Stay at home mothers are bad

[sbp]

And apparently a plague on society. Well that's according to Gretchen Ritter-director of the Center for Women's and Gender Studies at UT and an associate professor of government and women studies. Check out this crock of crapola.

http://www.statesman.com/opinion/content/editorial/07/6workingmoms.html

It is time to have an honest conversation about what is lost when women stay home. In a nation devoted to motherhood and apple pie, what could possibly be wrong with staying home to care for your children?

Several things, I think.

It denies men the chance to be involved fathers. This is a loss for them and a loss for their children. What does it mean when fathers are denied the opportunity to nurture their kids in ways that are as important as their work? What do the children miss when they don't have fathers changing their diapers, picking them up from school, coaching soccer, making breakfast or dinner and doing homework with them? On both sides, the answer is too much.

Women who stay at home also lose out — they lose a chance to contribute as professionals and community activists. Parenting is an important social contribution. But we need women in medicine, law, education, politics and the arts. It is not selfish to want to give your talents to the broader community — it is an important part of citizenship to do so, and it is something we should expect of everyone.

Full-time mothering is also bad for children. It teaches them that the world is divided by gender. This sends the wrong message to our sons and daughters. I do not want our girls to grow up thinking they must marry and have children to be successful, or that you can only be a good mother if you give up your work.

Nor do I want boys to think that caring for families is women's work and making money is men's work. Our sons and daughters should grow up thinking that raising and providing for a family is a joint enterprise among all the adults in the family.

The new stay-at-home motherhood movement parallels the movement to create the "perfect" child. It's not just that mothers are home with their children; they are engaged with their children constantly so they will "develop" properly. Many middle-class parents demand too much of their children. We enroll them in soccer, religious classes, dance, art, piano, French lessons, etc., placing them on the quest for continuous self-improvement.

Many of these youngsters end up stressed out. Children should think it is all right to just hang out and be kids sometimes. They should learn that parents have interests separate from their lives as parents. And we should all learn that mothers are not fully responsible for who their children become — so are fathers, neighbors, friends, the extended family and children themselves.

Finally, the stay-at-home mother movement is bad for society. It tells employers that women who marry and have children are at risk of withdrawing from their careers, and that men who marry and have children will remain fully focused on their careers, regardless of family demands. Both lessons reinforce sex discrimination.

This movement also privileges certain kinds of families, making it harder for others. The more stay-at-home mothers there are, the more schools and libraries will neglect the needs of working parents, and the more professional mothers, single mothers, working-class mothers and lesbian mothers will feel judged for their failure to be in a traditional family and stay home their children.

By creating an expectation that mothers could and should stay home, we lose sight of the fact that most parents do work — and that they need affordable, high quality child care, after-school enrichment programs and family leave policies that allow mothers and fathers to nurture their children without giving up work.

Raising children is one of the most demanding and rewarding of jobs. It is also a job that should be shared, between parents and within communities, for the sake of us all.

[revil]

my parents ran a business when I was a kid. They were never home until after 5 or 6pm. and with school getting out at 2 or 3 (forget which time), I had several precious hours where my parent's weren't around. no "clean your room", no "clean the bathroom", no "do your homework". It was great. however, the times I did need them around, like when I actually needed help with my homework, they weren't around , or they were too exhausted to help me out. However, in the long run, I think this is a good thing, because I now don't rely on others to help me. I can't believe how many people I've run in to that say, "who taught you that?" and are shocked when I respond, "the book?" However, I'm rambling.

[Jenny]

I would not trade staying home with my son for anything in the world. I look at how well behaved he is compared to other kids, like my nephew, whose mom had to work as well. An amazing difference. And I would not have missed everything I got to see for the world. :)

[johnnymk]

Typical feminist crap :angry:

[Merlin]

The only really bad part about stay at home moms is that these women lose a lot of their intellectual challenges. Surviving in the working world challenges your brain on a daily basis. When you withdraw to care for the child it limits your growth. As Jenny put it there are many tremendous emotional benefits to staying at home, well if you keep from killing the little monster, but you do stop growing in other aspects.

