Would you dump her if you knew it probably wouldn't last?

[ski]

I'm currently dating my old boss's daughter. I've posted about her before, in such references that...

1) Last spring, we went on some dates, then I freaked out and couldn't stand to see her at all that summer. Dunno why.
2) This fall, I worked for her dad, and she also interned in another part of the same company. December, we started seeing each other pretty much every day... hanging out, holding hands, kissing... all that lovey dovey stuff.
3) This spring, we'll be back at college.

Thing is, I know we're not going to be together in the long run. Certain things like religion, my mental instability towards her, and the fact that I have zero sexual interest in her* lead me to this feeling that we're just not going to make it. We CAN make it for maybe a year just by going through the motions, but I'm a junior in college, and I'd feel almost like I'm wasting the rest of my time when I could be keeping myself open for someone I feel I could be with longer.

Dumping her would hit her out of left field, since we left for break on good terms (haven't seen her in a month). Bahhhhh I DON'T KNOW :neartears Plus, she's the type of girl who is happy with going through the motions, because she hasn't had much experience (her first boyfriend was in 10th grade... I'm her second :eek: )

What would you do?

*She's never done anything intimate aside from kissing, and is not interested in doing anything more... this turned my mojo off completely and I can't force myself to get it back with her

[Emqtee]

You shouldn't have to go through the motions. If you really don't want to be with this person it is best to break it off as soon as possible. Just tell her the truth, without being too brutally honest. Of course she will be upset but this way you will both be able to move on.

You are in college and still young. You should have as much fun as you can! If I had it all to do over again I would not have stayed with the person I was with for as long as I did. I think I missed out on a big portion of what the whole college experience was supposed to be about.

[Cantacuzene]

Dump her. You dont want to waste your time and money on something you dont really care about.

[DaFunkyUnit]

the moral funkyUnit would say: yes, dump her ASAP (not too harsh though) so that you can avoid really hurting her.

the not-so-moral funkyUnit would say: keep her on the tip until you find someone better, then "smoothly" transition from one girl to the other.

[molecularfire]

Dump her. It's not fair to her for you to keep stringing her along. BTW, how old is she?

[revil]

Originally posted by molecularfire
Dump her. It's not fair to her for you to keep stringing her along. BTW, how old is she?
I know skiAtomic like the back of my hand... so i can safely say she's 12. :|










:shifty:

[ski]

Originally posted by molecularfire
BTW, how old is she?

12 :shifty: I mean 20 ;)

The thing is, is talking about me being unsure of things something that can be brought up to her? I don't want to freak her out, and there are just some things you can't talk through. For example, anything intimate. From my understanding you just have to do it. You can't bring it up at the dinner table, "I was thinking about taking your shirt off later tonight and using my hands to feel them. What do you think?" :heh:

Is talking about how I think the relationship might fail for possible good reason something I can bring up with her to sort of see what comes out of it? Who knows, heck, I might as well try it.

[revil]

Originally posted by skiAtomic
"I was thinking about taking your shirt off later tonight and using my hands to feel them. What do you think?"
be direct. say breasts, not them. you can safely take advise from me. I know everything.

[nickel]

sounds to me like there just aren't "any sparks".
so stop going back and forth and just end it for both of your sakes.

[Grumpy]

uou shouldn't waste time and money on someone who you don't feel for...so just dump her.

[kimchicowboy]

Originally posted by Cantacuzene
Dump her. You dont want to waste your time and money on something you dont really care about.
:stupid: my thoughts exactly.

[Freelance Superhero]

Originally posted by skiAtomic
The thing is, is talking about me being unsure of things something that can be brought up to her? it doesn't sound at all to me like you're unsure. you've flat-out said you know you won't be together in the long run.

seriously, it's unfair to both of you, and it's a waste of time for both of you. don't string her along, and don't limit yourself.

my vote goes for separation.

[Merlin]

Originally posted by skiAtomic
...and the fact that I have zero sexual interest in her*...

If that is the case why in the world did you even get together with her in the first place? If a girl does not turn you on then what's the point? I know there is much more to a relationship than sex but on the other hand it is an important part. If you don't have than then go find it elsewhere.

[LPMiller]

Originally posted by skiAtomic


12 :shifty: I mean 20 ;)

The thing is, is talking about me being unsure of things something that can be brought up to her? I don't want to freak her out, and there are just some things you can't talk through. For example, anything intimate. From my understanding you just have to do it. You can't bring it up at the dinner table, "I was thinking about taking your shirt off later tonight and using my hands to feel them. What do you think?" :heh:

Is talking about how I think the relationship might fail for possible good reason something I can bring up with her to sort of see what comes out of it? Who knows, heck, I might as well try it.

Actually, in the right context, that line can work.

[ski]

I DID ask for your advice, so I'll take it :) Thanks for tuning in and backin me up on this one

[molecularfire]

Hey Ski, I've given my advice on this already, so this isn't really advise. This is just me being nosy... I have a question. Is it that there is no sexual interest on your part towards her because you don't find her sexually interesting or is it because she isn't interested in doing anything sexual? i.e. if she was willing to do more stuff would you find her sexually interesting?

[ski]

She claims to have her fair share of being bad (which I don't believe for a second :P), so anyway, one night we were in bed, just doing the kissing thing, and after this conversation where she basically says "I'm naughtier than you think", she wouldn't even let me take the bra off! Grrrr! After that, my mojo sort of wandered away.

EDIT: my bro just gave me what may be good advice:

"Now, I'm not saying that a relationship should revolve around sex, indeed it should not, but I think (and many experts agree) that any relationship that doesn't have any sort of a sexual component is doomed"

[Merlin]

Originally posted by skiAtomic
"Now, I'm not saying that a relationship should revolve around sex, indeed it should not, but I think (and many experts agree) that any relationship that doesn't have any sort of a sexual component is doomed"


Originally posted by Merlin
"
If that is the case why in the world did you even get together with her in the first place? If a girl does not turn you on then what's the point? I know there is much more to a relationship than sex but on the other hand it is an important part. If you don't have than then go find it elsewhere.

So pretty mush what I said. :halo: Listen to this brother of yours. He seems wise.

[Emqtee]

Originally posted by skiAtomic
She claims to have her fair share of being bad (which I don't believe for a second :P), so anyway, one night we were in bed, just doing the kissing thing, and after this conversation where she basically says "I'm naughtier than you think", she wouldn't even let me take the bra off! Grrrr! After that, my mojo sort of wandered away. . .

Anyone who has to tell you that they are naughty pretty much aren't. If they do make a statement like that they should be prepared to back up what they say. Otherwise they are just a tease.

I am betting that since she has had only one other boyfriend that she is not as "experienced" as she let on. Maybe she just got scared, or wasn't sure what to do.

Anyway, I agree with Merlin and your brother. Sex isn't everything. But if you are not at all sexually attracted to her it would be like dating your sister!

[djradam]

Originally posted by skiAtomic

EDIT: my bro just gave me what may be good advice:

"Now, I'm not saying that a relationship should revolve around sex, indeed it should not, but I think (and many experts agree) that any relationship that doesn't have any sort of a sexual component is doomed"

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

not exactly related, but whatever...

you might want to dump her, cuase your time in valuable. you care for her feeling, but you really need to look out for your own feelings too.

[ski]

I'm having a serious chat with her right now and she came clean -- she's pretty much JUST as innocent as I think. She didn't explain why she pushed me away, but I told her that since then, I have very little mojo/desire to do anything.

Blah.

[Freelance Superhero]

i'm not trying to be an instigator here, but...

while i do agree that physical attraction/chemistry is very important in a relationship, this quote bothers me:
"She's never done anything intimate aside from kissing, and is not interested in doing anything more... this turned my mojo off completely and I can't force myself to get it back with her."so, you became disinterested in her once you found out she wouldn't give up the nookie? you say you want to end the relationship because you don't see you two together in the long run, but if the mere fact that she's not willing to have a sexual relationship turns you off irreversibly, it indicates to me that you might not have been in it for the long run to begin with.

i guess what spurred this thought was the fact that this bothered you to the point where you felt the need to have a serious chat with her about it, as you mentioned in your last post. and, i'm wondering how it must have sounded to her when you told her you lost interest in her ever since the night she wouldn't let you take her bra off.

in any case, i still say you should definitely break it off.

