Please help me remove the "to be" verb from this sentence

[pagemap]

In the sentence below I am trying to rephrase it so as to remove the word "was" from it.


Some historical references include the mention of a cemetery where civil war troops were buried, and the fact that townsfolk called the main character “Miss Emily” showed the reader that Miss Emily was southern in origin.

[ribitch]

... came from a southern descent

[pagemap]

Does "descent" sound better than "origin?"

[Punker_bob2004]

in my opinion it does...

[sizemic1]

Before:
Some historical references include the mention of a cemetery where civil war troops were buried, and the fact that townsfolk called the main character “Miss Emily” showed the reader that Miss Emily was southern in origin.

After:
A couple of the historical references in this story include the mention of a cemetery where civil war troops were buried and the fact that townsfolk called the main character “Miss Emily”. Both of these references lead the reader to believe that Miss Emily was of southern descent.

[Jenny]

Originally posted by pagemap
In the sentence below I am trying to rephrase it so as to remove the word "was" from it.


Some historical references include the mention of a cemetery where civil war troops were buried, and the fact that townsfolk called the main character “Miss Emily” showed the reader that Miss Emily was southern in origin.


After:

Some historical references include the mention of a cemetery where civil war troops were buried, and the fact that townsfolk called the main character “Miss Emily” showed the reader the probability of a southern ancestry for Miss Emily.

or:

Some historical references include the mention of a cemetery where civil war troops were buried, and the fact that townsfolk called the main character “Miss Emily” showed the reader that Miss Emily has southern roots. (or substitute lineage or heritage)

[Freelance Superhero]

are you trying to remove the "was" simply for the sake of not using that word, or is it because you're pinpointing it as an overall improvement spot? if it's the latter, i don't think the usage of the word "was" is all that bad; there are other things you could do to the sentence to make it sound better...

[kain9i6]

--after--

Miss Emily.. pass the pie b|tch, before I pants you and show off your southern organ. :heh: