Do you think this is any good?

[SonyGuy]

I wrote this lastnight for a girl I really like. She's simply amazing and I always enjoy time spent with her. Infact, she's all I can ever think about. It's pretty hard to do much of anything else right now. It's amazing what love does to you. It can make you and it can break you. I've felt both through all of this....

I've wrote to you a poem,
So I could tell you this,
You're all I ever think about,
And it's you I really miss.

I lie awake at night,
And dream of what could be,
A life of love and happiness,
If you felt the same for me.

If only you could see my thoughts,
What goes on inside my head,
Questions rise that have no answers,
As I lie here in my bed.

Does she really know?,
Does she really see?,
How much I really care for her,
She means everything to me.

It's gotten to the point,
You're all I can think about,
I know I really love you,
Beyond a shadow of doubt.

I'll wait until the end of time,
If that's what I have to do,
Just to prove all along,
That what I feel, is love for you.

I know we're only friends for now,
And that's ok with me,
But I hope to be much more than that,
And that we're meant to be.

I love you more than I can say,
And I know my feelings are true,
But in the end it's your decision,
So I leave that choice to you.



What do you think about it? Does it sound stupid? I was thinking of taking it out of my pocket and just reading it to her next time I see her. Or should I do something like leave it where she would find it? Is it more romantic to have a guy read you a poem, or just leave it somewhere for you to find on your own? I need a title for it too so if you have any ideas let me know.

[nickel]

i love it :)
read it to her

there is nothing more romantic than a guy reading poetry he has written or singing some Frank Sinatra to me. :kiss:

[donnar]

I thought it was really great and you shoudl read it to her

Donna

[SonyGuy]

Thanks for the compliments guys.

[Freelance Superhero]

ah yes... love... that oh-so-familiar human weakness that turns normal men into poets. first of all, is it good poetry? i'm not at liberty to say, but spontaneous love poetry is, quite frankly, seldom good. is the idea sweet and romantic? most definitely.

having said that, i don't want to be the party-pooper here, but if you guys are only friends, like you've written in that poem, then i think you should maybe think it over before you read it to her. there are quite a few strong phrases in there, i.e. "I know I really love you/Beyond a shadow of doubt," or that you're "meant to be." if you think she's prepared to hear something like that, then by all means, go for it.

i'm just trying to be a voice of reason here, that's all, and possibly offer a cautionary word. i know how irrational we male-types get when we're smitten... ;)

[Jenny]

Definitely read it to her! :D Is great!

[cruelpupet]

DO NOT READ THAT POEM!!!!!!!!!!


With that said here's why:


1. Women have no idea what they want. While it might seem like a good idea to take the advice of a woman it is not. People want what they cant have. Most girls do not want a guy who wants them...thats why you always see them with "@$$holes".

2. If she does not feel the same way as you, she will prolly look at you like you are psycho.

[ski]

I'll wait until the end of time,
If that's what I have to do,
Just to prove all along,
That what I feel, is love for you.

I would change the last line to "That I feel love for you." There are a few too many syllables that break the rhythm, especially if you're reading it aloud. That said, if you do decide to give it to her, I hope she doesn't get scared of it and it all works out :)

[revil]

I never understood poems. just f*cking say what you want to say. no need to be flowery. I also agree with cruel.

[SonyGuy]

I'm hearing some great feedback on the poem guys. Thanks a bunch. And SkiAtomic, I'll change that one line because it does sound better that way;)

BTW- I likely won't see her until tomorrow so I will let you all know how it goes:)

[cruelpupet]

Originally posted by SonyGuy
I'm hearing some great feedback on the poem guys. Thanks a bunch. And SkiAtomic, I'll change that one line because it does sound better that way;)

BTW- I likely won't see her until tomorrow so I will let you all know how it goes:)


you should listen to the puppets (me, and revil)

[mcs328]

I rather not read it b/c I have a voice of a frog hence no karaoke. I used to write poems too but I didn't like voicing it as much as I like reading it. IMO it's better for her to read it and use her own imagination and mental voice to speak to her than hearing yours. You know what I mean? Like books-on-tape...if you like it sure then buy it but I like to read books and hear my own mental voice.

Good luck :)

[SonyGuy]

Hey guys I read it to her lastnight and she loved it. She said it was better than getting a dozen roses because atleast she'll have it a long time from now. :D

[Freelance Superhero]

:thumbup:

awesome... i'm glad you had the balls to do it, dude. so, is it safe to say, you two will be heading beyond the "just friends" territory now? ;)

[The Happy Squirrel]

:thumbup: sweet job man, it was an awesome poem :thumbup:

[cheapchinese]

i see a movie date comming up soon :P

[SonyGuy]

Yeah, I was over at her house lastnight. I spent the night and...Ever had a girl rape you? :wow: :wow: :wow: