Signs

[K2]

Some Actual Signs

In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll
wait."

On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."

Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a
leak."

In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."

On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except
the dog."

At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking
for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."

On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."

On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet --
miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary. We'll hear
you coming."

In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here."

On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and
the 2nd one just left."

In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
Stay!"

At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in
your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"

On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take
what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)

In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in
and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin
drop."

In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want."

[Speedfreak]

"The best way to get back on your feet --
miss a car payment." :heh:


Man, those are all great.

[sho.gun]

:heh:

start the day out with humor, can't get any better. Thanks Speedo!

[eSDee]

There's a meat company here in San Diego and their motto is "Nobody beats our meat". I saw that on the freeway one time and nearly crashed :laugh:

[ironchef]

two signs i saw down in grand cayman:

"honk if you love peace and quiet"
"friendly food, tasty staff"

not as good as the above, though

[BrewMaster]

hahah. thanks K2, I needed that.

[topane]

There's an ice cream place across the road here that had a sign that read

NOW HIRING

HOT APPLE DUMPLINGS

[oblongmelon]

:heh:

[Thunder]

Originally posted by K2
Some Actual Signs


At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet --
miss a car payment."



aahhhh!!!! my friend's civic got repo-d...the day AFTER we installed brand new speakers...gone...

...his sister didn't make the payments or something...he had no idea...

[Speedfreak]

http://home.socal.rr.com/speedfreak/ballsremoved.jpg

[Speedfreak]

http://home.socal.rr.com/speedfreak/emergenc.jpg

[Speedfreak]

http://home.socal.rr.com/speedfreak/forgivestrippers.jpg

[Speedfreak]

One bad word, but fits. (http://home.socal.rr.com/speedfreak/plumber.jpg)

[Speedfreak]

http://home.socal.rr.com/speedfreak/stevevanpic.gif

[DaFunkyUnit]

"We gaurantee that our Bungee cords won't break, or your next jump is free!!!"

[mojo]

Originally posted by K2
On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."
sooo glad it didn't say "let me knead your meat" :eek:

[mojo]

http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E232327988745%3Aot1lsi
"no, don't stop here!!!"

http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E232327988745%3Bot1lsi
i forgot where this place is...

http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E2323279887%3B%3A2ot1lsi
talk about a dilemma

[mojo]

http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E2323279887%3B%3A3ot1lsi
french bread? no, thanks
http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E2323279887%3B%3A4ot1lsi
"beware of handicapped person eating croc at the bottom of hill"

[mojo]

http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E2323279887%3B%3A5ot1lsi
the "other" white meat
http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E2323279887%3B%3A7ot1lsi
when did you say you graduate, bill?

[YanksFanRy]

Originally posted by Speedfreak
http://home.socal.rr.com/speedfreak/forgivestrippers.jpg

I like the dead ones better!

[eSDee]

Originally posted by mojorisin
http://images.snapfish.com/3327635923232%7Ffp36%3Dot%3E2326%3D424%3D357%3DXROQDF%3E2323279887%3B%3A5ot1lsi
the "other" white meat


:heh: :laugh: :bawl:

[theorangeone]

theres a store in salem (maybe peabody) ma
its called
Bunghole Liquors

I almost spit my soda all over my sister when we saw that

[ironchef]

.. but damn are they funny:

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

One of the Mathare buildings:
MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.


Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window on a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.