Thank you for chain letters (Joke)

[Jenny]

At this time of year, I want to thank all of you who have taken the
time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past 12
months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and
wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it
can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on
their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick
from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive
my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I
now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers
if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes. (I don't remember that in the Bible.)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooo much for looking out for me
that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
PM (EST) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
second husband's cousin's beautician! Honest!

[speedracer120]

Jeez, if I had a penny for every chain letter/email/IM. :hihi:

[zero2dash]

That is friggin' awesome :hehehmm:
I'm sending that to everyone I know (even if they didn't send me forwards) just so they can send it to more people and maybe we can collectively get the word out that forwards = DUMB. :heh: