S. Divorce.

[oblongmelon]

yep it sucks..

[Butch]

Wow. Oblong . . . our paths haven't crossed much at all in these forums over the past few years, but I feel for ya. That's horrible.

[Johnnymac]

Jeez OB that really sucks. I dont know what to say besides that I will keep you in my prayers and I hope everything works out for the best. Who knows what makes people tick but I am sure that he is a fool for doing this.

-C

[nickel]

oh man, sorry OB. :(
i guess none of us really does know what is around the corner for us no matter how much we think we do.

and even tho you and i don't always see eye to eye, do know i am being genuine when i say we are all here for you.

[attgig]

wow...freakin outta the blue....

sorry to hear the news OB. you'll be in my prayers.

[Jeffbx]

Wow - good luck to you. Hope all of you come throught it OK (kids too!)

[whitak24]

obby....so sorry to hear about this. i don't know what else to say, other than that i hope everything works out ok for you. you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Kim]

Oh Obby, I am so sorry. I hope things work out, and we are here for you anytime you need us.

[Cantacuzene]

Thats terrible news. Sorry to hear it.

[speedracer120]

Wow, I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry to hear about it.

[Markel]

:sad: That has to be tough coming out of nowhere. All the best to you, Obby. :neartears

[chrissy]

Obby you are one of the strongest women I know, even if I know you only on here. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.

[ski]

Consider my thoughts with you when you read this

[oblongmelon]

thanks everybody...

[ufcrusher]

Obby - thats absolutely horrible. I dont know if its worth your time and effort, or even if you would want this, but what about suggesting counseling with him. It may be a waste, but at the same time, it might help the situation. It sounds like he is going through some mid life crisis or something and maybe with the help of a professional he can see reality.

If not, then I would suggest that YOU see a lawyer. Even if you part as friends, divorce is not easy and you should have representation.

Just hang in there and remember sometimes even when you do everything right, it doesnt work out.

[eSDee]

Obby that is truly a bigtime suckage. I'm very sorry to hear that. The only thing that I can say is that my aunt and uncle divorced about 10 years ago, and initially everybody in my family hated her because my uncle is my blood relative and she is not. Everybody felt sorry for my uncle because they had 4 kids who were still young. However, as time went on we got to see why she was tired of his ass. He is very controlling and requires his wife to be subserviant. I got to see how he was always trying to boss my sisters around into getting stuff for him, and they were like hell nah. Anyways to make a long story short, his youngest kid got married a couple of weeks ago and I saw my aunt for the first time in a long time. She looked great and was very happy. My sisters got to chatting with her and she said that as painful as it was to go through a divorce, she finally got her life back. She didn't get married to become a slave, especially because she is an educated woman. It turned out to be the best thing for her in the long run and she is now living a very happy and fulfilling life.

So I am not sure if this is a similar situation that you are in, but just know that eventually things will work themselves out. Perhaps Mr. Melon just needs some time to think about it. Perhaps not. But you are a wonderful woman full of knowledge and spirit, and so we have no doubt that you are going to pull through this. We are here to listen to you and give you support whenever you need it. Just keep your head up.

Good luck with everything.

[sbp]

Really sorry to hear it Obby.

[LPMiller]

Damn, girl.

I second counseling. I mean, it hardly seems fair that he got all this time to sort out his feelings on it, but you get no chance at all. Just because he's having a midlife crisis doesn't make your feelings pointless.

And I dunno how I'd feel about 'being taken care of' by a man who just quit his job to play golf.

Yeah, he OWES it to you to go to marriage counselor.

[zenbooty]

I'm very sorry to hear the news, Obby. I wish you strength and courage in the times ahead.

[johnnymk]

Wow, Of all the people in this forum, I thought you had a pretty strong marriage. You seem like a pretty fair woman with a very nice personality.

Some guys don't know what they have till they lose it.

Major Suckage!!

[mcs328]

Woah...sorry to hear that. I would try counseling or some form of reconciliation with him. This is just so out of the blue.

[le_stick]

I'm very sorry to hear that Obby. Please be/stay strong

[Grimm]

The first thought that occurs to me is GET A LAWYER.
What does he mean that his lawyer is going to "make sure you are taken care of". What kind of crock is that? What are the laws in your state. Here in Cali 1/2 of everything is yours. If you have family here maybe you should move here quick and file here before he get his filed. Depends on what the laws are. I don't even know if you can do that, you might be required to establish resedency first.

Some very important things:
1) Get a Lawyer right now.

2) Don't move out of the house. (unless the laws suck so bad for you that moving is your only option) Without a physical presence you might not get it.

3) Get a Lawyer right now.

4) There are no friendly divorces. If you were still frineds, he wouldn't be breaking a solemn vow to you, would he.

5) Get a Lawyer right now.

6) Why can't he go play golf and stay married? There still might be a honey on the side.

7) Get a Lawyer right now.

8) Establish your own checking account immediately. You will need to have a way of paying your bills. Has he already moved all the money?

9) Get a Lawyer right now.

10) Did I mention that you should be consulting an attourney immediately?

Actualy, my very first thought was that if he has a terrible accident and dies before he files, you get everything, including the life insurance.

Condolances Obby. :( It sucks when someone breaks their word to you for no reason other than they are selfish.

We should all chip in and rent a wood chipper to feed mr. mellon into feet first. :mad:

[oblongmelon]

some superstars just can't stay put!

[whitak24]

Originally posted by oblongmelon
I'm sure tomorrow I'll have some other mood about this-please bear with me ok.
we're here no matter what mood you're in obby :cry:

hang in there.....

[LPMiller]

That's not true. I cannot stand hanging around people crabbier than I am. Y'all are just lucky that it takes a lot of damn work to be crabbier than I am at any given point in time.

Obby, Grimm is wrong - you can have a 'friendly divorce'. But, you don't {i]have[/i] to. Seems to me this is a bombshell that came out of nowhere, and I'd be pissed as hell too.

"his mind is made up". Bullcrap. He doesn't know his own mind, or he wouldn't find it so easy to throw all the years away. But that's just me. Even if my mind was made up, I'd still wouldn't pop this out of nowhere, and I still wouldn't skip on the counseling. Not after all these years.

Unless.

Yeah, unless. Unless I had a little sumpton sumpton. Unless I had a reason that I sure as hell didn't want anyone to know about.

Grimm is right. Get a lawyer NOW. It may just be a midlife crisis, and he's being totally honest with you. If so, great, even if he is being a **** about it. But this sounds an awful lot like a letter that would normally start out, "Dear Abby,"

1)Out of the Blue
2)Mind is made up, no discussion at all
3)Promises of support and equity.

It ain't washing.

[oblongmelon]

I'm movin on up-to the east side..to a de-lux apt in the skyyyy

[johnnymk]

Sounds to me like something major happened at work that he no longer wants to face...Maybe a confrontation with his boss and he got fired resulting in a bruised ego or an affair there which turned sour.

Plus..deciding to be a Golf Pro in the middle of winter?

[Grimm]

Originally posted by LPMiller
Obby, Grimm is wrong
See, this is where you go off on an unrealistic tangent. Not agreeing with Grimm, what were you thinking?


Originally posted by LPMiller
Grimm is right.
Now this is much better. Always a great idea to agree with Grimm. :heh:


Look on the bright side Obby, you are now available for Mel!;)

[oblongmelon]

mel gibson dumps me..part II

[topane]

Obby, I'm so sorry. My dad left my mom after 29 years and I know how hard it was for her. If it's any consolation, she's done very well for herself since then.

*hugs obby*

[gear02]

My condolences. I hope everything works out, and indeed everything does in the end. I think you can handle yourself though, you seem to be one of the more smarter and levelheaded people in this forum :D

[avlena]

that sucks Obby... sorry to hear it. on the up point, at least he had the decency to wait until your kids were out of the house, instead of at an age where they wouldn't understand, and probably get a bit messed up!

