Our first "date" we met at a local bar with some of our friends. Since I'm not a big drinker he bought me one or two beers which was fine (especially since his dad owns the bar we were at). After that we've gone out a few times and, although a couple of those times I've offered to pay, he is quick to grab the bill. To "make up for that" I've cooked him dinner a couple of times. So far we both seem to be pretty comfortable with that split. We are now planning a vacation together in a few months. We've been looking at prices and have talked a bit about how to pay for it. Since we are going to be buying on the internet I suggested that I put it on my credit card and he could pay me when the bill comes in, his response being, I have plenty of room on my credit card, we can use my credit card so you dont have that hanging over you and we can split it when it comes in. It's all about respect and what you're looking to get. If a man feels he wants to pay all the time, or if you're a woman and expecting a man to pay all the time then the right thing to do is to find "other ways" to balance it out.

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by ufcrusher

It totally depends on the situtation. For example, if you are on a first date or so, then the man should always pay


What???? Hellz no, you shouldn't do anything :angry::angry::johnwoo2::johnwoo2::angry::angry::angry::angry:

I pick up the check on the first date anyway, however if the girl offers to pay at least half (which i think is hot), i tell her no it's ok thanks for the offer ut i she insist... then i let her do it.

But a relationship should be 50/50 and the chciks that thank that they should always be paid for, are [insert bad word of your choice here]

[ArkiStan]

I think it's fuckin' sexy as HELL when the girl always pays for me. :naughty:

But I still try to pay most of the time. Even if you really don't have to pay and it's the girl's time to pay, I think it's at least nice to OFFER once or twice before you "give in" and let them pay.

It's a rule with my group of friends that we NEVER go dutch. Someone ALWAYS pays the whole bill. Then we rotate each time we go out to eat. That way, when we eventually get around to everybody paying for everything once, everyone will have technically spent the same amount of money as if we had always paid dutch each time. BUT the one big difference is that each of us has had the chance to treat everybody else to dinner once. SAME AMOUNT of money spent, HUGE difference in the atmosphere. Some might say, "but food costs different at different places!" Who cares if one of us spends a little more than others? We're friends. It's money well spent.

[Nanotech9]

well, i hang with this girl once in a while... she usually offers to pay for her meal or movie ticket, but like 75% of the time i pay for it all.... i think its more of a sympathy thing (if we were dating i would always pay for it). She only works part time (at a hospital no less), and is paying for a car etc. I don't think shes ever made even close to what i make in a year, much less ahve the spending cash i do, so i think thats why i usually pick up the bill - just to be nice. (especially since we sometimes go to medium class or higher restraunts(sp)... like $15 for a plate of food is medium class here in OK... $25 is expensive :) )

[ArkiStan]

Originally posted by DarkFury
I mean c'mon... if your budget is hurtin' and you are ordering a "chicken sandwich" or something less than a full dinner, she shouldn't be ordering the "Surf N' Turf" or any type of shellfish (read: lobster) unless she expects to pay for that sh@t.


LMAO! :D



Originally posted by DarkFury
You figure if you are spending $20 + on the bill, they should be able to afford a $5 tip (yeah I know, that's 20%).


Hey, what's wrong with 20%?? Anybody who has worked as a waiter or server or any other position where tips constitute a great amount of the income, knows that you can never tip TOO MUCH!! ;)

[zenbooty]

I generally pay for dinner, and she buys me a drink or two later, or maybe the cab ride, etc.

[ironchef]

i buy dinner as long as she fixes breakfast :)

[Hiro]

Originally posted by CluelessSi
ditto, but sometimes if they feel uncomfortable about it then I will let them pay in the future.

oh of course, but i was just saying on a general basis.

[Jenny]

Originally posted by ironchef
i buy dinner as long as she fixes breakfast :)

Hmmm, and what does ms. fiance think of that? ;) Was that how you captured her?? lol

[ironchef]

Originally posted by Jenny
Hmmm, and what does ms. fiance think of that? ;) Was that how you captured her?? lol
she doesn't mind as long as i tell her we're having company that night ;)

[Markel]

What difference does it makes who pays the bill? It comes out of my check anyway.

Oh...I guess you're not talking about taking your wife out.

[IntegraTypeR]

I generally like it if the guy pays for everything most of the time. My ex-boyfriend was like that but my current boyfriend is different. Now we usually go dutch and I guess I can kind of understand his POV since we are both college students ... although it would be nice if he paid. I am old-fashioned and I do think its kinda sexy when the guys pays.

[CluelessSi]

hmmm so what is going dutch? is it 50/50 or pay for own? The term I usually use for the latter is AA... heh, i don't know what AA stands for but that was what ppl say so I stuck with it... maybe it is an asian thing :P

[Jihforce]

In dating situations, I would say I pay about 99.99% percent of the time, regardless of how long I've dated that person. that 00.01% is basically when she tells me that she really wants to pay and ends up taking the bill before I get my hands on it. (happened only once). In friends going out to dinner, well, that's a different story, I still pay most of the time though for some reason...unless of course, its my birthday and some other celebration type thing.
I dunno, I just feel less of a man if I let a girl pick up the tab...like I'm lame and I need a girl to cover for me or something. Oh well...what can you do...

[Edited by Jihforce on 07-12-2001 at 11:15 AM]

[Grimm]

With friends I alternate, in groups we go dutch, and girlfriends it depends. It is usually the person who asked the other to dinner. My present girlfriend tries to keep it about even. But with a date I always offer to pay reguardless.

