Work or girl... what to do...?

[IrishSS]

Work Background:

I am part of a team at work that goes out to high profile national or international events (Presidential Inauguration, Olympics, etc. etc.). I havent been afforded an opportunity to travel internationally yet (although Ive been days from going to places like Iraq and Afghanistan, yet the assignments have been cancelled), but I have a fairly large desire to do so. Thing is, it seems like everytime my name is associated with an international event or trip, it gets cancelled for one reason or another. I kid you not, I think I've been cancelled on 6 or 7 times in the past year now. It's almost become comical.

Girl Background:

Went to a wedding for one of my best friends about 3 weeks ago. Flew across the country to be part of it, and while I was there, fell fairly hard for the maid of honor, who happens to be (my friend) the brides cousin. We've been talking back and forth since and her (MoH) birthday is around the 4th of July. We decided we'd meet up in Vegas (bride lives there now) for a week to visit both the bride and each other. I went all out, buying a suite at a very nice hotel with a jacuzzi overlooking the fountains at the Bellagio and generally planning to have a great time with this girl. She bought her airline ticket yesterday, I was planning on doing mine today.

Fast forward to today at work...

I get a visit from the program manager of the work team. He says he needs me to go to London to work at Scotland Yard for 10 days to support the US and their interests in the G8 summit. I'm thinking "how cool is this? Scotland Yard, London, make a ton of $$$ in OT and expenses," hell ya I'll go. Then he tells me the date. The same damned week that I was planning to go to Vegas. I'm completely crushed, thinking well damn, guess I can't go. I state my previous plans to him and tell him if I am the only person on the team that can go, I'd be willing to do so IF they can guarantee I'm not going to get cancelled on again.

This would require me to break a certain girls heart, cancel my flight, hotel room, etc. etc. If I was to cancel all my personal plans and find out that I am getting the shaft 2 days before we are supposed to leave, I'd be fairly upset. He understood my point and reiterated that I was the only person that was qualified and able to go. Granted, it's hard to say no to my employer, but what's a guy supposed to do? I asked him to look over his list again and see if he could find somebody else, but if not, I was willing to do it. (No no, please don't force me to go to London... :rolleyes: )

On one hand, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to London and work at Scotland Yard. I've been trying to get on an international trip for nearly 2 years now, and here's another chance to go (I just got passed up on to go to Morocco and Saudi Arabia last week). Yeah, there will be others later, as there always is. But both the project manager and my direct supervisor think this is a great opportunity for me to get my international feet wet.

On the other hand, I already have big plans (both literally and figuratively) with this girl. I'm not one who takes to bailing on somebody lightly, especially in a situation like this. I called her this afternoon when I found out about all this and was very up front and honest, saying I may not be able to make it and why. She was crushed, yet understanding. She said not to worry, if I can't make it we'll plan it again for another time. She even said I could just fly her out here and we'd call it even :naughty:.

So, what do I choose? Work or the girl? Yea, I can always take the girl to Vegas again. I can't just go to Scotland Yard anytime I want to though. But I hate disappointing people, especially ones I am trying to get closer to. But do I shoot myself in the foot at work and say no? Do I be a team player and just go? Which do I go with, my head or my heart?

[ski]

Benefits of going with work: this trip will broaden your horizons, get you more reputation with your boss
Losses of going with work: money spent on that trip, missing out on a good time

Benefits of going with girl: it'll be one heck of a fun trip, possible love connection
Losses of going with girl: missing out on work experience, no guarantees if it will continue afterwards

It's quite a pickle... I can understand your unease!

[CrystalDuck]

I'd say given their history of canceling on you, you shouldn't give up what sounds like one of the most exciting things to happen to you this year. This girl will be so wowed that you rejected an assignment like that that she'll feel really special. Plus, she already bought her ticket, so you must have something good going with her. This could be the start of something with her, while it's just the next logical step with your job. Anyone who would blame you for turning down that assignment would be a real tool.

[Showtime]

Ask her to visit you in London. If it's meant to be....

-j

[Yossarian]

i dunno, is your boss the kind of guy who would be understanding if you didn't go to england? and why?

[Kevster]

Who ever said on their deathbed, "If I only spent more time at the office..."

If it was me, without a doubt I would go see that girl. This work opportunity will come again some other time. For further references, see the movie, "Good Will Hunting". You'll understand then.

[IrishSS]

I'd say given their history of canceling on you, you shouldn't give up what sounds like one of the most exciting things to happen to you this year. This girl will be so wowed that you rejected an assignment like that that she'll feel really special. Plus, she already bought her ticket, so you must have something good going with her. This could be the start of something with her, while it's just the next logical step with your job. Anyone who would blame you for turning down that assignment would be a real tool.

Well, I already have my flight and hotel booked for Vegas. I don't have to cancel the hotel until the 29th (day I leave for london) to get my $$$ back. So if they do cancel, I still have Vegas in the back pocket, ready to go.

[navyones]

Kevster is right. Work will always be there. You may never have the chance to find that one "right person" again though.

[IrishSS]

i dunno, is your boss the kind of guy who would be understanding if you didn't go to england? and why?

My boss, yeah, I'd hope so. She might see it as I've been begging to go overseas, here's an opportunity, but you're turning it down now?

The Program Manager is kinda hard to read... I'm not real sure how he'd percieve it.

[gear02]

I voted before I completely read the thing.

I say you go to London, but take her with you. I think that's a brilliant move. :)

[ramazank2]

London definetly. If the girl doesnt understand well shes not worth being with.

[MrGreg]

I'm going to need a picture of the girl before I can vote

[Showtime]

Weddings always make things feel more romantic.

Anyways...
She will like you for staying, but she'll respect you for going and will show where her heart is at when you ask her to come visit you in the UK. I mean if she isn't willing to visit you, why should you will be willing to put your career on hold?
I highly recommend going. It is a nice place to visit and there are some cool people there that can help you forget her if she disses you.

-j

[eSDee]

Tell your boss you can't make it, and if she gets mad at you take her to Tuna Town for the night.

[ski]

Who ever said on their deathbed, "If I only spent more time at the office..."
I'd agree if the decision was between the Vegas trip and sitting in a cubicle from 8 to 5. However, since it's in London and in my eyes, sounds like a great opportunity for a young person (ask any recent college grad, they'd sell a kidney to do it :heh: ), the stakes are raised, making the decision not so simple!

That said, the Vegas trip could also be the trip of a lifetime... grrr, I'm frustrated for you.

[avlena]

so you'd like to travel regularly then? then the girl will just have to get used to the fact that sometimes, you have to take off to London for a week or so. Yeah, it sucks to have to cancel on her, but if this is something you've been waiting for, it seems a shame that you blow your chance now. She'll understand - it's work, you didn't purposely schedule it on that date.

[Kevster]

Having been to London many times, I still say you should go and see that girl.

[ray]

Screw Vegas, bring her to London company paid

[IrishSS]

Screw Vegas, bring her to London company paid



Ya, that'd be great, except the company just happens to frown upon that sort of thing. :shrug:

I had actually thought of doing that on my own dime, but I'm not sure how much free time I'll have... don't want to pay $1500 for airfare for her and then have her hang out by herself all day.

[Jenny]

It's 10 days, not 2 months. See if you can take some time off after you get back (4-5 days, a week, 2 weeks, whatever) and then go visit her. Doesn't have to be Vegas. But make the effort to go to her after the work. And send her flowers the day you leave to let her know you are thinking of her. ;)

[CrystalDuck]

I still say go to Vegas, but Jenny's advice would be the next best thing. If the girl isn't pissed at you for ditching her.

[Kevster]

Ya, that'd be great, except the company just happens to frown upon that sort of thing. :shrug:

I had actually thought of doing that on my own dime, but I'm not sure how much free time I'll have... don't want to pay $1500 for airfare for her and then have her hang out by herself all day.

I did that last time I had to go to London. My wife went along with me and traveled around London during the day. I had to work in several places, including Saville Row, Cromwell road (East London), and Docklands (Isle of Dogs) so she just went and did the tourist thing and kept in touch with me by mobile.

