What to Do?

[johnnymk]

I have been getting my hair cut for around eight years from a woman who I knew from a former church that we both attended. She is a very sweet lady who has five children, four who are over twenty.

When I have been there getting my hair cut, I used to get so angry watching how the older kids would treat her, demanding one thing or another; looking in the fridge for the exact kind of goodies; making rude comments about when dinner would be ready, and so on. She is a single mother who has a hard time trying to make ends meet and she doesn't seem to be appreciated.

I never said anything because I felt it wasn't my place.

The last time I was there we were talking about the church that I started to attend over a year ago, which she also occasionally attends.

We both agreed that the pastor's messages are pretty good but the people there are very cliquey and don't go out of their way to welcome strangers. Her son goes there regularly and just married a girl who attends there every week.

Well, she said that her son is friendly and I said "He is?" in a snide way. She said that he is friendly with his friends. Aren't most people friendly with their friends?

I have been trying to make an appointment with her to get my hair cut and she has not returned my calls.

I think I must have pushed a button and she is probably ticked that I made a comment about her kid.

I am beginning to feel bad and I want to somehow say something, but I don't know how to get in touch with her to straighten things out.

[kimchicowboy]

no way to go back to her shop and say that something you want to say? :)

[Memo]

I'd leave an apology on the answering machine. Just one simple message, not hounding. If she's going to accept it, she'll do it. Otherwise, I would search for a REAL barber ;).

[nickel]

yeh, you have to confront the issue. i don't think you have to ask her directly if she was offended by your comment, just ask if there is a reason why you are having a hard time getting an appointment when it was never a problem in the past.

[cheapie]

my MIL is sensitive to these kinds of comments. partially due to the fact it's hard raising the kids by herself and she's already worried she hasn't done it correctly. so she may be overly sensitive in this area. i'd apologize. absolutely.

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones.
- Proverbs 16:24 -

[johnnymk]

I was trying to figure how I was going to approach her, and she calls to tell me her father broke his hip and that she was attending to his needs.

I guess I made a big deal about nothing.

Thanks for the advice. One thing I learned is to watch my mouth in these kind of things

[LPMiller]

one thing you need to keep in mind is that all kids, at some point, act that way. It doesn't mean they grow up to be punks, or that she isn't handling them. You can't really judge a child by a moment during a 15 mins hair cut once every two months - especially if they were teens.

Everyone goes through a punk phase, or a snot nose phase, or a whiny phase. A good parent gets through it and gets the child to grow out of it. A bad parent finds they have 35 year old whiners.

[Kim]

Heh, my kids can do all 3 phases at once! ;)

I'm glad she isn't mad at you, Johnny.