PDA

View Full Version : Help! Any good copy editors here? Read this and give me your opinion.



cheapie
06-15-2004, 12:23 PM
I'm trying to get a company car. There are no real firm requirements. Typically my position has had one. My boss suggested to his boss that I get one and wanted me to put something together justifying it. Please read what I wrote and give me feedback. Feel free to be harsh. I can take it.



Chris,
As per your suggestion, I have spent some time researching whether or not a company vehicle for the SOEM Account Manager is financially advantageous to Eaton Corporation.

As you stated in my BSC review meeting, the SOEM Account manager position has typically included a company car. That provision was removed, along with three-quarters of the SOEM account management staff, when the bottom fell out of the commercial construction market several years,. Many of Eaton’s largest SOEM customers were in a terrible financial position. They were not contemplating new business and required very little customer “face time”. Additionally, Eaton was in a cost-cutting mode and travel was heavily restricted.

Today’s situation is a far different scenario. The heavy construction market (which is the majority of our SOEM sales) is rebounding very well.
· Our largest SOEM customer, JLG Industries (Gradall), announced in April that their earnings have increased 55% over the same time last year.

· After losing $20 million in 2002, our second largest SOEM customer, Manitowac Cranes (Grove), began the recovery in 2003 with a profit of $3.5 million, and just recently announced a 28% increase in earnings for 2004.

· Our third largest SOEM customer, Oshkosh, has reported a gain of 59.2% in net income over last year.

Most of my other SOEM customers are reporting similar growth. This growth in the market has translated directly into increased transmission and clutch sales from these customers. Our net sales for the first quarter are up over 40%. Our sales to our biggest SOEM customers have increased at an even faster rate:

· Gradall – Up XXX%
· Grove – Up XX%
· Link-Belt – Up XX%
· Oshkosh – Up over XX%
· Central Mine Equipment (our largest MD transmission customer) – Up over XXX%


How does this growth justify a company vehicle for the SOEM Account Manager position?

First, as sales increase at our biggest customers, many of them have started the process of engineering new vehicle lines. With the addition of chassis comes the opportunity for Eaton Fuller transmissions and clutches to be engineered into them. I need to be in front of the customer more regularly to learn about these opportunities and present the Roadranger drivetrain. A perfect example is the Grove TMS500E. Because we spent “face time” at the customer and gave them great customer service, we were giving both the opportunity to bid for the business and the backing of senior management to win the spec.

Second, I am receiving more requests from my customers to visit and review our product line, warranty program, potential cost saving opportunities, and quality issues. They are becoming increasingly unsatisfied with a semi-annual visit from their account manager.

Third, we have recently launched the UltraShift transmission and many of my customers are EXTREMELY interested in this product. I receive calls on a weekly basis asking about the availability and application feasibility for the UltraShift. This product enjoys very healthy profit margins with these customers and I need to be able quickly and efficiently travel to the interested customers to capitalize on the opportunities.

Fourth, a company car would enable me to make multiple customer visits per trip. Many of my customers are located near one or two other SOEM manufacturers. AGCO, Cat Paving, and Schwing are near each other. Kimble Mixer and Gradall are in the same town in Ohio. Workhorse, Autocar, and Link-Belt are just 1-2 hours apart. Oshkosh, Terex, and Agco Parts can be reached on the same trip as well.

Finally, a company car would reduce the amount of money spent on plane tickets. I started to travel as part of my SOEM Account manager position in March of 2003 and spent over $5300 on air travel last year. I believe that having the use of a company vehicle would greatly reduce the amount of money Eaton Corporation spends on airfare to the SOEM customers.

After reviewing our sales, my customer activity, and our product line, I would agree with your suggestion that the SOEM Account Manager position would benefit from a company vehicle. If you need additional information, or would like to see the data behind the information presented in this document, please contact me.

Regards



Me
SOEM Account Manager

ialsohaveadream
06-15-2004, 12:25 PM
How quick do you need this read and edited? I've written nearly exactly similar things for coworkers, and I've done plenty of grant requests, too. All the writing assignments at my work tend to come to me.

I get off work in about 2 hours. I'd be glad to look it over then if you've got time to spare. I'm off to a meeting now, though.

cheapie
06-15-2004, 12:46 PM
cool. thx. i'll give it to them tomorrow.

ialsohaveadream
06-15-2004, 09:32 PM
Not too bad. Pretty concise, which is definitely necessary (supervisors don't have time to read novels).

My suggestions:
1. Condense the area where you discuss the growth of your customers' companies. It is important, but you only really need to touch on that to validate your next point.
2. Is there a bigger profit margin on your new line of products? Mention that by being able to sell a greater amount of that product, you would be bringing in additional revenue.
3. If it makes for good numbers, figure out how many sales you would have to make to recoup the cost of the car. If you can make two additional sales a year and that profit covers the cost of a company car, that looks good. Mentioning the savings on airfare was a good start (do they pay for a rental car for you, too?), but I'd combine that with the potential for increased sales, making it seem like the car will pay for itself.
4. Don't capitalize EXTREMELY. That's forum style, not business memo style. :)

cheapie
06-16-2004, 05:27 AM
thanks! good suggestions.