Please, Say your prayers!

[Bloodymess]

If any of you are parents then please remember that you are never far from tragedy !
On Friday at roughly 2 P.M. I received a call from a contractor who was to begin work in my building "I'm an apt. bldg. super" and by 2:30 P.M. I was living through the worst experience which any person would ever have imagined !
You see that while I was chatting, my son "Brian" was enjoying the snow outside from the comfort of his loving home when he decided that the cord on our window blind looked like a toy.
I found him choked and hung and proceeded to call 911 when I found noticed him hanging, rather than standing at the window.
Although I'm not sure why he would be taken from me he is gone and I'm no longer able to see a reason why I should go on except for the fact that his older brother "Jonathan" is still in need of his father !
My Boy's are my life and now my life is cut in half and I would really like to hear that my cry for attention is heard !
PLEASE DON'T EVER TURN YOUR HEAD FOR A MOMENT OR YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN THE HELL I MUST NOW LIVE !
God Bless Brian
he will be burried on 3/22/00
RIP my baby. 7/9/97 - 3/18/00
This is in no way to be taken lightly as I am from this day forward living my worst nightmare !

[This message has been edited by Bloodymess (edited 03-20-2000).]

[Leon]

I don't know what to say, except, I offer my condolences. http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif I'm not married, so I can't even imagine what you would be feeling.

http://www.funeralflowers.com/cross4.gif

May your son rest in peace.

[Apex]

Stephen,

Thanks for sharing with us. I cannot even begin to imagine how that must feel. I will definitely pray for you, your sons, and your family immediately. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.

[prtlewd]

Condolences on the anniversery of your sons passing. No parent should have to suffer that pain but it happens. God give you the serenity and patiance to accept his will.

[att]

i am the father of a young son as well, and i cant imagine how that would feel. i'm not a praying kind of person, but you are in my family's thoughts and you have our most sincere condolences

[Bloodymess]

Thank you all and bless you as well.
My Clan has added a loving page to their website and I would like you all to see how great my support is "even in a virtual world" http://www.teamfinest.com/

[Fuz]

I'm sorry for your loss. You might want to read Psalm 22. You will be in my prayers.

Fuz

[[TF] Jade]

Steve, I do not know what I could do to ease your pain, except that I hope you know that we are all here for you and feel your pain and REALLY CARE. In today's fast paced "internet world" its should be comforting to you to know that it does bring us ALL closer. God Bless you, save you and have mercy on you and yours.

Sincerely,

TF Jade & Team Finest www.teamfinest.com (http://www.teamfinest.com) << Brian's Memorial Page.

[sbp]

My deepest sympathy and condolences. http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif

[prowler]

Steve,thank you for sharing with us.I Am very sorry to hear of your loss http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif
If you need anything or a stranger to talk to.I am here.I am a father of one.I cannot Imagine how it must feel.Your son and family are in my prayers. God Bless.
Ron Taylor

[speedracer120]

Well, I've read your post and for the last few days, I've been grasping for words of condolences, but all I can do is feel sad. I'm glad there are other's who have found a passage from the Bible for you. I have no children, but I do teach Sunday school, and I would be devestated if any of my students were taken by God in such a way. I'm sure that your son is in the loving arms of God. I hope your faith isn't shaken by this, reading about loss is different from experiencing it, but Job did lose his whole family, just to be blessed with the companionship of a new loving family. I hope you can find solace in God. Your son is in my thoughts.

[This message has been edited by speedracer120 (edited 03-21-2000).]

[Apex]

Stephen,

Let me share with you my favorite passage, one that's really given me comfort:

Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases
Who redeems your life from destruction
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The Lord executes righteousness
And justice for all who are oppressed.
He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the children of Israel.
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy towards those who fear Him;
As far ast he east is from the west
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
And its place remembers it no more.
But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting
On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children's children,
To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in heaven,
And His kingdom rules over all.
Bless the Lord, you His angels
Who excel in strength, who do His word
Heeding the voice of His word.
Bless the Lord, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!

- Psalm 103

Your family is constantly in our prayers. Best wishes.

