Sir_Froggy
12-17-2004, 05:28 AM
ok here's the first one
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks
past, looks up and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?"
The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they
smoke a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry'
and he's going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned
that he leans over too far and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him
to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a
tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and wanders into the
jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a
joint. The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!"
The monkey looks down and says,"Whooooooaaaaaa dude! How much
water did you drink?!"
second one
Once upon a time there was an intelligent monkey in the jungle who hated to touch his food. Because he was so clever, he got around this problem by designing two tools. He bound four small pointy twigs to a bigger twig, which he called his Four-Point Tool for Eating, and he spliced a sharpened flint into another twig, which he called his On-Edge Tool for Eating. The monkey lived happily in the jungle, never touching his food with his hands, but holding it down with the Four-Point Tool and cutting it with the One-Edge Tool, until one day his Four-Point Tool disappeared. The monkey was frantic, and ran around asking all the animals of they had seen his Four-Point Tool. He asked the giraffe, but he hadn't seen it. He asked the elephant, but he hadn't seen it. The monkey's search was fruitless until he asked the jaguar.
"Mr. Jaguar, have you seen my Four-Point Tool for eating?" asked the monkey.
"Yes monkey, I have. In fact, I ate it."
Horrified, the monkey cries "Why? Why would you eat my Four-Point Tool?"
And the big cat replies "Because I'm a Four-Point Tool Eater Jaguar."
(say it out loud)
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks
past, looks up and says to the monkey "Hey, what're you doing?"
The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they
smoke a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry'
and he's going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned
that he leans over too far and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him
to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a
tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the
river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and wanders into the
jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a
joint. The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!"
The monkey looks down and says,"Whooooooaaaaaa dude! How much
water did you drink?!"
second one
Once upon a time there was an intelligent monkey in the jungle who hated to touch his food. Because he was so clever, he got around this problem by designing two tools. He bound four small pointy twigs to a bigger twig, which he called his Four-Point Tool for Eating, and he spliced a sharpened flint into another twig, which he called his On-Edge Tool for Eating. The monkey lived happily in the jungle, never touching his food with his hands, but holding it down with the Four-Point Tool and cutting it with the One-Edge Tool, until one day his Four-Point Tool disappeared. The monkey was frantic, and ran around asking all the animals of they had seen his Four-Point Tool. He asked the giraffe, but he hadn't seen it. He asked the elephant, but he hadn't seen it. The monkey's search was fruitless until he asked the jaguar.
"Mr. Jaguar, have you seen my Four-Point Tool for eating?" asked the monkey.
"Yes monkey, I have. In fact, I ate it."
Horrified, the monkey cries "Why? Why would you eat my Four-Point Tool?"
And the big cat replies "Because I'm a Four-Point Tool Eater Jaguar."
(say it out loud)