Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

[sho.gun]

I noticed one on MJordanash's sig and I've heard of this guy before so I decided to find something on it. :heh: This stuff is Hillarious...

http://www.connectcorp.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm


"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing."


"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."

"A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

:heh: :heh:

[sho.gun]

http://www.lifestorywriting.com/jckhandy.htm

LOL I think I found an idol... I love this guy. I'm in the library and I have to keep biting my lips so I don't bust out laughing, so I kinda snicker once in a while cuz this stuff is hillarious, then the people next to me scoots a little farther away...

"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." "

[eSDee]

Sho.gun I'm glad to see that you are discovering this guys work. I have been a big fan of his since '91, when my sister first started college. She and all her (hot) roomates were into him, so of course, I got into his stuff as well. I thought the ones on SNL were hit or miss, but those that hit were hilarious.

Nice find.

[MJordanash]

Jack Handy is awesome. His quotes are hilarious. I like the one about going limp if you fall off of the Sears tower. :D

[verve247]

is there a jack handey? I always assumed it was a pseudoname for one of the old members of snl.

[whitak24]

Originally posted by EsDeeLoco
She and all her (hot) roomates were into him, so of course, I got into his stuff as well.
a good enough reason to get into most anything :D

jack handy is hilarious though, so worthy of interest in his own right.

[MJordanash]

Originally posted by verve247
is there a jack handey? I always assumed it was a pseudoname for one of the old members of snl.
I'm almost for sure that its just a pseudoname for a member, but I refered to it as "he."

[Thunder]

:bigmouth: :heh: :heh:

[GraingerGuy]

edit: oops.....it was already posted two posts up...:)

My favorite deep thought I mean....:)

[sho.gun]

Originally posted by GraingerGuy
One day I told my little brother we were going to Disneyland...but we went to the city dump instead. He cried...but deep down inside..I think he liked it.

:D

That's one of my favorite ones!

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
-Deep Thoughts By: Jack Handy

[GraingerGuy]

Doh! Sho.gun caught my mistake....:)

[Jeffbx]

"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."


:heh:

[Dave_7]

I liked...

"If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava... let 'em go... 'cause man, they're gone."





Dave.

[Lothar]

i got in trouble in class cause i burst out laughing at these things
i love em

how does he come up with this stuff?

[MJordanash]

Originally posted by Lothar
i got in trouble in class cause i burst out laughing at these things
i love em

how does he come up with this stuff?
Yeah, the quotes are awesome. SNL just came up with the skit a few years back as far as I know.

[Burzhui]

yea i love that guy


Sometimes i wish i were dead... no wait... not me, you!