- Apex

[fordpower7]

you have my deepest sympathy during this very trying time

[IMApimp]

I'm sorry to hear about your son. May he rest in peace and may you find peace in your heart to forgive yourself for this accident.

[Jeffbx]

As the father of two, one who is the same age that "Brian" was, I can only imagine the pain and sorrow you must be experiencing. I know you can find the strength to go on for the sake of your other son, but it'll be difficult for a while. You will be in my family's prayers.

[Beavis]

I am sorry to here of your loss. I have two wonderful children and can't even imagine what I would do if I lost one.

If you need anything please let all of us know and we will try our best to help out.

[duckwang]

It is in times like these that we see how God can even use tragedies to turn our attention and are hearts to Him. For Christians, death is not a sad thing, but a time of rejoicing for our family/friends are now with our King. I pray that we will all be able to see God's love and mercy for us through this sad event and the gift of love we have in Christ. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[dgpl]

I too offer my condolences. Hopefully you will be able to find some comfort in knowing that this online community has you and your family in our prayers.

[yongoro]

I offer you and your family my deepest condolences. As a father of 2(ages 5 and 2) I can only imagine your loss. Time will not restore your son but maybe it will bring you peace. Remember all the joy your little one brought you. God bless.

[Rottzilla]

My condolences and my thoughts are with you in this time. May you come to peace and acceptance soon for your son's sake.

[esteban]

Please Sr, Receive my condelences. I'm pretty far away from the USA and I'm probably too young to understand how are you feeling, but I know sometimes life gets really hard to live, and the only thing you can do to make it a litle bit better is to look for the future and not for the past.

Esteban

[Nucopgirl]

My simpathy is with you...I know that you are in a great need of support, and with the got apex? community I am sure that you will find some comfort. I know that it seems as if the world is caving in on you but be strong and reach out for help when you need it because they are a lot of wonderful people here who can help. Sometimes someone who listens is all you need. You and your family is in my prayers...
Nucopgirl

[Aidan]

Stephen...I know it doesn't seem like much, but I would also like to offer my condolences along with the rest of the gotapex community. Things happen for odd reasons but this just doesn't seem fair. I am not a religious person, but I believe that your son might be in a better place now and I hope that you can take some comfort in knowing that we all share your pain. Please do not believe that life is not worth living, because it is! I can only attempt to imagine what you are feeling...please let me know if i can help.

[Saturn]

My deepest condolances. I have come close to losing my daughter twice and I can imagine what you must be going through.

[Carl Uman]

I have not lost a child but have been faced with difficult life and death choice while my daughter was in the hospital. Why was it difficult because we didn't know what the quality of life for her would be IF she did live.

To say that I know how you feel would be lie but have suffered greatly for the past 3 years wondering if there was something more that I could have done. I do know that I need to be there for my wife and daughter to make life as enjoyable as possible. I was part of decision to do what we could and give her the best chance to live so I now must be there and be strong. Much the same... you made a decision to have a family and must be there for them and be strong.

I joined this BBS just to let you know that while one has went to a better place then we know here another is left behind and needs you as do many others do I'm sure. The people on this BBS are here and are telling you they are thinking of you and your family.

You and your family will be in my prayers.
Carl

[Drait]

Although I am not a person with religious beliefs, I can offer my condolences. May your son rest in peace.

- D -

[ApexDealFollower]

Stephen

I am saddened by the news of your loss. I have two older children and still worry constantly about them and dread the worse that can befall them.

I am sorry your son has been taken from you. A dark overcast day will always make way for sunshine the next moment. Though the pain is always there, time will heal, lessen the pain. Please take care.

Sincerely,
Norm

[FierceDaddy]

what a horrible accident. But you must understand that when God decides to take someone, it is time. There isn't anything you could have done. One of the first stages in greiving is to blame oneself. Everyone does, and no one is really responisble for that. this is teh stage that for me lasted the longest when my family lost my brother. "if only this, if only that, if I had been there, etc."

None of that matters now. your son is in a better place, he won't feel pain ever again, only happiness. you and your family need eachother now more than ever. If you have an urge to distance yourself, fight it. Think about your other son, he needs you.

many people will come up to you and say "I know how you feel, my sister lost a son..." blah blah. They don't know how you feel, but they are trying to help, thats what they think they should say. That pain can only affect those closest to you son. Try not to let their comments bother you.

My very deepest condolences for your loss. I am a good listener, if you want to talk.

[email protected]

God put in you the ability to get through this. You can do it. Its terrible, but you can.

[This message has been edited by FierceDaddy (edited 03-22-2000).]

[AndrewLChang]

I am deeply saddened to hear of you loss. I am praying that the Lord God will be with you and your family through this difficult time. With your permission, I would like to pray for you in our prayer meeting, others of which are part of the got apex? community. May God give you comfort.

[email protected]

[c64user]

I just wanted to offer my condolences as well. May the Lord be a comfort to you during this time of trouble. You and your family will be in my prayers and the prayers of many in this community.

[bubba]

Please take my sincere condolences for your loss. It is a difficult time, but know that you can make it through. Live on, for yourself, for your other son, for your family, and also for the loving memory of Brian. Keep him in your heart and he will never be lost.

Take care

[w_boodle]

I know you are in the greatest pain. But I see in your own words, that you are strong enough to survive it. As you say -- your other son needs you now.

He is the reason you must and will continue He is the reason you will heal and live again
I know it seems as if nothing on earth can ease your pain right now. But God and your son will help you through it.

You are in my prayers
God Bless and Keep You.

[wicky7777]

Please accept my most heartfelt condolences!
I am not married nor have i ever had a child, but hearing what has happened has definitely impacted my life. Stay strong!

God Bless!

[lance]

This is my first attempt to post at gotapex. I hope this email reaches the person who has just lost his younger son. The reason I am writing. I too lost a son in 1992. He was 22 months old. In a space of literally 2 minutes he fell into the swimming pool in the backyard and died a few hours later as a result. I was at work, my wife and oldest son, then 9, were at home. I remember coming home at 3am from the hospital the night he died. I do not know how we made it home. I could not see through the tears. I know that knowone can know how another will feel at a time like this. One thing I do know despite the current attitudes in society at this time: The Lord Jesus Christ was able to uphold us through this time of grief. It has caused my wife and I and our children to think a little more of what Heaven will be like and a little less of this world. The promises in the Bible that we found were of great comfort. This verse in particular has meant much to us.

Isaiah 40:11 - He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.

Call me if you like: 858-651-1486. We can talk and pray if you like maybe over lunch?

Lance.


<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Leon:
I don't know what to say, except, I offer my condolences. http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif I'm not married, so I can't even imagine what you would be feeling.

http://www.funeralflowers.com/cross4.gif

May your son rest in peace.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[Webster]

I know I can't understand how you feel, but I do know that Jesus does understand, and He does care. I also know that the sadness I feel for you cannot even be compared to the anguish you are going through. I will be in prayer, trusting in Him who understands to comfort and give you peace in this terrible time. God bless.

[HAKIWI]

IAM VERY SORRY!

[kstandridge]

words cannot express the sadness i feel in my heart for you and your family and all that knew and loved your baby. all i can do is pray that you can find the strength to make it through each new day and to be able to pass this strength on to your other child.

i have two children (12 & 15) and i can't imagine my life without them. i lost my mother when i was 25, my brother in 1994 (he was 32), and my father this past june. in all my loss and pain, it can never compare to the pain a parent goes through losing a child, regardless of the age. i'm thankful my mother did not have to live though my brother's death...but it broke my heart to see my father's spirit broken when my brother died. it is something that a parent should never have to live through.

you are in my prayers...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

[mrm]

Brian,

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. This world can sure be a terribly unmerciful place. I don't think death is ever God's will, but it most certianly is the will of our enemy. God doesn't delight in taking life away, only Satan does. I don't have the answers, I just know that God cares immensely for every one of us, especially you and your family right now. Even though things don't make sense don't forget that all our questions will be answered in the soon coming of the Lord. Where we'll all be reunited with loved ones who have been taken away from us.

