Joke: Womens Degree

[Tommy Boomfiger]

I got this joke from a friend, apparently it was a response to one about a mens degree, but i cant find it anywhere online:


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To Retaliate against the Men's University degree sent a few days ago, here's one for the girls.
Subject: THREE-YEAR DEGREE
For the girls out there, you too can get a degree. Yes a three-year degree is offered for those who are interested in becoming a Proper Girl. Since females are inherited slow learners, more courses are needed to complete this MA degree (Male Appreciation)
FIRST YEAR:
Autumn Schedule:
FEM 101 - Coping Your Own Stupidity
FEM 102 - You, Too, Can Do Gardening
FEM 103 - PMS - Learn to Control Your Temper
FEM 104 - Wear Sexy Under-things for all Seasons and be happy
EAT 101 - All Good Cooks are Male
ECON 101 - Savings on Hair cut, $10 Services Exist and Nobody notices anyway
Winter Schedule:
FEM 110 - Wonderful DIY Techniques
FEM 111 - Understanding the Male Reason to Getting in at 4am
FEM 112 - Parenting: We are the sole reason
SOC 101 - Get a life, Learn Pub Crawling
SOC 102 - Get a life, Drinking, Darts and Pools
ECON 111 - Savings on Beauty Parlors - Don't Go

Spring Schedule:
FEM 120 - How to control your mood with your brain
FEM 121 - Understanding Your Incompetence
FEM 122 - Handling of truth, female the weaker sex as with all animals
FEM 123 - How to Grow Your Own Flowers
FEM 124 - Make Up, you really think it works?
ECON 120 - You CANNOT Save by Spending, do the Maths

SECOND YEAR:
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 - Honesty, you want it more and you like to swallow.
SEX 102 - Morning Dilemma:Expect It if It's Up.
SEX 103 - How to Fall Asleep After Sex
SEX 104 - Sex is Better than Making Love
FEM 201 - Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
Winter Schedule:
FEM 210 - The Telephone: Overcoming Your Dependency
FEM 211 - How to Not Act Younger than your Men
FEM 212 - You, Too, Can Drive Properly
FEM 213 - Honest, There is Only One Claudia Schiffer
FEM 230A - Learn to Accommodate - If Anniversary Dates are Important, Mark Them
SEX 110 - Full on, get down, gorilla sex.

Spring Schedule:
FEM 220 - Handling of the truth - your butt is huge
FEM 221 - Gas (at either end) is cool
FEM 222 - Real Women Don't Nag
FEM 223 - Thirty Minutes of Driving home is Foreplay
FEM 224 - Basic life, One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
SOC 220 - Self Acceptance, you are over weight and the bathroom scales are properly calibrated
THIRD YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
FEM 301 - Sharing the bathroom and the closet
FEM 302 - When Yes means Yes and Fat means Fat.
FEM 303 - When ready is ready
FEM 304 - Packing for Vacations - ONE bag is more than enough
ECON 301 - Shopping - for necessity only
ECON 302 - How to live with 3 pairs of shoes

Winter Schedule:
FEM 310 - Advanced Housekeeping, Hire a Blonde
FEM 311 - Tiding up your closet, throw away old clothes, they'll never fit you again
FEM 312 - Males Drive Better
FEM 313 - Contact Sports, feel the pain while you watch
FEM 314 - Understanding the word NO.
ECON 310 - Save more, do laundries and dishes once a month

Spring Schedule
FEM 320 - Thesis Write Up (see below for instructions)
FEM 321 - Men are Never Wrong
FEM 322 - Using a Hammers & Screwdrivers NOT High Heels or Cutleries
FEM 323 - Turning screws and bolts the correct way (Extra Tutorial necessary)
FEM 323 - Going to Restaurant Toilets - alone
ECON 320 - Perfumes; Expensive and Stings.
ECON 321 - Save again Shop at Target for Your Own Clothes.

Thesis -Write a thesis with real life experience in appreciating the male; you are reminded to include the following:
- Follow instructions
- Guesses and subtle hints are waste of time
- If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
- If he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Dogs are better than cats.
- Diamond and Jewelries are waste of money
- Laugh at jokes
- Sundays = Sports
- Shutting up
- Pizza and Beer is a meal
- Serving him breakfast after sex
- Admitting your fault and that he is right
- Learn to use the ruler by measuring from the bottom scale.
- Designer labels are designed to rip you off.

Finally, for those who don't have enough time to do a MA degree, the following vocational courses are available:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

[Tommy Boomfiger]

TWO YEAR DEGREE:

A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-masters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn a MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule:

MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:

MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 3 am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 201: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:

MEN 120: How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule:

SEX 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How to Put the Toilet Seat Down (Elective)
(See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:

MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:

MEN 220: Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:

EAT 301: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 302: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 303: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-in-law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

[Tommy Boomfiger]

i think this was written by the same person as the male arts degree one

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It occurred to me that women should earn a degree before they get married too. Their course is longer as they apparently have more to learn. The Female Arts Degree has been specifically designed for any woman born 1970 or later.

Fall 1

FEM 101: How to solve problems without crying.
FEM 102: How to save money.
FEM 103: PMS: Take it out on God.
FEM 104: Holidays, receiving sexy items is a good sign.

Spring 1

FEM 110: How Men do laundry (yes it works).
FEM 111: Why men arrive at 3am.
FEM 112: Conception: something both parties should agree on.
COA 101: How to cook from scratch.
COA 102: How to cook from scratch II.
ACC 101: Females who don't work don't get much money.

Fall 2

FEM 120: How to admit you're wrong.
FEM 121: Why you're illogical, and how to control it.
FEM 122: You, the somewhat equal sex.
FEM 123: How to accept when men don't give flowers.
ACC 102: Reasons for you to work.

Spring 2

SEX 101: Why witholding it is a bad idea.
SEX 102: Morning Dilemma: Is it with you or your replacement.
SEX 103: How to cuddle with a sleeping man (and not wake him).
FEM 201: How to look before you sit.

Fall 3

FEM 210: The Remote: We watch your movies you watch our TV.
FEM 211: How not to ask questions you don't want answered.
FEM212: Sorry, but you don't look like Neve Campbell.
FEM 230A: Understanding male forgetfulness.

Spring 3

FEM 220: How to control emotional oubursts.
FEM 221: Cramps: Why men don't care.
FEM 222: Why men buy GPS units.
FEM 223: Why making men beg eliminates foreplay.
FEM 230B: Yes we still love you, even if we forget.

Fall 4

FEM 231: How to rein in your family's nagging.
FEM 232: Nagging: why it's bad.
SHO 101: How to pay cash.
COA 301: Red Meat: Natures gift.
PRE 101: You wanted to make a baby too.

Spring 4

FEM 233: How not to be replaced.
FEM 234: Divorce: why you get less than you think.
SHO 102: Why you don't need a 500$ skirt.
ACC 103: The Alimony myth.

Electives:

REP 101: How to be gracious to the younger model replacing you.
COA 302: Why 3 forks, 2 knives, and 2 spoons is overkill at 1 meal.
COA 303: Open fire cooking.
PRE 102: Why men think pregnant women are beautiful.
MOD 101: How to accept your not a supermodel.
MOD 102: Accepting the male look reflex.
SHO 104: Why 400$ in makeup is unnecessary.

[SnowSurfer]

lol thats funny guys :) some females do need to take those courses :)

[Sir_Froggy]

hahahah I liked the Driving part :P