Good News Announcement! ....I think [Archive] - HP Deals, Computer Coupons And Bargains

Jenny

09-10-2002, 07:15 PM

Heh, congrats ....I think. ;)

Seriously, though. The best advice I have for you is find others in the same situation. Here, we have a place called the ABC Pregnancy Care Center, and mainly, it is for pregnant teens.

You could look in the yellow pages for something like that or Planned Parenthood or something and call and ask if they know of any groups that get together. It would not only help you & your fiance deal with this as a couple but it would give her a lot of support as a pregnant woman. Being around others her age that are experiencing the same thing can do wonders for her mental health. :)

Let us know how your parents take the news! :)

attgig

09-10-2002, 09:06 PM

BigJon - not so ignored I see :naughty: :P

anyways - err - I think you've said it yourself with that rude awakening part...even though I'm not a father - man, babysitting my pastor's kids - hahaha can't take it (of course he has 4 boys :eek:)

err - anyways.
yeah mmm - my cheesy advice is love your kid to death. :love: :love2: :kiss:

oblongmelon

09-10-2002, 09:21 PM

BigJon..
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD..it's one wild ride.
Good luck. It's hard work raising a child. OH YEH, AND EXPENSIVE. I suggest you start getting like 13 jobs now.

NuTs62

09-10-2002, 11:16 PM

Originally posted by oblongmelon
BigJon..
WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD..it's one wild ride.
Good luck. It's hard work raising a child. OH YEH, AND EXPENSIVE. I suggest you start getting like 13 jobs now.

:heh:

and i can't offer any tips, no experience here myself.. but wish you two the best of luck.. how long ago did you propose? when is the wedding supposed to be? do your parents know about you two being engaged yet?

DankNstickY

09-10-2002, 11:24 PM

:cheers:
CONGRATS...

hapoo

09-10-2002, 11:33 PM

I LOVE kids!
I'm also 20 and i don't think i have my own life in order enough to be responsible for another one but I DEFINATELY want to have kids someday. Only advice i guess i could give is to always be there for your kid, spend time with him/her and always let them know you love them every opportunity. I wish you luck and hope to see pictures soon :)

ArkiStan

09-10-2002, 11:48 PM

wow... that IS crazy if you really think about it...
I'm 24 and I've never carefully thought about what it would be like to raise a kid. I always thought it was something to come far into the future. After reading your first post, I imagined what it would be like to suddenly have a baby. MAN... crazy. It must be hard to deal with. But people say that the three most significant and memorable moments in a man's life are when he gets:

1. his first significant other
2. his first car
3. his first child

Ok, I semi-made that all that up, but I swear I heard something similar once.

Good luck!!

eSDee

09-10-2002, 11:55 PM

Damn man congrats and good luck.

BigJon

09-11-2002, 04:16 AM

Well, I never actually proposed to her. We just both agreed that we would have to get married, so since we are going to...that makes us engaged. I haven't gotten her a ring yet...but the one growing inside her should be enough for now...

No, it was never planned. Amy is taking it quite well. She acts like she has done this before....:shifty: J/K. She grew up raising her 2 younger brothers though, and every one of her friends from high school was pregnant at some point too.

I am more afraid to tell my parents than anything. I fear that they will tell me it is the biggest mistake I have ever made. It doesn't help much that they don't think Amy is the greatest. They know that we have been dating for 3 and a half years.

I will love my child greatly. I am just so afraid of this world though...

oblongmelon

09-11-2002, 04:19 AM

might I just say..it's kind of late to be thinking about that....:shake:

Kim

09-11-2002, 10:47 AM

Congrats and good luck! I would suggest that you send your fiance to iVillage message boards. She can join a pregnancy circle, and she will get tons of support and advice there. You can pm if you want more information. Also, get as much sleep as you can now! ;)

latingirl

09-11-2002, 10:47 AM

Originally posted by DarkFury

buying baby clothes that they will outgrow in a very short time, and a bunch of other things (like CRYING!!! and lots of it!) :eek:

Fatherhood is something special... but it ain't NO JOKE if you ain't prepared for it... :2far:

First...congrats!

