The dating game.

[AmRivlin]

I rarely go on dates, and I think this was the first one in a year, definatley with someone I hardly knew.

Last night, I went out on a date to a sports bar, her choice. We talked for about 3 hours, caught some of the NBA final and things seemed to go well, until about the last 10 min. I wasn't sure how to close it out. We were both ready to go, but she said something strange like I have to call my mom!? But her mom doesn't live in the US, so I saw things going sour. So I walked her to the proximity of her car and she shook my hand :( um I felt like I was being told thanks but no thanks, then she said something like we should hang out again. So I went to my car, and was going to wait for her to pull out, but after about 2 min, it seemed creepy to wait more so I went home.

What's the consensus, did I blow it in the last 30 min, or am I just over analyzing. She was cute, and we had interesting conversations, but I just got this dreaded feeling in the last few min. I mean no sweat, plenty of fish in the sea, but how should I have ended the date.

Chalk one up to inexperience...

[Merlin]

Sounds like she filed you away under the "just friends" category.

Calling anyone on a date is a bad sign, as women use this as the excuse to get out of there, but when it is mom. Not good for you.

Hand shake - not even a hug - is bad.

If she said you two should go out again that would be good. Hang out means just friends.

Sorry pal. Next time do something with a little more action. Three hours of talking will kill any momentum you might have had.

[DarkFury]

Hmmm... a date in a sports bar (where the men to women ratio is greatly outta wack), Looks to me like she was usin' you as "an excuse" to hang out and scope what men were "available" in your area on a Monday night...

I wouldn't see a "sports bar" as somewhere you go with "romantic intentions"... a movie maybe, a dinner perhaps... but not a sports bar. :shrug:

[AmRivlin]

I don't really think that was her intention... the place was full of 30 year old + guys watching the NBA game, hooting and hollering in espanol, we sat in a far corner booth, and she was pretty focused on me. It wasn't like I spent any money on her, but it wasn't like she wanted me to either. I think she was pretty honest about just wanting to meet, and the place was meant to be laid back? Strangly she knew I was from St. Louis, but I never mentioned that, she looked up my area code...was her comment, 314, strange, of all the things to look up. Anyway, I'll see what happens, if it doesn't develop, no worries.

[Jihforce]

I don't really think that was her intention... the place was full of 30 year old + guys watching the NBA game, hooting and hollering in espanol, we sat in a far corner booth, and she was pretty focused on me. It wasn't like I spent any money on her, but it wasn't like she wanted me to either. I think she was pretty honest about just wanting to meet, and the place was meant to be laid back? Strangly she knew I was from St. Louis, but I never mentioned that, she looked up my area code...was her comment, 314, strange, of all the things to look up. Anyway, I'll see what happens, if it doesn't develop, no worries.

Maybe she likes her men older, macho and spanish speaking? :P
Yeah, i wouldn't sweat it, its not like you guys are going steady anyway.

[oblongmelon]

I don't really think that was her intention... the place was full of 30 year old + guys watching the NBA game, hooting and hollering in espanol, we sat in a far corner booth, and she was pretty focused on me. It wasn't like I spent any money on her, but it wasn't like she wanted me to either. I think she was pretty honest about just wanting to meet, and the place was meant to be laid back? Strangly she knew I was from St. Louis, but I never mentioned that, she looked up my area code...was her comment, 314, strange, of all the things to look up. Anyway, I'll see what happens, if it doesn't develop, no worries.

wow-so NOT the place to take someone on a first date, where she knows that out of the corner of your eyes (and ears) you're watching the game.

[Jane83]

haha interesting male perspective.
i actually went on a psudo date or whatnot with this new guy i got introduced to, and realized how much dating was such a hassle.
meeting new people is such a hassle.
asking the same questions are boring, as well as being asked the same stuff.
and as i girl, i find myself judging people from the last guy and the guy before that and whatnot.
all in all, dating sucks, its tiring

[Kevster]

Sounds like she filed you away under the "just friends" category.

Calling anyone on a date is a bad sign, as women use this as the excuse to get out of there, but when it is mom. Not good for you.

Hand shake - not even a hug - is bad.

If she said you two should go out again that would be good. Hang out means just friends.

Sorry pal. Next time do something with a little more action. Three hours of talking will kill any momentum you might have had.


:stupid:

Sorry to hear that Amrivlin. Being stuck in the 'Friend zone' is not fun when that wasn't your intention. Keep in touch with her and try to grow the friendship. Friends like that are always a good cheap date when you have to go to a formal occasion and don't want to go alone. I had a girl friend like that and we did that for eachother many times.

Good luck on the dating scene though - I don't envy you one bit.

[Jane83]

plus, some guys are just so boring.
you need to make the girl crack up and laugh, or be utterly facinating.
both, is gold

[DarkFury]

Question here....

Prior to the date... how much time did you spend getting to know this person? More or less the groundwork to a good "dating relationship" is laid prior to going out.

Find out what she really likes to do... find out if she is "adventurous" or not (if not, then maybe you'd be better looking elsewhere if she doesn't want to do anything). Find out her favorite food. Then capitalize on those things as you show her that you are "really into her" and such...

Those are the keys to getting off to a good start with. Personally, as a "first fun date" I say try to go somewhere where you don't really have to get in too deep with all the "uncomfortable" questions and such (unless your intent is to "git in really deep" later :naughty: ) Go to an amusement park... Go see a show... and have dinner afterwards as mentioned earlier. :D

[Kevster]

Question here....

Prior to the date... how much time did you spend getting to know this person? More or less the groundwork to a good "dating relationship" is laid prior to going out.

Find out what she really likes to do... find out if she is "adventurous" or not (if not, then maybe you'd be better looking elsewhere if she doesn't want to do anything). Find out her favorite food. Then capitalize on those things as you show her that you are "really into her" and such...

Those are the keys to getting off to a good start with. Personally, as a "first fun date" I say try to go somewhere where you don't really have to get in too deep with all the "uncomfortable" questions and such (unless your intent is to "git in really deep" later :naughty: ) Go to an amusement park... Go see a show... and have dinner afterwards as mentioned earlier. :D

On the first date with my wife, I took her to an art gallery opening in Santa Monica that one of my co-workers was having. It was fun - lots of wine and little snacks led to me developing very interesting 'interpretations' of the art being shown (good laughs). Afterward we went for a late dinner. Things went pretty well I'd have to say.

[InfiniteNothing]

Did you show her your wiener?

[nickel]

Did you show her your wiener?
:lmfao:

jeebus man, just spit that out like that... ahahaha.

umm... yeh... that might work. :P
(errr...did you mean Kevster's dog? :spock: )


actually AmRivlin, if i were going on a first date with you, i'd want YOU to pick where we are going... surprise me.... excite me...
it doesn't sound like much thought was put into the date, and i don't mean you have to spend oodles of money on her either.

one thing i can't stand is a guy who is like, "let's do whatever you want to do, see whatever movie you want to see, go wherever you want to go."
i hope you aren't like that.
i like take charge guys. you can still ask for my opinion/input, but just show you've put some thought into things.

[gugnheim]

actually AmRivlin, if i were going on a first date with you, i'd want YOU to pick where we are going... surprise me.... excite me...
it doesn't sound like much thought was put into the date, and i don't mean you have to spend oodles of money on her either.

one thing i can't stand is a guy who is like, "let's do whatever you want to do, see whatever movie you want to see, go wherever you want to go."
i hope you aren't like that.
i like take charge guys. you can still ask for my opinion/input, but just show you've put some thought into things.


Well put nickel. I like that in a gal, you and my fiance are similar that way. She made it clear to me I needed to put some thought into what we were doing if I wanted to see her again. So one of our first dates, I took her shooting, she'd never been. She had a blast after initial prodding from me to open her mind and have some fun, and it being different. Of course the next week, she fell asleep in an astonomy lecture at the planetarium...LOL

Gug

[Showtime]

Prior to the date... how much time did you spend getting to know this person? More or less the groundwork to a good "dating relationship" is laid prior to going out. :D

:stupid:

Yeah, did you meet her at Church or at some club or ???? Pick your battelfield better next time.

Note: Sometimes conversation kills.

-j

[AmRivlin]

Well update and answers:

I don't know the area too well, but I am usually a take charge of the activity / event if I know the persons interests and something fun to do. It being a sports bar and all didn't bother me, since it wasn't a serious date, more of just a get to know you kind of thing.

She does tax work for a major firm and her client is related to Ladera Ranch, I work for a design firm that is doing the plans for Ladera in San Juan Capistrano. So some of the conversation was based around work and what we like and dislike, and our youth days, hers being in Indonesia, so there was enough excitement for me in there, and then I could share my travels and tales. I didn't think the conversation died, we always had plenty to talk about, but I did find my eyes wandering to the Angels Nationals brawl on a few occasions. Although I don't even know who won the NBA game. During the evening I got some laughs, but I couldn't tell if they were charity laughs or not. Maybe I am just funny looking. Oh well.

I broke the rules (No contact for a few days) and basically said I hated the "dating game" and we should play some tennis at some point or meet for lunch on our breaks, I would agree if there was another "meeting" / date, it would have to have outside entertainment, cause I can only tell her about going to a Thai Prison one or two more times ;). Anyway, she replied to my email with some enthusiasm, and agreed we wouldn't play games, although I complimented her slightly in my email, I didn't recieve any in return. But, I guess it is a good thing that I got a reply?

Honestly, I am not held up on any of this. If it does work out great, if not, oh well. Like I said before, I am just happy to meet some people. And I totally agree with Jane, dating is too much work, I can tell one or two girls my tales, but then I feel retarded repeating them to anyone else, plus it is a pain to keep track of all the personalities.

I guess being single is nice, but it sucks when you have to rebuild your trust and interest with someone new, if you don't want to sit at home on the weekends :D

[Kevster]

Did you show her your wiener?

:D

I get compliments about my wiener all the time. Women love to stroke my wiener too. They can't help but want to touch it, and my wiener loves to be touched.

[brain]

:D

I get compliments about my wiener all the time. Women love to stroke my wiener too. They can't help but want to touch it, and my wiener loves to be touched.

Is it a Schweaty Wiener?

[Kevster]

Is it a Schweaty Wiener?


To further derail this thread about Amrivlin on the dating scene, I submit the following. :D

For your consideration:

