is it wrong to turn down being offered to be "best man"

[g222leav]

so i just got this voice mail (sprint takes forever to deliver messages) and it was from an old buddy from jr high/high school. he states that he's been trying to get in touch with me cause he's getting married.

here's the story, we were friend in seattle untill i turned 15 and moved to chicago. i visited back to seattle like once every 2 years to hang out with my buds. about 2 years ago he moved to new york, and in all this moving we've lost touch/base.

now i have a feeling that he might ask me to be his best man (it's been his intention since we were kids) i can't call back cause it's too late to call. but anyhoo, in my opinion, even though we're close, there maybe someone more appropriate to be "best man" rather than myself. i'm maybe more or less afraid that i might not be able to live up to teh "best man" duties especially since i haven't spoken to him in a few years.

although it would be flattering, i'm just a bit concerned that there just has been to much time apart...

so with that said, would it be rude so to speak to turn him down? i mean, i wouldn't mind being a groomsman or just a plain guest....

[Nanotech9]

i turned down that offer at my own brothers wedding. I didnt want to be in a stupid ceremony and wear a freakin tux. I think he understood since he didnt want to be in a tux for a damn waste-of-money ceremony either.

[oblongmelon]

all you have to do is thank him but tell you feel the spot should be reserved for a family member...good way of getting out of it..

[ShawnLee]

Also tell him that you don't feel up to the task of being a good Best Man. Especially since the Best Man is supposed to do a good chunk of the planning, and be the right hand man for the groom (down to picking up the dry cleaning). Tell him that there has to be a better choice, and that it wouldn't be right for you to gyp him on that.

[cheapchinese]

tell him, that it'll will suck if the best man doesn't know any of his guest/family

[ialsohaveadream]

So let me get this straight....you're not sure if you can "perform the duties" of taking the groom to a strip club for his bachelor party? Or is it that you can't make some lame "These two are TOTALLY in love" speech for him? :)

[g222leav]

tell him, that it'll will suck if the best man doesn't know any of his guest/family


i actually know all of his immediate family, but probably just a hand ful of our friend from way back in the day will be invited....


So let me get this straight....you're not sure if you can "perform the duties" of taking the groom to a strip club for his bachelor party? Or is it that you can't make some lame "These two are TOTALLY in love" speech for him? :)

dude i can do all that...one of the things i'm apprehensive about is that most of the people may only be vietnamese speaking, and i'm an american born chinese...either way, i'd have a tough time communicating with most guests...

[Yossarian]

i was my dads best man. i wore black slacks and a hawwian shirt......

[avlena]

maybe use the excuse that since you don't live there, it will be difficult to perform the best man duties?

i was a bridesmaid for someone i was friends with years ago, in middle school, but hadn't seen in 6 years. after the week was over, i discovered that we really weren't friends anymore, cuz we'd grown into very different people. it kinda took any joy out of the wedding for me. essentially, i spent hundreds of dollars to travel to spend a week among cornfields, wear an ugly dress, and watch a stranger walk down the aisle.

[ufcrusher]

Frankly, he might just be calling you to get your address. I had to do that for a bunch of my friends who were hard to get in touch with. You might be jumping the gun on your fears.

If you are really good friends the time where you havent been in touch shouldnt be an problem. Since you said its just a matter of comfort due to the language barrier, tell him that. He might have something to say which will change your mind. Dont say that you think someone else might be more qualified, because if he is offering it to you ,then in his mind, you are the best fit. For all you know, he may still feel that you are his best friend even though (apparently) you no longer feel the same way. But you can always come up with some excuse which wont offend him but gets you out of it.

[g222leav]

well, i finally got to talk to him this morning...the problem with trying to get in touch with me is that i disconnected all my land lines. so all the numbers he had for me were disconnected (cable internet and cell phones lead to this)...plus the numbers i had for him were bunk and i eventually lost those anyways during some move (you choose)....

...turns out that the wedding is in THREE WEEKS....man, he was upset that it took him so long to get in touch with me because i was his choice to be best man. but since he couldn't hold out forever/that long without a best man he upgraded to somebody else...

*whew* so now i'm in the process of finding the fundage, transportation, time off...etc of getting to new york...

mind you...i would love to be a part of the wedding, but i'm also relieved that i'm not...

[brainsmile]

I was going to say you could tell him you're gay and the pain of you seeing him walk into a WOMAN's arms is too painful

[molecularfire]

:lmfao: Good one. :heh: :heh: