chrissy
11-14-2001, 10:01 AM
1. CURL UP AND DIE I walked into a hair salon with my
husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How
much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" -
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
2. PAD PLEASE An insurance man visited me at home to
talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures
at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I
told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our
guest. - Kate Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
3. HO, HO, HO I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old
son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in
toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that I had copies made and
included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days
later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
- Name Withheld
4. LADY GOLFER I was at the golf store comparing
different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the
women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He
asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
balls." - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
5. NUTS ABOUT YOU My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we
needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
- Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
6. PRICELESS A lady picked up several items at a
discount store. When she finally got up to the
checker, she learned that one of her items had no
price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store
to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER
SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE
KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND
IN WITH A HAMMER?"
7. MOM'S ADVICE A teacher noticed that a little boy at
the back of the class was squirming around, scratching
his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to
find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed
and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told
him to go down to the principal's office. He was to
phone his mother and ask her what he should do about
it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly,
there was a commotion at the back of the room. She
went back to investigate only to find him sitting at
his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told
you to call your mom." She screamed. "I did,"He said,
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till
noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How
much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" -
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin TX
2. PAD PLEASE An insurance man visited me at home to
talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures
at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I
told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our
guest. - Kate Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
3. HO, HO, HO I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old
son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in
toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that I had copies made and
included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days
later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
- Name Withheld
4. LADY GOLFER I was at the golf store comparing
different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the
women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the
good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He
asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
balls." - Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
5. NUTS ABOUT YOU My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the
display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we
needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically,
the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
- Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
6. PRICELESS A lady picked up several items at a
discount store. When she finally got up to the
checker, she learned that one of her items had no
price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker
got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store
to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER
SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear
of the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE
KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND
IN WITH A HAMMER?"
7. MOM'S ADVICE A teacher noticed that a little boy at
the back of the class was squirming around, scratching
his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to
find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed
and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told
him to go down to the principal's office. He was to
phone his mother and ask her what he should do about
it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly,
there was a commotion at the back of the room. She
went back to investigate only to find him sitting at
his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told
you to call your mom." She screamed. "I did,"He said,
"And she told me that if I could stick it out till
noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."