how do i feel?

[styleee]

i can't explain my emotions. i don't know what they are, i've never felt this way. i do know however, what they aren't. through this whole ordeal, i haven't felt hatred toward another. the thought of retailation hasn't crossed my mind.

i'm still trying to understand how one set of people could inflict this on another, (an idea that i've often thought about.) what ever happened to the golden rule? do to others only what u would want done to you.

i don't want a war, i don't want others to be hurt. all i want is for everyone to live in peace, and for everyone in this world to figure out a way to live without harming one another. i'm afraid that if we go to war, i'm going to lose my brother, my family, my friends, my freedom. and i would rather compromise a part of my life, than to lose those things which are so much more important to me.

being so close to the thick of things is hard. as i was driving back to my apartment this morning, i saw a huge smoke cloud over lower manhatten. it still hasn't sunk in that the two towering structures that i've seen for years and years and years in the nyc skyline no longer exsist. buildings that i've walked past a thousand times, shops that that i've frequented, sidewalks that i've pounded, all gone.

and still, i ask myself, how could this happen? how? it turns my stomach and breaks my heart.

yet, i still have not an ounce of hate for anyone. and i don't understand why not. why don't i want to kill the people who did this to us, to me? why don't i want to go to their house and kill all thier friends and families and destroy their homes and businesses? why?

i think i've figured it out. i was taught not to hate. period.

[welfareloser]

i'd like to say in advance that it would be nice if nobody flamed this sentiment. there's plenty of disagreeing going on in plenty of other threads (which should and will continue), but styleee dint throw this into those debates for a reason.

[Jpeace121]

I have the utmost respect for styleee's comments. I was taught not to hate either. In fact, the ideas of forgiveness and reconciliation are part of the profession I am training for.

It is because of this that in a way I am jealous of styleee, and the feelings he expressed. I wish I didn't feel the hate and desire to exact justice that I feel. But just as stylee can't help the way he feels, the way his stomach turns and heart breaks, I also can't help feeling anger every time I see that plane crash into the WTC towers. I can't help feeling physically ill when I consider how those people had to die - indiscriminately, and I can't help how that makes me angry. I can't help feeling concerned about my friend, who may have been in the Pentagon Tuesday, who is still yet to be accounted for.

Can any of us really help how we feel? However this tragedy effects all of us, isn't that effect exactly what makes us human?

[Markel]

I was recently listening to an mp3 of a Moody Blues album (yeah, I a big fan of them), and it suddenly hit me what I was hearing. The lyrics to this song seem quite appropriate these days.

Lost in a Lost World
(Mike Pinder)

I woke up today, I was crying,
Lost in a lost world,
Cos' so many people are dying,
Lost in a lost world.
Some of them are living an illusion,
Bounded by the darkness of their minds,
In their eyes, it's nation against nation,
With racial pride, sad hearts they hide
Thinking only of themselves, they shun
The light. They think they're right
Living in their empty shells.

Oh can you see their world is crashing
Crashing down around their feet
And angry people in the street,
Are telling them they've had their fill
Of politics that wound and kill
Grow, the seeds of evolution
Revolution never won
It's just another form of gun
To do again what they have done
With all our brothers' youngest sons.

Everywhere you go you'll see them searching
Everywhere you turn you'll feel the pain
Everyone is looking for the answer
We'll look again, come on my friend
Love will find them in the end
Come on my friend we've got to bend
On our knees and say a prayer.

Oh can you feel the world is pining
Pining for someone who really cares,
Enough to share his love,
With all of us. So we can be
An ever loving family.
Have you forgotten we're all children
Children from a family tree
That's longer than a centipede
And started long ago when you
And I were only love-

I woke up today, I was crying,
Lost in a lost world,
Cos' so many people are dying,
Lost in a lost world.

[Jihforce]

Hey Styleee,
Don't feel like you need to hate people. The reason you don't feel the need to hate and retaliate is because you are a bigger and better person that most. And that's a good thing.
I feel your pain...I was there last year, I was on the observation deck of that building. During that time I was debating whether I should move to NYC or back to California after school was over. I was supposed to be in NYC with my bro in law and his family from the 9th-14th of this month. I was supposed to take his family site seeing...and who knows, we could all have been in that building at that time. Who's to say. Some people can't understand why I feel so deeply about it because I don't know anyone who died in the tragedy and I don't live in NYC. But I've been there, I've walked the streets many times, I've taken pictures, I've touched the walks...
This event just hits close to home for those who have experienced the big city. I've got friends there too...and I should hate those people who are responsible for taking away a part of history and my sense of freedom/security. But like you, I don't know how to feel. I'm upset. But I'm not so quick to judge, like some people I've seen...
So as you can see, its good see hear and to know that there are people like you who aren't going to point fingers and condemn others people just because they are bitter and angry.

:thumb: to you.