jujubees
08-20-2002, 12:57 PM
Some of these are "oldies but goodies," but some are new, so thought I'd pass this along! :)
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Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong
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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
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I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber
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Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram?" Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
-Jan King
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin
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A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow
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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky
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A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome
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Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton
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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen
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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited
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If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Unknown
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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton
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You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong
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If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton
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I think, therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
-Marie Corelli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened.
-Cora Harvey Armstrong
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram?" Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
-Jan King
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think, therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
-Marie Corelli
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt