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OC
12-15-2004, 09:30 PM
1. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using
this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this
exam for you.

2. History: Describe the history of the papacy from its originas to the
present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic,
religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and
Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.

3. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and
given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system
has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the
problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.

4. Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't
suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.

5. Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginies are
storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language
except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.

6. Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this life form had developed 500,000 years earlier, with
special attention to the probably effect, if any, on the English
parliamentary system circa 1750. Prove your thesis.

7. Civil Engineering: This is a practical test of your design and
building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build
a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform
are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.

8. Music: Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a
clarinet and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

9. Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the
emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations
of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, and
Gregory of Nicea. Support your evaluation with quotations from each
man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

10. Chemistry: You must identify a poison sample which you will find at
your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are
two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the
wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as
soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We
feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

11. Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might be
associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test
your theory.

12. Mechanical Engineering: The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been
placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction
manual, printed in Machine Language. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal
tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel
appropriate. Be prepared to justify your actions.

13. Economics: Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have
done to prevent the Great Depression.

14. Mathematics: Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a
straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations
had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s.

15. Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you.
Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects,
if any.

16. Religion: Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

17. Art: Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook
paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should
be true to life.

18. Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an
in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics
on science.

19. Metaphysics: Describe in detail the nature of life after death.
Test your hypothesis.

20. Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought and estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

21. General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be specific.

22. Extra Credit: Define the universe, and give three examples.

ski
12-15-2004, 09:35 PM
:heh: I like those, very true.

Nija
12-15-2004, 09:37 PM
:heh: that was perfect for finals' season

cheapchinese
12-15-2004, 09:38 PM
good one...

BrewMaster
12-15-2004, 09:47 PM
bah, as a chemist I find the chemistry one lame. that is more medicine than true chemistry. maybe because I lean more towards polymers and materials science. :shrug:

DaFunkyUnit
12-15-2004, 10:04 PM
bah, as a chemist I find the chemistry one lame. that is more medicine than true chemistry. maybe because I lean more towards polymers and materials science. :shrug:

for a "brew" master, you sure are a buzz kill.

eSDee
12-15-2004, 10:17 PM
Great post OC :thumb: If I absolutely had to I think I could answer questions 2, 5, 8, 10, 12, 13, and 15 ;)

Grubbie
12-15-2004, 10:24 PM
See if I was a prof in college I would give bull**** finals like this. It would be fun to toy with them, after 15mins be like oh **** I gave you guys the wrong final. Then give them the hardest final they have ever taken(avg should be a 12). Let them sweat balls for 1.5hrs, then again say oh **** I gave you guys the wrong final. Then give them a sheet of paper with a couple of questions.

Your Name
class
Date
Profs Name

What you think you dersve

Why?



That way they all study hard for the final, freak out when you give them the super hard one, then when they realize the final doesn't count you ask them what they think they deserve based on their scores from the rest of the class.

hapoo
12-15-2004, 10:49 PM
I can solve the first one easy.
Welcome to HPL the Hapoo Programming Language, which just happens to come with a library created specifically for solving tests such as this one.
<code>
#include testsolver.h

solvetest();
</code>
:P

LPMiller
12-16-2004, 06:51 AM
See if I was a prof in college I would give bull**** finals like this. It would be fun to toy with them, after 15mins be like oh **** I gave you guys the wrong final. Then give them the hardest final they have ever taken(avg should be a 12). Let them sweat balls for 1.5hrs, then again say oh **** I gave you guys the wrong final. Then give them a sheet of paper with a couple of questions.

Your Name
class
Date
Profs Name

What you think you dersve

Why?



That way they all study hard for the final, freak out when you give them the super hard one, then when they realize the final doesn't count you ask them what they think they deserve based on their scores from the rest of the class.


I believe I deserve an A+, because I can spell "deserve."

welfareloser
12-16-2004, 07:04 AM
"You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek." hah! i beat that one! i can muddle my way through a bit of old norse... :heh:

and i can totally do the civil engineering one! you make a sort of toothpick OSB, by coating all the sticks, running different sheets in different directions, and then BAKE that sumbitch for two hours at low heat. i've seen a 5-layer, 2-foot-long toothpick bridge made that way support a 200-lb dude JUMPING repeatedly on it. (they had to change the rules for the toothpick bridge competition the year after that one :P )

Sir_Froggy
12-16-2004, 07:32 AM
13. Economics: Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have
done to prevent the Great Depression.



Educate people?

:P

Booyamos
12-16-2004, 07:34 AM
I believe I deserve an A+, because I can spell "deserve."

ha ha LPMiller gets and A+, grubbie gets an F even though he is the professor.


I liked the comp sci one, and Hapoo's response, heh.

Jcranmer
12-16-2004, 07:41 AM
and i can totally do the civil engineering one! you make a sort of toothpick OSB, by coating all the sticks, running different sheets in different directions, and then BAKE that sumbitch for two hours at low heat. i've seen a 5-layer, 2-foot-long toothpick bridge made that way support a 200-lb dude JUMPING repeatedly on it. (they had to change the rules for the toothpick bridge competition the year after that one :P )
:stupid:

I was thinking pretty much the same thing. Given enough time, toothpicks and glue, it can be done. :)

BrewMaster
12-16-2004, 07:47 AM
and i can totally do the civil engineering one! you make a sort of toothpick OSB, by coating all the sticks, running different sheets in different directions, and then BAKE that sumbitch for two hours at low heat. i've seen a 5-layer, 2-foot-long toothpick bridge made that way support a 200-lb dude JUMPING repeatedly on it. (they had to change the rules for the toothpick bridge competition the year after that one :P )
but keep in mind that depending on the temperature, time, and concentration of nitric acid, the vapors from the acid could soften the glue and the bridge could break. damn vapor pressure laws...

guiseppewv
12-16-2004, 09:52 AM
Great post!!!! That is some good stuff. Glad that I did not have any of those exam questions. :)

zenbooty
12-16-2004, 11:51 AM
Wow, that list has been around since I was in school. I hadn't seen it since, though. Ahh, the memories...

ShawnLee
12-16-2004, 02:49 PM
I like.

#12. Using the braces for the howtizer, create freestanding structure out of the reaching distance of the tiger. Using blowtorch, dismantle cannon tubing and form small cage around doorway entrance. Use any remaining pieces to pelt the tiger with, or smack the tiger until it is unconscious.

Or. Throw proctor at tiger.