Aaarghhh...

[Jihforce]

Ok, the fact that I am on G|A on a weekend night should tell you that something is wrong. Here's the scoop. I've been dating this girl for 2.5 months now. And there's this one thing that I'm kinda annoyed about. Now, please don't get me wrong, I'm not a cheap skate. But there's something about a girl that doesn't even offer to pay for her share (for dinner, movies or what not) that I find as a HUGE turn-off. Now, I won't NEVER let a woman pay for her share if she's with me. Period. I've always been that way. HOWEVER, I kinda get annoyed when a girl doesn't at least OFFER to pay for her share. I am beginnning to feel used. Just cuz I drive a beemer doesn't mean I ***** gold. As I said, I would never let her pay, but its nice to know that a girl is looking out for my financial well-being too. So the question is this, how am I supposed to bring this up to her? Should even bother? Should I tell her? I dated her before and she didn't use to be like this...what the hell happened??? Damn. Alright ladies, please share with me your point of view and tell me if I'm being unreasonable here. Cuz I don't feel like I am. And for you guys, if you've gone through this, how did u solve this?

[irwin]

You say you've dated her before and she wasn't being like that before. Well, maybe she already knows you're not going to take her money so she doesn't even bother to ask.

[g222leav]

that's beside the point passwird, it's all about being courteous...i'm just like ji...i'll try never let the girl pay, even if i'm broke. but still, the point is, that the offer just needs to be made, whether or not she's goin to actually pay doesn't matter, cause she's not.

as for ji, i'd try to find out how shallow she is (that is if she is shallow too). like pretend you forgot your wallet or something...something innocent. or like you only have 10, when the tab is 20...something that is resonable, cause we all know that avoiding confrontations with the women folk is essential.

damn, i sound more sexist, then gentlemen-like (sorry ladies!)

btw, i had an opposite relationship. my ex wanted to pay her share everytime...we'd argue and stuff, and it made me feel uncomfortable-like...i mean, she didn't want to pay for it all (and make me feel like a leech), just her share, but still....

[oblongmelon]

Originally posted by passwird
You say you've dated her before and she wasn't being like that before. Well, maybe she already knows you're not going to take her money so she doesn't even bother to ask.

I agree with Passwird on this one. Or perhaps maybe she doesn't have any money...hmmmm.

[Kim]

I have to agree with passwird also. Good luck to you!

[welfareloser]

yeah, it gets kinda stupid to keep offering if you consistently turn her down. you are looking for an empty gesture, which has no place in a relationship that is more than a couple of months old. she hasn't changed, she's just taking your word for it. it's not her fault that she BELIEVES you when you repeatedly and consistently say "no, no, no, i won't take your money." your problem, not hers.

[Anck Su Namun]

If you are tired of spending money left and right why don't the two of you just hang out together at your house and watch tv or something every now and then. You don't need to do stuff that costs money (movies, dinner, etc.) all the time. If she truly is using you, she'll bitch about it and then you'll know. And if she truly likes you she won't care as long as you guys spend time together. Good luck!

[Burzhui]

Jihforce i'm with you man, she can at least offer, and what do you guys mean an empty gesture, he is paying for her, she can take a mknute of her precious time to offer to pay. It's all about respect, and knowing that a guy is not supposed to do this, it's a nice gesture on his part.

Do this man, eat do the thing, and then at the end suddenly remember that you forgot your cash/credit card at home... then see what she does, when she pays, if she starts bitching about it then you know something is wrong and you can go from there, if she's fine, you be nice and offer to give her the money when you get home. When you get home give her your share of the check... if she starts bitching then you know what to do, if she doesn't then **** her gently:D

[poiselle]

If she has asked repeatedly and you constantly said no I don't see why you want her to keep asking. When I was at the 3 month mark with my girlfriend I paid and she offered a few times but then ended up giving up. I would not ask somebody a question if I already know the answer. You should have let her pay a couple of times early on to keep her guessing if you wanted her to keep asking if she can pay her way.

[Memo]

Well you're pretty quick to flaunt the fact that you drive a beemer. Maybe you don't know it and are giving off the idea that you do **** gold bricks. Just don't pay for her. Do things that don't require money. You don't have to spend cash to have fun. If she gets annoyed with that then you'll know the bitch is using you and you'll have a reason to dump her.

[YanksFanRy]

Nefertiti brings up a good point. If you can't constantly spend money, do stuff that doesn't cost $$$

[g222leav]

Originally posted by Burzhui
Jihforce i'm with you man, she can at least offer, and what do you guys mean an empty gesture, he is paying for her, she can take a mknute of her precious time to offer to pay. It's all about respect, and knowing that a guy is not supposed to do this, it's a nice gesture on his part.

Do this man, eat do the thing, and then at the end suddenly remember that you forgot your cash/credit card at home... then see what she does, when she pays, if she starts bitching about it then you know something is wrong and you can go from there, if she's fine, you be nice and offer to give her the money when you get home. When you get home give her your share of the check... if she starts bitching then you know what to do, if she doesn't then **** her gently:D

ummm, i think i said that earlier...uh hmmm, repost...

[Kenas]

Why are you constantly paying for her anyway? You are in this relationship as much as she is in it. Let her pay once in while (if she offers). I feel if I am paying for girl constantly it is like I am buying her, besides I am all the way about equal rights between men and women. You can go out to a restorant and pay for her, and then stop by a movie, and let her pay. So, dude it is not cool what she does, not cool at all.

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by g222leav


ummm, i think i said that earlier...uh hmmm, repost...

Dude, sorry i skipped over your post so i didn't really see what you wrote... my bad

However in any case my idea is a little different i say forget all your money... all of it.. and then see how she handles herself

[Jihforce]

Just to clarify a few things.
Yes, I have dated her before, but that was like 2 years ago. We started dating again and decided to "start fresh" and be equal partners in everything. However, she has not once offered to pay for anything since we started "dating" again. Even when we hung out the first time as just friends, she didn't offer. I just feel that the gesture would be appreciated.
In regards to the 'beemer' remark I made. I feel that I do bring a valid point mainly because people tend to assume that I've got deep pockets just cuz I drive one. I'm not flaunting that fact UT, I'm bring that up because I would HATE to think that a girl likes me for my car. I didn't used to have what I have now. I was a student that had tuition payments and credit card debt. But now that I am better off than before, and I'm afraid that THAT is the reason why she's with me.
By the way Passwird, you bring up a good point. But the last time she offered was well over 2 years ago.
Now, with these clarifications, do you all still feel the same way?
Well, thanks again for everyone's input. I've read them all and it does help a lot in deciding what my next step is going to be.