[froggystyle]

In a date situation, the person who asks pays (unless otherwise specified). In a relationship situation, it should be about fifty fifty, or rotating unless of course you truly feel like paying for it in which case you should. The best gifts are the ones without reason. On the first date, it seems like more of an etiquet issue. Once your in a relationship, if you offer to pick up the bill for no reason. That is just a genuine show of apreciation. Finally, in a good relationship, reciprocation is never expected but generaly occurs.

I just love it when my girl takes me out to dinner. I also am compelled on occasion to take her out. But it seems that we have generally broken even on monetary issues. That is just my two cents

[froggystyle]

And you call yourself a playa'... If you was a real playa' you wouldnt be spending any money.. :-)

[oblongmelon]

The person who suggests going to dinner/movies/whatever should be the one to pay-being it male OR female. Even after your married..I know me and Mr.Melon have a joint bank acct. and we each have seperate. I will pay for him If i suggest we go out-if he suggests we go out he pays..sometimes I need to get his ass in gear and suggest that he suggests that we go out..lol..

[Ice-9]

When I was in high school, I was one of just a few of my friends who had a job, so I'd often end up paying for a friend if we went out. I didn't mind, since I had no expenses and just blew the rest of my money on sound equipment and records, anyway.

With my current girlfriend, we tend to trade off - it depends on what we're doing. If I take her out, I pay for it. If we go to a party (read: rave) or something that she suggested, she'll pay for it. Her family is pretty loaded, while my broke ass is always paying for more car parts, otherwise I'd probably attempt to take the check more often. But it's not much of an issue, the way things are now, which is cool.

I think whatever situation works with both parties being comfortable is appropriate. Screw the PC bullshit and just get it right for the two of you.

[DoPeY5007]

with my current g/f I tend to pay most of the time, but we do 50\50 alot and she has paid a few times so its all good.....

[topane]

I'm married, therefore I'm always paying for it somehow ;)

[cruelpupet]

didnt bother to read the whole thread....but i generally go with:

ALWAYS BE PREPARED TO PICK UP THE TAB
ALWAYS PAY FOR THE FIRST DATE
IF SHE OFFERS YOU MAY ACCEPT
THE ONE WHO MAKES THE PLANS USUALLY PAYS

[GilbertsGrape]

I’ve been dating the same girl for like over 4.5 Years and I pay for dinner 99.99999% of the time. She has offered to pay before, but I have turned her down all, but 1 time and that 1 time I let her buy me lunch a happy meal (ok was I was 17 and there is no age limits on Mc Donald’s happy meals.) And I let her have my toy (Ty Bean baby).

Mainly I didn’t let her pay because #1 it makes me feel weird. #2 she is a poor college student … poorer than me..And I am a poor college student too… she don’t have a job except for in the summer and during break and it is only Part time and low wage. she probably makes enough for gas money and her school books... So I pay. I figure later on when she is making more $$$ and she wants to treat me I won’t have a problem with that. (Maybe)

*** I think I should mention that my date is a good date she don’t order extravagant things she usually asks what I am having she follows getting something about the same price and usually less. And if it is a special occasion I’ll lead off by saying I am having such and such. Usually a more costly item than the special and then ask her what she is having. ***

(The good thing about where I live it is hard to get a meal that cost more than $40 for two PPL. Most of the time dinner for 2 is less than 16bux unless it is stake then it is $25 for 2 and that is nothing to sweat over)

Plus sometimes I eat at her house with her family and anyone that is in college knows there is nothing like home cooking after eating school food. Her mom is cool she even fixes me a plate to take back to school with me. Just like My Mom fixes me a plate to take back. :o)


As for other date stuff that requires $$$$ I pay for most of that too. Like movie tickets, and renting DVD’s With a few exceptions like on vacation I’ve let her treat me to a game of miniature golf and the Zoo. Like I said … maybe if she made more $$$ it would be a little different … but to each their own i guess …. I just think the main thing is to be considerate if you know your date don’t have much money then you should treat most of the time, also the girl should be considerate and order things that are not overly expensive… if you are both poor then stay home watch TV and fix some Mac and Cheese or ramen noodles (staples in most poor college students diet) or go on picnics in the park or if you don’t have a park like we dont then go hiking in the mountains….

Pease all… ;-)

GilbertsGrape

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by DarkFury

BTW, sometimes after you get used to dating, I think it is ok that for whomever "pays the bill", the opposite person tips the waiter. You figure if you are spending $20 + on the bill, they should be able to afford a $5 tip (yeah I know, that's 20%).


Yea my girl does that most of the time cause i don't let her pay, but when she insists on paying, she doesn't even let me get the tip

She's a keeper:)

[theorangeone]

my ex=boyfriend was a cheap cheap boy. he would pay if we ate on campus, only because that came out of the money his parents put in his dine account. when we would go out, it was usually dutch or i'd pay. which sucked. cause like the song says i worked hard for my money while he got all his cash from mommy and daddy cause he was too good to have a job while at school or have a job during the summer. anyhow, that was annoying.

with my close friends, we alternate. recently, its been kinda odd with school friends who come to visit. they insist on paying for dinner. to me, it seems like they took all sorts of time and spent all sorts of money to come and visit, i should pick up the tab. but when they insist on paying, i usually throw in the tip.

this weekend i'm visiting my best friend. while seeing her, we'll go out to dinner with one of our other good friends from school and his wife. since we can't stand his wife and she hates us, we'll end up going dutch but if it were just the three of us, i'd probably treat.

one of my other friends from high school used to pay for everything, no matter what we did and it drove me crazy. he would not let me pay. it was actually kind of weird. we weren't dating, and i had more money than him (not much more, but more).