first sleepover

[harvardian]

Hi,

My first posting... I am in the process of getting divorced (after 18 years of marriage) and have been dating a lovely woman for the past two months. On a whim, I asked her if she would like to stay at my house if I could find somewhere to send my three kids. She jumped at the opportunity. We have not had sex, but have made out a few times. Believe it or not, I have only slept with one woman (my wife).

So, my question is. I am so used to the ritual with my ex-wife that I'm very nervous about a new partner, so how should I handle the situation?

I feel like a teenager again (I'm 42)...

Thanks,

Dale

[caribiner23]

Depends on what you mean by "how do I handle the situation?" What specifically are you nervous about?

- Being with someone else in general?
- Which side of the bed to sleep on?
- What kind of coffee to buy?
- What, if anything to tell the kids?
- What to wear?
- Buying her a toothbrush?

What specifically are your concerns?

[oblongmelon]

Originally posted by harvardian
Hi,

My first posting... I am in the process of getting divorced (after 18 years of marriage) and have been dating a lovely woman for the past two months. On a whim, I asked her if she would like to stay at my house if I could find somewhere to send my three kids. She jumped at the opportunity. We have not had sex, but have made out a few times. Believe it or not, I have only slept with one woman (my wife).

So, my question is. I am so used to the ritual with my ex-wife that I'm very nervous about a new partner, so how should I handle the situation?

I feel like a teenager again (I'm 42)...

Thanks,

Dale

and this woman is how old????

[harvardian]

After 18 years, I pretty much know what my ex-wife liked. How much foreplay, where to touch, etc... It's been a long time since my last first experience with a woman.

How do I get her to tell me what she likes?

By the way, she is 39. A librarian, but very sensual.

[caribiner23]

This may seem like oversimplification, but here goes:

Pay attention to her.

If she's not very verbal or willing to "lead you," just take it one step at a time and see what her reaction is to what the two of you are doing. If she seems hesitant or backs off, she may not be ready (or like) what you're doing.

If she is, as you say, "sensual," she probably will provide pretty clear signals as to what she likes or doesn't like.

Just do what feels good (don't follow a 'playbook'-- "first I'll do this, then this, then this...") and take it as it happens.

Talking about it sure helps, too. You can turn any missteps into something funny if you both approach this with tenderness and affection.

[cheapie]

Marian, madam librarian

What can I do, my dear, to catch your ear?
I love you madly, madly, madam librarian, Marian
Heaven help us if the library caught on fire
And the volunteer hose brigade men
Had to whisper the news to Marian, madam librarian

What can I do, my dear, to make it clear?
I need you badly, badly, madam librarian, Marian
If I stumbled and I busted my whatchamacallit
I could lie on your floor unnoticed
'til my body had turned to carrion
Madam librarain

Now in the moonlight a man could sing it
In the moonlight
And a fella would know that his darlin'
Had heard every word of his song
With the moonlight helping along

But when I try in here to tell you dear
I love you madly, madly, madam librarian, Marian
It's a long lost cause, I can never win
For the civilized world accepts as unforgivable sin
Any talking out loud with any librarian
Such as Marian, madam librarian

[harvardian]

Cheapie,

Thanks for the poem/lyrics. I sent her a copy.

By the way, we have talked and she did say that she does give lots of feedback. Its great, we can talk about anything.

I do realize there is no magic recipe. She thinks that we have great chemistry and "fit very nicely" together... So I shouldn't worry too much. It is just that this sleepover thing has me both excited and very nervous.

I haven't even told my kids that she exists yet. Better wait until the divorce is finalized. They just think I am going away for a day or two and they enjoy staying with our friends.

[cheapie]

it's from the music man. ever seen it?

[caribiner23]

Sounds like you're already off to a good start. :thumbup:

Just relax and let the romance happen.:)

[harvardian]

Cheapie,

Yes, I have seen it, just didn't remember that song. She replied that she knows all of the librarian literary references and most are pretty stereotypical about finding a man or be an old maid.

I just got off the phone with her. She seems more excited than me. Yikes... A happy nervousness.

[nickel]

have a few drinks and chill.
then have 'lots of hot monkey sex :monkey:

[hapoo]

Originally posted by nickelback
have a few drinks and chill.
then have 'lots of hot monkey sex :monkey:



Thats your solution to everything :P

[look_ma]

I say watching a good DVD on the couch together to start the night off while sipping drinks. Drinking always helps out for these kinds of things, and good movie loosens up the mood and breaks the ice. Also be sure to have the house clean, especially the bedroom and the bathroom (I know this may sound silly, but some people forget the basics).

[hapoo]

Originally posted by DarkFury

Nuttin' wrong with that is it? :shrug:


:hihi:


of coarse not... if she's willing to participate ;)

[donnar]

pay attention to her and for god sakes do not force her head down! No for real though, wine and a good movie is all you need if she wants you, nice dinner wouldn't hurt either oh and buy NEW sheets!

Donna

[cheapchinese]

Originally posted by donnar
pay attention to her and for god sakes do not force her head down! No for real though, wine and a good movie is all you need if she wants you, nice dinner wouldn't hurt either oh and buy NEW sheets!

Donna

i thought he was sleeping over at her place :confused:

having alcohol is always a plus, thank god this isn't illegal, yet.

[harvardian]

Hi All,

Since she lives in a small apartment with no bathtub, she wants to take a long relaxing bath (by herself). So, I bought her favorite fragrances (bath salts/oils) and fav. wine. I asked her about a movie since that is one of her favorite things to do, but she insisted that she "just" wanted to spend time with me.

Yes, I am going to buy new sheets. I did scrub the bathrooms and bedroom and kitchen, got her "organic" coffee. For dinner, all she wants is pizza. I don't think she wants me to fuss too much. And she wants to see the way I live normally (that would be too scary as I am an almost divorced dad with sole custody of three children (14, 12, and 7).

And by the way, its not all about sex. I'm not even sure that we are ready. Although, we spent about an hour making out in the subway last night.

Thanks!

[cheapie]

Originally posted by harvardian
Hi All,

Since she lives in a small apartment with no bathtub, she wants to take a long relaxing bath (by herself). So, I bought her favorite fragrances (bath salts/oils) and fav. wine. I asked her about a movie since that is one of her favorite things to do, but she insisted that she "just" wanted to spend time with me.

Yes, I am going to buy new sheets. I did scrub the bathrooms and bedroom and kitchen, got her "organic" coffee. For dinner, all she wants is pizza. I don't think she wants me to fuss too much. And she wants to see the way I live normally (that would be too scary as I am an almost divorced dad with sole custody of three children (14, 12, and 7).

And by the way, its not all about sex. I'm not even sure that we are ready. Although, we spent about an hour making out in the subway last night.

Thanks!


oh come on. so she's going to be taking a nice romantic bath while you're out in the the living room watching sportscenter? right.....

[harvardian]

I plead the 5th....

Actually, she does scare me. I have only been with one woman, but she has had quite a few relationships and admits to lots of experimentation during college. Geez, I sound so square...

Although, it wouldn't be sportcenter, I'm more of a CNN junky.

[donnar]

Well when ever I take long romantic bath that is my husband que to put light candles, I mean if you really want to go all out buy her a really nice bathrobe then everytime she wear it she thinks of you and the wonderful, thought full person you are

Donna

[caribiner23]

You're getting a lot of good advice here.

As someone who went through pretty much the same thing a few years ago, there's one more piece of advice I can offer:

Watch your heart.

If you're just in it for fun-- enjoy. ;) However..

You said you're "in the process" of a divorce. You didn't say how long you've been separated, and I'm guessing it hasn't been all that long. There's something to be said for closing that chapter on your life before giving up too much on a future that's still coming into focus.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[WhiskeyPapa]

You're "in the process of getting divorced", have three children, are considering a sexual liaison, and posting it all over the internet? You'd better hope there's not a challenge to your "sole custody", because any lawyer worth his salt could dig up this info and use it in court.

If I were you, I'd keep my pants on and my nose clean until this is final. Then I'd continue to keep my pants on for good measure...

[WhiskeyPapa]

:P I guess I didn't stop to think how that advice would sound coming from me!:heh:

[donnar]

So how did it work out?

[harvardian]

Well, I'm not a kiss-n-tell kind of guy, but the evening was great.

I had bought all of her favorite treats, bath products, cleaned everything, etc...

But, we never touched any of them. Dinner consisted of a finger full of peanut butter, some sunflower seeds, and a fig (don't ask).

I'll only say that her comment to me was that the night brought her "unprecedented pleasure". Draw your own conclusions...

[nickel]

i knew you was in for some shaggin :P

[cheapie]

Originally posted by nickelback
i knew you was in for some shaggin :P


:stupid:

[brainsmile]

A librarian, but very sensual.
I find this statement funny. Are librarians in general not sensual?

[nickel]

I find this statement funny. Are librarians in general not sensual?
yeh, i think the sterotype is that they are very quiet and consumed with reading only :P

[ShawnLee]

Honestly, I'm surprised a "Harvardian" has come to us for advice, haha. No offense. I'm glad I found this thread after the advice had been dispensed seeing how as I have no experience or help in the matter that I could be useful with.

[mcs328]

I find this statement funny. Are librarians in general not sensual?

Reminds me of a scene in Tomcats...