Throwing away a friendship?

[Leebo]

So over the last 3 years, I've known this girl and used to consider her one of my closer friends. When we would meet up or chill, we would really connect and it was a great friendship.

This last year, I've started to realize more and more that it was always me trying to instigate things like chatting or hanging out. Being a student and living farther away from her than I did before (15 minute drive instead of 5 minutes), I decided to see what would happen if I stopped trying to take the initiative. Needless to say we didnt' hang out or talk at all. Instead she would always hang out with the people that live near her and those that would come to her. So basically I felt replaced and felt that the only way I could spend anytime seeing how she was doing was to go to her place. She even told my appt mate, "i've realized I don't talk to him anymore. I just figured he didn't care anymore"

So now that it's been 4 months since I have last talked to her, she wrote me an e-mail saying:

i was busy, but i felt like you were busy too & you WERE
busy with school and stuff & it seemed like you were
getting to know melisa & claire & hanging out w/ them,
so i told myself i didn't need to make an effort to
hang out w/ you if you didn't want to make an effort
to hang out w/ me... which i know is a stupid
excuse... so i'm sorry.

I guess I'm jus' kinda peaved at the assumptions that were made and whanot. So should I respond and talk to her or just leave it be considering she's graduated and I don't have to see or talk to her again?

[Ladogaboy]

Some people are just bad at correspondence. As long as you feel okay with taking the initiative all the time, then it should fine. As far is I'm concerned, it comes down to how much YOU value the friendship. One of her quirks is that she is bad with keeping contact, and she only tends to spend time with those people that are directly around her. If you can live with that, then you should try to keep the friendship. If not, just don't bother, and let her take the initiative if she still wants you as a friend.

One question, though: if you e-mail her, does she respond, or does she just read the e-mails and wait for you to call her or talk to her in person?

[whitak24]

Originally posted by Ladogaboy
Some people are just bad at correspondence. As long as you feel okay with taking the initiative all the time, then it should fine. As far is I'm concerned, it comes down to how much YOU value the friendship. One of her quirks is that she is bad with keeping contact, and she only tends to spend time with those people that are directly around her. If you can live with that, then you should try to keep the friendship. If not, just don't bother, and let her take the initiative if she still wants you as a friend.
:stupid:

i have several dear friends who are really bad at keeping in touch. i also happen to be rather bad at keeping in touch as well. which means that there are many friends who i may not talk to for months at a time......

but when we do make the initiative and talk, then it's great. we're still friends. if you're truly friends with someone, you're always going to have that bond and be able to sit down and catch up at a minute's notice (ok, this probably only works for people who you were friends with as an adult. someone who you played in the sandbox with at age 5.....what are you going to talk about. "so, uh, do you still like tonka trucks?" :heh: )

[mcs328]

Just start chatting up again. If you're friends then everything is fine. People lose touch and they do get caught up with school, work or potentail SO in the works. At least your experiment worked...you made her feel guilty and that's why she wrote you an email to that effect in a round-about-way. Now just play stupid and say you got caught up with life and you weren't ignoring her on purpose and maybe you could hang out again.

At least she noticed you were gone and apologized. I've tried this experiment and it's like I never existed. So you're one up on me. :)

[tweeteresa]

i have friends like that. it starts bugging the hell outta u cuz u begin to think that geez, since they can't take 5 min outta their day to give u a call or invite u to hang out, maybe they don't really like you. why is it that i always have to take the initative to plan a get-together? shouldn't friendship be an shared equal thing?

[Ladogaboy]

Originally posted by whitak24

"so, uh, do you still like tonka trucks?" :heh:

Hehe, actually...

:D

[Leebo]

THanks all... I'll give it a try. What's the harm.

As for tonka trucks.. I was more of a LEGO's type of person... and yes... I brought LEGO's to the playground =P