Would someone please put a stop on crap in my life??

[chrissy]

So, I resolved the blonde bimbo thing at work -- I am leaving claims. I go to work in the photo lab starting Saturday. I am still part time, but that will change after the baby is born in Feb.

Court is still happening. Bah! Enough said for now...


Now, the new crap. Two weeks ago, my SIL came to live with us. She had been living in La Jolla, CA with cousins. She was working for them and supposed to be establishing residency so she could attend college there. Well, the day that they enrolled her in THREE different community colleges, she called home to mom and wanted to go home or at least somewhere else.

Now, realize that she is 18 and Donnie is 32 and that Donnie is the BIG brother. He drove there and back in one day to pick her up and bring her here. She promised to help around the house and she is going to get a job, etc.

Well, two weeks later. I have helped her enroll in CCSN (community here in LV) and really haven't asked her to do much at all. She doesn't watch the kids (but loves to undermind authority), she doesn't do the dishes (but loves to make the messes and leave dishes all about the house), she doesn't do laundry and when I do, it will sit folded on the couch or her bed for days. Yesterday was the first time I asked her to do anything -- the kitchen (she put the dishes in to the sink- I finished them) and the litter box (she left litter all over the floor which I swept up).

Last week, I talked to Donnie about it. And he agreed that he was seeing/noticeing the same things. We agreed that it had to stop and he would head the way. We also agreed with her and Mom and Dad that since a check came my way that I wasn't expecting, I would finish paying her tuition until she could pay me back when she could after she got a job and FA. Donnie and mom made an agreement to build her a computer. We bought her a desk yesterday. Parts are arriving tomorrow and tonight we were to go out and buy a case.

Last Thursday, she went out with a guy I know at work and his friends. They are about the same age and he suggested getting her out to meet people. So, sure. I agreed to ask her and she fussed but agreed. They went to a movie and I don't know what else. I saw him today for the first time since then and he said that the only reason she wanted to go was to get away from me! She says I drive her crazy. I was floored. With everything going on in my life, I went ahead and took her in, moved my children out of their comfort to make room for her (rooms, routines, etc). I haven't asked anything of her too drastic, I mean, because she has just gotten here two weeks ago - I wasn't going to force her to be a maid.

I get home tonight and talk to Donnie about what she said. We agreed to table it until we could talk to her. But then my kids told me that she had been bossing them around and told them to stay out of her room (the kid's tv is in her room because there hadn't been any room in their room together and I had thought it would be nice that she could go and get away from us with it in her room with the condition that they could go in and play games watch movies etc) and not to use the TV there specifically! I went off! I told donnie, he pulled her aside and she cried. They went to fry's to get a case and I am here with the kids moving their room around, once again this week, to get the tv into it.

I don't want to help her anymore. I don't want to pay her tuition but if I don't, that will hurt mom and dad, and I can't do that. I am stuck. (and that was the short version!!!)

[Jenny]

Donnie needs to be a man and stick up for himself and for you. By not, he is making it worse for you and especially right now, that is not what you need. Chrissy, MAKE him talk to her and his parents. If you don't, she will keep going over and over you and making you miserable, which isn't good for ANYONE, including you & Donnie & the baby.

[LPMiller]

No, there ain't no talking. There is setting the ground rules. She is a teenager, 18 or no, and not mature, obviously. Tell her what you expect, period. Now, feel free to offer her some - SOME options. But she is to help maintain the house as long as she lives there, she is to treat everyone with respect, including the kids...HER room indeed - and she is to get over herself asap.

Or she leaves. And make it stick.

[Ladogaboy]

I especially agree with LP on this. She is still and adolescent, and she needs to be treated like one. Honestly, I think you should be treating her like you would your own daughter. If she acts up, chastise her in the same way as you would your own kids, and I would even make a point of doing it in front of your kids. That way, they understand--and, hopefully, she does too--what her place actually is in the household.

You are committed to the tuition and computer for now, but beyond that, you don't owe her much of anything else. And don't be afraid to tell her and her parents that if she can't hold up to her end of the deal, she is gone. It's your house, after all.

[Jihforce]

I second LP's notion. I think the the reason things are out of control is because there were no ground rules being set. I can tell that Donnie spoils his sister. Which I totally understand. But she's 18, not exactly a child. She needs to understand that you and Donnie are doing HER a favor. Let Donnie talk to her and make sure he addresses the issues and makes them clear. I think if you where to be the one talking to her about it, it'll probably drive you nuts and get you more upset.

[RoniMan]

Originally posted by Yossarian

:i'm with the smart guy:

yeah, from what yo've said, its sounds as tho hang10 and i are more mature than her, and you know how bad we are. lay down the law, it's your house, and SHE needs to RESPECT you, not the other way around. you are the one who is giving to her.

and what i said in that PM about the kids, extends here

:)

:stupid:

[revil]

Here's my take. She needs a ninja assassin to teach her a lesson! MWAHAHHAHA

[bella]

Hi Chrissy,

You are an angel for taking this girl in and trying to help her out.. But rules are rules.. you have to tell her that this is your house and that she has respect your wishes and your families.. Tell her she has two choices 1. Respect or 2. Get out and figure life out on your own! Oh and Chrissy lets make a deal :) I tell my freeloading brother in law what's up (http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=65792) and you tell your SIL too ;)

~B~

[Kim]

Good luck Chrissy, I hope she grows up soon and realizes how lucky she is!!!

[Jenny]

So Chrissy, how'd it go?? Did you & Donnie talk to her?