SS: Lying Girlfriend

[modena]

So tonite, I went to grab my girlfriends cell phone for her, and someone called on the way out to her with it. She had her friend Jen's name displayed on it, so i figured i would say whats up on the way out. Turns out to be a guy named Danny. So I hung up, and did something I know I shouldnt have done, looked at her text messages. She has some from "Jena" or really Danny. About getting together and her wanting to be with him. I ask my girlfriend about it, she says she was never really planning on going to see him but in the messages she said "i really want to be with you". During a big "discussion" about it, she says that she never really planned on going to see him. They had been messaging back and forth for a few days. I asked her to leave my house.

What should I do? I feel as if that is cheating, yes I know I was wrong for looking at the text messages, but for answering the phone, we always do it to each other when the others friend is calling. Obviously she put his name as Jena so I wouldnt know it was Danny. I just dont know what to do, I would never do this to anyone, she says she it was a mistake, and she never intended to meet him and she was just doing it because she feel wanted and she says she will do anything to make it up to me. I am very hurt by it, just looking for what others think, so I have other rational thoughts going through my head! :neartears

[sbp]

Sure she really wasn't going to meat Danny boy. And uses the old bs needed to feel wanted excuse.

Dump the bitch.

[modena]

Sure she really wasn't going to meat Danny boy. And uses the old bs needed to feel wanted excuse.

Dump the bitch.


So this is something you have heard a girl do before?

[Kevster]

She got caught and she's lying badly trying to cover it up. If she didn't 'actually' cheat on you, she sure as hell was intending on it. I hate to say it like this, but this is a lose-lose situation for both of you. Nothing good will come of this and it is better to end it now because if she did it once, she's very likely to do it again and we here in the Got|Apex support group don't want to see that happen to you.

[MikeD]

I hate to say it like this, but this is a lose-lose situation for both of you. Nothing good will come of this and it is better to end it now

That's all you need to read right there. Lose-Lose, but better to cut your ties. You don't need the "what if?" worries dancing through your head when she's not around.

Walk away and move on. Long term it's the best thing to do...

Good luck too bro...we're all here for you! :)

[JackHammer]

Dude just ask her straight up. Tell her that she should quit wasting your timne and her own time. If she wants to go and be with Danny boy, fine kill the relationship. Life is too short for this bull****.

[ooBaKeep]

Point Blank, she was deceptive. If there was nothing 'going on' she would not have concealed Danny's name. They may not have hooked up, but they were having a private relationship that toyed with the idea. Certainly not innocent.

Don't beat yourself up for looking at her text messages. I don't get the impression you were doing this out of the blind. She gave you reason for concern.

I really suck at relationships, but I would find a time to address this directly with her... talk to her about the deception and ask her what she wants. I have a feeling she doesn't know however. She probably doesn't want to lose you, but wants to keep her options open as well. If you want her in your life you may need to redefine your relationship with her. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell could NEVER trust her after that. I had a similar thing happen to me and it is very hard to trust when the person you care about is not being honest and playing games. That's the kind approach, but really?... consider moving on, don't settle or sell yourself short.

Good luck and keep us posted.


Your bill is in the mail. :)

[mcs328]

Oh that sucks. So how many times did they intend to meet and never did; and how many times did they actually meet? Irrevalent but you can ask...let her dig a hole a little deeper...give her some glimmer of hope...than stomp it!!

Life is too short for BS...this is the kind of drama you don't want. It's not like picking a car or getting married that carry some expected drama. Ugh...I'd be willing to listen and upset. Man...if it was a real girl tho...and some lesbo action was going on...hmmm...maybe I let it slide but that's because I'm a perv :)

You don't need this drama.

[ooBaKeep]

Man...if it was a real girl tho...and some lesbo action was going on...hmmm...maybe I let it slide but that's because I'm a perv :)


Ha Ha Ha, she may be willing to keep the relationship going. :cheers:

[brainsmile]

Why don't you text Jena "Danny" on her phone and tell him that you want to be with him and have him meet you somewhere SURPRISE!!!