[IrishSS]

It's 10 days, not 2 months. See if you can take some time off after you get back (4-5 days, a week, 2 weeks, whatever) and then go visit her. Doesn't have to be Vegas. But make the effort to go to her after the work. And send her flowers the day you leave to let her know you are thinking of her. ;)

:thumb:

[Lolita]

It's 10 days, not 2 months. See if you can take some time off after you get back (4-5 days, a week, 2 weeks, whatever) and then go visit her. Doesn't have to be Vegas. But make the effort to go to her after the work. And send her flowers the day you leave to let her know you are thinking of her. ;)

:stupid: if it's possible for you to take the time off of work, I say go to London and then go visit her when you come back. It becomes a win-win situation.

[nickel]

It's 10 days, not 2 months. See if you can take some time off after you get back (4-5 days, a week, 2 weeks, whatever) and then go visit her. Doesn't have to be Vegas. But make the effort to go to her after the work. And send her flowers the day you leave to let her know you are thinking of her. ;)
yep, Jenny has winning advice.

also, the girl seems very understanding:

I called her this afternoon when I found out about all this and was very up front and honest, saying I may not be able to make it and why. She was crushed, yet understanding. She said not to worry, if I can't make it we'll plan it again for another time. She even said I could just fly her out here and we'd call it even
you can make plans with her when you get back. sounds like she'll definitely still be there for you.

[Jenny]

Whatever you decide, good luck with the trip &/or girl. :)

[IrishSS]

Ive pretty much decided to go to London. It is a rare opportunity and hard to pass up. She'll be there when I get back, as will Vegas... and she's been very understanding, which is a postive. I'll just be sure to make it up to her.

[GracieBayb]

i think that jenny gave perfect advice as well...

send the girl some flowers and be sure to bring her back a reeeeally nice souvenir :)

[ShawnLee]

:stupid: with regards to Jenny's advice. Take care of both. It's not as "romantic" but then you never see the end of romantic movies where the guy leaves his job for a girl.

I was about to come into this thread saying you should go for the girl and thinking about Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, but reading both sides, I say London. It's only a short time, and you'll be back soon enough.

[Gothic Girl]

I dunno. I say London. Vegas will always be there, but you won't always have a chance at Scotland Yard. If the girl's really into you, she'll understand and just make your plans for immediately when you get back. On that note, why can't you just change your Vegas plans to a week earlier, then go straight to London?

[Merlin]

A few people have mentioned taking the girl with you to London and that is what I would do if I were you. You can get here there and back for much less than$1,500. The ticket should be around $750 and that is probably less than the full weekend in Vegas would be. The two of you can do Vegas later. And if romance is what you're going after London has it in spades. I go there quite often for work and can give you some Ideas - Like go Hakkasans. Hell, if you two get bored there you can always that the chunnel into Paris for the weekend. Ah, Paris in summer :love: talk about a no lose situation. Anyway you're boss sounds fairly understanding. So take the girl on your dime but let the company pick up most of the meals and taxis. The big question is do you think she would be down with it? She sounds adventerous enough.

A London getaway could be a great way to start something.

[nickel]

A few people have mentioned taking the girl with you to London and that is what I would do if I were you. You can get here there and back for much less than$1,500. The ticket should be around $750 and that is probably less than the full weekend in Vegas would be. The two of you can do Vegas later. And if romance is what you're going after London has it in spades. I go there quite often for work and can give you some Ideas - Like go Hakkasans. Hell, if you two get bored there you can always that the chunnel into Paris for the weekend. Ah, Paris in summer :love: talk about a no lose situation. Anyway you're boss sounds fairly understanding. So take the girl on your dime but let the company pick up most of the meals and taxis. The big question is do you think she would be down with it? She sounds adventerous enough.

A London getaway could be a great way to start something.
i'm sure she would be down with it as she suggested it i believe, but Irish was concerned that he wouldn't have much time to spend with her while there and she'd just be hanging around by herself.
i agree that it would be hella fun to have her go there with him, but one has to be sure that work is cool that he is bringing a date along too.

i still say wait and go away together when he get devout 100% of his attention to her.