[Jeffbx]

Geez, where to begin with this load?


It denies men the chance to be involved fathers. What do the children miss when they don't have fathers changing their diapers, picking them up from school, coaching soccer, making breakfast or dinner and doing homework with them? On both sides, the answer is too much.

Huh. My wife stays at home, I work full time & I do every one of those things.


Women who stay at home also lose out — they lose a chance to contribute as professionals and community activists.

Guess if a women is staying home, that means she can't leave the house? My wife does accounting from home & has a number of different community programs she participates in.


Full-time mothering is also bad for children. It teaches them that the world is divided by gender.

Right, that has nothing to do with the influence of the parents? I know plenty of men who expect women to wait on them, and their parents both worked. It's all in how you're raised & the values you pass on to your kids.


Nor do I want boys to think that caring for families is women's work and making money is men's work.

See above.


The new stay-at-home motherhood movement parallels the movement to create the "perfect" child. ... We enroll them in soccer, religious classes, dance, art, piano, French lessons, etc., placing them on the quest for continuous self-improvement.

And in families where both parents work, this doesn't happen? I don't see what this has to do with the mother being at home.


Many of these youngsters end up stressed out. Children should think it is all right to just hang out and be kids sometimes. They should learn that parents have interests separate from their lives as parents.

And I guess the only way to teach this is to put the kids in daycare & have someone else teach it to them?


Finally, the stay-at-home mother movement is bad for society. It tells employers that women who marry and have children are at risk of withdrawing from their careers, and that men who marry and have children will remain fully focused on their careers, regardless of family demands. Both lessons reinforce sex discrimination.

Can't argue too much with this one, but that's an issue of having kids vs. not having kids, not stay at home vs. work. Whatever the employment situation is, there's a good chance that life will change for the family when they have kids. Maybe the dad will quit, maybe the mom will only work part time, maybe nothing will change. Having kids is probably the biggest change anyone can make in their lives... things WILL be different afterwards.


This movement also privileges certain kinds of families, making it harder for others. ...and the more professional mothers, single mothers, working-class mothers and lesbian mothers will feel judged for their failure to be in a traditional family and stay home their children.

Judged by who? There's nothing wrong either way... my parents both worked when I was growing up & I think I'm OK. My wife stays at home & I think our kids are doing OK. I can't remember anyone judging me for either situation. And nice comment about lesbians... guess sexual preference dictates that you can't stay at home with your kids?


By creating an expectation that mothers could and should stay home, we lose sight of the fact that most parents do work...

Who is creating this expectation? It all depends on the situation your family is in. I know families where both parents HAVE to work - who can judge them for that? I also know families where both parents work even though they have enough money to lose one income & have one parent stay home, but they choose not to. Guess they didn't know about that expectation?


Raising children is one of the most demanding and rewarding of jobs. It is also a job that should be shared, between parents and within communities, for the sake of us all.

I resent the fact that she assumes that this is not the case if the mom stays home with the kids.

[nickel]

that article is SO CRAP!
my Mom stayed at home with us. looking back i realize how lucky we were that she was able to. she was also on the town board, active in PTO at our school, organized happenings at our church, was secretary of her bowling league, and other involvements over the years.
And Meryl i think you are wrong about these women losing their intellectual challenges:
my Mom, with 5 kids and a hubby, had to be a great accountant, a child psycologist, a nurse, a scheduler, a planner, etc... that was brain stimulating and then some.

[Merlin]

Of course, if she was driven to do all those things she'd be fine. But I think that is a little extraordinary. I think most are less challenged. This is based on nothing more than the stereotype derived from my aunt, so I could be off base here.

[chrissy]

The only really bad part about stay at home moms is that these women lose a lot of their intellectual challenges. Surviving in the working world challenges your brain on a daily basis. When you withdraw to care for the child it limits your growth. As Jenny put it there are many tremendous emotional benefits to staying at home, well if you keep from killing the little monster, but you do stop growing in other aspects.

