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11-15-2001, 10:16 AM
latest Darwin Award Nominee [Orlando Sentinel]
Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everett Sanchez tried
to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving
once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to
straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his
dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
mechanism.
Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled
from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer
was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a
normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was
ripped open during the fall, and one [Oops!] was plucked from him forever
and remained in the ball washer, while the other [Oops!] was compressed
and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the
rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just
purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was
rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining two were asked to
leave the course.
sho.gun
11-15-2001, 10:18 AM
Oh my...
lets see which smilies i should use..
:eek:
:puke:
:puke:
:eek:
Markel
11-15-2001, 10:19 AM
One thing for sure, he has definitely removed himself from the "gene pool" (as required for a Darwin Award)! :|
:2far: :smash: :splat: :stupid:
attgig
11-15-2001, 10:24 AM
WOW!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
oblongmelon
11-15-2001, 10:26 AM
BWWWWWWWWWHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA what a dumbass.
thanks for pointing out the new Darwins..here is ANOTHER good honorable mention...
Pumpkin Patch Pervert
1999 Honorable Mention
Unconfirmed by Darwin
A 27-year-old white male resident of Wimbledon was arrested in a pumpkin patch on Friday, and charged with lewd behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect stated that he was driving past a pumpkin patch when he was overcome with an insatiable desire. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a jailhouse interview.
He pulled over, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "I guess I was just really into it," he commented with evident embarrassment.
The man failed to notice the approach of a Wimbledon Municipal police car, and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure." said the officer. "I walked up and he's just working away at this pumpkin. I went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He was startled at first, then he looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn, is it midnight already?'"
brainsmile
11-15-2001, 10:38 AM
:puke:
Markel
11-15-2001, 10:41 AM
A pumpkin? Damn, is it midnight already?
That line makes that one sound like a fabricated joke. I doubt that anyone would be able to think that fast when confronted in such a situation. :hihi:
spigidygak
11-15-2001, 01:22 PM
Originally posted by DarkFury
Please don't ever... EVER EVER EVER! Post anything like that... AGAIN!
(That was TOO HARD to read and now my groin area is achin' from the thought of it. YIKES! :eek: )
HAHAH, C'mon DarkFury, TAKE IT LIKE A MAN. :heh:
Grimm
11-15-2001, 01:56 PM
Originally posted by sho.gun
Oh my...
lets see which smilies i should use..
:eek:
:puke:
:puke:
:eek:
You forgot this one! :heh:
I would pay money to laugh in this guy's face!
hapoo
11-15-2001, 02:01 PM
Originally posted by DarkFury
Please don't ever... EVER EVER EVER! Post anything like that... AGAIN!
(That was TOO HARD to read and now my groin area is achin' from the thought of it. YIKES! :eek: )
roflmao!! I was thinkin' the same thing. I bet EVERY guy who read that clamped their legs shut.
Burzhui
11-15-2001, 02:03 PM
Originally posted by oblongmelon
He was startled at first, then he looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Damn, is it midnight already?'"
I would let him go just because he came up with that so fast, that line is worth his freedom
brainsmile
11-15-2001, 03:53 PM
Ok... this one will probably make DF pass out but I heard of a guy that was trying to climb over a barbed wire fence and well let's just say he got the "jewels" caught as he slipped and fell off the fence... the scrotum sac ripped and the testicles that are comprised of one long tube... well lets say that it was like connect the dots... it was still intact but it was caught on the end of the barb and it was still attached to his genital area... one long long long tube in between
evil-will
11-15-2001, 04:10 PM
:wow: :pissed: ooowww cmon the first one is bad enough :heh:
brainsmile
11-15-2001, 04:28 PM
giggles...
hehe i didn't clamp my legs. I don't feel pain for idiots....
Speedfreak
11-15-2001, 05:46 PM
That first guy can sing:
"Well, I'm half the man I used to be." (Stoned Temple Pilots/ Creep)
:heh: :eek:
sho.gun
11-15-2001, 06:47 PM
Originally posted by brainsmile
Ok... this one will probably make DF pass out but I heard of a guy that was trying to climb over a barbed wire fence and well let's just say he got the "jewels" caught as he slipped and fell off the fence... the scrotum sac ripped and the testicles that are comprised of one long tube... well lets say that it was like connect the dots... it was still intact but it was caught on the end of the barb and it was still attached to his genital area... one long long long tube in between
AAAAAAH!!!!!:2far:
theorangeone
11-15-2001, 07:11 PM
Originally posted by Speedfreak
That first guy can sing:
"Well, I'm half the man I used to be." (Stoned Temple Pilots/ Creep)
:heh: :eek:
:heh: good one!
Markel
11-15-2001, 08:12 PM
Originally posted by Speedfreak
That first guy can sing:
"Well, I'm half the man I used to be." (Stoned Temple Pilots/ Creep)
I think the line from "Yesterday" would be more appropriate:
"Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be...."
Burzhui
11-15-2001, 08:18 PM
Originally posted by Markel
I think the line from "Yesterday" would be more appropriate:
"Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be...."
...with my nutsack hanging over me...
brainsmile
11-15-2001, 10:05 PM
:puke:
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