I kidd... cut the cord, only other choice is above

[RIVERWIDOW]

Life's too short to put up with a lying conniver. Dump her *ss :thud: and start looking for someone worth your time. I know going back into the datinggame sucks but you will be glad you did when you really find Miss Right. :love2:

[ialsohaveadream]

I'm with all the stupids. If she's never mentioned a guy named Danny before, she's going behind your back, and there's a good reason for it. Actually, she REALLY went out of her way to keep it from you, because she even put the guy's name under something different in her phone.

Yes it will probably hurt, but you have to get rid of her, or your relationship will never be the same anyway. You'll constantly have to worry that there's another potential "Danny" after this one.

Just cut your losses and move on, and the G|A gang will be here for you. Maybe Nickel will even send you a pic of her boobies like she did for me after my fiance and I split. Boobies make the pain go away.

[TofuNinja]

Dump da ho!! She ain't worth it. You can do better.

But since she did offer to do ANYTHING to make it up.... ask her if she has ever been curious about anal..... I kid I kid... wash yourself of this filthy ho.

[Mike_N_Ike]

Sorry to hear that Modena. I agree with most of these guys - if she's going to be outright deceptive like that, you don't want to be with this girl.

[Showtime]

Call Danny back and ask his version of the story. Dont forget to mention what she said.

[ialsohaveadream]

Call Danny back and ask his version of the story. Dont forget to mention what she said.
Building on jel's idea....It'd be cooler to have her call him right in front of you, and tell him the same **** she told you. Then break up with her anyway. :)

The dark side is strong in this one.

[InfiniteNothing]

Sure she really wasn't going to meat Danny boy. And uses the old bs needed to feel wanted excuse.

Dump the bitch.
Interesting euphemism :hihi:

[dbax791]

Holy Crap! I agree with IAHAD. This must not be the political forum, I guess. :)

[molecularfire]

The question you have to ask yourself is this... can you really trust her after this? If not, then what can you possibly hope to get from this? What is your endpoint? If all you can get from her now is pain, what's the point?

[mcs328]

See the consensus is dump her. Bonus points if you get lesbo sex, anal, kinky sex, or have her dressed up as a clown and kick her out in the cold half nekkid in front of her friends and family in a setup worthy of a post up in some "priceless" moment website.

[PiPhiAngel]

The question you have to ask yourself is this... can you really trust her after this? If not, then what can you possibly hope to get from this?
:stupid:

[Nija]

You should have sex with her.

And then dump her :D

Make sure to do everything you wanted to her, especially if she doesn't like it. Remember you aren't doing this for her pleasure, you are doing it for your revenge. Girls like it in the pooper, so make sure your fist is unlubricated.

[Memo]

Kick her to the curb.

[ooBaKeep]

See the consensus is dump her. Bonus points if you get lesbo sex, anal, kinky sex, or have her dressed up as a clown and kick her out in the cold half nekkid in front of her friends and family in a setup worthy of a post up in some "priceless" moment website.

You're warped and demented... I think I like you.

:cheers:

[GracieBayb]

i really can't say that I'd know what to do in that position. i'd really just have to say that you need to do what will make you a happier person in the long run and i don't think being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you or the relationship is going to make you a content person. i think that maybe your gf has attention issues that maybe she needs to have addressed by a therapist or something - but it is NOT your responsibility to fix her and i think what she did is terrible.

i hope that you're happy with whatever decision you make. you deserve to be happy and loved by someone who wouldn't treat you so carelessly.

[verve247]

That's some sweet deceit there. How can there be anything innocent when she tries to hide his name by calling him "jen." If you do take her back it will only teach her to be more careful next time.