[cheapie]

absofreakinlutely go to london w/your job. does she know who you work for?

[LegendKiller]

Definitely think you made the right decision to go to London. Sometimes you need to take a career opportunity and set a good path. As Jenny said (she gives good advice), send some flowers, a card, maybe some chocolate or something.

[Merlin]

If you can get her to go to London with you try and stay at the Sanderson Hotel. Real swanky place with great champagne drinks at The Long Bar. Plus it is not too far from where you'll be working.


i'm sure she would be down with it as she suggested it i believe, but Irish was concerned that he wouldn't have much time to spend with her while there and she'd just be hanging around by herself.
i agree that it would be hella fun to have her go there with him, but one has to be sure that work is cool that he is bringing a date along too.

i still say wait and go away together when he get devout 100% of his attention to her.
Fair enough but there is so much touristy stuff to do there that she would easily be able to entertain herself until he gets off the job. Then romantic evening follows. Plus he might be able to schedule it so that he has a couple of free days while over there.

[molecularfire]

I'm with the go to london people. Work may not always be there for you but it generally is much more loyal than people are.

[attgig]

another vote for Jenny's advice.

just get the airplane tickets delayed a couple weeks, hotel reservations delayed as well. tell your boss you're taking a few days off when u come back and sweep her off her.... =)

[IrishSS]

...The ticket should be around $750 and that is probably less than the full weekend in Vegas would be...

Please do tell where you might be able to locate this kind of fare. And yes, I'd easily spend that in the 5 days I was planning to be in Vegas. I think I had rung up close to $2500 in expenses already, counting hotel, airfare, show tix and spending money.


absofreakinlutely go to london w/your job. does she know who you work for?

Aye, that she does...

[AmRivlin]

www.sidestep.com

Then go to the actual vendors site.

I booked tickets to london to see a girl, when I knew I was supposed to be working. I canceled the tickets cause I got cold feet, wish I would have gone to london. even if the girl thing didnt work out.

[Jihforce]

Take her with you, if she's worth it. Otherwise, send her flowers visit after your trip. Those suggstions are great. Good luck.

[sizemic1]

Who ever said on their deathbed, "If I only spent more time at the office..."

If it was me, without a doubt I would go see that girl. This work opportunity will come again some other time. For further references, see the movie, "Good Will Hunting". You'll understand then.
:stupid:

[oogeooge]

go for the girl. there is only 1 girl out there for you and she might be it. there are many jobs out there waiting for you.

plus, getting laid ain't bad either :)

[ufcrusher]

Honestly this doesnt seem like such a hard decision to me. On one hand you have work, which is an obligation, that is offering to send you abroad to work in a unique setting.....on the other hand, you have the potential for love, but the girl has stated that she understands the situation even if she doesnt like it.

The issue comes down to the fact that EVERY other time you were supposed to go abroad it got cancelled. Thus, you would hate to postpone/cancel with this girl and then have your business trip cancelled. You are looking at it as potential love tryst with girl vs. business trip that may be cancelled. If you look at it more as potential love tryst with girl who understands that you have a business trip vs. remarkable business opportunity, would the choice be any easier?

Here are the key facts that you stated, but some people seem to miss:
1. The plan was to see girl WHILE BOTH ARE ALSO SEEING FRIEND who was married. (Thus she can still see her cousin without you and the trip while diminished is not in vain)
2. The girl has said that you can make it up by flying her out to see you. (Thus you show that you are very much interested in seeing her and make up for the business trip)
3. The business trip is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity (G8 meeting and Scotland yard)

I would plan on going to London on business. Obviously you will know about the trip before you have to pay for the room....thus, if you dont care about a few hundred dollars you can either buy a non-refundable ticket and figure that the trip will be cancelled. (if its not, you cancel the reservations and eat the ticket) Alternatively, you get a ticket that you can change the date on (either fully refundable or by paying the $100 fee to change dates). This way, you have the backup if the business trip falls through.

The other option is to see about changing the date of her ticket (with you picking up the tab for the change) and go when you get back. Probably more of a hassle though.
3.

[ShawnLee]

go for the girl. there is only 1 girl out there for you and she might be it. there are many jobs out there waiting for you.

plus, getting laid ain't bad either :)See, I disagree. I like the romantic notion of it, but there can't be JUST one girl out there for every guy, and likewise guy for girl. It's more of a circle of compatibility that you work within.

Anyhow, my recommendation that you go to London and see to the girl later stands as is, especially after that thoughtful post by UFC.

[IrishSS]

Ahh...

So many quality opinions and points of view. While I would truly love to hit Vegas with this girl, London is the only real choice here. Like it's been stated many times, how many opportunities do you get to work at Scotland Yard? Throw into the mix the fact that it looks like I'll clear somewhere in the neighborhood of $3000 in travel expenses (per diem for London is $410!) not even including OT, it makes the decision even easier. I can turn around, come home, and plan the same trip to Vegas (although missing her birthday) or something even more exciting/involved.

While disappointed, she has been understanding (whats the point if she couldnt have been... no reason to get involved with somebody like that) and supportive of the London trip. If something was to happen with the girl, she'd have to realize that things like this happen in my line of work... it's just part of the job.

While I would like to take her to London with me, the lowest cost flight I have found is nearly $1300, which is a lot to spend on somebody you havent spent a hell of a lot of time with. Is this girl the one? I have no idea. Sure, I enjoy her company and spending time with her, but what if we get totally annoyed with one another after 5 days in a foreign place? What happens if I end up working 18 hours plus per day and don't get to see her the whole time except for the long ass flight over there? How fun would that be? Plus, I'd have spent a large some of money on someone that I'm not even seeing or maybe even getting along with...

Like UFC said, it's a career choice over a potential love choice. We've talked about rescheduling tickets, planning other locations (going to Orlando in August on the companies dime again) and just up and doing something out of the blue when I return. She's been cool enough through the whole ordeal to make it worthwhile to invest some time when I return, so it looks like a win/win situation to me at this point.

Thanks for all the great ideas, including the flower idea Jenny. It's nice to see some of the people on this forum who I've come to respect offer their words of wisdom.

Thanks again! Anybody need anything from London? :)

[AlpineJay]

Just to add to the thought. But do try www.mobissimo.com for that airfare too. Sidestep doesn't ALWAYS do a good job in turning up the best fare but I've seen Mobissimo come through on a few occasions.

That is, of course, if you want to take her still. Regardless good luck - I think you made a tough call and hope all works out for you in the end. Scotland Yard does sound amazing and as ski said, as a recent college grad, I'd sell my kidney and half of my liver to be doing what you're doing now.

[Jenny]

Thanks for all the great ideas, including the flower idea Jenny. It's nice to see some of the people on this forum who I've come to respect offer their words of wisdom.

Thanks again! Anybody need anything from London? :)


You're welcome. Glad I could help. :)

You should visit the teddy bear shop. I am blanking on the name now, but I went when I was there in high school. You can buy all sorts of clothes for them & everything. If you have nieces or sisters or someone like that, that'd be a great place to get em something! I'll check my scrapbook later, cause I know I have a brochure for it, to see if I can find the name & address.

[molecularfire]

See, I disagree. I like the romantic notion of it, but there can't be JUST one girl out there for every guy, and likewise guy for girl. It's more of a circle of compatibility that you work within.

Anyhow, my recommendation that you go to London and see to the girl later stands as is, especially after that thoughtful post by UFC.
:stupid: I think of it this way... there are about 5 billion people in the world at roughly half male half female so if there is only "one" person for you then the odds of you meeting the "one" person for you at all is about 1/2.5 billion. That and the fact that in our lives we'll probably meet less than 100,000 people who we would've even said more than two words to, even if you did meet the "one" it is highly unlikely that you would have even said anything to him/her. Statistically if there is only "one" person out there for us they are most likely a poor farmer in China or India and really, how many of us are willing to make the trip there and interview all of those people even if we believe that the "one" person for us is there...

[gugnheim]

I say go to London, do your duty, it will pay off later with your bosses.
Gug