Markel
12-14-2001, 10:41 AM
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning."
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"
"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"
"How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?"
Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes.
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
I just got back from a pleasure trip -- I drove my wife to the airport!
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.... then we met.
Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast."
Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a 'terminal'?
I see your IQ test results were negative.
Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning."
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"
"If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"
"How come we choose from just two people for President and 50 for Miss America?"
Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes.
I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
I just got back from a pleasure trip -- I drove my wife to the airport!
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.... then we met.
Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast."
Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport a 'terminal'?
I see your IQ test results were negative.
Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.