With regard to baby clothes...hit up those who already have children. If you know anyone who is having a baby now, make arrangements with them to donate to you what the baby has grown out of. EVERYONE I know does this to one extent or the other. Same goes for your friends or family who have kids that are outgrowing thier car seats, bassinets, cribs, strollers, etc.

This way you will only have to shell out for the "consumables".

Jenny

09-11-2002, 11:13 AM

I wholeheartedly agree with latingirl about hitting up other people who have had babies. :)

DF mentioned things like a bassinet & changing table. Three words:

DON'T BUY THOSE!

Seriously, the baby won't be in the bassinet long enough for you to worry about spending your money on that. You can look for that at garage sales or something like that. But it is a waste of money.

Another HUGE waste of money (because most are expensive!) is the changing table.

I have 3 friends that have had babies and I had a baby and NONE of us ever used the changing tables we had. You end up changing the baby wherever is handy. Most of the time, it was on the living room floor or couch for me. (With a towel underneath to catch any sprays. ;) ) The bed gets used a lot, too, and technically, you can change it right in the crib. Just lower the side and change it before you even take the baby out.

:) Just my 2 cents.

LPMiller

09-11-2002, 11:31 AM

we used one of those curve pillows, worked great for changing.

those bassinet things are kind of a waste - they sleep in the car seat, because they are so small, then the crib.

Kim

09-11-2002, 12:23 PM

I would've liked a changing table, but I did ok without it.

I wouldn't buy a bunch of newborn diapers...both of my kids grew out of them quickly. White cloud diapers from wal-mart are just as good as Huggies, IMO, and a lot less money.

Also, if you get a second hand car seat, please make sure you can be certain that it has not been in any accident.

If money is an issue, nursing is cheaper than formula. Dang, that stuff is expensive!

There are a ton of baby freebies out there...just do a search and you'll find them.

I'm excited for you...I love babies.

ufcrusher

09-11-2002, 12:38 PM

I have a practical suggestion to take care of the changing table/no changing table arguement. When my little sister was born (She is 15 years younger than me and this was a while ago), we installed a drawer/dresser combination on top of which we installed a larger table top. This gave a place to change my sister, a place to store her clothes, a place to store her diapers and wipes, and a place to display things. We picked up these things from Ikea, as they were cheap and pretty sturdy.

You can always look at second hand shops to find a used crib, but just make sure to check that there have been no recalls on the crib or other things you find.

As for telling your parents...I would suggest that you tell them immediately. This way they arent put off, which could strain your relationship with them. Plus, they probably have a bunch of your baby stuff in storage...at least thats how it is in my family. For example, the youngest child on my moms side was 22yo when my Uncle finally decided to have a kid, yet both my aunt and my mother were able to give him things...of course they were a bit outdated, but they still had them nevertheless.

Good luck, and get your finances in order.

WhiskeyPapa

09-11-2002, 12:45 PM

You are me 18 years ago: 20 years old, pregnant fiancee (no ring yet) and worried about how to tell your parents. Her mom so freakishly OK with it that it's scary... Man, I'm having a flashback...!

Well, you gotta tell your folks. Don't wimp out like I did and do it over the phone. Go in person. Be prepared for some stuff like "we thought you were smarter" or "you realize this is forever".

Second, get married. You guys have been together long enough to know you're getting married, so just do it. If you're committed enough to make a baby, you're committed enough to make it "legal".

Start living your life for your child and your wife. You are third on the list. And don't look at it like it's a rip-off, because it actually a privilige. Stop hanging out with your single friends. It's OK if they come over to your house, but don't leave your wife at home with the kid so you can have a few beers.

Buy all your baby stuff at Goodwill or second hand stores. They grow out of it so fast that it's silly to buy it new.

Nursing is SO much better and cheaper than formula. When my wife is nursing, she can eat WHATEVER she wants and she still loses weight. She will typically nurse our kids for about 14 months.

Last and most important - have loads of patience and understanding with your wife. Her hormones are going to start going crazy right now. Do more listening and a lot less talking. She's going to start thinking she's ugly and huge and stuff. Tell her she's beautiful. (Personally, I think my wife looks pretty darn fine when she's pregnant.)

We've been married almost 18 years now. This stuff works.

NuTs62

09-11-2002, 12:53 PM

Originally posted by kb0wwp
Second, get married. You guys have been together long enough to know you're getting married, so just do it. If you're committed enough to make a baby, you're committed enough to make it "legal".

Eh, though I don't know from experience, but I think I'd have to disagree here. Because you've been together long doesn't mean you know that you're gonna get married. The child should certainly have a father around, but people should get married because they love the person, not because theres a baby coming or because they've been together for a certain length of time.

Jenny

09-11-2002, 12:55 PM

DF, no offense was intended. I just think in his situation, a changing table is impractical. They can change the diaper on the floor by sitting down, on the couch by sitting down and on the bed by sitting down. In the crib, you wouldn't have to bend over (any further than the changing table.

And regarding the peeing on the things, well, it happened once to us. We kept a towel with the diapers & wipes and used it like a changing pad and didn't need to change it unless it got peed or pooped on.

As for having a place to put the diaper changing equipment and stuff...

My mom had a great solution to that when Josh was born. She went to walmart and got a set of plastic white shelves (matched the color in his room, since his crib was white). There were 3 shelves. We had 1 shelf for diapers & wipes, 1 shelf for things like comb, baby clippers, baby oil (for cradle cap), alcohol wipes (for umbilical stump), etc. The 3rd shelf held bath stuff and extra packages of diapers and wipes.

Sure, a changing table may be a convenient thing (and they are really pretty and look neat), if you can afford it. But at 20, with a surprise baby on the way, and barely out of high school, I DO NOT think it is a practical thing.

Jenny

09-11-2002, 01:06 PM

Originally posted by DarkFury
Hey... everyone has their opinion and I can see your points (and can agree that it isn't necessary... but honestly, they don't cost THAT much especially "second hand" ones.)

I just got alot of usage out of mine I guess... DFJ is a big kid and heavy to boot (seems like he got to 30lbs in a hurry...) I just liked having that table there for when I changed his diapers or bathed him... but that's just a "preference" item (my back was thankful... believe that! :D) Either way... he's potty training now... so hopefully diapers will be a thing of past for me very shortly (yet another $20 per "Super Mega" pack that can go to something else... :D )

Yeah, as long as BigJon realizes that it isn't a necessity. If they can find one cheap, great! I like ufcrusher's idea. I had heard that before, unfortunately not before Josh was born! lol It is a great idea to get a desk (like for a teen) and add a top to that, because then you can take the top off when you don't need it anymore and use the desk. Add a set of shelves beside or underneath (where the chair would go) and voila. :)

Kim

09-11-2002, 01:11 PM

Originally posted by kb0wwp

Start living your life for your child and your wife. You are third on the list. And don't look at it like it's a rip-off, because it actually a privilige. Stop hanging out with your single friends. It's OK if they come over to your house, but don't leave your wife at home with the kid so you can have a few beers.

Buy all your baby stuff at Goodwill or second hand stores. They grow out of it so fast that it's silly to buy it new.

Nursing is SO much better and cheaper than formula. When my wife is nursing, she can eat WHATEVER she wants and she still loses weight. She will typically nurse our kids for about 14 months.

Last and most important - have loads of patience and understanding with your wife. Her hormones are going to start going crazy right now. Do more listening and a lot less talking. She's going to start thinking she's ugly and huge and stuff. Tell her she's beautiful. (Personally, I think my wife looks pretty darn fine when she's pregnant.)