Margaret Jo McCullen: Hello. I'm Margaret Jo McCullen.
Lynn Vershad: And I'm Lynn Vershad.
Together: And you're listening to .. The Delicious Dish ... on National Public Radio.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, listeners, don't adjust your radio sets, you heard right. Teri Rialto has left to pursue her dream of opening up a yogurt factory. We're real proud of her, and we're going to miss her. But we have a new co-host here on the Delicious Dish, and she's a real firecracker. Say hi, Lynn.
Lynn Vershad: [shyly] Hi.
Margaret Jo McCullen: And, of course, those of you listening in northeast Minnesota already know Lynn, from her last show "Use Your Noodle". Such a groundbreaking show, Lynn, I loved it.
Lynn Vershad: Oh, thank you.
Margaret Jo McCullen: You're welcome.
Lynn Vershad: You know, Wayzana Tribune called it the "most innovative public-supporterd pasta-related radio cooking show since Get Ready, Get Set, Spaghetti!
Margaret Jo McCullen: Absolutely, ditto to that, we were really lucky to steal you away, Lynn!
Lynn Vershad: Well, I really felt like I had taken pasta as far as it would go.
Margaret Jo McCullen: I know what you mean. I got so burned out on dried figs in the late 80's, that I've never gone back.
Lynn Vershad: I'm so, so sorry.
Margaret Jo McCullen: It's okay. It's neat.
Lynn Vershad: Fun, yeah.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Good times. Dried fruit.
Lynn Vershad: Yeah. Well, M. J., Spring has sprung, and that mean the return of the great American pastime - baseball.
Margaret Jo McCullen: And, of course, no baseball season would be complete without the culinary traditions of the ballpark.
Lynn Vershad: Mmm, that's right, M. J. And joining us to talk about them is someone whom I understand is an old friend of the Delicious Dish - Mr. Pete Scweddy.
[Pete takes his seat behind the microphone]
Margaret Jo McCullen: Hi, Pete. Welcome back.
Pete Schweddy: Hi, there.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, Pete, I hear that the only thing you love more than cooking, is the great game of baseball.
Pete Schweddy: Oh, yes. Sometimes, when I'm in the stands, I get so fired up and out of control, I've been known to boo the other team.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Ooh ... I'd want to steer clear of that.
Pete Schweddy: For sure.
Lynn Vershad: Now, Pete, you've gained quite a reputation as the king of stadium-cooked cuisine.
Pete Schweddy: That's right. I'm proud to say I've won great acclaim for my takes on popcorn, crackerjacks, and pretzel bread. But I think what I am most known for is my weiner.
Margaret Jo McCullen: your weiner. Wow. You don't say.
Pete Schweddy: I sure do. Would you like to see it?
Margaret Jo McCullen: Please. Please. [Pete pulls out a tray of weiners] Wow ...
Pete Schweddy: Is that some weiner, or what?
Margaret Jo McCullen: Yeah, it's a doozy, Pete.
Lynn Vershad: Now, is that a foot-long, or ... ?
Pete Schweddy: [chuckles] You flatter me!
Margaret Jo McCullen: I have to say, Pete, that's a very thick one, too.
Pete Schweddy: I'd have to say it's almost as thick as it is long.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Now, I can smell your wiener from here.
Pete Schweddy: Well, that is thanks to the Schweddy Family recipe. There's no escaping the aroma of a Schweddy Family weiner.
Lynn Vershad: It, um ... it really does glisten, doesn't it?
Pete Schweddy: Uh, yeah, it's the weiners folks can't seem to keep out of their mouths.
Lynn Vershad: Well, then I bet it's a big hit with the kids.
Pete Schweddy: Oh, yes, indeed. There's nothing quite like the look on a child's face the moment he gets a hold of his own Schweddy weiner.
[call lines start to light up]
Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, Lynn. the switchboard's really lighting up! We'll take your calls in a moment. But, first, I want to get my mouth around that weiner!
Pete Schweddy: Be my guest. Both of you ladies please have a go at it.
[Margaret Jo and Lynn grab a Schweddy weiner]
Lynn Vershad: Hmm ... I'm not sure I can handle this much meat ...
Pete Schweddy: Well, you really don't have to put the whole thing in your mouth at once.
Lynn Vershad: Maybe we can cut it half?
Pete Schweddy: I'd rather you didn't!
Margaret Jo McCullen: Wow, Pete, this peiner ... [stifles her laughter] A little verbal diarrhea ... This weiner's so plump and firm. The weiners I'm accustomed to are usually wrinkled and gray. The phones are really going crazy - is it okay if we take a call?
Pete Schweddy: Oh, be my guest.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Okay. [presses call button] Delicious Dish. You're on the air.
Lynn Vershad: Do you have a question for Pete Schweddy?
Caller: [breathing heavily] Yeah! Tell me about your weiner, Pete!
Pete Schweddy: Well, what would you like to know?
Caller: Do you touch it!
Pete Schweddy: Well, sure, I'm very hands-on with the famous Schweddy weiner.
Caller: Are you touching it now!
Pete Schweddy: Uh ... no, I'm not. The ladies are enjoying my weiner right now, actually. Any other waurions?
Caller: [moans exuberantly] Nooooooo, I'm all done ... ! Thanks ... ! [hangs up]
Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, thanks for calling.
Lynn Vershad: [eating the weiner] Mmm ... I just can't keep your weiner out of my mouth.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Mmm-mmm ... it's delicious!
Lynn Vershad: [starts choking on the weiner]
Margaret Jo McCullen: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Pete Schweddy: What's wrong?
Margaret Jo McCullen: I think Lynn's gagging on your weiner ...
Pete Schweddy: Bend her over! Bend her over!
Margaret Jo McCullen: [pushes Lynn forward] Just relax your throat, Lynn! Just relax!
Pete Schweddy: [pats Lynn's back] Let it slide out.
[Lynn cough the weiner out of her throat]
Margaret Jo McCullen: You alright?
Lynn Vershad: Boy ... that was scary for a minute ... but ... if I had to gag on a weiner, I'm glad it was yours, Pete.
Pete Schweddy: Well, I'm glad my Schwddy weiner didn't disappoint you.
Margaret Jo McCullen: Well, that's all the time we have here on the Delicious Dish. Join us next week, when our guest will be ...
Together: Freddie S. and his Donut Holes!

[Merlin]

...
all in all, dating sucks, its tiring
That just means you are going with the wrong people. I actually enjoy dating. Meeting new people and doing fun things. I don't know, maybe it is because I'm really outgoing, but I really like it.

[ialsohaveadream]

i like take charge guys. you can still ask for my opinion/input, but just show you've put some thought into things.
Most definitely. Save the "let's just do whatever" comment for later, after you've already had sex with her and gotten complacent. :)

[riskykougra]

I recently read that if you are meeting someone for the first time or going on a first date you should try to go somewhere quiet for coffee and try to keep the date to under an hour...that way you get to know each other without having the stress of keeping up a conversation with someone you hardly know for too long. Especially since most people usually know within the first half hour to 45 minutes if they feel any kind of attraction or connection to someone. The other 2 hours are just cruel. :eek2:

[Jane83]

That just means you are going with the wrong people. I actually enjoy dating. Meeting new people and doing fun things. I don't know, maybe it is because I'm really outgoing, but I really like it.
if you like quantity over quality that is...
sure its fun to go out with new people, but after a certain point, it gets old.
id prefer content over countless dates

[AmRivlin]

I recently read that if you are meeting someone for the first time or going on a first date you should try to go somewhere quiet for coffee and try to keep the date to under an hour...that way you get to know each other without having the stress of keeping up a conversation with someone you hardly know for too long. Especially since most people usually know within the first half hour to 45 minutes if they feel any kind of attraction or connection to someone. The other 2 hours are just cruel. :eek2:

Well I was attracted to her... but arent most guys attracted to any half decent chick (to answer my own question: No, but most the time yea) As for her, she is cute, international, professional, and sounds fun, I actually dont have any urge to "get with her" but more so have someone my age to hang out with, and maybe later there can be some bone jumping. Of course I have no idea what she is after, so maybe she was bored out of her mind... who knows.

[Grubbie]

Did you show her your wiener?


Why else would she stick out her hand at waist level for a shake?

Sounds to me the date went pretty well, got a happy ending.

[Merlin]

if you like quantity over quality that is...
sure its fun to go out with new people, but after a certain point, it gets old.
id prefer content over countless dates
It is up to you to make the time you have quality. I have been out with plenty of people that were not second date worthy but that sure as heck didn't stop me from having a great time. I guess it just boils down to how social a person you are.

[ooBaKeep]

A sports bar is a great place for a woman to meet a guy, but a date? I agree, you're a guy friend now. I give you credit for going with your instint about how you were feeling. Not all guys are gentleman :naughty: ... just my 2 1/2 cents.

Make it a good day!

[AmRivlin]

I have talked a few times on the phone with the girl previously mentioned.

Well, went on a second date with this girl. It went better than the first, but the focus wasn't on her this time. I invited her to dinner, and she accepted, only later to tell me she was uncomfortable going to dinner with me... not sure why, but I guess she is suspicious of guys taking a girl out for dinner. I am not one to expect any thing other than a nice meal and some conversation.

Anyway we went to Yard House and met her friends, so they could size me up... The 2 guys (a couple) were really neat guys. We were able to talk quite a bit, infact I had to remind myself to focus on my date, not on her friends, oops...(No, I won't ditch her for them :)) When she went to the bathroom, her friends decided it was time to grill me, I felt like I was on the Real World, getting interviewed.

Well I took her home, upgraded to the hugging zone.

She is a pretty, educated girl, she is just extremely guarded and hides behind sarcasm and humor, not that I am any better, but I really saw her protecting something last night. Hopefully we can continue to get to know each other and break down the barriers.

[ialsohaveadream]

I invited her to dinner, and she accepted, only later to tell me she was uncomfortable going to dinner with me... not sure why, but I guess she is suspicious of guys taking a girl out for dinner.
I have a guess why, but it's not good news if you're trying to date this girl.


Well I took her home, upgraded to the hugging zone.
...upgraded?

[AmRivlin]

I have a guess why, but it's not good news if you're trying to date this girl.

think she just wants to be friends?

My response would be, I have friends. Right now I don't need anymore.

[ialsohaveadream]

think she just wants to be friends?

My response would be, I have friends. Right now I don't need anymore.
That's my guess. A hug goodnight is (generally speaking, of course) not a good sign. You hug your friends goodnight. You kiss your dates goodnight...even if it's a simple kiss on the cheek.

[AmRivlin]

Well remember the first time was a handshake... so, i see a hug as an improvement, maybe by date 173 i will share a bathroom with her... ;)

Honestly, I just got off the phone with her, and she said she was interested in me, but really wants to, i guess date me more to know me... (Didnt give me any of the slow down or lets be friends first lines) but i am still a bit hesitant.

I will give her one more opportunity to get to know me, then, if it seems, bleh, she is stringing me out... I will cordially find someone else to date.

I think she is just hoping to find the right guy, and not be hurt. That is fair, and I am okay getting to know her for a bit, being shy myself, but if she is just looking for friends, then that is not my interest, and I explained it all very nicely to her.

[avlena]

think she just wants to be friends?

My response would be, I have friends. Right now I don't need anymore.

she's uncomfortable having dinner with you, and you only got a hug on a second "date", which apparently involved hanging out with her friends. that really sounds like friends zone. :shrug: if she says otherwise, she might be trying to be nice.

oh, and that's a silly reaction to reject her friendship. I hate it when guys completely dismiss a girl once they find she isn't available. If you think she's a worthy enough person to be a future mate (hence the date), then she must be a pretty cool person to have as a friend. So take the friend and count yourself lucky. and besides, girls typically try to hook up their single male friends with their single female friends, so it might turn out well for you in the end.

[PiPhiAngel]

you were on a date last night?
could have sworn i saw someone that looked exactly like you at the irvine target last night...:shifty:
hm.

[ialsohaveadream]

oh, and that's a silly reaction to reject her friendship. I hate it when guys completely dismiss a girl once they find she isn't available. If you think she's a worthy enough person to be a future mate (hence the date), then she must be a pretty cool person to have as a friend. So take the friend and count yourself lucky.
Don't listen to her, Am. If you actually like the girl, and the feeling's not returned, friendship is torture. Cut your losses and move on if it's headed toward friendship. Don't be the "d*ck in a glass jar".

[ski]

:stupid:

As idealistic as it is to think that, it's just not realistic. If you really like someone and find out they're taken or it's not mutual, I've found it's best not to allow yourself to be their backup whenever they feel like they need someone (when you'd be willing to invest yourself all of the time). Most cases it's not a fair tradeoff, so I'd avoid it like the plague.

[CrystalDuck]

she's uncomfortable having dinner with you, and you only got a hug on a second "date", which apparently involved hanging out with her friends. that really sounds like friends zone. :shrug: if she says otherwise, she might be trying to be nice.

Or maybe she's just socially awkward. A hug might be a special gift from her; not all girls follow the same rules. But if you find out that she kissed a guy on a first date a month ago, then you're running behind. Maybe you can find out more about her from her friends. If she is just being careful and trying to protect herself, you'll be worth that much more to her once she is finally comfortable around you.

[avlena]

Or maybe she's just socially awkward. A hug might be a special gift from her; not all girls follow the same rules. But if you find out that she kissed a guy on a first date a month ago, then you're running behind. Maybe you can find out more about her from her friends. If she is just being careful and trying to protect herself, you'll be worth that much more to her once she is finally comfortable around you.

good point!

[AmRivlin]

Perhaps, thanks for the advice you guys, I can understand both sides. I definatley think she is a neat person, and no I am not after a quickie, if that is the case I wouldnt have waited 8 months to find the right person... I can be anyones friend, but that isn't what I am looking for in her right now... anyway, I will keep you posted.

And Janice, sorry you must have seen another great looking guy, because I was at the spectrum for most of the night. If you do ever see me though, I would love if you say hello, I probably would not recognize you on my own.