View Full Version : Getting rid of the hate... what's the best way?
Primer - thread about the rape accusation (http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=59458)
I've noticed my life's been different since that all went down, mostly my relationships with friends and girls aren't seeming to work out -- I feel like I've distanced myself from everyone. Bah!
I'm starting to find myself thinking about the girl that did this to me, why she did it, and sadly what I feel for her is hate :bawl:. But to get rid of this nasty feeling, I need a way. After seeing a counselor, I tried writing as he had advised, in the form of a letter to her that I wouldn't send, but only write to get the feelings out. I did that but this feeling is still here and it sucks! Something tells me that when I can get rid of the hate, things will improve a lot on whole, so what should I do?
Have you had to deal with a person in your life doing something that may seem "unforgivable" but you were able to overcome it anyway? I could really use a mental panacea, so share anything you might have :)
It's hard to rise above such things and let go of the hate and anger. When I left my ex (and California) it took me a while to get things in perspective. With my ex, she was the one that cheated, she was the one that had three abortions that weren't mine, she was the one that saw no problem with her family exluding me from family activities.
Why the kcuf do I care what such a person thinks of me? It took me a while, but I did finally stop caring. Once I did that, the hate and anget went away.
My recent sitch with mygrrrl was completely different, but the healing process was largely the same. She rejected my romantic overtures, and then she rejected my friendship when she met someone new. The guy she's been spending time with is seriously immature, imho. Why do I want to spend time with someone that enjoys a guy like that? Your loss, baby. Have a nice life.
07-28-2003, 06:26 PM
heres how i do it.
Would you get angry at a child if they did something stupid, selfish, mean etc? Do they know any better? Do you think if they realized what they were doing they would still do it?
Now just picture the other person as nothing more than an immature child that doesn't know any better. This is all provided that your right/innocent, if not then you first need to wrinkle your own problems out.
07-28-2003, 06:38 PM
Here's how I do it.... um... I bottle it all up until i decide to destroy a 3rd world nation. I don't know if that'll work for you though.
I just want to get to a point to if I run into her, I won't vomit... sadly and disgustingly enough, I panicked one day when I thought I saw her walking towards me on the sidewalk and managed to hold the reflex in, so it's brought meaning to me to "you make me sick" :puke:
I'll give the child strategy a try though, I got nothing to lose
07-28-2003, 08:11 PM
Well, I still have pangs of hate and disgust concerning my ex, but I know that they are simply because I still have feelings for her. Once she is completely gone from my life and my thoughts, I'm sure I won't feel anything at all.
Time heals all wounds, as they say.
07-28-2003, 09:03 PM
Originally posted by Ladogaboy
Time heals all wounds, as they say.
in my humble opinion...that's pure crap. you get calous to the constant torture to your heart. not really healing.
I've had my fair share of relationships (not just girls, but trust between friends being violated, etc) that turned sour. In the end, it hurts you (the hatER) more. you just gotta get to a point where you can truly forgive her for what she did. it sucks. truly sucks to bring yurself to that point...incredibly humbling and tough to do, but when you get to that point...it's truly liberating. and it's more than just feeling pity for the other person and thinking you're healing by doing that. it's truely forgiving that person in your heart.
just my $.02
07-28-2003, 09:26 PM
i forgive you attgig
07-28-2003, 09:30 PM
its all about the bottle ;)
07-29-2003, 05:10 AM
Join a boxing gym. Let it all out.
07-29-2003, 05:52 AM
chop her up in to little pieces and server her to mojo for diner.....
07-29-2003, 06:02 AM
Find a chick that looks just like her, nail her, then dump her.
I should mention that she's British... and yes, I know, I should have known all along ;)
att - that's along the lines of what I've been feeling, I know that if I can forgive her, even though I know she's not sorry one bit, everything will be a lot more peaceful.
I might try to transfer the negative energy into some positive acts, like work, school, or continuing to do service... it sounds so good on paper (or monitor I guess), so I'll give it a try.
07-29-2003, 09:18 AM
Bottle up the hate and use it to fuel your dark side force powers and then shoot her with blue lightning from your fingertips. Seriously, I don't subscribe to forgive and forget, somethings that people do are just wrong and don't deserve to be forgiven. True, hate won't do anything for you, but I don't see the advantages in forgive and forget either...
07-29-2003, 09:22 AM
Originally posted by Airencracken
[B your dark side force powers and then shoot her with blue lightning from your fingertips. [/B]
It's sad how well you fit in here. :-)
07-29-2003, 09:33 AM
Whatever do you mean my evil twin brother? :D I'm just a regular, cynical guy.... :D
07-29-2003, 01:34 PM
Unfortunately, time is needed for a wound to properly scab over until it's no longer tender. The reason that you're angry, IMO is that you're really just hurt. Hurt that someone would do this to you. One thing that I find helps... think of all of the real friends that you have had in your life. You got them because you were acting like your old self. Ask yourself this... isn't having them as friends worth going through a few idiots?
07-29-2003, 02:12 PM
Time doesnt heal these things. You just have to make a conscious decision to get past it. Talk about it with your friends, they know you and arent going to believe her accusation. Dont have anything to do with women until you are ready and then ease back into it. It took me 9 months after my hellish situation to even consider going out with a woman. Even then, I had to get around my newfound suspicion of everytime a woman was out of my sight. But once I found the right one, I became myself again.
That said, I still feel pain and anomosity from the past, I just hardly ever think about it. The few times that it does rear its head, I am able to just get rid of it.
Hope you can get around this.
07-29-2003, 02:12 PM
As some one has mentioned in other threads:
1) fap in the morning
2) fap in the afternoon
3) fap and fap and fap.....j/k
time will heal everything........
07-29-2003, 03:08 PM
remember that dumb chick i tried to date back in Feb - March of 02? (probably not)
well, she showed up to a mutual friends wedding (two weddings actually) - it was all i could do to keep 20' distance, and not look at her or make eye contact. If i had, theres no telling what i would have done.
for starters, i would have yelled at her (in church) and called her a f*in lying whore.... i'm sure that wouldnt have gone over well in church. :eek:
just not being in teh same state as her keeps me from having any problems.
07-29-2003, 04:18 PM
Personally, I know hate tends to go away. But you do need to play a role in it. You gotta turn the hate into apathy. Hating is not the same thing as not caring. I think hate is good at the beginning because it shields you from more hurt and it kind of gives you something to substain you since you feel like you got a big hold in your heart most of the time. Personally I rather feel hate than hopelessness. However, in the long run, you kind of have to let those hateful thoughts go or else it will make you bitter toward women. It can change your outlook on women and things like that. Which is not a good thing. Next thing you'll be all paranoid and it could ruin your love life for years to come.
Trying to remember that it was 100% her doing might help.
Unfortunately, I haven't been bitter to women, but I really need to be (as awkward as it sounds). Nothing's been working out for any of the girls I've dated since, so it's time I sit down and sort things out before I step foot out the door again.
On another note, it's official, my future boss's daughter IS working at the same place I am in the fall... how convenient is that! A whole semester away from school with only her in the town. :angry: I don't know it it's wise to try to explain to her to just stop being interested, but something tells me if she tries to get me to do anything date-like, I best sit her down and explain it to her
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