Weird question for the women regarding pregnancy

[ufcrusher]

Alrighty...this is going to seem like a weird question. If you are trying to get pregnant are there anythings that you shouldnt do?

The background on this question is actually quite simple. My fiances matron of honor is currently trying to conceive. Her husband had previously had a vasectomy and had it reversed shortly after they were married and they have now been trying for a bit. I gather that they have started to see a doctor which has put her on a special diet and doing various other things that I am thankfully not privy to.

Unfortunately, this is causing a bit of a problem for my fiance. We were trying to schedule her shower and in an effort to make sure that her best friend was here, I offered to pay for her plane ticket to come to the shower. When last I spoke with her, she told me that it would depend on seeing the Dr. and some other issues, but would get back to me. My fiance spoke with her yesterday and her friend proceeded to tell her that she couldnt come because she was trying to get pregnant. Now unless she gets pregnant in some different way then the rest of us...I really cant see how coming down to San Diego for a weekend would be problematic. I assume that she has her cycle charted out (showing my male lack of knowledge here again) and thus can pick a weekend when she would not be receptive and thus would not be causing a problem.

So when my fiance told me that her friend said this I was quite bothered by it. I guess its because thats not how I would want my friends to treat me and so I got my feathers all ruffled up. Unfortunately the subject came up again tonight and my fiance became upset with me for being annoyed with her friend. (I actually really like her friend which is why I offered to pay for the plane ticket) We ended up having a disagreement because she thinks I am being harsh on her friend and I think she is just making excuses for her.

Thus, I am wondering if flying could really cause a problem with conceiving? I really do not see any problems that could result from flying. The plane is kept at a normal pressure, your body does not go through any weird changes other than some minor equalization, and there really shouldnt be any adverse effects on getting pregnant.

I can understand someone being upset with having difficulty getting pregnant. But I cant understand how someone would be precluded from going anywhere anytime just because they are trying. So ladies (and gentlemen, if you happen to have answers)...fire away.

[oblongmelon]

I think the problem would not be the flying-but the fact that her husband would be SOMEWHERE ELSE?...Don't be upset with her though-if your fiance understands how important it is to her friend then why are you so bugged over it. It's a very stressful time for someone who is trying to conceive...I'm sure she wishes she could be there..but if they are paying a fertility doctor, that get's costly-and you only get so many chances to hit the mark right..relax-go ahead and schedule the shower-and have her send a video-taped message for your fiance..those are always fun and sentimental.stop being a cranky old man and wish her good luck on trying to get pregnant.

[Jeffbx]

When you're trying to conceive (esp. in a problem situation like after a vasectomy reversal) it's a very stressful, very expensive process. Any one thing can throw the process off, and you don't want to go through too many $10-15k fertilization attempts, unless you happen to be really wealthy, because insurance does not cover it. (No, never gone through it myself, but have had close friends who have.)

Although she's probably not too happy about missing the shower, I'm sure this is the most important thing in her life right now, so yeah, you need to leave it alone.

[ufcrusher]

Originally posted by oblongmelon
I think the problem would not be the flying-but the fact that her husband would be SOMEWHERE ELSE?...Don't be upset with her though-if your fiance understands how important it is to her friend then why are you so bugged over it. It's a very stressful time for someone who is trying to conceive...I'm sure she wishes she could be there..but if they are paying a fertility doctor, that get's costly-and you only get so many chances to hit the mark right..relax-go ahead and schedule the shower-and have her send a video-taped message for your fiance..those are always fun and sentimental.stop being a cranky old man and wish her good luck on trying to get pregnant.

Thanks for calling me a cranky old man. :hehehmm:

I guess my problem with it is simply that we were trying to schedule the shower around her so that she could attend.

To give a little more information it appears that NONE of her friends will be attending her shower. Her mother has basically fallen off the face of the planet and isnt really helping at all with the wedding. In fact she has been impossible to reach recently which is really making my fiance feel bad. She has a total of 5 bridesmaids - 2 friends an my 3 sisters (my 2 genetic sisters and my step sister). Obviously you see the matron of honors response, her other bridesmaid is also trying to get pregnant...but she has a little one already and lives 9 hrs drive away.

One of her friends who she has been having trouble keeping in touch with recently emailed her and the gist of it was basically, oh thats great maybe I'll see you the next time you come up into this area. (Thus indicating that she wont be coming down for the wedding)

Her friends who are on the east coast arent going to come in nor are those who are in foreign countries...so basically all of her friends are gone.

This leaves, my family, some of her co-workers, and some family friends...but basically NONE of her friends. So in order to avoid this I was trying to schedule everything around her friend and even pay for her to come down...her husband was welcome too, we could have gone fishing or something during the shower. I guess this is why I am so annoyed by it.

Yes, I can understand that it is upsetting to try to get pregnant and have trouble. yes, I understand it can be costly...but you dont go to Doctors on weekends...the flight isnt going to cause any harm and I still dont think that there was any medical reason that would prohibit her from coming down.


One other thing...they arent trying invasive procedures or anything other than just changing her diet with the doctor monitoring her cycle, so its not the situation where its 15K invetro fertilization attempts. They have only been trying for a month or two.

[CarolinaGal]

Maybe it's not IVF, but it could be any other variety of things. If she's monitoring her cycle, traveling could screw up her tracking of her cycle. Of course it's not much, but with some people it might mean the difference. And docs may want to get a good baseline to try and tell what is happening.

If they have started drugs, she may be going for monitoring bloodwork, and yes, that is indeed everyday (once met my doc Easter morning). Depends on what they are doing, but could mean ultrasounds daily too, with possible "trigger" shots of hormones to cause ovulation. Timing is absolutely critical and can require daily visits

Don't sweat the no shows on the shower- cancel it if it bothers you. Trying to accomodate others will cause no end of grief. Concentrate on what the two of you think is important of your day.

