joke for the girls

[chrissy]

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly
came upon a large raging, violent river. They
needed to get to the other side, but had no idea
of how to do so. The first man prayed to God,
saying,

"Please God, give me the strength to cross this
legs, and he was able to swim across the river in
about two hours, after almost drowning a couple
of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God,
saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and
the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave
him a rowboat and he was able to row across the
river in about an hour, after almost capsizing
the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for
the other two, so he also prayed to God saying,
"Please God, give me the strength and the
tools...and the intelligence... to cross this
river." And poof! God turned him into a woman.
She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of
hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

[Jenny]

hahahaha Excellent joke! :)

[coleslaw]

Booo! :rolleyes:

A real man would have knocked some trees down and built a bridge.

One more thing...


"Please God, give me the strength to cross this
legs, and he was able to swim across the river in
about two hours, after almost drowning a couple
of times. This doesn't make much sense. Was something dropped here?

[jujubees]

The first man prayed to God, saying,
"Please God, give me the strength to cross this
river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong
legs, and he was able to swim across the river in
about two hours, after almost drowning a couple
of times.

[coleslaw]

OK, thanks! That makes much more sense! :D

[chrissy]

haha
Thanks juju!

My mom sent me the joke with a bunch of >>>>> infront of each line, I must have been delete happy today

[jujubees]

Notice that the women understood it without the extra line. A natural gift for reading between the lines ... :D

[Burzhui]

Welli understood it without that line, except for the leg thing i thought he just got strength in his arms, however

A woman looked at a map:
You mean she actually looked at it in the upright position?
You mean she actually understood it?
You mean she actually walked a couple of hundred yards upstreat without bitching and moaning?
oh yea and the man were still on the other side faster :)

Boo ya :)

[southernbelle]

Well, as long as we are sharing......

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A. His body.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

[coleslaw]

hehehe, I am a guy and I had to laugh at some of those. :heh:

[Kim]

Hehehe....good ones!

[fabfore1]

:)

A Woman's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

[Kim]

Originally posted by fabfore1
:)

A Woman's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

Good one Fabfore! :D

[revil]

Damnit, I hate these kinds of jokes. They are so stupid. I mean not all females are smart and not all men are stupid. So why generalize like this? It is quite demeaning towards males, and quite the opposite for females.

Please explain to me why this kind of joke is funny.

[Jenny]

Originally posted by Reverend Evil
Damnit, I hate these kinds of jokes. They are so stupid. I mean not all females are smart and not all men are stupid. So why generalize like this? It is quite demeaning towards males, and quite the opposite for females.

Please explain to me why this kind of joke is funny.

Okay, now, wait. We've seen TONS of these jokes that say just the opposite in the other part of the forum. And you have NEVER said anything about them like this. Back off and quit crapping in our threads Rev.

[chrissy]

Originally posted by fabfore1
:)

A Woman's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

I actually love my husband.

Now, my ex husband on the back of a milk carton... :D

[revil]

Originally posted by Jenny
Okay, now, wait. We've seen TONS of these jokes that say just the opposite in the other part of the forum. And you have NEVER said anything about them like this. Back off and quit crapping in our threads Rev.
Pardon Me for not saying anything in the other part of the forum. I just usually don't pay attn. to these types of jokes. but GGD's is a new section and i wanted to know what people here were typing about. so i read the entire post, unlike my usual skim.

[Jenny]

Originally posted by Reverend Evil

Pardon Me for not saying anything in the other part of the forum. I just usually don't pay attn. to these types of jokes. but GGD's is a new section and i wanted to know what people here were typing about. so i read the entire post, unlike my usual skim.

You know what? Those are JOKES! I mean, come on! Is every joke you tell true? Hell no! That is why it is called a joke! Now. If one of us were to post something like this: "Geez, all men are nothing but scum-sucking jerks that don't care about anything but ****ing the nearest airhead, no matter what her face looks like." Then yeah, you might have reason to complain. But complain about a joke?? How lame is that?

[revil]

Because of prejudice. It has to start somewhere. From my own personal experiences, I have found that they can stem from jokes. When I was in grade school and middle school, there were many derogatory jokes about Mexicans floating about. Because I was young and impressionable, I picked those up and used them. Later on in life, during high school, I realized I had a thing against Mexicans for no real reason. I was a bit prejudice against Mexicans and the only thing I could trace it to were all those jokes made back in grade school and middle school.

Heck, every once and a while I still say something ill about Mexicans. It's not like I mean it. It was just beaten into my head when I was a kid that it was ok to do.