[tweeteresa]

i'm truly sorry obby. but now it's a great chance to live life how you want it, especially with your kids all grown up. take advantage of the curve ball life threw at you and make the most of it. :)

[Airencracken]

Wow, I can't imagine the level of shock that must have given you. Divorce however is in my experience a bittersweet thing (child of divorce) it has it's good points and it's bad points. I hope for you that you're able to pick up and continue living your life. Be strong.

[Paymaster]

Man... this kinda stuff scares me. Just got married, and things are going quite well... but the idea that someone could just decide "its over" at any time... truely frightening.

I feel for ya, obby...

[caribiner23]

Obby, Sorry to hear about this. It is a shocker, all right.

The advice from the other G|A'ers is all valid, but one thing I would recommend beyond anything else:

Get yourself to a counselor of your own.

When I went through my divorce, my counselor was invaluable. There's so much that another concerned *professional* party can offer that augments the support of friends and family. I still talk to her every couple of months, just to give myself a little checkpoint. (I saw her on Monday, in fact.) If I didn't have her in my life at that point, I know my life would be very different today. I guarantee a good counselor/social worker will help.

Above all else, remember that you have an entire community here at G|A who's behind you.

:angel:

[oblongmelon]

:cry: I miss mel!

[zenbooty]

Originally posted by oblongmelon
Who knew this wonderful guy I married would trade me in for something he obviously thinks is better. I hope you understand this reveals more about him than it does about you, Obby.

[Jenny]

I'm so sorry obby. As a kid I often wishes my parents would get divorced. I still do sometimes. They fight so often and I can hardly believe that either of them are happy, especially when my mom has told me so often that she isn't. But to come out of the blue like that must have been (& still be) extremely painful. :( You're in my thoughts & prayers.

[hoey222]

wow obby - i'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

but i'm glad to see you're making the best you can out of a can of crap that was just opened...

good luck - my thoughts are with you.....

[Kevster]

OMFG - OBBY!!!! I am so sorry to hear this horrible news. :(

Know that I along with everyone here is with you on this one.

Just thinking off the top of my head here since his behavior is so illogical and erratic, you could have Mr. Melon declared of unsound mind and he could be hospitalized (for his own safety, of course). Since you are still Mrs. Melon you could have the guys in white coats there in no time to haul his golfin' dumb ass away and get his melon straightened out...

Also remember:

Hell hath no fury as the lawyer of a woman scorned...

EDIT:

Actually I just came up with a better idea. Convince him there is some excellent hiking he should do right now in Scotland. I know of an excellent guide book (http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70928) he can use there. ;)

[oblongmelon]

but but..where's mel?

[speedracer120]

Yeah, I second carbiner's personal counseling idea too. I haven't been through anything like this, but I found out recently it's actually quite liberating to be able to just let out everything on your mind on some chump being paid to listen to you. Luckily for me I get sessions for near free, but I do see the help she's doing for me.

[Grimm]

Originally posted by Kevster
Actually I just came up with a better idea. Convince him there is some excellent hiking he should do right now in Scotland. I know of an excellent guide book (http://www.gotapex.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70928) he can use there. ;)
Ahhhh... Scotland, the birthplace of Golf. A pilgramage is definately in order. To play golf you have to be able to walk long distances... perhaps he should prove he is ready for it by doing this hike?
Perhaps you could even send some friends along to see him off.

[attgig]

*hug*

hope you're doing well.

[dbax791]

Obby I'm sorry to hear that. Seems weird after so many years here and learning from your knowledge.

That said, I agree with the others, don't take the "let's part friends" lightly. Get your laywer and make sure your interests for yourself and your kids are protected - don't accept "I'll get my lawyer and we'll take care of you".

[Hoser]

I've been divorced over 11 years (Nov 92). In my situation, it was the right thing to do. I was happier being at work than being at home. That's not right.

I hope you are able to continue your life in the manner you're accustomed to. From the messages on this board, I sense that you're an independant woman. I'm sorry that this has happened to you at this time. Divorce isn't easy, no matter what the situation is.

