View Full Version : do you say what you mean and do as you say?
Originally posted by chosenfool
in relationships, i mean.Relationships as in like romantic relationships? Or relationships as in like friend/family/co-worker relationships?
10-22-2003, 12:02 PM
Nobody does as we say. Life makes hypocrites of us all... and added to that, we're all selfish hypocrites to begin with. If it was as easy to do as we say, a lot more would be done than said. In my limited experience, I've never seen more done than said (or even as much done as said).
As for do I say what I mean... no not always. I say what I feel I need to say to get the message across that I want to get... or to get them to do what I want them to do. I've found that in life, if someone isn't ready to hear something... it doesn't do any good to say it, and if you try to press the issue all you're going to meet with is more resistance. It's like martial arts... sometimes it's good to blast through with brute strengh, but sometimes it's better to just guide their momentum. If someone is going at anything with a full head of steam standing in their way is dangerous to both you and them. In those cases, I just try to steer them away little by little and minimize the damage.
10-22-2003, 01:56 PM
I've tended to say what I mean and feel a few too many times, and in a relationship that you wish could be romantic and the other person doesn't....this could make that person feel very uncomfortable. Recently I've been holding back moreso than usual and am waiting for some sure signs that the other person has similar feelings.
If it's a close friendship type of relationship, I think it's safe and healthy to speak your mind. It's not like it would break the friendship or anything, and the openness breeds more openness and honesty. Even if there is a disagreement/argument that springs forth from it, there is a heightened level of mutual respect.
If it's a potentially romantic type of relationship (see PrObLy's response above), then it gets more into a gray area. On one hand, it would usually be better to make your intentions known, but the potential for awkwardness elevates. I tend to hold back for a while to try to get a read on the situation, but there always comes a time to get everything out in the open. Even if feelings are not reciprocated, a healthy friendship can recover from such a bump in the road. It may take some time and some maturing, but eventually things can be worked out if both people feel it is worth doing so.
If you're talking about straight-forwardness between people already in a romantic relationship, I can't really help you on that one.
And like you said, if it's within the family, openness comes more easily but is no less vital. Obviously, there are situations in which not all information should be made public--like if the family isn't doing well financially, it is the parents' decision whether or not to tell their children.
But no matter what type of relationship it is, everything boils down to honesty and trust. Often we are not forthcoming or straight-forward enough, but that would be the ideal scenario. Just use your discretion and everything will probably work out.
10-22-2003, 06:18 PM
This is the reason why I am single right now. I tend to mean what I say, and I've come to realize that about 90% of the people out don't. If people would be less concerned with hurting other people's feelings, then the world would run much smoother, imo. :o
10-22-2003, 06:53 PM
i'm not sure how to describe myself. i've never been totally open with people that are close to me. it's always a constant chess match with me.
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