That is why I do not like these kind of jokes. It is like saying it's ok to do. Now if this really happened to you or someone else, I would find it funny. However, I just do not see these broad generalized jokes funny.

[edit: added a few sentances]

[Jenny]

Originally posted by Reverend Evil
Because of prejudice. It has to start somewhere.

Yes, I agree. But I'm not telling my 3-year-old: "Men are stupid. Do NOT grow up to be like them." We are copying jokes that we have found elsewhere in an almost all adult forum. WE know these jokes are just that. Jokes. Not REAL put-downs to men. Just plain JOKES.


However, I just do not see these broad generalized jokes funny.

That's fine. No one said you did. But that STILL does not give you the right to come into our section and crap on our threads. If you don't agree, fine. Move on. We could care less. In fact, we welcome it. If all you are going to do is troll, we don't want you here.

[ProMinx]

uh oh...now you've made her mad. It's time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and she's all out of gum...

"Bring it on Cletus!"

ProMinx

[revil]

Originally posted by Jenny
Yes, I agree. But I'm not telling my 3-year-old: "Men are stupid. Do NOT grow up to be like them." We are copying jokes that we have found elsewhere in an almost all adult forum. WE know these jokes are just that. Jokes. Not REAL put-downs to men. Just plain JOKES.

Isn't the G|A forum meant for all audiences? I am assuming kids do read this. I'm not talking 3 year olds, but children do not stop being impressionable at 3.


Originally posted by Jenny
But that STILL does not give you the right to come into our section and crap on our threads.
YOUR SECTION?! Since when does this forum say "girls only?!" Granted it say's girls in the title. But that does not mean it exclusivly belongs to girls and only girls can post here. If that's the way your looking at it, perhaps we should segragate the rest of the forums :rolleyes:.

If I can't voice my opinion without being called a troll and threatened with a temp ban by trollbuster, you might as well start a petition to get rid of the first amendment. You may not like what I have to say, but I said it and there is nothing wrong with that. I could understand being threatened with these things if I were verbally attacking a person, but I wasn't.

[chrissy]

Originally posted by Reverend Evil
Damnit, I hate these kinds of jokes. They are so stupid. I mean not all females are smart and not all men are stupid. So why generalize like this? It is quite demeaning towards males, and quite the opposite for females.

Please explain to me why this kind of joke is funny.


Rev, we get along right? :D

You are right, jokes are not always funny to everyone. And if we hit a soft spot with you with these jokes, I am sorry. But for a long time, a lot girls have been very "shy" about posting here at Apex. You have to admit, we are surrounded by a lot of males and male ideals here. But that is why we started our site and we would love to have a forum of our own and not just a corner of the room. But we love you guys too. And we love the banter between all of us. We are family here.

Jokes are made to make certain people laugh. I personally, don't care for fat jokes. Or racial jokes. And Blonde jokes, I just can't stand. They are not funny to me. But, they make others laugh. There is a line to draw in some cases. And as adults we should know what those lines are.

We are here for fun, laughs, support and deals, among other things. And sure the occasional distastful joke will appear, or picture will be posted that is going to step on toes. But that happens in a community like this one. And I would rather be a part of a community like this one than any other.

As for the jokes, I have read others in OT, and you know, "ehh". It's a joke.

But, then, you would have to think what GA would be like if all jokes were like this one:

A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if they have "gwapes". The manager says, "What?" and the duck replys, "Gwapes, dew you have gwapes?". The manager, looks at him funny and says no and the duck leaves. The next night the duck goes back to the store and asks, again, "Dew you have gwapes?". The manager annoyed by the duck says, "NO, and if you ask me again, I will staple your feet to the ground!" The duck leaves. The third night, the duck comes back to the store, finds the manager and asks, "Sir, do you have staples?" The manager says "no". The duck then replys "Good, dew you have any gwapes?"


And how much fun would that be?

[revil]

Originally posted by chrissy
Rev, we get along right? :D
Yup :).


Originally posted by chrissy
Jokes are made to make certain people laugh. I personally, don't care for fat jokes. Or racial jokes. And Blonde jokes, I just can't stand. They are not funny to me. But, they make others laugh. There is a line to draw in some cases. And as adults we should know what those lines are.
And you shouldn't like them. They are distasteful. Just because other people laugh at them doesn't mean it's right. Other people should not laugh at them because that type joke's are offensive and insulting. I agree we should know what those lines are, but those lines are different for different people. Which I think is why people post these type of jokes, because it's not one of the lines for them.


Originally posted by chrissy
But, then, you would have to think what GA would be like if all jokes were like this one:

-OMITTED (to save space of course)-

And how much fun would that be?

Um, I think your missing my point about this kind of joke. It's the way the joke is told that gets me mad. This type of joke has the underlying meaning that all men are stupid and all women are smart. I don't like that type of generalization towards any group of people. If it wasn't generalized, I think it would be funny. say in the origional joke in this thread the lady is telling the story about two guys, her brother and her husband, who didn't think about looking at a map. then i could laugh at the joke because it isn't derogatory towards a group of people.

[Jenny]

Originally posted by Reverend Evil
Isn't the G|A forum meant for all audiences? I am assuming kids do read this. I'm not talking 3 year olds, but children do not stop being impressionable at 3.

Yes, but I think kids probably will understand that it is a JOKE! It is not directed towards anyone and it DOES NOT mean that all men are stupid. It's a JOKE!


YOUR SECTION?! Since when does this forum say "girls only?!" Granted it say's girls in the title. But that does not mean it exclusivly belongs to girls and only girls can post here. If that's the way your looking at it, perhaps we should segragate the rest of the forums :rolleyes:.

You took that in not the way I had intended. The sole purpose of the GGD section of the forums was to give the WOMEN of GotApex a place where they could feel free to discuss things that, if we talked about on OffTopic, we would get trolled, ridiculed, laughed at, put down, etc. I DID NOT say that this part was for women only. But it SHOULD BE a section that the women feel free to post what they want, (per GAM & TrollBuster rules of course), and not feel like the guys will trample on that freedom. You guys have the entire rest of the forum to say what you will. There are several women on here who don't normally talk that have participated in the GGD section. That is because they feel comfortable enough to post in here. THAT is what I meant. I do NOT mean that you guys can not read or post in here. Like I have said before in a previous thread: EVERYONE is welcome here. Just NOT if you come in crapping on threads that you NORMALLY wouldn't do if posted if off topic. There is my main deal with this. If someone had posted this in off topic, yeah, we'd have had some guys retaliate with men are superior jokes. And that's all well and good. We would have laughed and found another women are superior joke. No big deal. But I'm almost POSITIVE you would NOT have said something, had it been in Off Topic. You know how I know?? Because YOU HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BEFORE!


You may not like what I have to say, but I said it and there is nothing wrong with that.

Again, the main reason I got upset is because you chose to voice your opinion EXCLUSIVELY in the only section of the forum that some of these women feel free to post in without being teased or ridiculed by some of the more immature members of our forum. You have NEVER said anything like this in Off Topic when there is a sexist joke, and believe me, there have been PLENTY. If you are going to voice your opinion, do it everywhere or DON'T do it in here.

[Eugene]

hi. interesting that a joke thread could become so heated. on a bit of a lighter note, i thought some of the jokes were pretty amusing.... i actually liked the duck & staple joke. heheh. such a smart duck.... and to the member named Kim, i think it's HILARIOUS that you're "Eternally Ensign." that is so funny! hahaha.

[revil]

Originally posted by Jenny
Yes, but I think kids probably will understand that it is a JOKE! It is not directed towards anyone and it DOES NOT mean that all men are stupid. It's a JOKE!
You’re right, it is just a joke. And the joke has an underlying meaning that all men are stupid and all women are smart by not stating any specific male or female. (and I would still have a problem with this joke if the underlying meaning meant that all women are stupid and all men are smart.) just like blonde jokes say all blondes are stupid and all Pollock jokes say all Pollock’s are stupid. I don't remember who said it, but if you repeat it enough, you'll begin to think that it's true.


Originally posted by Jenny
Just NOT if you come in crapping on threads that you NORMALLY wouldn't do if posted if off topic. There is my main deal with this. If someone had posted this in off topic, yeah, we'd have had some guys retaliate with men are superior jokes. And that's all well and good. We would have laughed and found another women are superior joke. No big deal. But I'm almost POSITIVE you would NOT have said something, had it been in Off Topic. You know how I know?? Because YOU HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BEFORE!
Your right. I probably wouldn't have posted in this thread if this joke was posted in off topic or in another forum. but as I said before, the only reason I posted it was because I was actually reading the entire posts here in GGD because I was curious what was going on in the new section. generally in off topic and the rest of the forums, there is just too much to read in the amount of time I have. So, I just skim to find one's I would like to respond to. If a joke like this one is posted, I’d read one or two lines of it, realize what it is and go on to the next thread. But for the last week I have been on vacation and I have nothing to do. So I decided to respond. And apparently made you quite upset, which was not my intent at all.


