How do you end a friendship?

[Pinkgirl36]

Well?

It sucks. I have someone that was my friend for like the past 2 1/2 years, even to the point where she was my best friend, then she started to hang out with people that are younger then her ( she's 19 and her "friends" are 14 ). But the thing is these people treat her like crap. She even told me, when she called me almost crying because one chick cancelled what they had planned so she could go out with her other friend.
She even told me that she doesn't want to talk to her or have anything to do with her anymore. Then we went somewhere last night and they all showed up together. I even asked her why she hung out with people that treat her like crap when she even knows that they do. Then she said I don't know I guess I'm a idiot and don't have any other friends. At that point I wanted to cry. :(
It's sad, cuz when she was friends with me before she met them, she was doing good in school and stuff, and now because she's friends with them she's on academic probation at UCLA and I wouldn't be suprised if she got kicked out after this next semester. :(
And it's hard, because she is one of my best friends like I said and I love her and her family to death, but I just can't deal with her basically saying I want to be friends with people that treat me like crap, but when they piss me off I am going to call you so I can have something else to do...( cuz the only time she call's me to do anything really is if they cancel on her :rolleyes: )

Ok I am going to stop writing before I start to cry...

but does anyone have any advise???

[mojo]

dear troubled in culver city,

i see you have your hands full there with a friend that's as confused as you are. she seems to have issues with her esteem. perhaps your relationship with her has waned since you have been seeing mr dopeysuit? perhaps she sees these people as the "in crowd" and she wants to fit in? one thing that's certain: she's trying to fill a void with these people.

if you feel slighted or like you take a back seat to these people, perhaps you should consider telling her. however, given that she's troubled and confused, perhaps she just needs a friend to show her what she's really worth. extended periods of depression can play havoc on the self-esteem, and she really has some issues.

if you see her under these conditions for a while, maybe you could point out how you've been a friend to her like she really needs. sometimes we don't see things as clearly as the next person, or until it's pointed out. and since you've been friends for so long, your friendship should withstand such a conversation. and if her behavior persists, then it could just be time to cut the apron strings and let her flounder on her own. tough love can be quite a teacher at times.

best of luck to you.

-not mojo (since mojo doesn't give advice :hihi: )

[Cheesypuff]

D@mn Chicka...thats some harsh stuff. Sorry to hear about that...

well here you go....After reading this...the first thing that popped in my head was(and there might be way better ones, but this was just the first thing) Try to spend as much time with her as you can...take up HER time, go places in the spur of the moment! Don't let those other unmature teens be with her. Hang out with her...sit and talk at your house...go to the movies...She'll find out that hanging out with older more mature people is that better way to go...:)

[chrissy]

It certainly sounds like she is filling a void because why else would a 19 hang out with a 14 yr old group?? There can't be that much in common.


And the antics they are pulling are common of that age group and if your friend is already having trouble with esteem, she doesn't need to go through that crap again :rolleyes:
Be her friend by telling her. And if she takes it wrong or whathave you, just support her with what you have to give and let her know that from the start.

[latingirl]

Originally posted by mojo
dear troubled in culver city,

one thing that's certain: she's trying to fill a void with these people.

however, given that she's troubled and confused, perhaps she just needs a friend to show her what she's really worth. extended periods of depression can play havoc on the self-esteem, and she really has some issues.

if you see her under these conditions for a while, maybe you could point out how you've been a friend to her like she really needs. sometimes we don't see things as clearly as the next person, or until it's pointed out. and since you've been friends for so long, your friendship should withstand such a conversation. and if her behavior persists, then it could just be time to cut the apron strings and let her flounder on her own. tough love can be quite a teacher at times.


I agree. Honesty is always best, even if it hurts (but be gentle). Esp. in this case when you need to get something off your chest that's hurting you AND you see her in a self-destructive pattern.

Im not there so I don't know everything but from what you say, at this point I don't know if its time to end the friendship just yet. Sometimes as friends we need to dig our heels in and bear the burdens of the other party, even if we are getting a bit beat up ourselves. When she comes out of this "drama" (so to speak), she will remember that you had her back and it will mean a lot to her.

After awhile (and you will have to determine when), you may need to just make yourself unavailable to her while still letting her know you care about her and her welfare. When all this comes to a head, she will know where to turn when she needs someone.

[Pinkgirl36]

Well I sent her an e-mail, saying pretty much that I need to end our friendship because I can't stand around and watch one of my friends repeaditly hurt themselves by the people they choose to be around....
I told her though that if she ever needs a friend I will always be there for her, but I can't be a friend when it's convienent for her, cuz that's not how a friendship thingy works.
And our friendship didn't like get bad because I started dating dopey, we still went out a did things like the 2 of us and I'd go to her house during the day and hang out and we'd go spend the night at her mom's house during the day and stuff....so I just really don't know.

And this isn't the first time she's treated our friendship like this...it's happened a few other times whenever a "new" friend came in to her life, but funny....they would all screw her over some way or another and I would always be there for her.

But like I said, I told her that I do hope she has a good life and that things go well for her and when she grows up and needs a friend I will be there...but there's not much more I can do at this point.

[mojo]

Originally posted by Pinkgirl36
And our friendship didn't like get bad because I started dating dopeywell, i had hoped you didn't take that the wrong way, and it seems you did. i didn't say "because" when i brought that up. we're talking about life here...not blame. and a person can feel alienation regardless of our best intentions. that doesn't matter tho, because you said it's happened before. she does have some stuff going on that has nothing to do with you, from that standpoint.

glad you got that over with tho. it's hard when other peoples' problems become your own. it's all for the best.




see why i don't like giving advice? :hihi:

[hang10wannabe]

heres what u do... u get the 14 year olds... put them in a burlap bag... kick them... and leave them in the middle of the desert... o wait... thats prob illegal... ok stick to the burlap bag and kicking... but do it in the dark so they dont see you ^_^...


nah but seriously... ive lost some good friends... some of which i still had... but that happens... move on... ull have other friends... and considering ur still with Dopey ^_^ ur a strong girl allright... keep on keepin on :bandit:

[Hiro]

all i can really say is, she had some people at one point who treated her as a great person. she ditched them and treated them like ****. that's her problem.

[molecularfire]

I'm agreeing with the move on people. I've been in situations similiar to yours and one thing I've learned... you can't protect people from themselves. You're not doing yourself or them any favors. :(