how mad should i be at my wife?

[cheapie]

so i'm turning 30 this weekend and am already feeling depressed about that. so last weekend my wife says to me, "i haven't planned anything for your birthday. did you want me to?" ****. it's a little late now. what am i supposed to say? she's a great wife but this totally made me feel, oh, i don't know what. she said "i don't know what to do. i'm not that good at organizing things." how ****ing hard is it to call friends and family and ask them over for some cake and ice cream?

should i have planned my own birthday party? my wife, if she's been paying attention at all in the last decade knows that i love just chillin' with our friends and family and that i don't need anything special to happen to have a good time.

sigh...i already fight depression and loneliness. it's not gonna help if i spend my 30th at home with nobody but my wife and kids.


maybe i just need to suck down the rest of this vodka and cranberry and go down to the hot tub and relax. (i'm in houston right now) what do you think?

[Leebo]

No one's perfect, Try not to let it bother you and hey, maybe just have a good time with her?

As for the vodka, I'd say don't drink away your problems but hey, why not just let it help alleviate the pain.

[Nija]

or she could be lying to you and setting you up for nice little surprise... don't get mad at her (if you get mad at her at all, which you shouldn't) until after your birthday...

BTW, if she doesn't do anything for your birthday, I have a pretty good idea of what you can do to her... it involves fun for both of you... (http://www.nijaizkewl.com/images/personal/fun/ky.jpg) :shifty:

[cheapie]

at least i didn't run the rental ford explorer in a curb today, putting a huge-ass hole in the tire and denting the rim, or get in the hot tub 20 minutes ago with my nextel in my pocket. totally soaked and sending it to cell phone heaven. that would really suck. **** me.

[febstars19]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Cheapie!! :)

mm..try not to be mad at your wife! Like you said, she is a good wife, and maybe she wasn't as considerate this time. But...we are all sometimes inconsiderate, right? Maybe you can tell her about your concern after your birthday this week...that way, she knows what you want for next year. It may seem meaningless to have to tell someone to be thoughtful for you, but it's good to let your loved ones know what is bothering you!

I really hope you have a WONDERFUL day! :) SMILE!

[cheapie]

sigh...she's great. but i'm only gonna be 30 once.

[DarkFury]

Did you really want a B-Day party THAT bad...

I dunno, my GF gets all "hot and bothered" about her B-Day too... but for me, I really don't make a fuss about it.

Maybe it was something about my childhood... when my Mom stopped having B-Day parties for me when I was like 10 or so. :shrug:

[kei2]

Being mad at her won't fix anything, so you just need to move on and make the best of your big day. I'm sure she could make it up to you somehow.

[ray]

I dunno...Cheapie is mad, he gets makeup sex.

[Memo]

Dunno man. If you ask me, you shouldn't be mad at her at all. It's not her responsibility or duty to plan you a birthday party. Sure, it may be nice but I don't think it should be expected. It's our birthday, you should spend it how you want to. If you wanted a party perhaps you should have said something way in advance. You can still go out and have tons of fun doing thinkgs you want for your Birthday. Doesn't have to be a party. Do some crazy **** you've never done before!

[kimchicowboy]

i wouldn't sweat it man. :) if it were me, i'd call my own buddies (especially since i don't like being in large groups) and have us all celebrate together. me and my homies.

[LPMiller]

sigh...she's great. but i'm only gonna be 30 once.

And when you're 35 you won't give a ****.

[johnnymk]

I will almost guarantee that you will be shortly experiencing a surprise birthday party.

[Kim]

And when you're 35 you won't give a ****.

Amen!

Really Cheapie, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't have something planned.

[gear02]

not to make you down...but why did you get in the hot tub with a nextel in your pocket, which obviously means you had your pants on...unless you had pockets genetically added to your butt...

hmm...methinks that's a new superhero idea :D

[whitak24]

man cheapie....it's a bummer that she's busy but ya know...in a couple weeks, it won't really matter. just tell her to get a sitter for the kids on your b-day and then you guys can have your own party ;)

[cheapie]

i would be extremely suprised if she has something planned. i guess i am more disappointed than mad.

[cheapie]

i guess i'm just frustrated that she waited until a week or so beforehand to ask me if i wanted to do anything. my wife has an abundance of good traits. however, planning ahead or thinking of the consequences of her actions or lack thereof is NOT one of them. i often have to step in and say, "you do realize that because of x, this will/will not happen." and then i'm the bad guy. i love her family but they are all like that. totally avoid confrontation. they don't explore ANY alternative means of planning or doing things if the first option has an obstacle. and then if something doesn't work out because someone totally dropped the ball, their excuses are completely accepted by the other members of the family. my family would have said, "well no **** nobody can make it to a party on saturday afternoon at the last minute. why did you wait so long to think about it???" sigh...of course i can't say that, i'll just shrug and say don't worry about it.


not to make you down...but why did you get in the hot tub with a nextel in your pocket, which obviously means you had your pants on...unless you had pockets genetically added to your butt...

hmm...methinks that's a new superhero idea :D


uhhh....cuz i was outside in the hotel hot tub. lol. believe me, i'm not a big fan of clothing in a hot tub but i thought that it would be a good idea to keep them on if i didn't want the 8 floors of hilton guests seeing and whoever was watching the security camera. i'm not real worried about the phone. i'll just have the company buy me a new one. i just don't want to freakin' reprogram all of the numbers in the phone book. i had the book almost completely full. many contacts had 2-3 numbers each. ****.

[nickel]

first off: DO NOT be mad at your wife. she is a sweetheart.

if she hasn't planned a surprise bday party for you, and i suspect she may have too, then just grab a few friends and go out to a comedy club or something. i hate birthday parties in my honor. i would rather go out on the town and live it up.
and as far as being thirty, i think you're doing damn fine for your "age."
a great family, job, house - you done good :thumbup:

for my birthday a group of friends and i go to this restaurant nestled in the Adirondacks. we go to the same place every year, and hit a couple of bars along the way. it's become a ritual, and that is my kinda party, no fussing just fun. :)

Happy Birthday! :kiss:

[Merlin]

Just go to Hooters and let the girls do the little birthday song for you. That should be all the attention you want.

[cheapie]

sigh...mad isn't really the word. the problem is that stuff gets complicated when you have two kids. we can't just up and go to a club without getting sitters. and those of you that have kids know that getting those at the last minute is hard at best. i'm the kind of person that thinks ahead about these types of things and is reluctant to accept "i didn't think about it and since nothing can be done about it now we're sol..."

[nickel]

just get a sitter then. :P

[DarkFury]

Where's "Grandma" in all of this? I'm sure she'd understand... and let the kids spend the night. :D

[avlena]

sigh...mad isn't really the word. the problem is that stuff gets complicated when you have two kids. we can't just up and go to a club without getting sitters. and those of you that have kids know that getting those at the last minute is hard at best. i'm the kind of person that thinks ahead about these types of things and is reluctant to accept "i didn't think about it and since nothing can be done about it now we're sol..."

Well, she mentioned this last weekend...birthday is this weekend... which gave a week to find a sitter and what not. It seems like you're just throwing up your hands and saying: "oh well, can't do anything, woe-is-me". so, let's see some of that take-charge attitude! call up someone who owes you a favor, or a friend, and ask for a birthday present - babysitting. then, go hit the town with your lovely wife, and enjoy life.

and btw, is it possible that your wife wasn't sure whether or not you'd want a bday party? afterall, you already admitted that turning 30 is kinda depressing, so maybe she wasn't sure if you wanted it to slip quietly past, or make a big deal about it. :shrug: you probably should have mentioned what your b-day celebration preferences were earlier, to give her early warning: "hey, i'm expecting a party, hop to it!"

[cheapie]

we'll see. if you knew me, you'd know that i would love to have a party. we've been together for over a decade so i'm sure it's not unreasonable to think that. i am totally a people person and am certain i haven't been giving off vibes to the contrary. don't worry, i'm not going to go off on my wife. i'm just frustrated.

[RoniMan]

i know how you feel cheapie...

last year, for my bday my gf decided to sleep in till 2pm. then go shopping, and then go to HER favorite restaurant for MY bday dinner. :angry:

yes, i agree that being mad doesn't change anything. yes, i agree that it's not her responsibility or duty...BUT, i understand what cheapie's trying to say. you don't want to become those couples that just sit around and do nothing. you would like to have some "excitement" in your life, and sometimes, it's nice just to have the significant other do something nice/unexpected.

and b/c of everyday life, most ppl don't get to have these "surprises" until some special occasion. and for most men/husband, that usually just means bday.

this reminds me of the joke about the secretary and her boss' birthday...

so, to answer your question...i don't know...

[molecularfire]

Hey Cheapie on a side note, maybe you should see someone about your depression.

Have you been having decreased appetite or sleep?
Do you feel disinterested in things that you previously enjoyed?
Do you feel helpless, hopeless, or worthless?
Do you have any episodes of feeling very sorry for yourself or spontaneous crying?
Have you thought that it might be better if you were dead, that maybe life isn't worth living?
Have you thought of hurting or killing yourself or others? If so, have you thought about how you are going to do it?

I mean it is natural to be kinda bummed out that you're not getting what you want from your 30th birthday. Heck, it's natural to be bummed out just because it's your 30th birthday. I plan to be pretty down when that day comes... but you seem more down than that. You should definitely talk to your wife about this... you might want to consider talking to a psychiatrist also.

[johnnymk]

Oh, man...molecularfire, are you serious? He's just a little upset. And now he's ready to take his life?

[bachviet]

I think you are just a little sensative here because of the 30 years old thing. :P I turned 30 last year and I don't have any party or anything like that. Just relax and enjoy your BDay with your wife without anyone's interuption. :hihi:

[whitak24]

Oh, man...molecularfire, are you serious? He's just a little upset. And now he's ready to take his life?
it never hurts to ask the question. sometimes getting upset about the little things is a sign that it's really the bigger things that are bothering you.

i'm not saying that's necessarily the case with cheapie, or with anyone else who comes here to vent, but it doesn't necessarily hurt to ask the question.

[molecularfire]

Oh, man...molecularfire, are you serious? He's just a little upset. And now he's ready to take his life?
Sorry, didn't mean to make it sound like that. That was NOT my intention. It just seemed to me that he seemed pretty bummed out over this and I figure better safe than sorry. The only one who knows how serious this is is him so it's up to him to judge this. I just wanted to give him some screening questions for him to use to guage... didn't mean to imply anything. :)

[johnnymk]

Turning thirty didn't bother me> I was still getting carded at bars, so I felt pretty good at that age. What amazed me is that 34 bothered me. But it only lasted a few days.

Maybe it was my midlife crisis.

[avlena]

Sorry, didn't mean to make it sound like that. That was NOT my intention. It just seemed to me that he seemed pretty bummed out over this and I figure better safe than sorry. The only one who knows how serious this is is him so it's up to him to judge this. I just wanted to give him some screening questions for him to use to guage... didn't mean to imply anything. :)

well, he did say:


sigh...i already fight depression and loneliness. it's not gonna help if i spend my 30th at home with nobody but my wife and kids.

:shrug: so it's a valid concern

[johnnymk]

well, he did say:



:shrug: so it's a valid concern

Sorry, I missed that.

It's probably from travelling all of the time. For many people, being on the road gets old after awhile.

If it's not, find out what you are angry about and then check if you are creating a pity party over the problem.

Anger plus Self Pity = Depression.

I believe the chemical imbalance that causes depression is way overstated in this country. Prescription drugs for this problem are for people looking for an instant cure instead of tackling the faulty thinking I mentioned.

[topane]

Turning thirty didn't bother me> I was still getting carded at bars, so I felt pretty good at that age. What amazed me is that 34 bothered me. But it only lasted a few days.

Maybe it was my midlife crisis.Or maybe it was just indigestion :P.


i'm the kind of person that thinks ahead about these types of things and is reluctant to accept "i didn't think about it and since nothing can be done about it now we're sol..."You're the type of person, but your wife apparently isn't. It seems like this isn't the type of thing you should expect from her. My wife threw me a surprise party on my 25th and 30th birthdays because that's the type of person she is - she likes to plan and have parties (she's also thrown a bunch of baby and bridal showers). Just because I haven't done it for her doesn't mean I don't care, it's just not one of those things I think about.

Maybe we should just swap wives ;).

[cheapie]

Or maybe it was just indigestion :P.

You're the type of person, but your wife apparently isn't. It seems like this isn't the type of thing you should expect from her. My wife threw me a surprise party on my 25th and 30th birthdays because that's the type of person she is - she likes to plan and have parties (she's also thrown a bunch of baby and bridal showers). Just because I haven't done it for her doesn't mean I don't care, it's just not one of those things I think about.

Maybe we should just swap wives ;).


hmmmmm got|pics?


lol. well, she sort of came through. she asked me if i was kinda upset she didn't plan anything and i said yeah but don't worry about it. so she scrambled around and we should have a good time. not a full-blown party but it's ok.

[brainsmile]

I can relate to you Cheapie in a sense. But bottom line is you can make it as big a deal as you want to. The problem lies in that you want her to change a part of her personality that really doesn't seem to be a big deal to her. I think that you need to adjust your expectations of her and her "shortcomings" so to speak. There are things about my wife that drives me nuts but keep in mind that YOU probably do something that bugs her just as much.

For me I get a kick out of watching my kids get excited about a birthday cake. Just enjoy your kids, have some friends over and do what you want. Grudges and getting upset about these things are just not worth it.

[Showtime]

Come to L.A. After we watch the Lakers do their thing we'll go drinking and check some nubile young thangs. After you describe it to your wife, she will never again forget your 30th bday or any other birthday. ;) Of course she may leave you, but Im willing to take that chance. :D

Happy 30th btw.

-jel:halo:

[DeepFreeze]

happy birthday homie!