May the peace of God be upon you and your family. For only in Him, have we hope.

[DARTH]

Dearest Stephen,
I just read of your loss and I fear that even Shakespeare's eloquent tongue could not form words to express the grief that you are feeling. I am 24 and married, so the world is still quite new to me. In a word, immortal would describe my self observations. That is until I read your post. Often times when we are young we do not see death at all. It only happens to others who are older. When something like this happens it throws your whole belief system off kilter. I truly believe that this earthly world is a trying ground where we endure all the sufferring that we read in the bible that is equated with hell. When we have proven ourselves or when Jesus and God see fit they allow us passage into a world where there is no sufferring. My wife and I will keep you in our prayers and will rejoice because we know that Brian is with God in heaven now watching over you. I beg of you not to shoulder this yourself. Because you are a man and must comfort your wife does not mean that you are alone my friend.
May God bless and keep you close,
DARTH

------------------


[This message has been edited by DARTH_MAUL (edited 03-22-2000).]

[Bloodymess]

Although I feel I've had all the support and love from my friends and relatives and this is why I am able to reply to all of you at this time ..
I believe that those at apex and the comunity of this forum have have done a wonderful job at expressing themselves at a level that is impossible in a one on one situation !
I will live for more than Brian from this day forward, I will continue with my life with the thought that I have sooooo much more to live for, My Wife, "[email protected]"
my friends and most of all my other son "Jonathan"
Thank you all,
And bless you all as well !
Stephen Bacon
Brian Will always be in our hearts !


[This message has been edited by Bloodymess (edited 03-23-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Bloodymess (edited 03-23-2000).]

[Philtrey]

I offer condolences also... it seems so senseless, but don't blame yourself.

[Toni]

Steve,
I am in tears. I can't beleave it. I know you must be going through HELL! I wouldn't be able to go on My son is 7 and he is my life. I fell sooo bad for you and your family. I don't know how you are able to go on. But for as long as I have known you, I know you will go on because you are a good guy and dad. My prayers are with you. And with Brian. He may be gone but never forgotten.
My deepest sympathy to you,
Toni

[esolz]

Dear Bloodymess

I first "heard" of this accident when I checked out your clansite. Then later I checked on it again I noticed the link to this forum. I of course checked it out too see what happened and how others have reacted on this. It warms my heart to see that there are so many people showing you that they care and pray for you.

I myself am not a religious man, but I must just as much show how much I am sorry for what has happened. You do not know me but please believe me when I say I am very sorry for what has happened., and I hope you and your family finds the strength you need to continue.

[ShawnLee]

This is my first post, because I first wanted to offer my condolences. My dream is to be a loving father and husband, and to lose a child is something I cannot even begin to comprehend. As with many others, I offer my prayers.

[Bloodymess]

One VERY Important thing I forgot to mention :
Apex,
Thank you for your generous memorial to my son Brian and community awareness day !
Apex Community,
Sorry you had to miss out on deals that day!
gotapex? is by far the best group of people on the internet !
OOPS ! Team Finest "My Quake 2 Clan" and The Force "Our Quake 2 German Friends" are an incredible group of people as well http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/redface.gif)
Thank you all for your support !

------------------


[This message has been edited by Bloodymess (edited 04-08-2000).]

[Bloodymess]

Today marks one month to the day and I feel the need to say that Brian is missed and loved 10 times more with each passing day.
GOD I NEED HIS HUG RIGHT NOW !

[Jenny]

BloodyMess, just close your eyes, wrap your arms around your wife and other children and know that Brian is looking down on you from heaven and is holding all of you in his arms. I wish you well, my friend.

[StarvingCollegeStudent]

Sorry for the late post... but I'm sorry for the incident with your son. I lost many friends to car accidents but nothing can compare to losing family. My condolences go out to you.

[Nancy]

Jenny has the best answer I've seen. Take and give strength to those who love you.