We've been married almost 18 years now. This stuff works.

Wow, what a guy! Your wife is a lucky gal!

Jenny

09-11-2002, 01:20 PM

haha

We didn't have Josh's nursery set up at all. We were SOOOOO unprepared. So when I was in the hospital (38 hours labor then in the hospital for 3 days after), my mom was visiting and worked and got it all set up. :) My mom was AMAZING. :D

latingirl

09-11-2002, 01:36 PM

Originally posted by Kim

Wow, what a guy! Your wife is a lucky gal!

I was going to say the same thing! I was thinking...I hope I end up with someone like that!

As for the changing table thing...when I have a child, I think I would personally want one and would get some use out of it. Esp. one of those nice wooden fancy ones that will turn into a bookcase or a computer desk when you're done with it being a changing table. (Bellini...expensive!)

But I'm sure there will be plenty of times when I see myself on the living room floor watchin tv, playing with the baby and saying..."oh, you went doody!" and just changing the diaper right there while watching TV (with a changing pad or towel underneath or course). That's the way I've always pretty much seen it done in my family (and there were a LOT of babies in my familia). So it is a preference thing.

WhiskeyPapa

09-11-2002, 02:01 PM

Originally posted by latingirl
I was thinking...I hope I end up with someone like that!
Well, before I go start getting a big head... I didn't start out like this. Most of my advice is from the perspective of learning from my mistakes.

WhiskeyPapa

09-11-2002, 02:09 PM

Originally posted by NuTs62
Eh, though I don't know from experience, but I think I'd have to disagree here. Because you've been together long doesn't mean you know that you're gonna get married. The child should certainly have a father around, but people should get married because they love the person, not because theres a baby coming or because they've been together for a certain length of time.
Yeah. Let's look at the score here:

Me: Married for 17.6 years with 8.75 kids.
You: Squat.

He called her his "Fiancee". In my book, that means they're getting married. My advice is that they get married NOW, not 5 years from now when everything "settles down".

We've been through everything together, including everything BigJon is going through right now. I know what holds a marriage together and I know what tears one apart. The decisions BigJon makes right now will determine this kid's future.

latingirl

09-11-2002, 02:11 PM

Originally posted by kb0wwp
Me: Married for 17.6 years with 8.75 kids.

Wow!!! How do you have time to post??? :P

So when't the .75 due? Ages?

NuTs62

09-11-2002, 02:17 PM

Originally posted by kb0wwp

Yeah. Let's look at the score here:

Me: Married for 17.6 years with 8.75 kids.
You: Squat.

He called her his "Fiancee". In my book, that means they're getting married. My advice is that they get married NOW, not 5 years from now when everything "settles down".

We've been through everything together, including everything BigJon is going through right now. I know what holds a marriage together and I know what tears one apart. The decisions BigJon makes right now will determine this kid's future.

I know people should do whats good for their children, and yeah, I know I do have squat for experience. :shrug: As I said before, I don't speak from any experience.

I'm just saying that certain events should not dictate whether or not you get married. Though marriage is a logical step, because his gf (now "fiancee") is pregnant, shouldn't mean that he must get married because of it. I'm sayin he should marry her for her, and because he wants to get married.. not just simply because its perhaps the logical and right thing to do, nor because theres a baby on the way. And I'm sure every decision now makes an impact on the future of the kid.

I don't know anything about BigJon and his fiancee's relationship.. I'm sure he probably does love her quite a lot. But it'd be sad to see if he didn't, and 20 years down the line, regretting it, and finding out then would be pretty bad IMO.

WhiskeyPapa

09-11-2002, 02:19 PM

Originally posted by latingirl
Wow!!! How do you have time to post??? :P

So when't the .75 due? Ages?
Nick - 17
Alex - 15
Carrie - 11
Tim & Grace - 7 (twins)
Betsy - 5
Naomi - 4
Anna - 20 months
Gabe or Maia - due November 7th

2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 hamster, 3 goats, 7 sheep, 20+ chickens

WhiskeyPapa

09-11-2002, 02:32 PM

Originally posted by NuTs62
I don't know anything about BigJon and his fiancee's relationship.. I'm sure he probably does love her quite a lot. But it'd be sad to see if he didn't, and 20 years down the line, regretting it, and finding out then would be pretty bad IMO.

I think in our culture we've made marriage such a "magical" thing. Like everything has to be "just right" or it won't work. I've often used the example of a gas tank: When people get married, they fill up their "love tank" and hope they have enough love to last for the rest of their life. If not, they split and go their separate ways.

In all honesty, marriage is more of a practical arrangement. It's two people working toward a common goal. In our case, we are raising children to be a dynamic, effective part of the Kingdom of God. Sorry to bring "religion" into this, but that's what we're doing. What I "get out" of this marriage is unimportant compared to what I "put into" this marriage.

Sometimes you just need to do what it right. In BigJon's case, his fiancee is having a baby, and he apparently loves her (because she's his finacee) so what what is "right" in this case is for him to marry her. Then both of them need to make the decision to stay together.

Elisabeth Elliot is a wonderful speaker. I once heard her say "You married because you were in love. Now you must be in love because you are married." I try to remind myself of that every day.

latingirl

09-11-2002, 02:33 PM

Maia - that's very pretty.

And Apex will love you naming your kid after him if it's a boy!

latingirl

09-11-2002, 02:41 PM

Originally posted by kb0wwp

In all honesty, marriage is more of a practical arrangement. It's two people working toward a common goal. In our case, we are raising children to be a dynamic, effective part of the Kingdom of God. Sorry to bring "religion" into this, but that's what we're doing. What I "get out" of this marriage is unimportant compared to what I "put into" this marriage.

Sometimes you just need to do what it right. In BigJon's case, his fiancee is having a baby, and he apparently loves her (because she's his finacee) so what what is "right" in this case is for him to marry her. Then both of them need to make the decision to stay together.

Elisabeth Elliot is a wonderful speaker. I once heard her say "You married because you were in love. Now you must be in love because you are married." I try to remind myself of that every day.

I think you're right in this case. If he is in love, happy with his relationship and have the same common goals, they should get married. He can go out and try to find someone more compatable, but you'll never find a "perfect" match and now another innocent life is involved.

In every relationship, it takes work from both parties to make the relationship last a lifetime. It would be different if their only compatability is sex and they are just "attached" to one another and just got "caught" in terms of the pregnancy. Then I would say it would be probably be a mistake and they should make other arrangements so that both parents are in the child's life.

I can also see how this whole thing is overwhelming to him since he probably hadn't planned on making these decisions. But the sooner you get used to the idea and just begin to take on that "mindset" (as df pointed out), the easier things will be for you because you took the time to prepare as opposed to staying in shock or denial and not doing anything. The other thing that I would say is also plant your seeds now for a good, healthy relationship with the child's mother. You will definately reap the rewards for that later.

I heard E. Elliot once on the "Focus on the Family" radio broadcast. I like her and she's quite popular in christian cirles. I have a book by her I haven't read yet about being a successful woman of God. Didn't she write a book called "passion for purity" or something like that?

Nija

09-11-2002, 04:08 PM

protection is your friend. Abstaining is your best friend.

And since I have nothing exactly nice to say... those are all I will say.

DankNstickY

09-11-2002, 08:09 PM

Originally posted by kb0wwp
Tell her she's beautiful. (Personally, I think my wife looks pretty darn fine when she's pregnant.)

:stupid: i've seen some pregnant women, and i think "dang... she looks good". so i think that i'm gonna find my wife attractive when she's pregnant. yea.... im weird....