[Jihforce]

If she admits that he made her feel wanted, then her that he can have you all he wants. Then move on. She can't make it up to you, so I don't know what the hell she's smoking. The only thing that would come out of that is her giving you some STD or something like that.

[ufcrusher]

Whoa.....lots of anger being posted here. As an individual who has unfortunately been in a similar situation many years ago I can tell you that the sneaking suspicion you get and then concluding that you were right is a horrid feeling. You start to go through all the what ifs in your head. What-if she is telling the truth, what if I am over reacting, what if I am wrong and it really is innocent?

You have to realize that at this point no matter what, the trust of the relationship is completely gone. There is no way you will ever get it back to where it was. IF (and thats a big if) you can ever forget/forgive her, there will always be a little voice in your head questioning why this happened. It comes down to a choice that you have to make regarding the future of the relationship. If its a long term relationship that means everything to you and you want to try to salvage it, then you sit down and hash it out. Everything goes on your terms.

You have to realize that there is little chance you can be around her 24/7/365. Life gets in the way. If you are going to worry everytime she is out of sight, then there is no chance of saving the relationship. As much as you might want to screen her calls, take her phone, tap her computer, GPS her car and otherwise monitor her every movement to do so only gives a voice to your fears. That voice is what will kill any chance of saving the relationship. You will begin to resent her for everything and she will begin to feel even more trapped/unwanted and resent you.

If its not a relationship that you feel inclined to save, cut the gangrene from your life. If you feel so inclined, trick that ass into meeting with you and beat him to a pulp. (Get ready to be sued and possibly arrested....alternatively, get ready to be pulverized if he is the better fighter)

You could do the you hurt me, I hurt you route and "stay togother" only long enough for her to walk in on you with the woman of your choicing in a compromising situation.

Or you could be an adult about it, say F-ck this crap. I gave you everything and would have given you the rest of the world had you asked, but you cheated on me so you are gone.

Frankly, the feelings you will have after the fact will suck. No question about the situation, it sucks and you will hate life. When it happened to me, I hopped in my car and drove 1000 miles overnight. Left my apartment and just went away to be near my family and friends. I came back a few weeks later to pack up my place and for other reasons. I was in a world of hell to be honest during that entire time. The woman and I ended up meeting up and talking a couple of times regarding the situation. I turned down a couple of "opportunities" with her, as much as I may have wanted it, I was too mad at her to enjoy it. It would have just made the situation more unbearable. On top of which we were quasi-engaged at the time this all happened.

It takes a while to get over the intial shock of discovery, then a period of time of just unhappiness over why it happened to you, then you go through a period where you only think of her at in opportune moments, finally you are ready to step up to the plate again.

Just do whats right for you. If you honestly think she is the one and only, then trying to save it might be right for you. If you think she is just another extended notch on your bed post, finding out this now is much better than it happening later on.

Sorry to hear that you are going through this.

[Maarchk]

I would say tell her how you feel and be done. Even if she wass just thinking about hanging with him, then why would she need to cover it up. I dont think that someone who doesn't trust you enough to tell you whats going on in her life, is really someone you want to be trusting to be your girlfriend. It means you probably shouldn't trust her, and if you do, it only gives her more chances to cheat or hide more stuff from you.
So i think if you want to be friends, then thats ok, as you dont need quite as much trust for a casual friendship, but i would say that i would not be able to trust someone, and feel confident about my trusting them for a long time, probably a year at least... So i would say go to friends at the best, and nothing at worst. But definitley get away for awhile, or else is only gonna cause more troubles.

Good luck and sorry. Its the worst thing in the world to find someone good or great, and then discover that they aren't being level with you.

[nickel]

i would tell her goodbye, plain and simple. no revenge, or spiteful acts need to be done.

