he he

[Burzhui]

A baby Harp Seal walks into a CLUB.... Get it? A CLUB...... SEAL.....CLUB. Folks, these are the jokes!

[ufcrusher]

Ok, somebody stop him! Please. No more torture. No more drunken debauchery online for you! Bad jokes are just that, BAD JOKES.

[revil]

I hadn't heard that one before.... it's kinda funny.

[Burzhui]

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

[NuTs62]

:confused: :bonk:

[Burzhui]

oh come on... they're gold Jerry gold

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by cpugeek04
yeah, there real corny, and told at the Last Supper


cpu is knocking on me :eek:


damn... i've hit a new low

[Grimm]

Originally posted by Burzhui



cpu is knocking on me :eek:


damn... i've hit a new low
Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a brand new low very soon. :P
It's one of your skills!

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by Grimm

Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a brand new low very soon. :P
It's one of your skills!

i guess.... but one thing cheers me up, i still have a long way down before i reach your level ;)

[Speedfreak]

Burzhui, Do you have a girlfriend?

[brain]

Originally posted by Burzhui
A baby Harp Seal walks into a CLUB.... Get it? A CLUB...... SEAL.....CLUB. Folks, these are the jokes!

Hmm... I thought this is how the joke went...

A guy walked into a bar and said, "Ouch!"

[The Continental]

What did the kid with no legs and no arms get for christmas??









Cancer.

[Nija]

I thought they were funny.

[Lolita]

Originally posted by Speedfreak
Burzhui, Do you have a girlfriend?

That's my cue.


Here's a tip guys, all you gotta do is a lot of :bandit: and then even those jokes are funny.

[Lolita]

Wait I got some:

What kind of a bee gives off milk?
A boobee :D

What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.

What's the high point of a bulimic's birthday party?
When the cake comes out of the girl. :P

[Nija]

Originally posted by Lolita
Wait I got some:

What kind of a bee gives off milk?
A boobee :D

What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.

What's the high point of a bulimic's birthday party?
When the cake comes out of the girl. :P

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

a girl that can be sicker than I am is sexy. GOOD JOB BURZ! she's a keeper! :D

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by Lolita
Wait I got some:

What kind of a bee gives off milk?
A boobee :D

What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.

What's the high point of a bulimic's birthday party?
When the cake comes out of the girl. :P

yep that's my girly we're perfect for each other ;)

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by Nija


BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

a girl that can be sicker than I am is sexy. GOOD JOB BURZ! she's a keeper! :D


he he thanks dude ;)

[Burzhui]

why did a boy fall of his bike?















cause someone threw a refrigirator at him:bigmouth:

[The Continental]

A Priest,Rabbi, and a Minister all walked up to a bar and the bartender said "Is this some kind of joke?"

[ApltnHkyMutt]

Originally posted by Burzhui
why did a boy fall of his bike?


cause someone threw a refrigirator at him:bigmouth:


WTF??? where? what? omg

[NuTs62]

Originally posted by Burzhui
why did a boy fall of his bike?
cause someone threw a refrigirator at him:bigmouth:

:hmm: leave the jokes to Lolita, Seinfeld and them.. dont quit ur day job =)

[Burzhui]

The Italian Way .
A bus stops and two Italian men
get on. They sit down and engage animated
conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores
them at first, but her attention is galvanized when
she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma
come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one
lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the
lady dignantly. "In this country we don't talk about
our sex lives in public!" Hey, coola down lady,"
said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi." --

[ApltnHkyMutt]

Originally posted by Burzhui
The Italian Way .
A bus stops and two Italian men
get on. They sit down and engage animated
conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores
them at first, but her attention is galvanized when
she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma
come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one
lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the
lady dignantly. "In this country we don't talk about
our sex lives in public!" Hey, coola down lady,"
said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi." --


Thats is so awsome!!! ROFLMAO

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by DarkFury
Hey Burz... I'm just glad that your day job isn't listed as "comedian". :hihi:

i was in the mood for those types of jokes yesterday ;)

[Burzhui]

So this guy waves down a Taxi cab, get's in tells the driver his destination.
Driver starts driving, and after about 15 minutes becomes very rude... as in he passes gas, starts blasting music, etc... the passanger gets sick of it and taps the driver on the shoulder and says: "hey you". The driver starts to scream on top of his lungs, swerves all over the road, and finally he stops and starts hyperventilating. The passanger is as freaked out as can be, and says to the driver: "Dude, are you ok". The driver turns back and says yea, just give me a second, after he comes to, he turns back to the passanger and says: "Look i'm really sorry for my behavior, it's just i just switched jobs, i used to drive a hearse

:D

[xsiled2]

ROFL

[Merlin]

It just keeps getting worse. :disa:

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by Merlin
It just keeps getting worse. :disa:

you wouldn't know funny if it stabbed you in the eye :P

[ApltnHkyMutt]

Originally posted by Burzhui


you wouldn't know funny if it stabbed you in the eye :P


So i take it that you are blind? :heh:

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by ApltnHkyMutt



So i take it that you are blind? :heh:

who said that?

[xsiled2]

the same guy that said neveda was a state.

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by xsiled2
the same guy that said neveda was a state.

Nevada is a state though ???

[xsiled2]

neveda

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by xsiled2
neveda

oh... well then :hmm:

[Nija]

These are great. I've LOL'd at every single one of them. Damn near cried on Lolitas. good job!!! keep them coming!

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by Nija
These are great. I've LOL'd at every single one of them. Damn near cried on Lolitas. good job!!! keep them coming!

a little recognition ;)


no prob Nija will keep em comming

[Nija]

Originally posted by Burzhui


a little recognition ;)


no prob Nija will keep em comming

hey.. I'm not little

and I won't be keeping anyone cumming... it gets too tender :D

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by Nija


hey.. I'm not little

and I won't be keeping anyone cumming... it gets too tender :D

eek :eek:

[Nija]

bah.... Nija isn't allowed to tell jokes. He's not funny.

[Merlin]

Originally posted by Nija
bah.... Nija isn't allowed to tell jokes. He's not funny.

None of you are funny. I poop on all of you!

[Merlin]

Originally posted by cpugeek04
but my toes hurt to much right now....

HA! No more jimmy-kickin' for you little man.

[xsiled2]

buy vans.... they might not seem like b-ball shoes, but theyare confertable as hell.

[Burzhui]

"Don't you hate it when you're kissing your Grandma and suddenly the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head? Ouch!"

[xsiled2]

a russian thing?, ahahahaha. :D

[The Continental]

Originally posted by Merlin
It just keeps getting worse. :disa:

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes??



















Nothing....she should of listened the first two times.

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by The Continental


What do you say to a woman with two black eyes??
Nothing....she should of listened the first two times.

http://communism.net/burzhui/Smileys/lol3.gif
he he he

[Burzhui]

A couple has been married for 50 years and are celebrating their anniversary. The wife asks what the husband wants for their anniversary and he replies, "I would like you to perform oral sex on me. In the 50 years we have married NEVER have you ONCE done this to me."

She replies, "It's just that I'm afraid that you won't respect me afterwards."
"Won't respect you afterwards! he yells, we have been married for 50 years for Christ sakes!"

"OK! OK! I'll do it just this one time!" She then bends down and gives him oral sex until he has an orgasm in her mouth. Immediately afterwards she runs to the bathroom. The phone rings next to the bed and he picks it up. He then yells to his wife, "Hey C0ck sucker! it's for you!"

[dbax791]

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when
she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees
the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a
bush.

"My, what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood
sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down
behind a rock.

"My, what big teeth you have, Mr.Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you go away?! I'm trying to take a sh*t!"