WhiskeyPapa

09-12-2002, 06:00 AM

Originally posted by DarkFury
looks like it is time to trade in the van for something along the lines of a "bus". :hihi:
The van (pictured in my sig) has seats for 15. We have room for 4 more!

oblongmelon

09-12-2002, 06:15 AM

Originally posted by kb0wwp

Nick - 17
Alex - 15
Carrie - 11
Tim & Grace - 7 (twins)
Betsy - 5
Naomi - 4
Anna - 20 months
Gabe or Maia - due November 7th

2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 hamster, 3 goats, 7 sheep, 20+ chickens

hehehehe..OUR OWN PERSONAL G|A WALTONS! :)
that is so cool. Glad to know someone loves big fams besides me (We have four)

latingirl

09-12-2002, 10:38 AM

Originally posted by kb0wwp

The van (pictured in my sig) has seats for 15. We have room for 4 more!

At the rate you're going...you will probably need to upgrade. Esp considering you already have one set of twins!

Between taking care of babies and "making" them...I still don't see how you have time to visit us here at G|A...but glad you do. :) This must be your desperately needed "me" time.

BigJon

09-15-2002, 06:01 AM

Thanks all you guys! The advice and support is greatly appriciated!

Originally posted by DF
Well... my best advice to you is... start getting your plans together now, don't wait till the last minute and try to rush to get your living arrangements squared away for the new arrival.

You WILL need things like a crib/bassinet (although they won't stay in a bassinet long...so go for the crib if you can afford it), a car seat (you must have this just to take the baby home from the hospital), plenty of newborn sized diapers and plenty of wipes, a changing table and any other "baby furniture" you are gonna need.

We actually just signed a lease to move into our OWN apartment. Previously we had been living with 4 of our friends in a rental house. The new apartment is great! It has everything we want in a house...and its all ours!

Luckily, Amy has a 2 year old brother...so we already have all of the baby stuff lined up. Clothes too....if the baby turns out to be a boy. Plus, Amy's mom is also giving us a brand new leather couch, loveseat, chair, 2 glass endtables, and 1 glass coffee table for our living room. Wow!

Originally posted by kb0wwp
Start living your life for your child and your wife. You are third on the list. And don't look at it like it's a rip-off, because it actually a privilige. Stop hanging out with your single friends. It's OK if they come over to your house, but don't leave your wife at home with the kid so you can have a few beers.

Actually, Amy and I are like best friends. All of my friends hang out with the both of us. We barely ever are separated if we both aren't busy. We actually have been looking for more couples to hang out with...

Hey keep your eyes open for Got|BabyDeals? I could use some closer to the due date. As of now, the baby is due March 17, 2003.

Jenny

09-15-2002, 06:46 AM

Sounds great!

My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with the 2(1/2) of you! :)

latingirl

09-15-2002, 09:16 AM

That's awesome, big jon!!

I'm glad to hear you have the support you need and hope that you will continue to find more people willing and wanting to help you out.

Keep us posted on how it's going!

LG

pagemap

09-15-2002, 09:20 AM

Congrats! I am 19 at the moment and don't think I will ever be ready for a kid, but time will tell!

Ladogaboy

09-15-2002, 11:56 AM

Originally posted by kb0wwp

Well, before I go start getting a big head... I didn't start out like this. Most of my advice is from the perspective of learning from my mistakes.

haha, still... that is pretty tough for most guys.

jujubees

09-18-2002, 01:30 PM

Originally posted by BigJon
We actually just signed a lease to move into our OWN apartment. Previously we had been living with 4 of our friends in a rental house. The new apartment is great! It has everything we want in a house...and its all ours!

Luckily, Amy has a 2 year old brother...so we already have all of the baby stuff lined up. Clothes too....if the baby turns out to be a boy. Plus, Amy's mom is also giving us a brand new leather couch, loveseat, chair, 2 glass endtables, and 1 glass coffee table for our living room. Wow!Congrats on the news, and the new apartment! :thumb:

Glad her family's so supportive! The glass tables will be good for now, but be sure to get replacements before the baby starts walking. :)