Just my .02$

[ufcrusher]

Thanks for the answers to those who chimed in. Its quite obvious that I must have a distorted view of what is involved. Hopefully, we will never have to go through it.

I will just assume that for whatever reason it was something that is unavoidable and she would rather have come. Who knows...maybe she will get pregnant and be able to come. It could happen.

[oblongmelon]

a) being asked to be in a wedding is a great honor-but an even bigger expense...sometimes it's hard to have to come right out and say no when the bride asks you-but think: cost of gown/travel round trip if they are out of the area at least two or three times (shower/wedding/dress fitting), plus helping put on the shower ($$$$)plus a gift for the bride and groom for the wedding AND shower ($$$)..
b) people feel slighted if you dont ask them first to be in the wedding-and insulted if they are a last resort..
Small wedding parties are elegant..save yourself some money and headaches..have you/the bride/the maid of honor and the best man..and maybe a flower girl..it would be lovely.

[ufcrusher]

The wedding planning is well under way. We have the location, the photographer, 1/2 the clergy, her wedding gown ordered, the registering done, and most of the other things started. While I would have been fine with eloping that wasnt an option for my fiance and in reality, not what I really wanted either.

The wedding party is five bridesmaids and six groomsmen. Of which, 3 of the bridesmaids are my sisters* and 2 of the groomsmen are my brothers*.

As for the cost, yes, there are cost involved. However, if you are close enough to the person that you are going to be in the bridal party then costs should not matter. Its the reason why you try to watch the price of the dresses/tuxes and or offer to pay for things. I guess it all just depends on what you view as important. If its celebrating your special day with your family and friends then nothing matters...if its to show off, then its another matter all together.

For me, I never really look at how much something is going to cost me...I look at how much it means to me (or my family) or to the person that invited me. If it is really important for me to go, then I get there no matter what. If its not important to me, then I just dont go.

Its actually how I look at a lot of things in life, if I have to ask the cost, I probably cant afford it...in other words if I am really concerned that its going to be out of my budget then its going to be too much.

[Kim]

I hope she is able to make it to the shower.

[oblongmelon]

Originally posted by ufcrusher


As for the cost, yes, there are cost involved. However, if you are close enough to the person that you are going to be in the bridal party then costs should not matter. Its the reason why you try to watch the price of the dresses/tuxes and or offer to pay for things. I guess it all just depends on what you view as important. If its celebrating your special day with your family and friends then nothing matters...if its to show off, then its another matter all together.

For me, I never really look at how much something is going to cost me...I look at how much it means to me (or my family) or to the person that invited me. If it is really important for me to go, then I get there no matter what. If its not important to me, then I just dont go.

Its actually how I look at a lot of things in life, if I have to ask the cost, I probably cant afford it...in other words if I am really concerned that its going to be out of my budget then its going to be too much.


Some people just can't afford it-regardless of how much the friendship means to them..a 200 dollar bridesmaid dress isn't going to pay the cable bill when THE MAN is banging on your door with a shutoff notice. And like you said..if it's just celebrating a day with your family and friends-then why then why get upset if they arent in the wedding? Maybe they will still show up.

[Pinkgirl36]

Originally posted by oblongmelon



Some people just can't afford it-regardless of how much the friendship means to them..a 200 dollar bridesmaid dress isn't going to pay the cable bill when THE MAN is banging on your door with a shutoff notice. And like you said..if it's just celebrating a day with your family and friends-then why then why get upset if they arent in the wedding? Maybe they will still show up. I so agree w/ this, I was in a wedding in 2001 and was a bridesmaid, I was asked almost a year and a half before the wedding, but the dress was still expensive regardless of how "cheap" we tried to go, the bride still wanted us to look nice....and I'm the maid of honor in my best friends wedding in May and we are going to start looking for dresses this weekend...the guy who is making her wedding dress offered to make our dresses for $500 each....thank god we passed on that...

[Merlin]

It might be a good thing that self centered people can't procreate.

[ufcrusher]

Well in this instance, the cost issue really is not a factor per se. There would have been no additional cost associated with her coming to the shower as I offered to take care of all the expenses for her and no gift would have been necessary. (Yes, I do realize that some people do not really like to take charity but I was always taught that you help out your friends) Plus, the reason given was solely the pregnancy issue that was the root of this thread not the money issue that seems to have prevaded it.

As I have said, I really like her friend and her husband. They are both really nice and I feel bad that they are having issues with getting pregnant. However, when I first made this thread I could not understand how she was unable to find a weekend to come down so we could schedule it around her. I was apparently not aware that fertility Drs actually see patients on the weekends and thus that could be an issue.

Just to clarify, they are coming to the wedding, that has never been an issue...this was just trying to schedule a shower and have her best friend there. Which meant I was trying to schedule it around her friend and the reason I was paying so that there were no constraints with attending...and the reason why I found it odd that she could find no time in her schedule to come down for a weekend on my dime.

I guess I just think that when I say to someone that X needs to be scheduled, just tell me when you want to schedule it for and I will buy you the ticket, get you at the airport, give you a place to stay, and help facilitate it to get the answer I did, did not make sense (at the time).

[Kim]

I don't know if this is her reason or not, but If I were in her shoes I wouldn't accept a ticket from you. Maybe she is just uncomfortable with that? It may be easier for her to decline the invitation than say "no thanks, I can't really afford it, and I don't feel comfortable accepting a ticket"?

It really is nice of you to offer it to her though.