[Burzhui]

Originally posted by dbax791
****

yea i love that joke, oldie and a goodie :)

[Speedfreak]

In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box
and consequently died of starvation.

Centuries ago, purchasing real estate often required having
one or more limbs amputated in order to prevent the purchaser
from running away to avoid repayment of the loan. Hence an
expensive purchase was said to cost "an arm and a leg."

[GraingerGuy]

What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

:D

[The Continental]

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
--------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
-------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand
closer to the kitchen sink.
------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
---------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
---------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
---------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-----------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
-----------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-----------------------------------
Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
------------------------------------
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
-----------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-----------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
----------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of
Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
--------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

[MJordanash]

These are great...lol:heh:

[aglio412]

i'm assuming continental isn't too good with the ladies :)

[K2]

here is a joke...



..nija!

:P :D

[The Continental]

Originally posted by aglio412
i'm assuming continental isn't too good with the ladies :)

You are also assuming i'm a guy.http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid18/p9f6a0eb6e896840af197c34d8c2c45be/fdd1b9d7.gif

[aglio412]

Originally posted by The Continental


You are also assuming i'm a guy.http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid18/p9f6a0eb6e896840af197c34d8c2c45be/fdd1b9d7.gif





hahahahaha, interesting...

a woman who loves male-chauvanistic jokes...nice

[Merlin]

Originally posted by The Continental

:eek:

Now this could be the greatest smiley ever.

[aglio412]

Originally posted by cpugeek04
YAF(yet another female) and this one has a good sence of humor :thumbup:

CPU, isn't this the time when you tell her to post her pic?? just checking, thought maybe you're slippin.

[molecularfire]

ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6 kg, but known to vary from 40-200 kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to
common ore
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a
range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive
substances
3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning
and for no apparent reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases
greatly in saturation of
alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to
man

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better
specimen

HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although
several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not
come into direct contact
with each other

[The Continental]

Originally posted by Merlin


Now this could be the greatest smiley ever.

Remember.....there's ALWAYS another greatest one out there.
(I've got a couple others i'm thinking i shouldn't show in this forum)

[aglio412]

doesn't that smiley violate the no nipple policy here at g|a?

just checking :)

[The Continental]

Originally posted by aglio412
doesn't that smiley violate the no nipple policy here at g|a?

just checking :)


This no nipple policy you speak of....does that mean i should hold back on my smiley that is a nipple?
Yes please ;)

[aglio412]

Originally posted by The Continental



This no nipple policy you speak of....does that mean i should hold back on my smiley that is a nipple?

i was being a smartass...hehehehe

so...where's your pic?? cpugeek's waiting

:D

[The Continental]

Originally posted by aglio412


i was being a smartass...hehehehe

so...where's your pic?? cpugeek's waiting

:D


Um......yea........cpugeek is waiting.......yea, that's the ticket........cpugeek is waiting.;)

I haven't noticed anyone else having posted any pics.
Show me yours and i'll show you mine;)

[molecularfire]

Actually, if you look at the old threads, most of the regulars have already posted their pics. Although I guess there's no harm in everyone posting their pics again. Ok everyone... this is the new G|A post your pics thread.

edit: Actually, this thread is already pretty long, so I figured that I'd just start a new post your pics thread. :)

[Nija]

The Cont.

YOU THE wo MAN!

they all had me laughing.

I love stoopid jokes... they hit me at a personal level :D

[Nija]

Originally posted by cpugeek04

'cause you can relate? :shrug:


:hihi: :P

yes.

I know my own humility.

Besides, it's not funny if you have to think about it.

[The Continental]

This no nipple policy you speak of....does that mean i should hold back on my smiley that is a nipple?
Yes please :)(GAM)

No problem

[Nija]

Originally posted by The Continental


No problem

I want some nipple smilies :D

[Burzhui]

What's the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-Hurty!

[The Continental]

What time is it when it's Miller Time?




Beer-Thirty!