[brainsmile]

before you end it make a paris hilton / pamela anderson genre video "for collateral later"

[Jane83]

everyone has already said what needs to be said, but i think its considered cheating as soon as shes meeting someone secretly, having to put some other name "jenny" is a BIG DEAL.
you dont want to be with someone who isnt straight up with you.
especially in any kind of relationship.
if i were you, id kick her out of my house, and tell her to get the f out.
cheating, or of any sort is a HUGE NO-NO for me.
no exceptions

[Merlin]

You should have sex with her.

And then dump her :D

Make sure to do everything you wanted to her, especially if she doesn't like it. Remember you aren't doing this for her pleasure, you are doing it for your revenge. Girls like it in the pooper, so make sure your fist is unlubricated.

:stupid: Just enjoy some free booty for now and start looking for the next girl.

[modena]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here that posted advice for me, as everything I found valuable. It is awesome to know that people feel the same as me and that so many of you took the time to respond....THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

[zero2dash]

i would tell her goodbye, plain and simple. no revenge, or spiteful acts need to be done.

I agree with Nickel; don't bother with trying to get back at her or get anything out of this free. Just break up with her, tell her you're too good for her, and be done with it. Karma will get her back for you - trust me on this. My ex really screwed me over and I wanted payback but I'm not that kind of person...so I let it go. In the end, she got screwed over threefold. 1) She got an STD from the person she messed around with after I left, 2) she was hit by a car and had a broken leg for a few months, and 3) she lost her best friend (me). :disa: Stupid whore...

[ialsohaveadream]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone on here that posted advice for me, as everything I found valuable. It is awesome to know that people feel the same as me and that so many of you took the time to respond....THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!
I can't help but notice that modena didn't say what resolution he's going to use....I hope that's not a bad sign.

All kidding aside, don't go with the revenge stuff....just dump her.

[Kim]

Good luck, whatever you decide.

[nickel]

I'm with all the stupids. If she's never mentioned a guy named Danny before, she's going behind your back, and there's a good reason for it. Actually, she REALLY went out of her way to keep it from you, because she even put the guy's name under something different in her phone.

Yes it will probably hurt, but you have to get rid of her, or your relationship will never be the same anyway. You'll constantly have to worry that there's another potential "Danny" after this one.

Just cut your losses and move on, and the G|A gang will be here for you. Maybe Nickel will even send you a pic of her boobies like she did for me after my fiance and I split. Boobies make the pain go away.
ummmm... no. while i did enjoy your "have sympathy on my poor heartbroken self" begging, you received nothing from me.

unless you are talking about a dream you had and then anything goes :D

[modena]

I am defiantly not going the revenge route.....its a hard decision!!!

[LegendKiller]

I am defiantly not going the revenge route, I am planning on talking to her to see what she has to say, I am thinking friends for now, or maybe just cut all ties.....its a hard decision!!!


Dude, I would just cut it off. She'll make this excuse and that excuse, but in the end she will keep lying and covering her butt. I have seen this in so many friends' cases. It is always just better to remove the tumor than slap a band-aid on it.

[mcs328]

Gee...well if your not going the dress her up in a chicken outfit and blackmail her later route then where's the fun? j/k

I guess for me, I would cut all ties and walk away. Why add drama or take a chance that you take her back if you get into a "weak" moment. If you're confident enough you can always listen to what she has to say out of morbid curiosity but still hold fast and not take her back. I'm kind of interested now...I don't know if you just listen or give her the 3rd degree like...how did you meet...why the name change...did you have sex with him...do I need to get checked up for STDs, etc. If she pulls some invasion of privacy for looking through her text things just throw at least I'm not a lying whore in her face.

Bah...that's a lot of drama. Hope you find someone else real soon and not dwell on this girl. I'm not in it and it seems like a lot of work already...damn I'm lazy. :)

[flipper]

I know that you have heard everybodies thoughts, but I want to add one more thought for you to ponder. (well a couple of thoughts). Will you ever be able to trust her again? How will you feel when you are sleeping with her? If she has done this once, then most times they will do it again.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

[AlpineJay]

At this point, I say that the friendship thing is busted too. Trust is fundamental in any good human-to-human relationship. If that's gone, then I'd say there's very little chance that even friendship may work in this case.