Originally posted by Jenny
Again, the main reason I got upset is because you chose to voice your opinion EXCLUSIVELY in the only section of the forum that some of these women feel free to post in without being teased or ridiculed by some of the more immature members of our forum. You have NEVER said anything like this in Off Topic when there is a sexist joke, and believe me, there have been PLENTY.
I meant no disrespect to you Jenny, or anyone else when I posted here. I definitely did not intend to anger anyone by posting here. I posted like I would have normally posted anywhere else. Granted I've never posted anything like that before, but there is a good reason for that. I usually don't pay attn. to this type of joke. In fact I try to ignore this type of joke. But since I told myself to read through fully a few of the GGD threads, it forced me to pay attn. to that joke. I consider my post normal. If I read this thread anywhere else and had the time to reply (like I have now), I would have posted the same thing.


Originally posted by Jenny
If you are going to voice your opinion, do it everywhere or DON'T do it in here.
No. I usually don't have the time nor the energy to post like I did in this forum. If you've read any of my posts from before, you'll notice they are quite short. Posting this much is quite abnormal for me because I hate typing a lot (and to think that I'm a CS major, weird isn't it?).


I'm getting tired of arguing my point and tired of defending myself. I don't want people to get the impression things will get argued like this because it's in the GGD section, so if you have anything more to say to me, Please PM me.

[revil]

Originally posted by Eugene
and to the member named Kim, i think it's HILARIOUS that you're "Eternally Ensign." that is so funny! hahaha.
Ya, I think we all like that one. In fact I believe us forum junkies asked Leon to make Kim Ensign Forever. One of the lucky few who get their own title.

[fabfore1]

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope dangling from a helicopter.

Ten were men and one was a woman. They all decided that one person
should get off because if someone didn't, the rope would break and
everyone would die. No one could decide who would go so finally the
woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up
her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up
hings for their husbands and children, giving to men and not receiving
anything in return. When she finished speaking all the men applauded.

NEVER underestimate the power of a woman.
:P

[revil]

:disa:
trying to get me arguing again? Please stop posting jokes in a thread and start another.

[chrissy]

but, wasn't that last one posted by a guy???

:(

rev, we didn't encourage it, he brought it on.

But I will compromise :) (what a compromise) by you starting a thread in OT about jokes like this to see what the community thinks.

[revil]

Originally posted by chrissy
but, wasn't that last one posted by a guy???
It has nothing to do with their gender. They should have seen that this thread turned into a big ol' arguement. So IMHO they shouldn't have posted another joke in this thread, but instead start a new one. (although I'd rather it not be posted at all.)


Originally posted by chrissy
But I will compromise :) (what a compromise) by you starting a thread in OT about jokes like this to see what the community thinks.
Haven't you learned by now that large groups of people are stupid? ;) For example, look at any of the political parties. Besides accourding to passwird, they are all robots and are programmed to give you the response.

[LPMiller]

personally I think you're both wacked out.

Jenny, you way overreacted to what was a simple question by the Rev. You can capitalize WOMEN all you want, but the forums, on both sides, are open to everyone. It's great that some silent ladies decided they could post now, but there wasn't any real reason why they couldn't post before - it's not like it was an exclusive boys club, nor were they ever chased away, unless they were trollettes to begin with.

Rev, it is human nature to make fun of everything and everybody. You can call a joke insulting all you want; getting into a flame match ain't going to change anyones opinion on the subject. Nor does it make it true for everyone. Nor is it the worst thing in the world.

People really need to learn to back off, and not be offended at the drop of a hat. And they need to learn that sometimes, they just should grin and bear it. Not everything needs a response. Not everyone is worth a response. If I said something every time one of you guys did something that annoyed me, I'd have 3 times more posts than Happo.

I'm getting real tired of the knee jerk responses most folks in this forum have been displaying of late. TBYP. Think Before You Post.

I'm not fond of men jokes, or women jokes. Mostly because they are old, tired, been there done it. Redundant jokes I've heard a billion times don't thrill me; but I ain't going to begrudge someone getting a laugh their first read through.

Jenny, you need to keep in mind that no matter what you say or how you say it, someone some where will find it offensive. That doesn't make them wrong.

And Rev, you need to learn that no matter what you think, someone, somewhere will find something funny, and that doesn't make them wrong either.

And uh.."trying to get me arguing again? Please stop posting jokes in a thread and start another."

this WAS a joke thread till you stepped in. Telling someone to start another because they got back to the original topic seems....tacky. And only justifies Jenny's annoyance. Frankly, YOU should have been the one to start another thread, If in fact another bloody thread was needed.

You are all heading straight into a major flame war, for zero reason. Let it lie.

[Jenny]

hehehe Actually, LPM, I have let it drop for now. I private messaged Rev like he asked, and quit posting about it in here. In my private message to him, I apologized for overreacting and said that I got heated way too quickly for not really that an important reason. I have yet to get a reply. No biggie to me. :P (Oh, and...I NEVER stated that this part of the forums was only for women. NEVER. I have said MANY times that both men & women are welcome to read and post here. Just not trolling, which is what I felt Rev was doing...And I never said he was wrong for feeling like he was. I was saying he was wrong for saying WE were wrong. :) )

[revil]

edit: posted boefore it was ready
edit 2: I need to go back to grammer school. what the hell is boefore?

[revil]

Originally posted by Jenny
hehehe Actually, LPM, I have let it drop for now. I private messaged Rev like he asked, and quit posting about it in here. In my private message to him, I apologized for overreacting and said that I got heated way too quickly for not really that an important reason. I have yet to get a reply. No biggie to me.
Sorry for not replying. I've been real lazy and tired lately and I didn't want to send a reply being tired. I'll be sending you a reply soon.


Originally posted by Jenny
Just not trolling, which is what I felt Rev was doing...And I never said he was wrong for feeling like he was. I was saying he was wrong for saying WE were wrong. :) )
When did I say you were wrong? When I origionally posted I said "Damnit, I hate these kinds of jokes. They are so stupid. I mean not all females are smart and not all men are stupid. So why generalize like this? It is quite demeaning towards males, and quite the opposite for females." Now, I probably shouldn't have said damnit, but damnit I like to swear. But nothing in that post said that you were wrong. I stated I didn't like that kind of joke. I shortly stated why I didn't like that joke. And I asked why other people liked that kind of joke. I was expecting an answer to the question, not an attack. "Back off and quit crapping in our threads Rev." When attacked, isn't it natural to defend yourself? I didn't like being told that I was crapping on this thread because in my mind I had legitimately posted. All I was doing was defending myself and my viewpoint. I never wanted it to get this out of hand.


Originally posted by LPM
Rev, it is human nature to make fun of everything and everybody. You can call a joke insulting all you want; getting into a flame match ain't going to change anyones opinion on the subject. Nor does it make it true for everyone. Nor is it the worst thing in the world.
LPM, I know there are some people who find this type of joke funny. As you said, it was a simple question. I never replied to her to change her opinion, I replied to defend myself. I felt she didn't understand my viewpoint and I wanted her too because I don't like it when people think that ill of me. I didn't intend on this getting so out of hand and I probably should have shown more restraint. And I know it's not true for everyone nor the worst thing in the world. I was just backing up my question.


Originally posted by LPM
this WAS a joke thread till you stepped in. Telling someone to start another because they got back to the original topic seems....tacky. And only justifies Jenny's annoyance. Frankly, YOU should have been the one to start another thread, If in fact another bloody thread was needed.
LPM, I should have started a new thread if I wanted to tell people why these type of jokes are bad in my opinion. And I don't want to because it would be a never ending battle. All I wanted to do is to justify why my post was a valid one. she'd send one back why it wasn't valid. I'd send one back why it was. And no, this thread was a joke thread until the arguement, which is when it ceased to be a joke thread. I think that posting another joke was....tacky. I was trying to lay it to rest, but when people post more things the whole argument comes back up with it, which is why I think he should have started a new thread.



Now this is the last time I am ever posting in this thread. I have grown rather sick of it. First I asked a question. Second I was defending my question and myself. and now i don't really care if people think I am a troll or not. If you absolutly must say something to me about my reply here, you'll have to PM me because I'll probably never look in here again.

[Jenny]

hehehe I think Rev & I have come to an agreement behind closed doors. ;) I'm going to have TrollBuster lock this thread and then if any jokes want to be put up, they can start a new thread. And Rev will post (if he wants to. lol) his complaints about them in another thread, so we can talk about it, rather than fight. I would not have minded debating about the point he was bringing up, had he not interrupted the joke thread. (If that doesn't make sense, I apologize. lol It makes sense to me, but I'm a little strange. :D )


Jenny