CuzimRoysMom
03-24-2004, 07:44 AM
The Joy of Sex
I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?
At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot
Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?
The Battle of the Sexes
Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner
My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions
He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster
(On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College (On the back) Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with No Boys
Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight
Parenting Pearls of Wisdom
I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!
We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic
Got Pickles? (on a maternity shirt)
Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase
You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up
The Joy of Aging
(On the front) 60 Is Not Old . . . (On the back) If You're a Tree
I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes
I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax
I Know I Came Into This Room for a Reason
Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Feeling Stressed?
I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke
Out of My Mind. Back in Five Minutes
My Reality Check Just Bounced
Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues
Dangerously Under-Medicated
Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change
No Pain, No Gain
Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate
Physically Pffffft!
It's One of Those Days
Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue
Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe
Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It
Travel Fun
Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car
Hang Up and Drive
I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?
Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years
Good Advice
Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated
Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon
Ego-Boosters
I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are
Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral
If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments
Pets Rule
It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans
Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture
A Dog's Parents Never Visit
What's Your IQ?
Suppose You Were an Idiot...And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress...But I Repeat Myself
My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone
God Must Love Stupid People -- He Made So Many
I Have a Short Attention...
Making It Big In This World
I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself
I Was God's Gift to Women, But I Have Been Rewrapped and Placed on a Closet Shelf
I've Gone to Find Myself. If I Get Back Before I've Found Me, Please Keep Me Here
Bless Me, Father
Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic
Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh
Retirement
Retirement -- Twice as Much Husband for Half as Much Money
Before You Can Be Old and Wise, You Must First Be Young and Stupid
Retired -- I Was Tired Yesterday and I'm Tired Again Today
My Back Goes Out More Than I Do
Retired -- Know It All and Got Plenty of Time to Tell You About It
Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."
That warning is the first place winner of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.
"Wacky warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," Robert B. Dorigo Jones, president of the nonprofit Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch group, said in the news release announcing the contest winners. "It used to be that if someone spilled coffee in their lap, they simply called themselves clumsy. Today, too many people are calling themselves an attorney."
Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."
Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish can't read!
Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest" are presented here for your amusement and amazement:
A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."
A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove child before folding."
A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious."
A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner."
A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."
A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping."
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use."
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place."
A bathroom heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes."
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution: Risk of Fire."
A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."
"Do not use snow blower on the roof."
"Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."
I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?
At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot
Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?
The Battle of the Sexes
Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner
My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions
He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster
(On the front) Randolph-Macon Woman's College (On the back) Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Women's College with No Boys
Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight
Parenting Pearls of Wisdom
I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!
We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic
Got Pickles? (on a maternity shirt)
Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase
You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up
The Joy of Aging
(On the front) 60 Is Not Old . . . (On the back) If You're a Tree
I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes
I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax
I Know I Came Into This Room for a Reason
Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Feeling Stressed?
I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke
Out of My Mind. Back in Five Minutes
My Reality Check Just Bounced
Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues
Dangerously Under-Medicated
Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change
No Pain, No Gain
Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate
Physically Pffffft!
It's One of Those Days
Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue
Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe
Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It
Travel Fun
Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car
Hang Up and Drive
I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?
Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years
Good Advice
Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated
Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon
Ego-Boosters
I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are
Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral
If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments
Pets Rule
It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans
Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture
A Dog's Parents Never Visit
What's Your IQ?
Suppose You Were an Idiot...And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress...But I Repeat Myself
My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone
God Must Love Stupid People -- He Made So Many
I Have a Short Attention...
Making It Big In This World
I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself
I Was God's Gift to Women, But I Have Been Rewrapped and Placed on a Closet Shelf
I've Gone to Find Myself. If I Get Back Before I've Found Me, Please Keep Me Here
Bless Me, Father
Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic
Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh
Retirement
Retirement -- Twice as Much Husband for Half as Much Money
Before You Can Be Old and Wise, You Must First Be Young and Stupid
Retired -- I Was Tired Yesterday and I'm Tired Again Today
My Back Goes Out More Than I Do
Retired -- Know It All and Got Plenty of Time to Tell You About It
Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."
That warning is the first place winner of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.
"Wacky warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," Robert B. Dorigo Jones, president of the nonprofit Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch group, said in the news release announcing the contest winners. "It used to be that if someone spilled coffee in their lap, they simply called themselves clumsy. Today, too many people are calling themselves an attorney."
Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."
Fourth place: A 5-inch fishing lure with three nasty steel hooks advises it is "Harmful if swallowed." Too bad fish can't read!
Previous winners in the "Wacky Warning Label Contest" are presented here for your amusement and amazement:
A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."
A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user: "Remove child before folding."
A bottle of prescription sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks."
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious."
A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes."
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner."
A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn."
A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping."
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use."
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place."
A bathroom heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes."
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution: Risk of Fire."
A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."
"Do not use snow blower on the roof."
"Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."