I think the best thing is that the kids are adults. My son was 8 when I was divorced. The hardest thing was being away from him for a couple years (I was Air Force stationed overseas).

I hope you can get support (local and internet) that will help you cope with this situation.

[nickel]

hope you are doing ok obby
we are thinking of you

[johnnymk]

Wonder what happened to obby? We haven't heard from her in a week.

[oblongmelon]

mel was in braveheart!

[LPMiller]

If getting the flu and divorced isn't reason to feel sorry for yourself, I dunno what is. Wallow it for the rest of the week. Enjoy.

Just don't make it a habit, kiddo. But allow yourself time.

[whitak24]

Originally posted by oblongmelon
I've been busy feeling sorry for myself. (and I also have the flu)
sorry to hear you're sick obby. :( that's not what you need on top of everything else.

take care of yourself and get better soon.

[caribiner23]

Our thoughts are with you, Obby.

[OC]

Well, damn. I've been off dealing with my own drama and completely missed this.

I'm so sorry obby. I would also second (third?) the suggestion of personal counseling. To blindside you like that and not even be willing to consider staying together - ugh. Tell him he'd better fly straight with you from here on out or me, DF, LP, Grimm, and all the other GA men will come out and kick his ass. Firmly.

Golf? Fvcking GOLF?!? He deserves a good ass kicking just for that.

Be strong. We're all here for you. *hug*

[caribiner23]

Originally posted by OC
Tell him he'd better fly straight with you from here on out or me, DF, LP, Grimm, and all the other GA men will come out and kick his ass. Firmly.

*cracking knuckles*

[Grimm]

If I have to come all the way out there I am not just gonna kick some ass. I am gonna take an appendage as a souvenier. He's a lying sack of sh1t. He took a solemn vow to God "Until death do us part". Grrrrrrrrrrr..... :angry:

[Kevster]

Obby, why isn't Mr. Melon at the Mental Health Care facility like I suggested? He's obviously a danger to himself and to others - it's really for his own good. I mean really - they have done extensive improvements to shock therapy in that it doesn't cause nearly as many side effects as it used to (except for the long term memory loss effects, but that's sometimes better, right?)

I hope you feel better health-wise soon. The flu this year is apparently a real bitch to get over.

[RoniMan]

sorry to hear about what's happening.

i wish there was something i could say (that everyone else hasn't expressed), but just know you are in our thoughts.

take care.

[oblongmelon]

thanks everybody..the flu is finally subsiding-but the snow is making my life HELL..

[speedracer120]

Sorry to hear about your accident. Jeez. Like DF said it really pours when it's raining.

[OC]

Dear Fates,

Leave obby the hell alone.

Sincerely,

OC

[johnnymk]

Good Grief, obby. What a way to start the year. I hope that things start going better for you.

[whitak24]

holy crap obby. that accident sounds nasty. glad to hear you made it out in one piece -- that's the important thing. back pain from accidents can be a bitch though ;(

hope you're doing ok

[attgig]

:(

i hope they catch that motherf*cker. stinkin hit and run. they better catch him! :(

[jase71]

Condolences, Obby... I won't even pretend to understand what you're going through... but I'll be worried about you until this is all over. You deserved better.

Seems to me he's killing the goose that laid the golden egg. I'm going to guess he'll have a hardcore case of regret a few years from now.

Man, if I pulled a stunt like that, my wife would have some very graphic suggestions about what I could do with those golf clubs. All of them painful, and none of them involving golf.

[Grimm]

:splat: It's people like the guy in the grey chevy that make me hate people. Not all people, just the ones who aren't me, and in this case Oby. I hope they catch the clown and lock him up.

o This is your sphincter before prison.
O This is your sphincter after prison.
:eek: Any questions?

[caribiner23]

OMG, Obby--- one thing after another.

Keep us up on what's going on with everything-- we're pitchin' for you.

[oblongmelon]

I got the estimate on my car..French are bastards!