So, when I was working for UPS or even Walmart, I was smarter and more intellectual than I am now?
:spock:

Or I guess I should use :drool: because I am now dumber that I am at home?

I would have to agree in some cases, if a woman OR man doesn't get out, and stimulate themselves with news and just basic conversations, they can become what you are implying. But it would be up to that individual to get out and do so. You (being general, not pointing a finger here) can't lump ALL of us SAHMs into a pile that does not go out and challenge the brain cells on occasion.

[attgig]

but stay at home mom's can stimulate their brain on Got Apex...... :hmm: :idea:

[Maarchk]

Both my parents were full time working since i was in first grade. When i got home i had about 30-60 minutes of chores for the day and the other couple hours was for homework and doing fun stuff. i became fairly self reliant and able to handle situations that i hadnt seen before. But, like our dog, i was always excited when the car rolled up signaling someone being home. So i think it was very good for me. And also it helped me gain maturity and respect pretty fast because i had to occasionally do little food shopping and so i easily made the jump to independence when i went to college.

[CuzimRoysMom]

Yanno, I thank god everyday that I was able to stay home with my son until he was in school....then I went back to work full time and my husband who had just retired stayed home. As a working mother I found time to be VP of our school PTO and then President of it for 2 yrs....I was also a very active volunteer in our school tutoring children and found time to split the field trips his class went on with my husband.

Now I'm a separated single Mom and I have to find a full time job that pays enough to support my son...(the once very active Dad has become a deadbeat) and somehow someway I will still find time to be active with my son's school and spend quality time with him.

Trust me it's not the amount of time you spend with a child, it's the quality of the time spent.

My parents had 6 children, Mom stayed home with us until we were older and she then continued her education and worked along with my Dad to better provide for us. We learned early on how to do laundry, cook, clean, iron and everything else that probably few of our children can do for themselves now..grown or otherwise. All but one of us kids is well adjusted and we work, we work hard. All but one of us has the "i'm staying home, you support me" attitude...we all for some reason have a work ethic that many are lacking today.

Did me going to work mean that I loved my son less? No way in hell....we all need 'adult time' to ourselves be it work or otherwise and they (the kids) need time away from us too....

JMHO

[brainsmile]

but stay at home mom's can stimulate their brain on Got Apex...... :hmm: :idea:
I'm all for stimulating me :D

[mrs. paymaster]

In spb's defense, he does have some valid points that apply to SOME women.

I have a masters degree in engineering. I worked for 7 years in the corportate world - was a manager at a big corporation. I am going out of my mind reading Dr Suess and singing ABCs to my 4 month old son. All day, I make up stories using stuffed animals and cheer for him when he grabs at toys. I love him to bits, but the truth is, in the back of my mind I am pleading for him to nap so that I can catch a break. It is HARD to play with a 4 month old for 9+ hours a day with no goals or end in sight. 2-3 hours? I love it, I just can't go more than that without losing my enthusiasm.

I do agree that society needs professional women - as an example, there is waiting list for a female ob/gyn at my hospital. I also agree that there are some managers that may be hesitant to hire a young married women around child rearing age.

Bottom line - some women are better stay-at-home moms and some women are better off in a profession outside the home. There isn't a blanket statement any of us can make about ALL women. (Well, I there are some...buit we won't go there.)

BTW, Paymaster (I think you all know him) makes enough $ for me to stay home. But I will be going back to work next year.

[bachviet]

I would love to have my wife to stay home with my kid(s) if I could afford it.

[nimj2323ck]

In spb's defense, he does have some valid points that apply to SOME women.
Wait, that was sbp talking? i think it's an excerpt from an article.

[oblongmelon]

when the bulk of my kids were small i stayed home with them during the day and worked nights-that way i was there to get them up and off to school in the morning-and be there for them when they got home..i made cookies or brownies and homemade soup (and sauce) everyday...i'm glad i did it.