[Grimm]

ski,
You just need to be upfront with her. Tell her that you would like to have a serious relationship with her but so far she isn't showing any real interest in advancing it. If she just wants to be a close friend that's fine, but you are going to start dating other people.

Does she want to wait untill she is married? Can you be ok with this? Maybe a girl that doesn't sleep around would be a good thing?

[rajatQ2]

if you're not interested in keeping your job, I say give her a few pinches and maybe a few sly feels and see how she reacts. That way you can tell how naughty she can really be.

[bjgreen]

If she don't put out and you don't think she's going to put out anytime soon, she gets the boot. 'Nuff said. Don't waste time and money on 'em unless you are getting something in return.

[zenbooty]

Nothing attracts women like having another woman as a girlfriend/wife. So, keep her around for awhile until you can attract another woman, more to your liking. Then dump her.



(Yeah, I can be pretty Machiavellian when it comes to relationships sometimes. But that's what happens when you get burned once too many...)

[DaFunkyUnit]

Originally posted by zenbooty
Nothing attracts women like having another woman as a girlfriend/wife. So, keep her around for awhile until you can attract another woman, more to your liking. Then dump her.



(Yeah, I can be pretty Machiavellian when it comes to relationships sometimes. But that's what happens when you get burned once too many...)

:stupid:
hey! thats what I said!
(see above...)

[ski]

Well, turns out when I finally saw her again (after the month we had been away), things felt a LOT better. I was trying to find excuses to not give it any more of a try with her. I talked to her about it, and she came to an agreement that she'll be a little bit freakier :) She has done marvelously in the past week, and I'm a happy camper since we talked :D

[brain]

Originally posted by skiAtomic
Well, turns out when I finally saw her again (after the month we had been away), things felt a LOT better. I was trying to find excuses to not give it any more of a try with her. I talked to her about it, and she came to an agreement that she'll be a little bit freakier :) She has done marvelously in the past week, and I'm a happy camper since we talked :D

Bowm chicka bowm bowm!

[ski]

Scratch that, we're breaking up. I found myself doing really mean and obnoxious things to her (for example, not being able to see her while I was sober), so there was no point in moving on. Hahaha, I'm miserable at relationships, but then again, it may be a blessing that I don't waste years of my time on something I'm not going to be happy with in the long run physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yes, you can defend your X year relationship by saying you had some good times, and I'll defend myself by saying I'll have some good times too while I'm single :) Bah.

[Grimm]

Sorry to hear it man. Maybe a bit of introspection is in order. Ask yourself why you are doing it. Does she bother you that much? Or are you just avoiding a serious relationship?

If you are avoiding a relationship you have a problem. You will destroy any relationship you are in eventialy. You need to get that fixed now. Get counseling, talk to friends, stop drinking, whatever it takes. Maybe you are just thinking about it too much, or not enough?

If you are the problem, dumping her will not fix it. Will you end up regretting this for the rest of your life?

[ski]

Originally posted by Grimm
Sorry to hear it man. Maybe a bit of introspection is in order. Ask yourself why you are doing it. Does she bother you that much? Or are you just avoiding a serious relationship?

If you are avoiding a relationship you have a problem. You will destroy any relationship you are in eventialy. You need to get that fixed now. Get counseling, talk to friends, stop drinking, whatever it takes. Maybe you are just thinking about it too much, or not enough?

If you are the problem, dumping her will not fix it. Will you end up regretting this for the rest of your life?

Thanks Grimm...

She's just not right for me, and I'm still trying to deal with that rape accusation against me, so I'm working it all out. I'm going to see a counselor on Monday to figure some things out. First things first, I need to break things off with the boss's daughter, because

1) we're not right for each other
2) i care about her feelings as a friend, and prolonging things will make it worse!

Next, I gotta get sh*t straight and get myself over and beyond of the rape thing. I'm hopin the counselor session will help w/ that.

Then, back to regularly scheduled life? :) hahahah

[Emqtee]

It will be good for you to talk to someone who will give you unbiased opinions. May take more than one session to work things out but it is definately worth trying.

Prolonging things with your GF would be a bad idea if you truly don't think of her as more than a friend. Did you tell her yet? The longer you wait the harder it will be for the both of you.