where we stand aka status of relationship

[tweeteresa]

what is the best way to bring up that topic with a guy? i don't wanna scare him. it's not anything serious yet, just wondering where it's going and how he feels.

[OC]

A lot of guys tend to get really freaked out by the question, especially if the relationship is not yet "serious". If it's not really serious yet, it might be best not to bring it up at all. Just go with the flow for now.

-OC

[ray]

When you say "serious" what exactly do you mean by it. I assume you're both friends, but have you been out on 1 date, 5 dates together (with nobody else)? If you have been out on a date with him, I think that it is a completely valid topic to bring up.

I would recommend just being up front. ie:

"Joe, we've been out on a few dates in the past couple weeks and I enjoy your company and wanted to know how you felt about taking our relationship a step higher."

blah blah blah. you get the gist of it.

[Ladogaboy]

If it's not serious, then just tell him. Most guys are pretty thick-headed, and most of the time, they need a woman to just come out and say what she means. Otherwise, it is just a cat-and-mouse game until someone breaks the ice.

The earlier you tell him how you feel, the better chance for you to continue a relationship if he is not interested. If you wait, who knows? :shrug:

Just tell him that you are interested in a little more. If he is amiable to the idea, pursue it. If not, take a little time away from him, start to look at him as just a friend, and then try to continue you friendship in a Platonic way.

Of course, that's what I would do. And, given my track record, you might want to avoid my advice.

P.S. Don't let revil hear about this one. ;)

[revil]

Originally posted by Ladogaboy
P.S. Don't let revil hear about this one. ;)
What's that supposed to mean?

[Ladogaboy]

Originally posted by revil

What's that supposed to mean?

/me looks up after perusing the desktop thread.

Eh?

[revil]

Originally posted by Ladogaboy
/me looks up after perusing the desktop thread.
Psh, you are superficial, aren't you? Personally, I don't discriminate (aside from gender) with my stalkers. Even if twee's got a man, she can still stalk me.

[tweeteresa]

oc: ya i know they do....but that doesn't make my doubts/insecurity/curiousness go away. so that's why i ask what's the "best" way. :P

lil: been seeing each other a few weeks. and by saying its not serious, as in we havent had a talk about any of this. he could be seeing 5 other girls for all i know. :shrug:

ladoga: yea it isn't serious yet. but doesn't asking something like that takes it to the point of being serious? that's wut scares guys off. :rolleyes: and ya...wuts that comment about revil suppose to mean? :hmm:

[ray]

well, if it's been a few weeks and you think there may be something, you should just go ahead and bring it up over coffee or something.

most men won't reveal their feelings until a woman does so first (at least that's what i've seen from my friends and their messed up relationships).

I say go for it.

[JLemonjello]

the easiest way is to be straight up with him; any guy will appreciate complete honesty

just be like, 'im really starting to feel you and i wondered if you felt the same way cause im wondering where we are going in this relationship' or something like that perhaps less cheesy =)

------
Jason Lemonjello

[xsiled2]

Originally posted by overclocked
A lot of guys tend to get really freaked out by the question, especially if the relationship is not yet "serious". If it's not really serious yet, it might be best not to bring it up at all. Just go with the flow for now.
-OC

agree even though i dont feel the same about that. i find myself wondering where i am with a gal more then not.

[mcs328]

You could be brave and say "Hey if you were to meet a girl at a club and she asked you out on a date, would you go out with her? Why or why not?"

Boom...ball is in his court.

[Cantacuzene]

Invite him over to dinner with the parents. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

[Tag]

Suggest looking at wedding rings? haha just joking.
I think some sort of weekend get a way would be a good ice breaker?
If it isn't right you will know about it > thereby not investing time in a relationship that isnt going to work.

I know very early on if there is potential.

Good luck


Originally posted by Cantacuzene
Invite him over to dinner with the parents. His reaction will tell you all you need to know.

[Merlin]

Originally posted by tweeteresa
what is the best way to bring up that topic with a guy? i don't wanna scare him. it's not anything serious yet, just wondering where it's going and how he feels.

Just resist the urge to ask. This topic is a great way to ruin something that is just getting started. Just let things develop and don't be so gaddamn insecure.

[revil]

Originally posted by Tag
Suggest looking at wedding rings? haha just joking.
Haha. Looking for baby cloths would be better!

[Nanotech9]

merlin is RIGHT...

the worst thing you can do is ask a guy how he feels about your relationship... He'll probably just choke up and not know what to say...

and even if he wants to be serious, he's not going to want to admit it.

Maybe you should just tell him how much you like him and say you look forward to seeing where it goes in time. Dont expect a reply other than "Me too".

be carefull even about saying that much though as it may make him start wondering what you're up to.

[CornMonkey]

aaaah... in my circle, we call this the DTR (defining the relationship).

[tweeteresa]

thnx u guys. :) i haven't had the chance to talk to him lately (or at all). so i think i'll lay low for awhile to get a feel for it.

[revil]

Originally posted by CornMonkey
aaaah... in my circle, we call this the DTR (defining the relationship).
I thought monkeys just flung poo at each other.

[zenbooty]

Hit it or quit it. :eek: :D

[Memo]

Get drunk and say......."so what are we?" That's how to do it

[Tag]

We could discretely talk to him and find out for you ? :cool:


Originally posted by tweeteresa
thnx u guys. :) i haven't had the chance to talk to him lately (or at all). so i think i'll lay low for awhile to get a feel for it.

[angl2b]

Originally posted by mcs328
You could be brave and say "Hey if you were to meet a girl at a club and she asked you out on a date, would you go out with her? Why or why not?"

Boom...ball is in his court.
He only says taht because that is what I asked HIM when I started seeing him...and being HIM he said, I am sorta seeing someone, but not serious...2 weeks later I decided forget it, he decided he wanted to keep me :P :kawaii: :blush:

[tweeteresa]

Originally posted by angl2b

He only says taht because that is what I asked HIM when I started seeing him...and being HIM he said, I am sorta seeing someone, but not serious...2 weeks later I decided forget it, he decided he wanted to keep me :P :kawaii: :blush:
:heh:

so i haven't asked him yet. timing doesn't feel right. i didn't see him at all this past weekend. we talked on the phone though....although not very long for each call. :hmm: i think i'm gonna just forget about him though. why u ask? well, here's a mini recap:

on saturday afternoon, he called wanting to know wut i was up to. told him i had plans for dinner with a friend, and then later that night i was gonna go clubbin with some other friends. i did ask him if he wanted to join the clubbin but he declined, saying he wouldn't know anyone and his boys wouldn't wanna go cuz the bar scene is more their style. ok fine. told him just gimme a call sunday if he wanna do something before he leaves.

sunday afternoon, he calls asking if i was busy. i said i didn't have anything planned that day and was most likely just gonna chill at home. but since he seemed like he wanted to do something, i started suggesting plans like going to the movies or renting a movie or minature golf or bowling or grabbing food or a drink or going to the beach, etc. his reply: nah i don't like those things or i've done it before and it's not that fun anymore. so basically he shot down every suggestion i made. so from that, i concluded he just didn't wanna spend time with ME at all. i got a bit irritated at the end cuz he was being so high maintenance and hard to please. i just gave up and said....fine go do your errands or whatever it is u have to do and i'll leave u to that and just hung up.

he calls back a few hours later. here's the convo:
him: yea, i'm leaving soon so i guess we can't see each other this weekend. maybe next weekend?
me: ok
him: i'll give u a call later this week ok?
me: ok
him: did you do anything since we last talked?
me: no
him: are you ok?
me: ya
him: are you sure?
me: ya
him: ok...i'll talk to you later then.
me: bye

yes....i was being a bit of a biatch. :P but i didn't care. i guess that wasn't so mini....o well.

[Freelance Superhero]

Originally posted by tweeteresa
yes....i was being a bit of a biatch.nah, not at all... i swear, if one of my boys was acting as prissy as he was, i'd smack the taste out his mouth. i'd say you had plenty reason to react the way you did when he called back, especially when he had the nerve to ask "are you okay." but i dunno, that's just me... guys aren't supposed to be high maintenance...

[Ladogaboy]

Yeah, when just hanging out together isn't to his liking, you know somethings up.

[mcs328]

Well what a retard he is. He calls you several times so it's obvious he wants to do something with you but shoots you down because it's not to HIS liking?

Hell...if it were me I just come over to walk your dog (or cat) around the block a few times if I called that much. He should be so lucky you answer his calls let alone spend 5 IRL minutes with you together.

Blah...I guess see what happens next weekend.

[angl2b]

He obviously has an interest in you, maybe he is just trying to see your next move? But yeah, he was being a jerk.

[spigidygak]

2 words: BOOTY CALL

[ray]

men are stupid. ditch the guy, find another. apparently he 1) doesn't really know what he wants or how he's going to get it, 2) seems selfish and self-centered from what you've posted, 3) doesn't understand the idea of "meeting in the middle" and compromising.

[Tag]

Are you saying that's a bad thing? :hmm:



Originally posted by lilbigblue
men are stupid. ditch the guy, find another. apparently he 1) doesn't really know what he wants or how he's going to get it, 2) seems selfish and self-centered from what you've posted, 3) doesn't understand the idea of "meeting in the middle" and compromising.

[ray]

Originally posted by Tag
Are you saying that's a bad thing? :hmm:




it's a bad thing when tweeteresa is trying hard to make some plans with the guy, and he's saying no to every idea. then, hours later he calls to see if she's done anything. sounds like this guy is slightly weird.

[slaus]

If things are so blurry, probably should let the guy come to you instead of you going to him. Plus lilbigblue is right, he seems to be a bit off with his personality. Did he ever exhibit these traits before when you guys went out?

[ray]

Originally posted by slaus
If things are so blurry, probably should let the guy come to you instead of you going to him. Plus lilbigblue is right, he seems to be a bit off with his personality. Did he ever exhibit these traits before when you guys went out?

omg, you said i was right. has hell frozen over? in the 12 years i've known you, you never said i was right. haha :p

FIRE LAYDEN!

Anyway, tweeteresa, while all of us have given you plenty of advice, the decision is obviously ultimately yours. do what you feel is right for you, not for the relationship.

[molecularfire]

Flip a coin. That's how I make all of the important decisions in my life.