[Bloodymess]

Thank you all,
This evening at 6:00 my wife and I will have our first meeting with a counselor and I'm pretty optimistic that this will somehow help us get through this http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/smile.gif
I must say it really seems to be getting tougher every day but I'm trying with all my heart to be strong as I can be.

[StarvingCollegeStudent]

We're here for you if u ever need support.

[Nancy]

Bloodymess, I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing?

Nancy

[Bloodymess]

I'm doing as well as could be expected these days , Thank you !
At my wifes' request I just got my 96' Kawi Vulcon 1500cc Bike back up and running. I had originally told her I wanted to sell it because Brian was the only one who got on it for the last 2 years and we could use the money but she told me it was best I get it back on the road because that was my favorite past time before he was born and that it was something we could do together that we both used to love doing. She was right ! we went out for a ride yesterday after church and a visit to Brian and it was nice to be doing something together beside grieving.
The Psychiatrist we've begun meeting with has also been quite helpful. She has made it clear that whether or not we feel like we will be able to go on with life after this terrible tragedy, we will for our other son Jonathan and for each other http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/smile.gif
I believe she is correct but the guilt factor I deal with will take a long time to overcome http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif

[Rynn]

Bloodymess. I haven't said anything to you yet, 'cause I'm a stranger to you, and in those kind of cicumstances strangers often show up more out of curiosity and whatever, then out of sympathy. And that's something I hate.
But I do want to say something now.
First of all, I work as a nurse on an intensive care unit for children. So I see things like what happened to Brian to often. And you know what often hurts me most? That atleast one of the parents feels responsible for what happened. And there is no one that can take the feeling of guilt away for them.
Through the years I learned to understand why parents feel that way. I can't say I know what you feel, but I can say that I understand. Now, the sad thing is that these things happen without any reason. And there is no way in the world you can stop them from happening. So no one should be blamed. I do know that this doesn't help you much, and maybe it even makes you angry.
But I really hope that one day you will be able to forgive yourself, 'cause I can't imagine any greater torture then feeling responsible for your childs dead.

One last thing, I would like to offer you my late condolences.

[Rynn]

Yeah well, that's what I was trying to say. I understand that you can't help feeling that way and no matter what anyone says to you it doesn't go away.
Doh, me and my bad English.

[Nancy]

I am so glad you are able to share with us. For everyone that posts, there are hundreds of others with empathy in their eyes as they read. Thanks.

[Bloodymess]

Rynn,
No, what you wrote doesn't anger me in any way !
But you must understand that, Just as I can't turn off my feelings of loneliness no matter how many loving people are around me and how I can't help but be sad when I see another person with a baby I also cannot help but to feel guilt no matter how many people tell me "It could have happened while I was with him" and "Some things just happen and you can't be there every second of his life".
It's a bad way to feel but believe me when I say "I feel that way and I can't help that !"
And as far as seeing posts here, I'd like to let everyone know that I find this of great comfort and view the prayers and posts of others in my weak times and somehow know that Brian can feel the love and well wishes of the kind people of this forum !

[Bloodymess]

I know I should've waited 2 more days but it's eating me up and I need to speak !
Brian, is seriosly begining to be the only thought I have and I'm really starting to think I may actually be losing it !!
I spend my days with his thought and fight with myself regularly to avoid the tears,
I know it's wrong but I'm actually starting to feel that all I am is a memory of his.
God I need him back and I swear I'd do anything to have that !

[AmRivlin]

I can not say I feel what you are going through, nor can I say I want too. When something goes wrong, mainly for me a bad girlfriend or my coomputer crashes (neither of which amount to your loss) I question myself. I believe this is what you are doing, I suggest you step away from that. The memory of your son will never disappear, yet you must move on...I don't know if this is the right place to say it but I think in honor of your son and being part of the APEX family for quite some time, APEX should devote a fourm, or page at most to this, that way you can talk about it and get it out. We are here for you. I personally wish you the best of luck.

---------------------------------------------
Andrew Michael Rivlin
[email protected]

[Renski]

My sincere condolences. I have two sons that I have not seen for almost 2 years now. There is always that emptyness I feel when I think of them. I could not imagine on how it would be to have a child depart from this world. I hope you feel better.

Renski

[speedracer120]

http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif

[MD2B]

Stephen,
As the two month anniversary approaches, you and your family are in my prayers. I know it is hard, but allow Him to give you peace--ask and you shall receive.
God Bless

[Bloodymess]

Well,
Today marks the 2 month anniversary and I wish I could say that all is getting better but the fact thatI miss him more with each passing day is making that impossible.
My only prayer at this moment is that he is able to bring half the happieness to heaven that he gave to those of us he left behind !
God bless you Brian, Our lives are empty without you !

[This message has been edited by Bloodymess (edited 05-18-2000).]

[Bloodymess]

Fathers Day http://www.gotapex.com/ubb/frown.gif
What I wouldn't give to have my Baby back !
Today also marks 3 months since "My Bri" was taken from me. As time passes I learn to accept that he is gone but in no way can I ever understand why such a beautiful human being would ever be taken from this world at such a young age !
Church was unbearable today but I think it's time I share the prayer I chose for Brian's card at the time of his funeral :

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change....

Courage to change the things I can and

Wisdom to know the difference
Amen
I wish I could say God has given me this serenity which is mentioned above but I must continue to believe that one day he will !!

Parents, please never take for granted that your children will always be there, Love them as if today is their last day with you because if they were ever taken from you I'm sure you'd feel a lot better knowing that you gave them all the love you could have. That is the one thing that keeps me going !!

God bless and Happy Fathers day to all !

[tupacboy]

when in doubt or in need... trust in the lord..... he has yet to fail us.... God Bless you and your family...

[Bloodymess]

Today we would have celebrated Brian's Birthday but instead had to settle for a trip to the cemetary to drop off balloons.
It's the worst kind of feeling to know that this is the closest I can get to being with my baby but my wife found out last weekend that we are to expect another baby in Feburary. Brian will never be replaced but I hope somehow that the new baby can fill the tremendous hole left in our hearts !
I pray Brian is able to know that Daddy loves and misses him more with every passing day .

[Jenny]

We're here for you! Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers constantly and that we love you!

Congratulations on the new little one you are going to have! May God bless you & the family and keep you all safe!

[Bloodymess]

My thoughts stray towards what Brian could have been, Should have been and what will never be !
I thank god that I have Jonathan to make me feel I still am alive and I also thank Jen and others like her who remind me how much more there is to live for !

[AmRivlin]

I think this post works... It is the original. I hope you have found a way to cope with your pain. I do not know nor do I want to know what you are going through, best of luck glad to see you are still around.

Andrew Rivlin

[ProMinx]

i'm really sorry, Stephen. I didn't see this post when it was first put up, but I wouldn't wish that kind of guilt or pain on anyone. I know that it is months in the past, but I just wanted to let you know that we're still thinking and praying for you, your family, and especially for Brian.
ProMinx
ps - i know that this might not be much of a condolence, but every religion I've ever studied includes an "age of accountability", before which any child who passes away is given a free entrance to heaven, nirvana, or whatever you want to call it. It may help you to think that you will have another chance to see your son in the future.

[Bloodymess]

Well it's January so at least we've been able to get through the holidays. Unfortunatly it feels like we're going through the motions and not really having any positive emotions. I finally got Brians headstone in and although it's not exactly as I ordered it, it does say the words which we had chosen " Our Little Angel" and the ever popular "Forever In Our Hearts". My other son, Jonathan, had his first Reconciliation last Saturday and we were encouraged to follow them up by entering the Confessional after them. I hadn't been in there since I was a teen and had a few "Hu Hum" things that I thought I should attempt to be forgiven for but unfortunatly I got no further than to mention that it's been a long time and that I hope than somehow I can be forgiven for turning my head long enough to see Brian taken from me. I was advised I should maybe be more regretful for blaming myself for his death and maybe that is true but needless to say his death will always feel like a unfortunate mistake I could have prevented !
God Bless You Brian !

PS Please don't turn this into a anti-caticlism post my faith has been a strong part of my survival !