View Full Version : Dating...Breaking up...What's Going On?
05-19-2003, 10:06 PM
So I dated a girl for almost 3 years, we decide as a mutual thing to break up. We've been apart now for just about 2 months. She tells me "I don't think I can ever date you again." Yet I still really love her. Do I keep trying???? From my point of view, she's given up. I happen to know that she is currently being chased by a guy whom I do not like. Don't know the guy personally, but know that I don't like him. Not to offend anyone, but he has a really lame website. What shall I do?
05-19-2003, 11:34 PM
are you two still friends? if you are than thats good. but if she has given up on the 3 years you two have spent than i don't know what to say.
05-20-2003, 12:20 AM
if you guys decided mutually to break up, you really can't complain about her not thinking she "can ever date you again."
i mean, you didn't "take a break." you didn't "need some space." you didn't "decide to slow down." you broke up. that is as final as it gets.
and if it was mutual, that means you both communicated to each other that you both understood it was over. if it was indeed a true breakup, there shouldn't be any expectations attached as an afterthought. if you still loved her, why did you agree to break up? at this point, it's really too late.
i'm not trying to come across harshly or like a jerk; i'm just trying to call it like i see it.
something tells me the breakup, however mutual you say it was, was not a completely clean one. you say she's "given up." given up on what, exactly? you guys broke up. there is nothing to "give up" on or "work at." it's over. period.
UNLESS, you guys "broke up" with the understanding that maybe you might get back together someday, in which case i don't consider it a legitimate breakup at all.
i say move on. i don't know the circumstances of your relationship, but if you guys truly have broken up, then your lingering feelings for her are not healthy. they'll only lead to misunderstandings and painful situations.
and dude... find a more legitimate reason to dislike the guy, like he's got a criminal record, or he's excessively arrogant. :) just cuz his website is crap doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad guy.
05-20-2003, 08:05 AM
Originally posted by chosenfool
sorry you have to break up with your girl, man.
but move on. walk on.
its painful, and its the worst kind. its hard not to look back. but you have to remember that breaking up is a natural part of falling and being in love. Even if you did have 3 years, heck even 8 years, things can fall apart.
The best you can do for yourself for now is just GRIEVE, and go thru the phases of bitterness and sorrow. Thats natural too, dont hold it back. Its very cleansing, and therapeutic for your broken heart. You may not get over her quickly, you just cant undo 3 years. Hell, im still undoing 4 years after having undone 2 years. yep, 1 heartbreaks after another...
Time. it gets easier over time. Hobbies, interests, OTHER WOMEN, friends will make it easier. Shes obviously moved on, and so must you. SHOW HER youre a big enough man to move on. You control your happiness, not hers, nor does she control yours.
Ditto. I can't agree with the greiving aspect enough...it's the only way to start getting over it. It sucks though...but you gotta move on.
Good luck! :)
05-20-2003, 10:54 AM
Takes 2 to tango, and she doesn't want to tango. Sorry, but thats how things are. You can't force others to feel the same way that you do about them.
05-20-2003, 12:48 PM
sorry. :( and :stupid: on the last 3 posts.
05-20-2003, 02:27 PM
well life is short...take what you can and go with it. their are many fishes in the sea for you, ya know.
05-20-2003, 02:28 PM
Sorry to hear things didn't go the way you'd prefer them to go. I'm not quite sure about the details, so I'm not going to give any advice but irrespective of the situation, it's pretty clear that whatever the situation, it did not go well for you. :(
One thing I find that helps me in a time like this (and use it if it makes you feel better, ignore it if it doesn't) is the thought that no matter how much pain you're going through at this stage, if this is the worst pain you'll feel in your life, you'd have lived a pretty gifted life. :)
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