Sorry this happened to you - I've been in a similar boat and had a girl lying through her teeth, each one of those lies I caught her on, and things have never been the same.

[Grimm]

The most unfortuinate part of this is that you don't really get a decision on where your relaionship goes from here. If you try to forgive her and continue, you are just encouraging her to try again, dooming the relationship. If you hold it against her and continue the relationship, well that doesn't work either. If you can't trust here there is no chance of a real relationship.
So, breaking up is your only real option. The decisions you do get to make is how you break up and whether or not you hold a grudge.

If it were me, I would call Danny and ask him to meet me for a beer in a public, neutral spot. I would buy him a beer and tell him that she is all his as far as I am concerned, that I can't be with her any more because of what she did. I would make sure he understands how she treated me and that I hope he doesn't have the same problems.

Face it, this guy didn't actualy do anything to you... he did it to some faceless guy he didn't know. That is if he even knew she had a boyfriend.

This isn't getting even with her. It's making sure some other guy goes into this with his eyes open. You don't owe her anything, she cheated on you (cheating is in the intent, not the act). You don't really owe him anything either, but you would like him to do the same for you if the situation were reversed.

Now, if you want revenge, start hanging out with Danny and be there for him when she is being a witch. Can you imagine how much it will piss her off when she knows that when Danny "goes out with the guys" he is hanging out with you?

Then again, when you meet Danny you might realize he is pond sucking scum, then you can just finish your beer, wish him luck and walk away, knowing that they deserve each other.

[tupacboy]

i would just leave her... and pretend she never existed... not worth ur time...

[ialsohaveadream]

I am defiantly not going the revenge route, I am planning on talking to her to see what she has to say, I am thinking friends for now, or maybe just cut all ties.....its a hard decision!!!
No, the decision isn't hard. Cutting all ties is the decision, and it's easy. It's following through with the decision that's hard.

[brainsmile]

do her mom... where's that video when you need it?


Ahhh... here ya go

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php?e=homebase.asf

[Kevster]

Dude, I would just cut it off. She'll make this excuse and that excuse, but in the end she will keep lying and covering her butt. I have seen this in so many friends' cases. It is always just better to remove the tumor than slap a band-aid on it.

I agree. This soon-to-be-ex-gf of Modena's should now be referred to as Modena's Cancer. It needs to be removed pronto. Who knows? maybe Nickel will send you a picture of her boobies too. Like Ialsohaveadream brilliantly said, boobies make the pain go away. :heh:

[ialsohaveadream]

http://www.msu.edu/~bracisze/images/meg%20grab%20boobs.JPG
Modena, when this is your hand, all will be well. :)

[Nija]

http://www.nijaizkewl.com/images/personal/fun/ladiesman.jpg

[Jane83]

those two are going to make beautiful babies

[yippiekiyeh]

As everyone has said it is very painful to discover something like this when someone you trust and love does something like this. But as the facts state.

1. If she had nothing to hide, why the fakey name?
2. If this danny is a nothing, why didn't she tell you?
3. If she loves you, why is she playing you like this?

Anyway, it might be a good idea to chat up with danny, but I look at it like this. If someone I didn't know took something from me that I valued dearly (loved?), would I have enough control to stay in control or would I lose it and do something that I regret later, like beat the living hell out of danny? Cut the losses, put this behind you and don't dwell on this. I know it hurts like hell but trust me on this wish her the best of luck with her own life and move on with your own. When you look back later on you'll know that you were the better person. :thumbup:

[ray]

It's not even an issue of whether or not she was going to actually meet this Danny guy. I think it's more of an issue of what she wrote to the guy in the text messages. Either she wanted to be with him or she has a sick sick personality of playing with someone's mind. Either way, sounds like a situation you might want to back away from.